Chapter 4 – James #5
Right, James should probably explain that a little more thoroughly.
“So, with T, I don’t get as wet as I used to, but they make this cream that can help with that, and I try to use it…when I remember. It helps a bit, so I still do produce some natural lube, but it can’t hurt to have some more on hand.”
Leon nodded to his bedside table, and James fumbled with the drawer for a second before pulling out a bottle.
“The other side effect of T is some minor atrophying and weakening of my internal walls. A lot of people say it’s sort of a ‘use it or lose it’ situation, so I make sure to use it a fair amount, and I haven't had too many issues,” James said as he handed Leon the lube.
Leon adjusted his hand, pressing his thumb into the underside of the hood on James’ dick
“Oh god,” James groaned, his hips jerking involuntarily. “It’s really sensitive there. Feels good but can also be kind of intense.”
Leon nodded and resumed his earlier stroking technique. “When you say use it, you mean…”
James smirked. “I have a decent-sized collection of dildos and toys.”
Leon cocked his head to the side, a slow, devious grin appearing. “Just to clarify, is that the same collection of dildos you would fuck me with?”
James' heart skipped a beat. “It could be, yeah.”
“Fuck, James.”
Leon dove forward and slammed their mouths together. One of his hands came to the back of James’ neck while the other curved down until he was cupping James’ crotch.
“One finger to start?” Leon asked, his voice shaking, causing his breath to flutter against James’ face.
“You can start with one now, but a lot of times two is fine.”
“I, uh… trimmed my nails before you came over yesterday, and I took off all my rings and washed my hands in the hall bathroom. That’s all I need to do, right?”
James’ poor heart gave several loud thumps. “Yes, baby, that’s great.”
“Okay,” Leon said, but he remained frozen, hovering over James.
James cupped the sides of Leon’s face, tracing his cheekbones just as he’d done back in the haunted house.
His face had been ashen with fear, and James had known without a shadow of a doubt he would do anything to make sure he never had to be that scared again.
Thankfully, even though there was anxiety in the crease of Leon’s brow, his cheeks were rosy and bright.
James much preferred to see him this way: first-time jitters rather than actual terror. Still, he didn’t want to go any further without checking in.
“Nervous, baby?”
“So fucking nervous,” Leon said with a shaky laugh, his cheeks heating even more at the endearment. James loved that he had this sort of effect on him. He wanted to make his toes curl in pleasure and his cheeks heat with joy and lust.
“Breathe, baby,” James whispered, just to watch Leon’s cheeks darken a little more. “I’m nervous, too, and all I’m doing is lying here.”
Their gazes held, and James saw a spark of the snarky coworker he’d known for years. Or maybe that was actually what James was feeling. A spark of banter and lightheartedness, and maybe a little bit of that fun Leon had mentioned before.
He decided to give it a shot by folding his hands behind his head and spreading his legs a little wider. At Leon’s raised eyebrow, James did his best interpretation of a “Leon smirk.”
“I told you I can be a pillow princess.”
Leon sank back onto his heels and looked James up and down, that look of anxious apprehension still in his eyes.
“Also, for what it's worth,” James said, making one more attempt to ease his nerves, “I think it probably works rather similarly to AMAB folks. If you stroke my dick at the same time, you can fumble around for a while, and it will still feel good.”
Leon nodded very seriously. James nudged his side with his toes, and that finally made him crack a hesitant smile. James grinned widely at him, and Leon’s smile grew to match.
“Alright, darlin’, I gotcha,” he said, before taking a deep breath and slowly sliding his middle finger into James.
He let out a short breath and then gasped as Leon began stroking his dick again. “Yeah, baby, just like that,” James murmured.
Leon shot him a quick smile before staring down at his hand with deep concentration. James would have laughed if it wouldn’t be rude. His “bad boy” boyfriend was so stinking cute, it made that ball in his stomach tighten.
“It feels…different,” Leon said, as he steadily moved his finger in and out. He pressed his hand against James’ pubic bone and wiggled his finger, clearly exploring James’ anatomy.
“Yeah, I feel like it’s softer, with a different texture.”
“And it’s wet,” Leon said with a short laugh. He tried to hide his blush by burying his face in his shoulder, but James rolled his eyes and poked Leon’s side with his toes again.
Leon jerked, his finger flexing inside and rubbing right against James’ spot.
“Oh…god…” James groaned, arching his back to try and encourage Leon to do it again.
“Here?” Leon asked and stroked that spot again.
“Yeah…that’s my G-spot. Feels good like that.”
Leon flexed his fingers and then slowly withdrew before sliding in a second. He immediately found that ridged spot again and rubbed against it. James hummed in pleasure, his eyes falling closed as Leon stroked his dick and played with his spot.
“I know you don’t have anything to compare to, but does it work like a prostate?” Leon asked.
James cracked one eye open. “Sort of? From my understanding, for some AMAB folks, prostates are like a hot button you can press to get sharp, intense pleasure? The G-spot, for me at least, is more of a general area that feels good to be played with.”
He hesitated, but there was no reason to be shy anymore. They were literally chatting with two of Leon’s fingers inside him.
“If you play with it long enough, sometimes it’ll make me squirt,” James said, staring up at the ceiling as he smirked to himself. “Which, to be honest, is really gender affirming for me.”
“Oh?” Leon asked, and his voice held nothing but earnest curiosity.
James slowly brought his gaze down and locked eyes with Leon. “Just like cis guys, I get to make a mess everywhere.”
Leon let out a loud peal of laughter. It was such a gorgeous sound. It very rarely came out at work, but more and more, James was finding ways to make Leon laugh over dinner, on dates, and now, even in bed.
“Should I be aiming for that, then?” Leon asked, his voice still tinged with mirth.
James shrugged one shoulder. “It’s not necessary and won’t happen most of the time. Just keep doing what you’re doing; it feels great.”
Leon nodded, but this time when he stared at his hands, the fissures of anxiety were gone.
He kept exploring, trying different strokes and varying up the pressure and depth.
As James grew harder and harder, the hood on his dick pulled back, and when Leon rubbed his thumb over the sensitive tip, James threw his head back and shouted Leon’s name.
He lasted three, maybe four more minutes of this. “Getting close,” he groaned.
Leon focused on James’ tip and his spot, moving his hands in sync until that ball in James’ stomach got so tight he had to clamp his legs around Leon’s hands.
To his credit, Leon didn’t stop. He kept thrusting and stroking until James cried out, curling up off the bed to dig his nails into Leon’s shoulders.
“That’s it, darlin’,” Leon crooned, and that alone would have done it, but he also gave a few more strokes to James’ dick, and he came with a desperate cry.
Leon pressed their lips together, and James shamelessly wrapped himself around Leon like the octopus adorning his shoulder. Leon seemed all too willing to be enveloped by James. He pulled them down onto the bed, and they collapsed sideways onto Leon’s pillows.
“I’m hoping this is a good, aggressive hug?” Leon asked.
James hummed his agreement.
Leon ran his fingertips up and down James’ damp back. “You like snuggling after sex?”
That earlier feeling of not being able to find his voice was back, but this time because his brain was floating in a haze of pleasure, not racing around with lust and anatomy lessons. He opted to hum again and bury his face in Leon’s soft hair.
“Okay, good. I do, too.”
James pressed himself even tighter against Leon’s chest, reveling in being able to cuddle naked with him. Well, Leon wasn’t naked, but still.
James shifted and accidentally rubbed his thigh against Leon’s straining erection.
“Sorry, you can just ignore—” Leon tried to apologize, but James silenced him with a kiss. He wouldn’t mind doing other things while cuddling naked with his boyfriend.
He palmed Leon’s erection, and Leon broke the kiss to groan. “Fuck, darlin’.“
For some reason, that rather crass curse word was like catnip for James. He loved the different ways Leon said it, ranging from a gasp to a plea to a thanks. He wanted to learn every tone and cadence Leon had for the word.
“If you give me a few,” James murmured, trailing kisses up Leon’s jaw to nip at his ear. “I will very happily go down on you again.”
He rubbed the heel of his hand down Leon’s erection, and his entire body trembled.
“Darlin’,” Leon said, his voice surprisingly breathy. “I’m so fucking close, I think if you just put your hand in my boxers, I’m gonna come.”
James let out a surprised laugh, and Leon grinned bashfully at him. “Really?”
Leon rolled his eyes. “Yes, really. That was so fucking hot. You were so fucking hot. A few more minutes, and I would have come.”
It was James’ turn to shiver. “That’s…really flattering and also very sexy.”
Leon gave him a flat look. “Really?”
“Yes! Really!” James said, unable to keep the laughter out of his voice.
He was…happy. So happy. They’d had the talk, and it had gone incredibly well, as had Leon’s first time experiencing James and all his parts.
It had gone so well, Leon had almost come untouched.
James squeezed Leon’s dick, and he whimpered and then let out a desperate moan as James slid his hand into his boxers. His dick was sticky with all the precum he’d been leaking, and James thumbed the head to collect more before giving him a few slow strokes.
“James,“ Leon whimpered, which was quite possibly the sexiest noise James had ever heard.
“Gonna come for me, baby?”
It seemed like now Leon was the one who couldn’t find his voice.
He nodded desperately, pressing his forehead into James’ shoulder as James stroked him.
He loved the feeling of holding his lover securely in his hand, tracing the thick vein that ran up the side, and flicking his thumb lightly over the head.
Leon lasted longer than he’d given himself credit for, but it still only took another minute or so before warmth flooded James’ palm. Leon shuddered and continued to come for several moments before he went limp.
“That was…really intense,” Leon grunted, turning his face into James’ admittedly pretty sweaty neck. “Gimme a second or two.”
“Take your time,” James said, even though he was in a sort of precarious position. “I’m just holding a puddle of cum, no big deal.”
Leon snorted. “A puddle?”
“What are you looking for here? A pond? A lake?”
“No!” Leon said through a laugh. He pressed a wet kiss to the underside of James’ jaw before laughing again. “I was thinking smaller, like…oh, I don’t know, a handful? Maybe even less?”
James' wrist was beginning to cramp from the weird angle he was holding it at, still tucked inside Leon’s boxers.
“You came for almost ten full seconds. It’s absolutely a handful, at least.”
Leon raised that sexy eyebrow, and James wondered why he hadn’t considered putting that piercing in his mouth yet.
“You didn’t have to catch it,” Leon teased.
James glared at him and now considered biting the taunting piercing. “I’m a gentleman, but that’s only going to last another thirty or so seconds before I dump it in your underwear and go shower by myself.”
Leon kissed him, but when he tried to get James to open his mouth by gently stroking his bottom lip with his sinfully soft tongue, James had to draw the line.
After some awkward maneuvering and shuffling, they managed to tumble out of bed and into the bathroom together.
James washed his hands as Leon turned on the shower.
With very little ceremony, Leon yanked off his shirt and dropped his boxers.
Just like that, for the first time in their relationship, they were both naked together.
While that shouldn’t be a huge milestone, it sort of felt like it was.
Leon seemed to realize this at the same time James did, because he froze with his shirt still in his hand. James hastily shut off the sink, and like two uncoordinated fools, they lurched towards each other, meeting in the middle of the bathroom in a tangle of arms and mouths and naked chests.
It took them a little while to get into the shower, but thankfully, the water was still hot.
“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Leon said as he dragged a soapy washcloth down James’ back.
“Thank you,” James said, and he really meant it. “I’ve dealt with a lot of self-doubt, some gender dysphoria, and body dysmorphia over the years, but I like my body, and I like using it.”
Leon turned him around and cupped his cheek with his non-soapy hand. “I really like your body, too. Thank you for sharing it with me.”
When James had been in his early twenties, he’d hoped that T would redistribute the fat he carried around his belly and hips, so he could look more like all the other dudes he saw around campus.
It had done a bit of that, squaring his hips and back, but he still had a small belly, and more fat around his ass and thighs than most other guys.
Definitely more than Leon had, but over time, James had come to love all his parts.
Watching Leon slowly, almost reverently, run the washcloth over every one of his bumps and curves made that ball glow warm in his belly, like it was wrapped in Christmas lights. He realized right there, in Leon’s shower, that he could fall for Leon without even trying.
If he were being honest with himself, he probably already had.