CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
LATER THAT NIGHT, I TOSSED IN BED, STARING AT MY CEILING. I couldn’t get one lesson from the Academy out of my mind.
Centuries ago, the world was unrecognizable. Conflicting ideologies caused discord until the earth was left in ruins. This year, your education will focus on the history of the Last War and the ever-present risk to our peaceful way of life.
Destruction is but an option for an uncivilized mind. For destruction lacks intelligence, needing little effort. The civilized and evolved mind knows that rebuilding is the actual battle. To build as the Illum have done, creating our great society, takes real power.
Our world is only made possible by the sacrifices of the Illum and now yours.
Human life is vital to our society’s future; while Elite genes create the ideal offspring, there is a purpose for you.
As a member of the Minor Defect population, your defects provide the Illum with the ability to learn from and eliminate detrimental genes in the greater population by providing a wider pool, but that is for your later education.
Prosperity of Peace is the cornerstone of our great success.
This can only be achieved by eliminating all threats physical and mental that cause discord.
The Illum’s persistent endeavor of complete eradication of these anomalies protects our way of life.
As long as there is human life, the Illum shall defend it with their own.
Let us prosper in this era of peace by learning from those primeval humans’ mistakes and selfishness.
As always, follow the Illum’s protocol, abide by the rules of the Minor Defect population, and constantly seek self-improvement, and you will rise, fulfilling your use for the Greater Good.
They wanted to eliminate “anomalies,” with no definition of what that entailed. They sorted us into Minor and Major Defects based on genetics, but then cast people down if they stepped too far out of line. Why? What qualified as an anomaly?
I thought of what I had done with Hal, of my trip to the Underworld. All the art I destroyed. The way Rose loved Violet. The way Gregory held Nora on the dance floor. The mothers grabbing for their offspring. Nora’s declaration that she would become any evil to protect her offspring.
Where did it end? What would remain if they succeeded in destroying it all?
I had thought Collin had chosen wrong because of his role but maybe I was wrong. Was I not the exact thing the Illum wanted to eliminate?
Why choose something destined for destruction? The Illum would defend human life with their own . . . All human life or just the ones who conformed for their era of so-called peace?
You will regret loving someone you cannot have. The Illum will find out, and they will not allow it. They will ensure you never get it.
Would I regret it? Was I past caring if I did?
I fell into a fitful sleep. I was dancing with Hal, dressed in a white gown, but I turned, and he morphed into Collin.
His hand ran down my spine before I turned again, the dress becoming heavier, and it was Hal.
Then Collin again, the gown too heavy. Collin smiled, spinning me, and I searched for Hal, but the dress had been nailed to the ground, and I couldn’t move.
The room went black as I fell through the floor.
Then I was running again, my ragged breaths the only sound until someone whispered my name. Was Hal urging me on or was Collin calling me back? I didn’t know. I couldn’t get enough air. I couldn’t find the light. I was alone.
I spent the next day by myself, lost in my thoughts after oversleeping. Frida hadn’t woken me up for some reason. I had awoken to quiet and sunshine. Hal didn’t come by the office, and I didn’t hear from Collin. I remained alone until that evening when a soft knock sounded on my door.
I opened the door to find Lo. She smiled sheepishly at me. Right, Phillip had said they would be approved by dawn.
“I’m approved” burst from her mouth as she barged in. “Emeline, I can’t believe it! The paperwork arrived first thing yesterday morning. He offered cohabitation rights. I thought I had messed it all up.” Lo danced around my room.
I donned my nightclothes before grabbing my meal and sitting on the floor, where she joined me, practically glowing.
“You know this means we will be sisters,” Lo exclaimed.
“For the procreation and cohabitation periods, but that’s only four years,” I told her, taking a bite of food. “Our friendship will outlast that.”
Lo smiled at me. I tried to return it through my bite before taking another.
“Emeline, is everything okay?” Lo asked, leaning toward me, her blond hair tumbling over her shoulder. “I thought you’d be more excited about dancing with Collin. You said you loved the lessons. I thought you’d be happier for me.”
I glanced at the wardrobe, which I had left ajar as I hurried out the door. My eyes snagged on the hem of the beaded gown. The blood coated my thoughts.
“What if it isn’t better up there, Lo?” I asked quietly, placing my food down.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course it is,” Lo retorted, her brows high. “They have balls, gowns, and real food. They have everything up there.”
“What if that isn’t enough?”
“Emeline, you have an Illum Mate. If that isn’t enough for you, what is? Most Minors would kill to be in your place. I imagine most Elite would as well.”
“What if he isn’t what I want?”
Lo shook her head. “This isn’t about what we want in a Mate, Emeline. Collin and Gregory are our way out of this. Do you really want to stay down here? The Minors are drugged. We have no rights.”
“They are the ones drugging Minors. How is that better?”
“Because they have the power and are spared. Anything is better than this,” Lo declared.
“What if the Underworld is better?” I asked, my voice small.
“Funny, Emeline.”
“I’m serious. What if there’s something more down there. Haven’t you ever asked Becca?” I whispered.
“Of course not. She wears blue.” Lo scoffed, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “What could be better down there?”
“Freedom.”
“Freedom,” Lo exclaimed, her brows disappearing. “Freedom in living hidden underground, taking out the garbage? That’s not freedom. That’s prison.”
The Illum were smart—convincing all the Minors there was nothing below, so we only ever looked up. It was enough for most of them, but it had never been enough for me.
“And if Gregory never cares for you, if you never care for him? What if you are a horrible match and only ever tolerate each other?” I pleaded.
“Then I will tolerate it with a smile in a gown and jewels around my neck. I will not become my mother. You said you find Collin attractive; focus on that.” She grabbed my hands. “We are doing this together, just like we wanted. It’s almost curfew. Let’s talk tomorrow.”
She released my hands, making to leave. She hesitated, her hand wrapped around the doorknob. “You know, for someone who says they want to stay down here, you say Minors, not us.”
“What?” Her statement pulled me from my despair.
“You don’t say us anymore. You say Minors like you aren’t one,” Lo said, her blue eyes piercing me.
“I say Elite and Majors too,” I countered.
“Right, so where do you belong if you don’t align with any of us?” Lo asked, then left.
Where did I belong? Certainly not among those following rules to become a vessel.
After last night there wasn’t a place for me in the clouds.
Collin might have been forgiving before but surely he would eliminate me if he found out about Hal.
Even if he didn’t—I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t continue with our contract.
Something buried deep down, the same thing that left me unable to untangle my thoughts and my body’s reaction to his presence, protested.
I buried it deeper. I had seen an end to it—to him.
Beneath? Did I belong in blue in the Underworld?
Would my life have been better if I had been assigned to blue from birth?
If my mother hadn’t intervened, would I have landed among my own?
My chest ached viciously. If I belonged below, would I ever find out how she truly felt about me or what she had endured?
And what of Nora, Gregory, the Starlings, Lo . . . Could I walk away from them all?
I’m whoever I choose to be.
My fingers toyed with my wrist, where the chip hid beneath the glow. Would Thea, the healer Hal mentioned, know how to remove it without me dying?
The choice felt impossible.