19. Cristian
S ince Allesandro is with Emilio, I called Roman in, so he can go into further detail about what he and his counterpart did while we were…
indisposed. While it's more work to later relay what I learn to Allesandro, my friend is not my son's biggest fan at the moment.
It's easier on everyone if I keep Roman, and his attitude, away from Il Padrone for as long as possible.
I know I can't protect Roman from the consequences of his actions, but I do appreciate my friend allowing me to have a say in what happens to him.
Not that it makes it any easier. This is something I'd prefer to have Tennant to talk things out with, but Ten is another one who needs to own up to his actions. Fuck . What a mess.
“You did good, Roman. I am very proud of you. I know it couldn't have been easy for you.”
Roman looks at me from across the desk, his dark green eyes wide and shining with emotion he can't hide from me—no matter how hard he tries.
“Thank you. That… It means a lot. I'll admit, I was a mess.” He breaks eye contact and looks around the office.
“I had a panic attack every time I had to step foot in here without you. I knew what needed to get done, but I had a hard time believing I was what this Family needed. It is one thing being trained to rule, a whole other to be in the midst of it.” He takes a deep breath and faces me head on once more.
“I was worried I wouldn't live up to your image or expectations of me, and it was hard.
But… I learned it didn't matter what you would think, or do.
In order to survive, to keep the Family afloat, to thrive under such pressure, I had to become the best Boss I could be.
Nobody else. I don't think I did a bad job of it.”
“No.” I shake my head and lean forward, bracing my arms on the desk.
“I don't know what went on, so I don't understand the choices you were forced to make, because I wasn't here, but you did good, Figlio Mio.
The Family is still standing because of you.
You didn't give up: on the job, yourself, or on me. And I am so very proud of you.”
Tears fall down his cheeks, and every instinct I have says to comfort him, but we have much more to discuss…
“Thank you,” he whispers. “That means a lot… More than you can possibly know, I needed to hear it.”
“It is the truth. Abbiate fede in voi stessi.”
He grimaces. “How can I when it feels like every choice I make is the wrong one?”
I sigh and lean back in my seat, knowing this is a conversation we need to have, but not wanting to at the same time.
“Lio and I did the best we could, given the situation. We all did. Every single one of us was thrown into the fire, and we had to rely on one another to get out. Is it such a bad thing we…connected in the process?”
“No.” I shake my head. “It's not. But there is a right way and a wrong way to go about it.”
“How?” he demands. “Please, enlighten me to how there's a ‘right’ way to deal with the shit we were. I understand you and Il Padrone went through some shit, but you do not get to judge us for how we coped.”
“I'm not, but there is a way to do things, Roman. You know that. Il Padrone has rules for his Boys, a way of life we do not understand. And you need to respect that, and him.”
He glares. “Respect is earned.”
I nod slowly. “It is. You both need to respect one another.
His position is not just a Boss, but a Master.
His Boys are very special and important to him, which is why he keeps them on such short leashes.
They're loyal to him, and whether or not you have earned their loyalty as well is irrelevant. You are not his equal.” I hold a hand up as he tries to protest. “You're not, Roman. Despite what you may think. You want to be respected as a Boss, and as someone worthy of his Boy’s love?
Earn. It. You know better. Do not act like I didn't raise you right.”
His green eyes burn a fire I haven't seen since returning. And it makes me smile inwardly. Knowing that, no matter what happened, whatever he was forced to become, my son is still in there.
“What about my respect? The respect of Ignacio?”
“It doesn't work like that in their Family, you know that. You want a chance to stand by Ignacio’s side?
Earn it. Apologize to Il Padrone. An actual apology, Roman.
And understand he has final say and control over his Boys.
I've allowed you to live your life as you see fit, but I do not want to see you destroy it because you forgot your manners.”
He looks so dejected, and my father's heart goes out to him. “I love him,” he says quietly. “I didn't plan it. I accepted when Tennant fell for Benjamin, and then Hollis fell for Lio. They deserve to have someone who is perfect for them, because I know I am not.
“But I didn't expect to find something I never knew I needed from a Martelli. I…I finally understand how Ten and Hollis could fall in love outside of us. What Ignacio gives me…it is something I don't want from anyone else, but with him, I need it. He is mine, plain and simple.”
I let his words sink in for a moment before signing, because I don’t dare say the words aloud. “Hollis went and fell in love with a Martelli? With Emilio Martelli ?”
Roman hesitates before nodding slowly.
Fucking hell. My family is trying to kill me .
Roman bites his lip before saying, “I also saw Antonio walking out of Jude's office looking fucked out earlier.”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I raise a hand. “Stop. I…do not want to know. If I could, I'd kill all of you, because fucking hell , Roman.”
“I know, but you can't help who you fall in love with.”
Letting out a humorless laugh, I take a few deep breaths and try to get my spinning thoughts under control.
“Right.” Placing my arms on the desk, I lean forward.
“Here is what we're going to do. You are going to apologize to Il Padrone, and mean it.
You will accept whatever punishment and decision he makes regarding you and Ignacio.
You will not argue. You want to be with his Boy?
Prove you deserve it, and you respect his position.
You're a good man, a good leader. Show him that. Make him have no choice but to respect who you are, and give him the same courtesy. Understand?”
A look of determination crosses his face, and he gives a short nod. “I won't disappoint you.”
“I know you won't. But do not disappoint yourself, Figlio Mio. Being a Boss means doing hard things, and fighting for whatever you want, but in a smart way. You want this life? You want a lover who belongs to someone else? Then fight for it. Show Il Padrone why you are the one for his precious Chaos.”
Roman smiles, a slightly cocky smirk, but one that gives me hope he'll do the right thing. Roman knows how to play the game. I just hope he remembers that when faced with Il Padrone’s contempt.
Fuck my life. I need a drink, or ten.