Chapter 4 – James #3
The other thing that had changed was harder to put a finger on, but it felt like the house was somehow brighter. His mom had always kept the curtains open, but without the darkness his father always seemed to carry around with him, their house felt open and light.
“My night was…okay,” James said, not wanting to point an accusatory finger, but also needing to get this off his chest. “I was a little worked up after our…”
“Disagreement?” his mom supplied.
James nodded. “It put me in a bit of a bad headspace, so we watched TV and didn’t have ‘the talk’ yet.”
James hadn’t given his mom too many details, but she knew this weekend was important to him. It was why James had been even more frustrated about their disagreement.
She placed a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry, James. My head had been a bit up in space with Howard and Linda, and I neglected to bring it up with you early enough. That was my fault, and I do apologize for the timing, but I think we needed to have that additional talk.”
James agreed, even if grudgingly so. He wished it hadn’t contributed to continuing to build up his conversation with Leon into something monumental.
It really shouldn’t be such a big thing, but at the same time, he appreciated that Leon was treating it as seriously as he was.
It was better than pretending it wasn’t important at all.
“Hopefully we’ll get to talk tonight,” James said. “And if not, I guess we can talk on New Year's Eve, too.”
They were definitely talking tonight, but if sex still wasn’t on the docket for whatever reason, they were for dang sure going to have sex on New Year’s Eve. He couldn’t think of a better way to ring in the new year.
“I wish you all the best, hon. Things are good here, I promise. You just focus on your man,” his mom said, giving him a supportive grin before taking an extra-large bite of her pickle.
Leon suggested Thai food for dinner that night, and James appreciated having a variety of dishes to choose from. Sometimes, really spicy food helped when he was feeling stuck in his head, but grilled chicken and gingery vegetables would also settle his stomach if he got too anxious.
Leon held his hand the entire way to the restaurant, and when they were seated at a small, circular booth, Leon pressed up against James’ side.
They both ordered a low-alcohol Thai beer to start, and it was just enough to keep most of James’ nerves at bay.
He ended up picking a vegetable noodle dish, and Leon went with pineapple fried rice.
“How did lunch go?” Leon asked, threading his fingers with James’ under the table.
There was no way James would be able to use his chopsticks left-handed, but he wasn’t going to drop Leon’s hand either.
He picked up his fork with his left hand and stabbed a piece of tofu.
“It went pretty well. It was a lot better than yesterday’s disagreement.
Also, if you happen to be free on New Year's Eve, I think I’m getting sexiled again. ”
Leon snorted and took a sip of his beer. “Aspen asked if we wanted to do something on New Year's Day with them, but my schedule’s open on New Year's Eve.”
James batted his eyelashes the way he knew Leon adored. “Thanks for penciling me in, baby.”
Leon put down the beer bottle and glanced around the restaurant. Their booth was in a secluded corner, and no one, not even the wait staff, was paying them any attention. He pressed his lips right above James’ ear and nuzzled his nose in his hair. “I will always make time for you, darlin’.”
James gripped Leon’s hand tightly as he stared at a drop of condensation running down the side of his beer bottle. “You can’t say things like that, in that exact way, in public.”
Leon chuckled, his breath ruffling James’ hair, before he pulled away.
James turned to look at him, right in time for that stupid, sexy, pierced eyebrow to lift in the middle.
“Really? Because I think that’s exactly how and what I should say over dinner, so you come back to my place ready for a fun night together. ”
That ball clenched tightly in James’ stomach, but he forced his voice to remain light. “I know sometimes the talk can be kind of tedious. I hope we’re still able to have fun afterward.”
Leon caught James’ jaw with his free hand and smoothed his thumb gently over the side of his mouth, where James knew his dimple sometimes appeared. “I always have fun with you.”
God, where had teasing, snarky Leon “the pain in his ass” Rabinowicz gone? James had always known exactly what to say and do around his office rival turned best friend. This tender, sweet, patient man was a bit of a mystery.
Their server appeared, interrupting any further pre-conversation about their upcoming talk, and Leon ordered them mango sticky rice for dessert.
They discussed the holidays and made tentative plans to go out on New Year's Eve, if they were up for it, or to make a nice dinner at home if they weren't. They had to get through two more days of grueling work, and it was possible they’d be pretty worn out by then.
When they got back to Leon’s place, he put their leftovers in the fridge and fed Yarmen. “Did you want to talk at the table, on the couch, or in the bedroom?”
James tapped his front teeth on his bottom lip before deciding on the bedroom.
He changed out of his outdoor clothes and, after a brief deliberation, decided to remove his packer.
If the conversation went well, he wanted the first time Leon saw him naked to be uninterrupted by silicone.
He also liked to freshen up a bit after sweating in it all day.
Thankfully, after their sleepover, he knew where Leon kept the washcloths and towels.
He washed and dried himself and his packer before throwing it back in his bag.
If they were a few more weeks into this, James would have considered leaving the packer to dry on the side of the vanity like he did at home, but they definitely weren’t there yet.
As James exited the bathroom, he found Leon in just his boxers, pulling a T-shirt on over his head. His belly button piercing was now bright blue, which meant he must have changed it sometime before dinner.
Leon caught him staring and smiled. “I’m comfortable just in my boxers, but I can put on pants if you prefer.”
James shrugged. “That’s fine with me.”
Leon shut the drawer he’d pulled the shirt out of and walked right up to James, pulling him into a tight hug. James hugged him back so tightly, it made his arms shake.
“It’s okay, my little mensch. There’s nothing to worry about.”
James sure hoped that was true.
Leon guided him onto the bed, but this time he encouraged him to sit with his back supported by the wall.
Leon sat in front of him, their hands connected and resting between them.
For some reason, it made James think of that absurd conflict mediation session that had inadvertently started them down this path.
He tried to remember everything Katherine had taught them that day. He took a slow, deep breath and made very purposeful eye contact with Leon. They weren’t just coworkers anymore. They were boyfriends, lovers, and partners. In this together, for the long haul.
“I have a whole spiel I usually give,” James said, and Leon nodded, squeezing his hand softly. “It may come off a little impersonal, but I feel like it might be the best place to start?”
Leon nodded again, and James cleared his throat.
Leon surprised him by jerking sideways to grab a glass of water from the nightstand.
That ball in James’ stomach bounced up and down like it wasn’t quite sure if he was anxious, turned on, touched, or frustrated with himself for letting this become such a big deal.
It was probably a mix of all those feelings.
Plus, he was absolutely head over heels enamored with his boyfriend, which, all things considered, wasn’t such a bad way to feel.
He accepted the glass, took a long swig, and handed it back to Leon, who took his own drink before setting it back down on the nightstand.
“So, as you know, I use he/him pronouns, and I also use some masculine terms for my pecs and my dick. We talked about it yesterday, but I’ve had top surgery, but no other surgeries, and–” This was not something he would usually share with a hookup, but Leon was different.
“–I have no intention of getting bottom surgery. To be honest, it sort of freaks me out.”
“Understandable,” Leon said, but his left eye twitched. “I may have done some googling, and the image results for how they do the surgery were…”
“Terrifying?” James said with a soft laugh.
He’d done the same searches many times. Although the worst images were usually blurred out, he always chose to view them anyway, and it seemed like Leon had done the same.
“In a gory sense, yeah,” Leon said. “I was looking for diagrams or definitions of the different terms so I could try not to be completely useless in this conversation. I only managed to wade through photos for ten minutes or so before I had to stop.”
James couldn’t help it. He bent forward and pressed a soft kiss to Leon’s lips. “Thank you.”
“Didn’t really do all that much. No need to—”
For once, James was the one who got to silence him with another kiss.
“It means a lot to me.”
Leon blushed but didn’t argue any further.
“Okay, so…my dick has grown a little bit thanks to T, but it’s going to look different than cis dicks you’ve seen before,” James said, approaching the first big hurdle in the conversation. “It’s not big enough to fuck you with. I can–I mean, you can play with it, but I can’t penetrate you with it.”
James’ cheeks were scalding hot, but he was on a roll, so he kept going. “I do like to top, though, and I have a strapless strap-on, as well as a harness and a boxer harness. I brought them with me tonight if you’re interested or even just want to see them.”