Chapter 37
Sasha
Sasha woke up with a terrible headache and an awful taste in her mouth. She sat up and it took her a minute to realize where she was. She was in Conner”s bed. Slowly the snapshot started coming back to her. Evie showing up with champagne and orange juice, mimosas turning into screwdrivers, turning into an intense day of day drinking and blowing off steam, only to be reminded she didn”t drink much anymore. She hadn”t had more than a couple glasses of wine since college, and she definitely couldn”t drink like that anymore.
Then embarrassment began to creep over her. Conner. When he had come home, she had started puking and he held her hair. That thought made her warm from embarrassment but also endearment. She had been so wrong about him...but mostly it was just embarrassment. Then she saw the crackers, water and wastebasket by the bed and her heart squeezed.
She picked up her phone, it was only 2:30. Conner was next to her in bed sleeping and she was starving. First, she went to brush her teeth then she made her way downstairs.
After making herself a quick sandwich she started to head back upstairs. On her way back she stopped and took in Conner’s house in the stillness of night.It was peaceful. It would be a great place to raise a family. She could almost see a Christmas tree in the corner, pancake breakfasts around the kitchen table surrounded by sticky fingers and smiling faces, kids learning to ride their bikes on the big, long drive away. This could be a dream, but right now parts of it still felt like a nightmare.
While she knew there was something real going on between her and Conner, she wasn’t sure if she could trust it. She could see it, but she didn’t trust herself to know if it was real or if it was something she was clinging to for safety.
Part of her wanted to go slip back in bed with Conner and pretend this wasn’t happening. Pretend she was here because they were in a relationship and not because it wasn’t safe for her to be anywhere else. But sadly, that was the truth of it. Her head was just so foggy.
Instead of getting back in bed with Conner, she got into the guest bed. She’d been staying here for almost a week and had yet to actually sleep in the guest bed, but everything about this situation right now just made her want to curl up in a ball and hide from everything. So that’s what she did.
The next morning, she was woken by a soft knock on the door.
“Sasha?” Conner said softly.
She had no idea what time it was, but she sat up and stretched.
“Come in,” she said groggily.
“How are you feeling?” he asked her.
“Embarrassed with a killer headache.”
“There”s ibuprofen in the bathroom, but there is no need to feel embarrassed.”
“I’m pretty sure there is,” she said with a shake of her head.
”Sasha, baby, you needed to blow off some steam. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Why did you sleep in here?” he asked.
Sasha tried to ignore the hurt that colored his expression.
“I didn’t want to wake you when I woke up in the middle of the night,” she lied.
He made his way into the room and sat on the bed.
How did the mere presence of him make her feel better? She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. His hand cupped her jaw, and any remaining tension left her body. As she opened her eyes, the kindness of his expression nearly took her breath away.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked gently.
“Yeah…I will be. I’m just so ready for this all to be over.”
“I know,” he said as his thumb traced her cheek. “It’ll all be over soon.”
He seemed so certain, but she was having trouble finding that same certainty.
“What time is it?” she asked, suddenly remembering she did need to get into work today.
“It’s eight. Do you need to go in today?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Okay, well, I’ll let you get ready. I don’t have to be in because it’s a game day, so just let me know when you need to go, and I’ll take you.”
“Thank you, Conner. For everything.”
He leaned and gently kissed her forehead. “Of course.” After another small kiss pressed to her forehead he stood. “I’ll see you downstairs when you’re ready.”
After he left, she took a minute to collect herself and got ready. As she straightened her hair, she ran over the list of what she needed to do at work. It was their last home game, and she didn’t do any work yesterday, so she knew there would be emails to answer and game day posts to check on, and some videos she needed to edit and caption. As she went through that mental check list it hit her. It was the last home game. The team would be going out. She couldn’t go…and she knew that Conner wouldn’t go either. She hated that. She wanted him to go. This whole situation just sucked all the way around.
She made it down for breakfast, and to her surprise Conner was plating up pancakes. Pancakes. It was like he could read her mind and knew she had been thinking about lazy pancake breakfasts. But she choked down that emotion and sat at the table as Conner set down two plates.
“Conner, I hate to even bring this up, but today is the last home game. You should go out with the guys. I can just come here. I”ll be fine by myself.”
“Absolutely not!”
“Conner,” she protested. “You should be able to spend time with the team before playoffs.”
“I don”t even like the thought of you being at the game. There’s no way I am going to let you be home alone after.”
“Maybe I could find someone—”
“No. I spend enough time with the team. Plenty of guys don”t go out.”
“I know, but you’re the captain, you should be with them.”
“I am their captain on the ice, not in the bar. Cash is much better at that job,” he said with a glance trying to make her smile. But she wasn”t going to back down. She would be fine.
“Conner. Seriously.”
“How are you even going to get home? You can”t drive your car. No way am I letting you uber.”
“Letting me?! I”m a grown woman.”
He stopped her with a look. “Oh, I know you are a grown woman,” he said with a fleeting look of hunger in his eyes. “But in case you have forgotten there is someone who has followed you halfway across the country, came to a work event and put a camera in your apartment. I don”t even like you being at the game with that many people, but there”s nothing we can do there. But I’ll bring you home when the game is over.”
He said it with such finality she couldn”t really protest even if she wanted to. But when he broke it down that way, he was right. All the fight left her, she couldn”t wait for this to be over.
“Sasha, I”m sorry. I can”t imagine what you are going through, but you must know that your safety is more important to me. I’ll play the game and then we’ll come home. Hopefully they’ll catch this guy soon and you can go back to how things used to be.”
She nodded. How things used to be. Doing her job and going home alone to her apartment. That’s what she would be going back to. This wasn”t real. This was just temporary to keep her safe. Not only was her stalker scaring her, but now he was also showing her everything she was missing. This life with Conner had been everything she had dreamed of someday. Getting up in the morning and working out together, having amazing sex, the romantic dinner for her promotion, all of it. That is what she thought her life would be someday, but it wasn”t. This wasn”t her life.
“You”re right, Conner. Thank you for everything.”
He looked at her confused. Turning away, she finished up her pancakes and put her plate in the dish washer.
“I’m ready to go when you are,” she said without making eye contact.
“Are we good?” he asked, uncertainty clouded his eyes.
“We’re good. I need to get into work. I have something to catch up on since I missed yesterday.”
He studied her as she got her purse ready and made sure she had everything she needed in her work bag.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” she snapped at him. She knew she shouldn’t, but the whole situation was starting to get to her. “Can we please just go? I don’t want to get in too late.”
She turned to look at him. It was a mistake. The look on his face gutted her. Why did this whole situation have to suck so much? But there was nothing to be done about it. It was what it was.
After a long pause, he finally said, “Okay, let’s go.”
The ride to the center was quiet. The need to apologize and smooth out whatever was off between them sat under the surface, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead, she just pulled out her phone and looked at the list of things she needed to take care of at work. That was something she at least felt like she had control over.