CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
“WHAT HAPPENED?” I WHISPERED.
“I don’t know,” Phillip admitted, typing again. “The Reaper has been targeting that building for a while.”
I couldn’t look away. Near the Wastelands, at the edge of High Town, a fire raged, shooting giant plumes of thick gray smoke into the sky.
“Collin’s down there?” I asked.
“Yes. The Illum sent him.”
“You haven’t heard from him?”
“He’ll be okay,” Phillip stated.
How could that cube give anyone enough time to escape that? How many people had my interference trapped down there? The Pod ascended into the clouds, blocking out the horror.
“Why aren’t we down there helping?” I demanded.
“We aren’t authorized to help. Our MINDs won’t take us there.”
“Change them. You do it all the time.”
Phillip met my gaze. “This time I can’t.”
The Pod slowed outside a familiar balcony. Phillip exited, and I chased after him, the smoke choking me. Phillip and Collin had gone to a building containing supplies weeks ago. How long had the Reaper been planning this?
I entered Collin’s living quarters, and Phillip shoved my items into my hands. “Here.”
I pulled out my Comm Device, typing a quick message to Lo, asking her to tell me when she was safe. “Where’s Nora?” I asked, tucking my device away.
“Unbelievable,” Phillip bit out, picking up a lacy black bra from the floor. “I will never understand how we are brothers.” He turned on his heel and headed toward the sleeping chambers.
A forgotten book, ancient and tattered, lay open on the sofa. I hurried after him, putting the pieces together. “Phillip, just leave them alone.”
“No,” Phillip spat before banging on the door, the bra clutched in his hand. “Gregory!”
There was movement behind the door, then it swung open. Gregory stood shirtless in the doorway, his pants slung low on his hips.
“Little sister,” Gregory greeted me, nonplussed. “Phillip.” I heard a flurry of movement behind him.
“What do you think you’re doing here?” Phillip demanded.
“Do you want to know the specific positions or just the gist of the events?” Gregory drawled, crossing his arms.
“Our city is under attack, and you are meant to be at the Capitol, not here.”
“No,” Gregory said simply.
“No? What do you mean no? Those were your orders.”
“They weren’t. If the world is about to end, I am right where I am supposed to be, regardless of the consequences.”
Nora came up behind him, tying a green robe around herself. “Phillip, please understand.”
“How many times have I understood, Nora?” Phillip fumed.
“I would do the same for you, you know that,” she urged.
“But you cannot,” Phillip stated, an ugliness to him, “because you both lack the wherewithal to obtain the power to do so.”
Gregory’s body shook as Nora’s hand found his arm.
“Please cover for us one last time, please,” Nora begged.
“Last time? There is no last time with you two. How many times have we been here? How many times have I cleaned up your mess?” Phillip demanded.
“You can’t keep doing this. You will be caught, and you will pay.
It won’t just be undesirable Mates. They will kill you.
Collin cannot keep saving you, Nora. Think of your offspring. ”
One moment Gregory stood by Nora. The next, Phillip was pinned to the wall, Gregory’s face inches away.
“Bring her offspring into this again, and it will be the last thing you do,” Gregory seethed.
“Gregory, stop. Please. Phillip is only looking out for them.” Nora pulled on his arm. I stood frozen.
“Someone has to,” Phillip choked out, staring daggers at Gregory. “I’m blocking your MIND from here.”
“Then I will find another way,” Gregory shouted.
“Gregory, Gregory, stop,” Nora pleaded, pulling Gregory back. “Stop. He’s right.”
Gregory stilled, looking at her, his anger morphing. “What do you mean?”
The look on Nora’s face. I wanted to run away at what I knew was coming. At what I knew I was about to hear.
“We have to stop this. He’s right. Others are noticing. William knows, and Arabella is almost the same age as when”—Nora swallowed—“when I was Mated. I can’t watch her go through what I did.”
“What are you saying, Nora?” Gregory trembled, forgetting about Phillip and me. All of him focused on her.
“You know what I’m saying,” she muttered, tears welling in her sapphire eyes. Gregory shook his head like he could make this stop.
“You do not mean that,” Gregory insisted.
“I have to.”
“Then say it,” Gregory demanded. My heart cracked as grief leaked from him, so poignant that it sucked the air from the room. “Say it, Nora.”
A tear rolled down Nora’s devastated face. Gregory stepped into her, his thumb wiping it away.
“I’ll say it then,” Gregory whispered. “That was the last time. We can’t do this anymore.” Nora’s shoulders shook harder as Gregory’s hand ran along her face. “I won’t come back. They’ll be safe.”
Nora watched him walk away, choking on a sob before she ran after him. “Gregory, there’s a”—she sobbed, her voice breaking. She stood, clutching the green robe like it was a lifeline.
“I know, love” was all he said before he turned away from her, grabbing his shirt and shoes before walking out onto the balcony. Nora fled to her room and snapped the door closed.
I stood alone with Phillip as he pulled out his Comm Device again.
“Would it be the worst thing in the world for the Illum to just let two people who love each other be together?” I asked.
“Yes, it would be,” Phillip admitted hollowly as he turned and left. I slipped into my future living quarters.
I shut the door, sucking in deep breaths.
The sky outside was an ominous orange as the smoke from the fire choked out the blue, blurring the time of day.
I beelined for the bathroom. I cranked the hot water knob in the tub until the temperature was close to scalding.
Maybe it would burn away the feel of Hal on my skin.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and froze.
I looked the same as I did this morning, yet I did not recognize the woman in the mirror. I turned away, unable to look at myself, at what I no longer had, at what I had fallen for.
I couldn’t get a breath in, the feel of him a brand. I yanked my clothes off, throwing them to the far side of the bathroom.
I submerged in the tub even as the water scorched my skin, turning it pink. I welcomed the physical pain. My fingertips burned viciously. I turned them to see blisters from the chute. Tears threatened to spill.
Hal’s hands on me. His mouth against mine. The feel of him inside me. The file. The broken woman with the book. The chute. The humming device. Gerald answering my questions. The fire. Gregory and Nora breaking before my eyes.
A sob snuck past the knot threatening to suffocate me, unraveling me. I had thought giving myself to Hal would give me love—a choice. I thought siding with the Reaper would give us freedom—a future.
I have been protecting you.
But Hal hadn’t protected me, not in that closet, not today. What were the ramifications of our choices today? I’d be eliminated if our actions beneath resulted in something that wasn’t meant to exist. I hadn’t cared because I thought this thing with Hal had been real. It wasn’t.
I had been a mission. An assignment. A job.
Selected. Researched. How far did that assignment go?
All the things I had confessed—how much had he already known?
How much had he pretended to go along with while I thought it was a real connection?
While my foolish heart thought it was more.
I was so desperate to be loved, I hadn’t bothered to look too closely.
Desperate to not be alone anymore. Hal had known. Yet here I was.
Alone.
They destroy everything beautiful and different. Hal had said that about the Illum and the Elite.
I couldn’t accept that he had as well.
I couldn’t stomach the betrayal.
I couldn’t handle the destruction.
I couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t.
Panic rose in my throat. I sucked in all the air that I could and went under, the water washing away the tears I held at bay as the world went quiet.
I stayed in that quiet, trying to banish Hal with each beat of my heart. My lungs began to burn.
Still, I pushed against the need for air.
Only when small stars burst before my eyes did I admit defeat. I emerged, gulping oxygen as a heaviness fell over me.
My heart hadn’t taken him away.
I mindlessly dumped soap in my hands and washed my hair and body, scrubbing every inch before dunking again to rinse away the soap. I started again, washing everything away. But no matter how I scrubbed, I didn’t feel clean. I couldn’t get back to the woman I once was.
Collin would return from those flames, and I would be his Mate.
A heaviness blanketed me. I didn’t fight it. I closed my eyes.
I was back in the tunnels, running. Sprinting for my life, but I was alone in the dark. I wouldn’t make it.
A dark form shifted to my left, my name piercing the dark. I ran to the voice frantically. I couldn’t breathe.
And in the darkness, I let go.