Chapter 15 #3
“It also wasn’t your job to see me home the other night.” I huffed out a breath. “And yet you did.”
He blinked, face suddenly closing off. “I’m sorry if I overstepped.”
Idiot. The thought felt soft, too fond. I shook my head. “You didn’t overstep.”
I asked you to stay.
The words pressed against the roof of my mouth. I pushed them away, into some dark and distant corner of my brain. Not now. Not when it already felt like the hectic buzz of bees in my stomach, welling up like a wave of sickness.
“Oh,” Jesse said, quiet, eyes the color of green glass washed into velvet hues by the sea. “Okay. Good.”
“Yeah.”
Silence stretched, brittle like old chewing gum. I didn’t know how to soften it—I’m in love with you weighing heavy on my mind, nauseating, a scream on a loop.
“You, um. When I took you home.” Jesse’s voice scraped through the hush, gentle and uncertain. “You asked me to stay.”
My pulse skittered at the base of my throat, breath catching on something raw. “Yeah,” I admitted softly. “I did.”
His eyes held mine. “Why?”
Because I’m in love with you.
“Because I was sick.” Even as the words slipped out, they tasted false, the deflection of a coward.
Which—was I? Maybe. Always holding back, there but not really.
It wasn’t Travis who’d chosen that as his parting shot, but Ken.
“It’s like you’re already halfway out the door, on to the next thing.
So just… good luck with that.” I didn’t fall, just entertained the idea from afar, confusing companionship with something deeper. Until Jesse.
Who pressed his lips together, glancing away and then back at me. “Right.”
He looked hurt but unsurprised, and—ah, dammit. The ache behind my ribs cut with sharp immediacy, impossible to ignore. I took a breath. “Jesse.”
One of his eyebrows lifted in a silent question.
“I’d have wanted you to stay if I’d been healthy, too. I just wouldn’t have asked.”
His gaze softened, something vulnerable tucked into the curve of his mouth. “Because it’s a bad idea.”
I exhaled. “It is.”
He nodded, and another pause stretched between us. A nurse marched past with the brisk air of someone who had places to be, turning a corner like a Formula One car changing course. I pulled on the collar of my scrubs top, too warm under Jesse’s attention.
“Can I…” He stopped abruptly, a sentence stripped of its destination.
Something lodged sideways in my throat. “What?” I asked, barely above a whisper.
“Have lunch with me?” The instant it was out, his brows drew together as if he’d surprised himself. My idiot heart pounded a silly rhythm against my ribs.
“It’s ten thirty,” I managed.
“I didn’t mean now. And certainly not here.” His lips twitched into something I couldn’t quite place. “We could get out of the city? Do a hike, pack a picnic, spend a day in the forest.”
“Like…” Lightning crackled under my skin. “Like a date?”
He held my gaze, simple and direct—as if now that he’d taken the plunge, it was easy to be brave. “Yeah. Exactly like that.”
Jesus. I swallowed, and God, yes. Fresh air and quiet woods, Jesse. A taste of what we couldn’t have.
It would make it harder. So much harder.
“I…” I flicked a glance down the hallway, instinctive. “What if someone sees us?”
His expression smoothed out further, eyes thoughtful—hopeful. “That’s not a no.”
“No. It’s not.” My lips quirked despite myself, insides vibrating like the tuning of a guitar. “But what if?”
He shifted closer, still cautious, shoulders hunched slightly toward me. “Just friends. Two country boys, trying to get out of the city. Nothing to see here.”
“So keep it secret.” That’s what Neil had said, and I’d told him that Jesse would hate it—lying, going behind people’s backs. That Jesse now tossed it out just like this, like I was worth it…
“You’d lie? For…” Me. Us. The words caught in my throat, snagging on nothing.
“I already have.” The briefest hint of unease showed in his tone, then he drew a breath and smiled, slightly lopsided.
“And I want… not dinner. Not a drink either. We both know how that ends with us.” Humor twitched around one side of his mouth and faded.
“I just want to spend some time with you. Talk. Get to know each other outside of”—he waved at our general surroundings—“this.”
“Or the bedroom,” I said, voice low.
“Or that.” His eyes sparked with mischief, and it reminded me of the night we’d met, how instantly I’d been drawn to him. Because he was hot, yes—but also because of how he’d made me feel light and daring, like we shared a joke the rest of the world just didn’t get.
“A date,” I murmured, testing it.
“Yeah.” He was watching me, still with that brightness tucked into his features. “Seems we’ve been doing this whole thing kind of backward, so maybe—you know. Let’s fix that. If you want.”
I did, God.
“Why now?” I asked instead. It came out quiet, unsure. Jesse didn’t rush a reply, a beat of thoughtful silence sitting between us.
“Last week,” he said then, slow as if he was picking his way along a realization. “When I found you—I was really worried. Irrationally worried. Like, I knew it was flu, and I still—I was worried.”
“At least half in love with you.” Neil’s voice dancing along the edges of my mind, and now… Jesse hadn’t said it, not like that, but it felt like it clung to the outer contours of his words.
I sucked in a breath and smiled. “Okay.”
“Okay?” he echoed, like he hadn’t actually believed I’d say yes.
“Okay, yes. A date.”
His smile was the shade of the sun.