Chapter 32 #2
“Walk me through it.”
“The offer is for a backup position. Eric would continue to be the starter. He’s their franchise goalie, after all.
That’s not changing anytime soon. How much I play would depend on the team and the coaches.
If they don’t feel confident having me in net, then they might only play me for back-to-back games or against easier teams.”
“But what if they do end up feeling confident with you, James? You know, once they get to know you and learn your strengths? You’re an excellent goalie. All respect to Mr. Sinclair, but I watched my son beat him in the second round and go on to give everything he had in the Conference Finals.”
My dad tuned in for every playoff game—a fact I still can’t wrap my head around—and he remembers enough of the details.
“If the Seadogs trust Eric, then I have no doubt in my mind they would trust you too once they saw what you’re capable of when you’re on their team.”
“If”—and it’s a big if, because nothing in life is guaranteed, even for all the hope in the world—“they did become more confident in me, then Eric and I would become what’s called a goalie tandem.
We might take turns playing every other game so one of us could rest. They could even have either of us start against specific teams depending on what style’s better suited to shut down our opponent’s offense.
We would be working together in a sense.
Making it so no opposing team has an easy night. ”
My dad grows quiet on the other end, and I worry I’ve lost him amidst all the goalie talk. Just as I’m about to ask if he’s still there, if our call was cut off, his voice comes over the line—warm and paternal, a long-distance security blanket.
“James, to me that sounds exactly like the dream you’ve described ever since you were a boy.”
It is, and that’s why it’s scary, too good to be true. I’m waiting for a catch, a hidden downside no one could anticipate.
“How does Eric feel about this option? You playing with the Seadogs?”
“I haven’t told him yet.”
My dad pauses. “Why? Are you worried he wouldn’t want to be on the same team as you if you’re together?”
My shoulders sag. “It crossed my mind, yeah.”
“Don’t athletes get together all the time, though? Sometimes even while on the same team? I remember there was a husband and wife skating pair at the last Olympics. They seemed happy?”
“Some couples have the right chemistry.”
And what if Eric and I don’t have that special spark? What if we’re not meant to be matched in that way?
There are countless married players across the women’s hockey league, some who even play for the same team. As far as I’m aware, none of those couples happen to be two goalies.
“Eric might not want to play on the same team because the dynamics of our relationship could change. He might prefer it if we were on different teams.”
“Even if that meant being long-distance?”
“We both said we want to make it work if it comes to that.”
“Well that’s good. You guys have so much more technology at your disposal than your mom and I ever had.” My dad clears his throat. “Don’t let fear cause you to pass up on the opportunity of a lifetime. If being with him as a partner and teammate is your dream, then be honest with him.”
We wrap up our call with a plan to check in again after I’ve made my decision. Regardless of the team I choose, my dad assures he’ll help me pack and move out of my apartment in Chicago.
When the call ends, I lower my phone to my lap and gaze out across Eric’s backyard and the view beyond.
The sun has started to set, painting the distant dark clouds in the sky.
Crickets chirp, beginning their evening choir practice.
A breeze catches on my hair carrying the smell of distant rainclouds.
Seattle, and the Pacific Northwest at large, has been my home for the past few months. The people have been welcoming, the natural beauty awe-inspiring. No part of me revels in the idea of returning to Chicago, even to collect my belongings.
When you’re having fun, when you’re caught up by joy with the people you love, you don’t realize you’re experiencing the moments you’ll look back on when times are difficult, wishing you could go back.
But you can’t. You can only move forward.
I’m caught between worlds: the place where I want to spend the rest of my life, if I’m lucky, and the deep, dark unknown of the future.
A gift has fallen into my lap, but instead of tearing into the package with ravenous delight, I’m cautious, prone to look before leaping.
I thought being chosen by the Comets was a dream come true, and look where I ended up.
Every player dreams of staying on the same team who drafted them the duration of their career, but reality often lets down the imagination of even the most hopeful.
The sliding glass door opens and shuts, and soft footfalls pad toward me until Eric appears above me holding two slices of pizza on a plate and a cup of coffee for himself.
“Hey,” he says, offering me the plate before sitting beside me on the patio couch. “I thought you’d be hungry.”
I murmur my thanks before biting into one of the pepperoni and sausage slices. “Sorry. Our call went on a little long.”
Eric wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me close. “Don’t worry about it.”
It’s hard to imagine a man who would put so much effort into taking care of me, who opened his home and asked me to become his partner, could ever be angry over the possibility of having my life and career shift to Seattle—but the seeds of doubt grow under the surface.
We’ve spent so many summer evenings on his back patio, immersed in nature and in tune with one another—is it wrong to want this forever? To satisfy two long-held dreams: being loved and cherished by another man while pursuing my hockey dreams?
“How was the call?” Eric asks after blowing steam off his own cup.
“I told my dad about the teams. He had some great advice.”
“I’m sure he appreciated being involved.”
While eating dinner, I recount my phone call to Eric, sharing my dad’s opinions on each of the options except for the Seadogs offer. When I’m finished, I put the plate aside, wipe my mouth with a napkin, and settle back against the couch, feeling better.
“Have you made your decision?”
No buildup, no dancing around the topic. Diving straight to the heart of the matter.
“I… I want to talk to you about it first before I make my final choice.”
“Alright.”
I could go through each of the options again with Eric for his final perspective on each, but deep down, my heart’s already chosen to hope for the dream.
“There’s something you should know, Eric.” I take a shaky breath. “I just found out today the Seadogs sent me an offer.”
Once the words spill out, I try to gauge his reaction, studying his expression for the slightest warning sign, but it’s not easy. Eric has been under the spotlight for so much longer; he’s an expert at measuring his emotions to give nothing away. Waiting for him to process the news is agony.
“I’m not surprised,” he admits at last.
“You’re… You’re not?”
Eric shakes his head. “Every team wants to succeed at the highest level. You’ve seen for yourself the Seadogs are still capable of reaching the playoffs. Our window hasn’t closed.”
And that’s one of the major reasons pushing me towards choosing the Seadogs as my new home.
“Is this the team option you’re leaning towards?”
“I’m thinking about it.” I swallow hard before continuing. “But the Seadogs are your team, Eric. I would never make the decision behind your back.”
“And I really appreciate that.”
Another person might have made the decision without communicating with their partner and potential future teammate. Another person might have thought solely of themselves, their interests and goals. It would be so easy to let ambition cloud all judgment and push everyone aside.
But I’m not that person. My mother and father didn’t raise me to be that kind of athlete. As much as I love hockey, as much as I enjoy being a goaltender, I love Eric and I never want to betray his trust.
Eric reached out to me at the lowest point in my career, and he saved my life.
Eric didn’t turn away from the ugliness; he didn’t diminish or dismiss my feelings.
He didn’t tell me to cut out my grief and man up.
He didn’t make me feel ashamed for losing, and he didn’t criticize my mistakes even though he’s capable of dissecting my performance as a goalie.
Instead, Eric offered a hand, a light in the darkness so I could find my way out.
He gave me shelter by allowing me into his home.
He gave me time to reflect away from the noise.
He gave me reasons to smile and laugh again, and it is thanks to his compassion I could lower my walls and be my most genuine self: flawed, imperfect, but full of determination, hope, and love.
And it’s for all those reasons I can’t mess this up. I have to do this right.
“Can I just… get all this out first, then we can talk?”
Eric nods. “Whatever you need.”
“At this stage in my career and life, I want to be part of a team which has a real chance,” I explain, the words crashing into each other.
“I want to chase that dream. I’m willing to take on a backup role if it means I’m able to contribute alongside the right people—you most of all.
You’re the man I’ve admired and respected for years.
I want to learn from the best, follow your example, and become my best self.
I know only one guy can start each night.
I don’t want to replace you, but I don’t want to live in your shadow.
I want to earn your trust as a teammate.
If I were in the net, I would do everything in my power to fight for the team.
And if I stumbled, I’d take the criticism and learn from it.
I’d find a way to grow. Whatever it took to become the kind of tandem that relies on each other so the team succeeds.
“I know All-Star Weekend was only a brief what-if scenario, but I thought we worked so well together. The last few months of the season were so exciting because we kept pushing each other. You make playing goalie look so fun, so effortless, but you’re also driven. We share that same ambition.”
Talking about the decision solely as it relates to hockey was the easy part, leaving only the difficult.
We wouldn’t have to address our relationship if we were just friends; friends play all the time on teams together—just look at Braydan and Eric.
The difference is Eric and I are so much more than colleagues or friends; we’re in a committed, if secret, relationship.
“I know being on the same team might not be the dynamic you’re looking for. Maybe you would rather I play for anyone else instead, but… but I want to make it work. I just—”
I stop short as my throat constricts, as tears threaten to fall. I hoped to not become so emotional over this, but it was inevitable. This decision will change everything. There will be no going back once the die is cast.
“I love hockey, Eric, but I’m also in love with you.”
It’s too greedy. It’s asking too much of the universe.
It can’t happen. There’s always a catch.
You can’t get something for nothing. Ambition demands sacrifice, humility—don’t climb the mountain unless you’re willing to go all the way.
Every doubt rages in my mind, unfettered and free to prey on what remaining hope I have.
Eric cups my cheek, canting my head upward. His eyes pierce straight into my soul, and my breath catches, my throat tightens.
“I want you to stay,” Eric murmurs. “Allow me the chance to give you both.”
And just like that, the flicker of hope bursts into a roaring flame. A smile spreads across my face, my nose wrinkles, and the tears I was holding back slide down my cheeks. Eric kisses them away, his touch gentle, understanding.
“I would have made long-distance work, but I would rather spend every night with you in my arms, James.”
Safe and sheltered at his side, where I belong.
“You’ve made it this far on your own, but it doesn’t have to be that way anymore.
Imagine how much more incredible you’ll become with the best support in the league.
We’ll build your confidence with this team.
We’ll work towards becoming a goalie tandem.
The crease won’t belong to just one of us; it’ll be ours to share and defend. ”
The more Eric describes how our future could be, the more I crave it. The words sound right. The pieces fall into place. The chaos in my head becomes harmony.
“We’ll learn from each other and grow as players. Once we adapt, once we find our rhythm, we’ll be unstoppable.”
Eric speaks with so much confidence, as if just saying the words could call forth the vision into being.
I’ve always hoped to learn from the best, and now this is my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make the dream a reality.
It’s going to take so much hard work, time, and patience to catch up to Eric.
It’s not going to happen overnight, it won’t happen without more challenges, but I’ll fight for it.
I’ll fight for Eric, for our love, for our future.
“We’ll chase the dream of earning the Cup together.”
As teammates, as partners, we could have our names inscribed alongside each other, our legacies intertwined in hockey history.
All because one weekend changed everything.