42. Benjamin
I carefully make my way to the playroom.
At this point, I can only be glad the black room isn’t still around.
I know that it’s time to face the music for disobeying Allesandro while he was gone, and while I certainly don’t regret having Tennant…
this is the first time I’ve been in major trouble.
The only other infraction I had was mild compared to this, and I fucking know it.
Ditching guards is nowhere near betrayal…
As soon as the room comes into view, my legs lock up.
Il Padrone is outside. Waiting. And that’s never a good sign.
I force myself to keep moving as I carefully study him.
Lio may have found warmth in him, but fuck if I know how that’s possible.
Those penetrating icy blue eyes hide everything when he wants them to, and right now, as I draw closer, it appears the only thing he’s willing to show me is a mixture of hatred and disgust.
I stand in front of him, struggling not to tremble as he stares at me with such contempt. I drop my head in submission, murmuring, “Padrone.”
"So...do you want out of this Family, Benjamin?
Or maybe you think you can take my job? That you have the right to make the decision of a Master?
You want to show cruelty? I'm surprised, but maybe you learned from Jax.
Maybe you prefer his style, his selfishness.
If that's what you want, here is your chance. "
I go to open my mouth, to deny, to justify my actions, but he holds up a hand, silencing me. I force myself to stand quietly as he dissects me with his cold eyes while his lips twist into a bitter smile. I don’t have to wait long, as he opens the door to the playroom and gestures for me to enter.
With trepidation, I move into the room, only to stumble to a stop. “Fuck.”
Il Padrone chuckles behind me, pressing his hand between my shoulder blades. “Keep going in. Don’t you want to see the enjoyment you get to have? You made your choice, now you live with the consequences.”
I manage to make it further into the room, staring desperately at the sight in front of me. My best friend is strung up, hanging from the ceiling in manacles, while his ankles are locked in place. And Ignacio? Fuck. He’s locked down on the spanking bench, with no room to move.
Gulping, I whirl on Il Padrone, my eyes wide. “What? Why?”
“Well, they both deserve punishment as well. And since you think you should be allowed to make decisions that can make or break this family, I’m letting you administer it. After all, you are a very special case.”
I stare at him, furrowing my brow. With a deep sigh, he shakes his head.
“Think, Benjamin. For fuck’s sake. I gave you the right to leave this Family.
You choose not to do that. You wanted to be married to Ignacio.
To have the Martelli name. I let you be a Second.
I even allow you to call me by my first name occasionally, which none of my Boys are allowed to do. Yet, you tossed it away.”
“But—”
“No,” he snaps out. “I have no interest in your justification. So your relationship had issues? Then you come to me. That’s the right thing to do.
You do not cheat on one of my Boys. Which is what you did.
You do not try to give your life for a fucking Amato when your Family is suffering. Putting your needs above everyone else.
“Hell, you were supposed to be the Second. The one Emilio could count on, but there you were, happy to throw your life away for someone who is not even part of this Family. You think I didn’t hear about that?
You think I don’t know what happened while I was gone?
Maybe you assumed I wouldn’t. That my Boys would cover for you…
that you could manipulate me. After all, you seem to want to take after Jax. ”
The reminders of Jax hit me over and over again, burrowing into my heart like jagged splinters. I swallow it down, my hands shaking as I desperately want to refute his argument.
When he pauses, I decide to chance the repercussions. “I…I fell in love.”
“Love,” he scoffs. “The same way you loved Ignacio? Or are you telling me you never loved him? Do you want to look him in the eyes and tell him you didn’t love him?”
“That’s not true! I did! It… We just got off track after Jax.” I clench my hands into fists, wanting to rail against the injustice. Even if I deserve punishment…this? This is cruel.
“Right,” Il Padrone says sarcastically. “And now you love Tennant. You’ll do anything for him. Give your life. Turn your back on your best friend. On the man you were going to marry. And you think I can trust you to be loyal?”
Breathing in, I hold it before letting go. “I… Yes, I went about it wrong.”
“You did. And you can’t tell me you’d do anything differently.”
His nostrils flair in anger as he stares me down, and I’m left with nothing to say, because he’s right. I wouldn’t go back and redo things. At least, not completely.
I’d owe Ignacio my honesty. Maybe find a way when we were both struggling, if not to find each other again, then to part before everything burned down.
I lit that match, though. And this is where I pay for that.
Where I set myself on fire and burn to ashes, because Il Padrone won’t let me do anything except look in the mirror.
“Very well. Let’s go ahead with your punishments. Since Lio and Ignacio also need to be punished, I thought it would be fitting for you to handle it. And it won’t be easy, because I specifically want you to think about how Jax’s selfishness almost broke you, broke Ignacio, and broke this Family.”
I shake my head, even though I can’t deny his rule.
A tear slips down my cheek, but it doesn’t move him.
Instead, he gestures for me to come forward.
He stops at Lio, and the table next to him.
Grabbing a pair of gloves, he tosses them to me, while he puts on another pair.
Next, he douses a prostate massager in a liquid, handling it carefully.
“Now this…this is a special lube. It’s ginger and chili. It’ll burn like hell. And you get to put it inside Emilio. If you remember, he’s faced this before, with Peter. Is this sadistic enough for you?”
Air freezes in my lungs as I stare in horror at the massager.
He holds it closer to me, demanding that I take part in this grotesque punishment.
With a sinking feeling, I realize that everything Lio and Ignacio are facing today has been made worse because of me.
Swiping at a tear, I nod the best I can as I take the toy, walking closer to my best friend.
I stroke his back in comfort, knowing this won’t be easy. I quietly murmur, “Sorry.”
“Y—” Lio tries to speak, but Il Padrone grabs him by the throat, stopping him.
“Enough, Emilio. You know the rules.” Il Padrone lets him go before turning back to me. I’m frozen in shock, but Il Padrone merely folds his arms and quirks an eyebrow. “Go ahead. Put it in him. And no stretching.”
Biting back vile curses, I focus on the task, wishing I could look away, but not wanting to smear the lube any more than it already will.
Thankfully, the massager is not too large, and it doesn’t take much to put it inside him.
But given the way his ass immediately contracts, it’s obvious that shit doesn’t take any time to start working.
“Good. You can lose the gloves.” He nods to the mini trash can where he’s already disposed of his.
With a couple clicks, he turns the massager on, and Lio lets out a keening noise.
Somehow, Padrone manages to ignore it. “As you can see, I have a couple choices for you on the table. My Caro enjoys floggers, so I took those off. However, he hates the cane. I also gave you the option of a studded paddle, and one with holes cut out. Which one do you want?”
From the way he’s watching me carefully, I know I’m fucked if I make the wrong decision. Breathing deeply, I try to find some courage, especially when Lio’s back contracts from the pain already hitting him. I want this over with as soon as possible. “I’ll take the cane.”
“Interesting… Perhaps I should call you Jax Jr.?” I step toward him, too pissed off to care anymore, but when he raises the vibrator remote in front of me and increases its intensity again, I subside.
“You remember how to use a cane, right? I taught you how to do it with Luca. Hopefully, you remember…for Emilio’s sake. ”
My hatred for him rolls inside me, and he stares at me knowingly, as if he’s deliberately provoking me. I have no idea what his game is, or why he is trying to push me like this, but fuck if I’ll let him win.
“How many?” I grit out, gripping the cane.
He presses his lips into a tight line, and it’s only then that I remember to loosen my grip. Fuck. I could have really injured Emilio.
“Let’s do sets of ten. I’ll let you know when you’ve had enough.”
I pause at his wording. He’s made it clear that this is on me. Shaking my head, I get into position and start slow. Thank fuck he’s not demanding immediate hard strikes.
The first ten go quickly. I stop and look at Il Padrone, desperately wishing it’s enough—it's not. At his gesture, I grit my teeth and continue. After each set, I pause, begging without words that I’ll be done. Yet, he refuses mercy on me.
Fifty. Fifty-one. Fifty-two. Fifty-three ?—
“FUCK!” The curse rips out of Lio so harshly that I immediately drop the cane, backing away.
“Continue, Benjamin.” Il Padrone doesn’t react to the sobbing man hanging there. The man he’s supposed to love.
Shaking my head, anger surrounds me as I yank the cane up and go to hit my friend again. Bringing it back even further, I let it swing, only to have it hit Il Padrone’s palm as he holds his hand out, stopping it before it could hit my friend. He grabs the cane from me and grips my hair tightly.
Immediately, I exclaim, “What the fuck?!”
“You lost control. I taught you how to use a cane properly. That is not how you do it. You want to be the one in charge? That means you keep your emotions in check. This was your chance to prove you could. And yet, you failed.”
With a look of disgust, he tosses the cane to the floor. I inhale sharply, shame flooding me, as I know he’s right. I was getting sloppy, and I would have hurt my best friend. Fuck!
I blink rapidly, tears continuing to spill over as I stare at Emilio. The sharp lines on his ass, the way he’s twisting as much as possible in the bindings, his desperate sobs and pants. Fuck.
“Kneel. I want you to wait quietly while I take care of your fuck up.”
I hit my knees and fold myself down, shaking from the pain.
The thoughts are breaking me. I’m vaguely aware of Il Padrone taking care of Lio.
He takes out the massager and wipes him down, before unlocking the bindings and heading toward the shower area.
Yet, nothing penetrates. Not really. I’m not sure how I’ll survive the rest of this.
Ignacio is still there, remaining quiet as he awaits his turn. Knowing I have to do this? Fuck. My stomach turns, and I briefly consider whether I’ll throw up. Because this? This is me being Jax. This is the consequence of my disloyalty. And the price…the price is too high.
Fuck . I’m so sorry. So very sorry…