CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
I FELT I MIGHT BE SICK AS I ENTERED THE TEAROOM. ONCE, I had imagined having my tea on a beautiful flower-adorned table and chair, drinking from a delicate teacup. Before me was everything I had once wanted. A full tea service on the table with a large pyramid of gold-dusted chocolates.
The Illum will find out, and they will not allow it. They will ensure you never get it.
“Please, sit.” Tabitha took a seat at a small table before pouring the tea. “You prefer bubbles, but we should keep our wits about us for this.” She smiled, winking at me. “Come, sit. Now.”
She didn’t even raise her voice, but the command had me moving. The crystals on my gown dragged heavily across the floor and dug into my thighs as I took my seat, but I let the pain anchor anything left of me.
“Please, drink and enjoy.” She gestured to the tray of chocolates. “These are your favorite, right?”
I nodded, my gaze locked on the blood on her front.
“I apologize,” she said, gesturing to the gown. “I forget how they bleed. He wouldn’t give me the information I wanted. It took some persuasion. Have a chocolate.”
I reached out, grabbing one. I didn’t eat it. I wasn’t sure if I would ever feel hungry again. What had they done to Hal to cause so much blood?
“I have to admit, I found myself ”—she paused—“disappointed when Collin decided not to have a trial for you. He expressed his intense desire to capture the Reaper for me instead. Said that putting you through the paces would be a distraction for him. It was a waste. The Elite need entertainment, you see. You are an anomaly in the clouds. You are of the utmost interest to everyone. Your treat is melting.”
The chocolate was gooey beneath my sweaty fingers. I placed the chocolate on the table, staining it, unable to stomach it.
Tabitha tilted her head as she continued. “It felt wasted until I realized I could conduct my own trial for you while Collin chased the Reaper. It would be creative. You excelled beyond even my expectations, all while being blissfully unaware.”
My brows shot up.
Tabitha smiled at me. “F13463233. You will restore our peace. You have primed us to destroy everyone who is standing against us. And how beautiful of a view you will have as you watch us dismantle this rebellion. Because, if you even attempt to help them, M13672314, or Hal, as I believe you call him, will be eliminated. Your spying has ended.”
I couldn’t breathe.
“Finally, a trial from Collin. I agreed with it, incredibly clever. He said you were extraordinarily obedient.”
I couldn’t make sense of her words, my thoughts too quick, ever changing, swirling around me until I couldn’t pick one out from the other.
“Don’t look so morose. The other Illum, Charles in particular, had petitioned for your instant elimination now that we have the Reaper.
No foresight, men.” Tabitha chuckled, and it felt like nails gouging down my body.
“If I were to eliminate you now, it would be a mercy to you, and I would lose the leverage on the Reaper and his pathetic followers. We cannot have that. Plus, there is no fun in it. Death is so quick. I learned that the hard way the first time.”
“He will not help you,” I said. Hal would never help them.
“But he will. You see, we have tried to show you all that these emotions make things messy. We provided you with roles, Mates, sustenance. We maintain stability through these resources. Everything you could need to survive. We have given you order. But it isn’t enough for you.
” She smiled viciously at me, her tea untouched.
“It is never enough. You insist on letting these emotions dictate your lives. So we capitalize on your inability to see reason. M13672314 told us you were just another faceless Minor. But then I pulled your chip and ordered them to eliminate you. Oh, it is a shame you missed the way he begged. How quickly he fell apart. Pathetic, really, to ruin my fun so quickly.” Tabitha shook her head.
“The rumors were true—a woman had derailed the rebellion. The Reaper had fallen in love.”
That couldn’t be true. She was wrong.
“Do you like games, Emeline?” Tabitha asked.
“No,” I whispered.
“That is too bad, because I have a game for you. You will help me now.”
I shook my head as horror rolled through me.
“No, you will. If you don’t—if you fight—I will eliminate him. He will help me because if not, I will eliminate you.” Tabitha grinned, savoring my fear. “The game is simple. Who loves whom more. The winner lives and the loser dies.”
My hands shook. She noted it. “The other part of my trial was Collin. You are creating the most splendid Illum member. Eradicating the little humanity, hope, and kindness he had left. Leaving him capable of capturing his true power and strength. The suggestions he gave us last night . . . they were quite creative.”
This all couldn’t be true. I had thought I was choosing my own path. A side I believed in.
“I don’t understand.” My pulse rammed against my skin.
“Of course you don’t. You are all so shortsighted. Drink your tea, and I shall illuminate things for you.”
I raised my shaking hand, taking a sip.
“And another.”
As I did, she took the plate of chocolates that were arranged in a high pyramid.
“Power, people think the strongest get it. They would be wrong. You see, power is a balancing act. For those who cannot maintain the balance, the power is gone before they even have a chance to use it. Please take a chocolate from the bottom of the pyramid.”
I did as she said.
“You need many on the bottom to hold up the top. When you take a single piece from the bottom, just one, the power isn’t affected. But we need a reason to keep those at the bottom. They have to believe in their roles.”
She gestured to my tea. I took another sip.
“So we chose you, our little sacrificial lamb. You had an obvious defect, so the ones below would see you as flawed but still chosen because you listened, helped, and adhered to our way of life. Or that’s what they saw.” She smiled, indicating my tea. I took another sip.
“Everyone always thinks fear keeps the balance. They are also wrong. You cannot have fear alone. You must also have hope. Duality. The Defects saw you in color, saw you succeed. Believing they too could become more than they are, they became more compliant and more eager to uphold our peace. Because maybe they too could be saved.” She laughed, and goosebumps coated my skin.
“It worked so well, how quickly they sought us out. F17443485 came running to us the moment you got your contract. Desperate not to be left behind.”
Left behind. The floor fell out from under me, my heart thudding pathetically.
“We knew she might when we synced your work schedules, but—you’ve figured it out. I see it in your eyes.” Tabitha grinned like I had given her a treat. “You call her Lo, correct?”
I hadn’t seen it. Her need for details. Her desperate desire to be included.
“Lola is her given name, but she didn’t tell you that. Among other things. The secrets she was willing to share for her contract, and what she handed over for her cohabitation rights . . . That is power.”
Lo had betrayed me. Tell me everything, Emeline. Tell me what’s wrong. Tell me what happened. Tell me.
Delight lit Tabitha’s eyes. “Where was I? . . . Yes. Also, in choosing you, your presence struck fear into the Elite. Fear that they were replaceable. Unimportant. Especially after so many saw you without that lens in. Saw how defective you were when he didn’t cover you up.
It didn’t matter what we had taught them for years—seeing you and it was all forgotten.
Knowledge thrown away for a different kind.
They became desperate and compliant as well.
To maintain their position, their na?ve idea of power.
You wouldn’t believe how many slithered back to us, desperate to give us information. Creating the perfect balance.”
“And the Majors?” I choked out, reeling.
“I admit, the balance has been off. We let too many from the bottom think for themselves. Act on their own. You have to, you see. They have to have some freedom. Something to stay down there for. We don’t force supplements and meals.
There is no need for constant scanning. They are all rotten anyway.
” Tabitha picked away the chocolates from the bottom one by one, the pile becoming unstable. Teetering before my eyes.
“How to control them then? How to keep them down there?” She tossed another chocolate to the floor.
The grin upon her face would be scarred into my mind forever.
“Offspring. You see, offspring are such a glorious way to cause fear. Almost all mothers will do anything you ask when you hold their offspring. But why bother with the Defects’ offspring?
The Majors all happily stayed beneath with their defective offspring.
I allowed it while they behaved, but now that changes. They have lost them.”
Shock rippled through me.
“Did you not know there are offspring down there? They do not tell many. Especially those who go down from above.” Tabitha looked at me.
How much did she know about my time below?
“They keep them hidden, sacred. As we speak, the Elite Force is finishing the raid on the ground, taking all the offspring, regardless of age.”
Tabitha removed one final chocolate, and the pyramid collapsed. Chocolates went scattering across the table, spilling onto the floor.
“And I have you to thank for the perfect entrance. The one you used when they shut down the grid. No one would think twice about a large group of Elite Force being stationed at the Capitol building, especially after their attack. The Elite Force wouldn’t ask questions either.
So when the time came to carry out the raid, any in the Force with loose lips wouldn’t have time to tell anyone. ”
An involuntary shudder worked through me at how far ahead of us they were.
“Brilliant, right? All the Minors were in their living quarters for curfew. The Majors at their shifts. The Elite all in one place for a ball. Leaving only the rebels to deal with. That’s where you came in.
While you were spying the other day, you were seen.
That information got back to Lola, and she came running. ”
Breathing became difficult. My heart gave no distinction between one painful, frantic beat and the next—just one endless rolling procession.
“So, how would I flush those rebels out?” Tabitha began, leaning onto the table. “You.”
“Me,” I whispered.
“You and those worthless emotions. I planted a story that your disloyalty had been found out and you were to be eliminated in front of all the Elite. They came running. Now I have their offspring. I have the Reaper. And I have you. The Illum again have the power.”
“You can’t hurt the offspring. They didn’t do anything. Keep me instead.” I was the reason for their capture. I had ruined everything the Majors were working for. I had messed everything up.
“Foolish child, I already have you. We wouldn’t harm the offspring. We will indoctrinate them. Make the Majors adhere to our peaceful life. You control the youth, you control them all. We would only hurt them if the Majors don’t fall in line, and they will. They always do.”
The tea sloshed in my stomach. I felt sick.
“You will help us rebuild the pyramid.”
“Why me?” I felt dizzy from the information.
“Drink more tea, and I will tell you.” Tabitha smiled as I drained my cup. The room felt unstable.
“No matter what, you were defective, Emeline. Even if your eyes matched. You have free will. You failed every single test at the Academy. You wouldn’t conform. You wouldn’t obey. Which interested me greatly because, well, I do love a challenge. A wonderful tool you are.”
I gripped the table as the room spun violently. I looked at the tea Tabitha had handed me. She hadn’t touched it. She tracked my gaze, smirking.
“You feel it now, don’t you?” Tabitha stood, walking over to me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. She pulled my head back gently by my hair until she swam above me—all her faces.
“I shall relish breaking it, Emeline. Breaking you and the Reaper.” She released my hair. I swayed violently, any semblance of balance gone as my chair slipped out from under me. I went flying to the ground. No one caught me. No one saved me as my face collided with the tile floor.
“I look forward to our next little chat. Take her.”
Hands grabbed me, pulling me away. I couldn’t fight it. I couldn’t win. My mind became a jail as I was dragged away.
There was scraping and thuds, a cluster of sounds with no home. I felt the ground hit my face again. Then I felt the familiar pull of a Pod taking off, or maybe it wasn’t. I couldn’t see properly. A part of me hoped the Pod never stopped.
“Fuck. Emeline, Emeline, can you hear me? Fuck.”
The voice sounded very far away, somewhere above me.
“Hang in there.”
I didn’t want to. I tried to let the blackness win for a moment. But gentle hands jostled me.
“What did they give her?”
Another voice sounded, or was it the same one?
“Emeline, we have you. It’ll be okay.”
It wouldn’t be okay. I wouldn’t be okay.
“I have you.”
I found no comfort in that. I didn’t know if there was anything left of me to have. I was ruined to the core. The darkness wrapped me in its clutches. I didn’t fight it. I let it take me away.
I had fucked it all up.