28. Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Griffin’s Beach Marnie
W alking to her car after her shift, Marnie jumps when she sees someone leaning against her car. Relief fills her when she sees it’s Venom, and her heart beings to pound against her chest as she smiles. He came to see her.
“Hey, you.”
“Leave Griffin’s Beach, Marnie. Please.”
Not the words she expected after she left him a basket of things for him in his apartment. She spent a lot of time deciding what to put in it to show him she cares. And asking Lex to help her put give it to him. That took a lot of strength.
“Why?”
“Because I can’t move on when you’re here!” Venom shouts. “This isn’t fucking fair to me, Marnie. You won’t let me move on, and what we had doesn’t work for me!”
His anger frightens her, and she wishes he’d see what they had isn’t what she wants. “I don’t want what we had in Summerville, either. It won’t work for me, either,” she says, her voice shaking.
In Summerville, she was terrible to him. Used him and knew he felt something more for her. Something she didn’t know she felt, too, until it was too late, and he was gone.
“I want all of it, Venom. I told you that. Committed, out in the open, and together. You and me. I want what you did. What I hope you still do, too.”
His hand slaps the top of her car, making her jump. “Damn it, Marnie!”
As much as she wants to retreat back to the hotel, she refuses to step away. No matter how angry he is, she knows he’d never hurt her. But his reaction doesn’t make sense. How much more can she do to show she wants him? That she loves him more than anything?
“Why are you so angry?” Marnie asks, her voice barely a whisper.
“Because I’m trying to start a new life. I left Summerville to get away from you! And what do you do? You fucking follow me here.”
This isn’t how she envisioned the conversation going after he found the basket she left for him. She hoped he’d finally see that she cares, and she took the time to put together his favorite things with one being an inside joke from a conversation they had back when they were sleeping together.
After he saw how much she’s willing to do to show him she means what she says, and that he doesn’t need to be afraid to love her again, he’d tell her he wants to try again. For real this time.
“Venom—”
“Little care packages like the one you left aren’t helping. Damn it, why won’t you just leave me alone?”
“Because I love you!”
He won’t meet her eyes, but he lifts his hands in surrender as he steps backwards. “No, you don’t. You love getting fucked. It’s a high you’re chasing, not love.”
“No, it’s love. I’m in love with you, and I’ve tried to ignore it and push it away, but I can’t!
” she shouts back. “You think I want to be stuck on someone who is so damn stubborn and jaded that he refuses to give me a second chance? Someone who refuses to see that I know I fucked up but am doing everything I can to try and make it right?”
“A second chance?”
“I fucked up, okay? I know I hurt you, and I’m so fucking sorry. At the end of the day, I can’t change it. I can’t take it back even though I’d give anything to be able to. All I can do is continue to show up and prove that things are different. That I’m different. I want what you want.”
“If you want what I want, you wouldn’t fucking be here!”
Letting out a deep breath, she looks at the ground. Getting angry along with him won’t solve anything, and she needs to keep her wits about her. She wants to pull him closer not push him away.
“I want the relationship you wanted with me. The one I turned away from. The truth of the matter is that I’m scared to death to love someone, especially in the club. It’s why I was hell-bent on keeping things a secret.”
“No, you were ashamed of me. You’re a fucking daughter of the club, so don’t give me the scared to love a member of the club bullshit.”
“I’ve seen people I got attached to die, Venom. Like you have. I was part of the Hellraisers long before you showed up, and it wasn’t always good. In fact, it was fucking scary.”
Venom looks up at the sky and sighs as though he’s doing his best to keep himself from exploding. “And you were too scared to love me, but you weren’t too scared to fuck me?”
“Don’t you get it? If I loved you, or anyone in the club, I risked losing you. All of you. You live a dangerous life and follow a risky code. I get it, probably better than most, but it’s very, very real to me.”
“And what changed your mind? Why are you suddenly no longer afraid of loving me now?”
The way he says it hurts. Disbelief. “I’m still afraid, but losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” she says as she fights the tears flooding her eyes.
“Living without you keeps me awake at night. I can’t think about anything but you.
I’d rather love you and risk something terrible happening than living without you like I am. ”
He chuckles without any trace of humor, and it chills her to the bone. “You miss my mouth on your cunt. That’s the only reason you’re missing me and suddenly can’t live without me.”
“God, Venom, this isn’t about sex. Was it the best I’ve ever had? Yes, but if you told me you could never make love to me again, I wouldn’t care. You loved me when I wasn’t sure I was worthy of love. I made a mistake, but haven’t you? Hasn’t anyone ever given you a second chance?”
“Never,” Venom says, and she looks up to find him staring intently at her. “I have never been given a second chance at anything. One and done. I learned a long time ago not to fuck up unless what I’m doing is something I’m willing to lose.”
It makes so much sense now. He doesn’t know how to forgive because no one has ever forgiven him before. It makes Marnie hurt for him. And she loves him even more for it.
“I’m sorry,” she finally says. “Everyone deserves second chances. We’re imperfect human beings.”
Shaking his head, Venom looks over her shoulder. “Like Chuck?”
The mention of her old boss makes her shudder.
He blackmailed her and forced her into sexual favors.
She’d been on her knees, ready to suck his cock like he demanded in order to save her father when Venom showed up.
He saved her for the very first time, and she’s not sure she’d be here right now if it wasn’t for him.
“I concede. Some people don’t deserve a second chance. Bad, deplorable people shouldn’t be granted that luxury.”
“Don’t you get it, Marnie?” he asks and looks her in the eyes. “ I’m deplorable. I put a man through a fucking meat grinder for you. If anyone’s unworthy of a second chance, it’s me.”
To this day, no one has any idea where Chuck ended up, but he will never be found. Thanks to Venom.
Reaching out, she closes the gap between them and cups his face, forcing him to keep eye contact with her. “You did that to save me. You saved me twice in totally different ways, and you are not deplorable. I can’t stand that you see yourself that way.”
Venom pulls away from her and steps backwards. “You and Lex are the only people who have ever told me that. Everyone else agrees with me.”
“I don’t believe we’re the only two. Not after Colt gave you that officer patch. But can you honestly stand there and tell me you don’t believe Lex?”
Looking at the ground, he shrugs. “I betrayed her, and she hates me. It doesn’t matter.”
“Venom—”
“Don’t…” he warns.
Whatever happened with Lex obviously pains him, and she decides to back off. “I told you that as long as you love me, I’m not giving up. At some point, I will wear you down. You’ll see giving someone a second chance isn’t the worst thing in the world. It could very well be the best.”
“I don’t.”
Nodding her head, Marnie leans against the car and sighs in disappointment. “One day, you will see that it is. I know it.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
Her heart races as he stares at his boots. “What do you mean, then?”
“I don’t love you anymore, Marnie. I don’t think I ever really did.”
“That’s not true. You… You’re just saying that to try and get rid of me—”
“No, it’s true. I don’t love you.”
This can’t be happening. Sure, she screwed up, but she’s done everything she could.
Everything to show him how serious she is and how much she loves him.
“You’re lying. If you were telling the truth, you’d look me in the eyes and say it.
You can’t do that because you’re just trying to get me to leave. ”
His head snaps up, and Venom’s blue eyes lock with hers. “I don’t love you.”
The words take her breath away, and it feels as though they’ve formed a gun, pulled the trigger, and fired a fatal shot right through her heart.
He doesn’t love me. He fell out of love with me. He thinks he never really did.
Grabbing onto the car as her legs wobble beneath her and threaten to drop her on her ass, Marnie tries to catch her breath. Her vision blurs from the tears, and her throat has a lump the size of Texas blocking her airway.
“Marnie, what the hell?” he asks, his hand reaching out to take her arm and stabilize her.
She pushes him away and refuses to look at him. “Don’t touch me.”
“Marnie—”
“You don’t love me, remember?”
“You looked like you were about to keel over. I still care about you as a person.”
Shaking her head, she leans over and rests her hands on her knees as she tries to take in large gulps of air to soothe the burning in her lungs. It doesn’t seem to help, and she worries she might pass out.
“Just go,” she squeaks.
“Marnie—”
“Go!” she cries. “You don’t get to say you care about me after telling me you never loved me. You don’t get to have a reaction to my pain. Not anymore. You made your decision, and it’s clear. I won’t bother you again.”
His feet shuffle in front of her, but she can’t look up at him. If she does, she knows she’ll completely shatter, and she can’t do that in front of him. He’ll want to take care of her, and she would let him. No, she needs to hate him in order to survive.
“Does this mean you’re going back to Summerville?”
“That’s not your concern anymore.”
“Marnie—”
“Look,” she says, finally daring to glance up at him. Yep, my chest could explode right now and not hurt as much as it does in this very moment. “The De-Identifier could come and get me, and you’d never know. That’s how much I’m not your concern anymore. I’m done bothering you.”
Venom looks at her with such pain she can’t look at him anymore and stares at his feet. “Don’t talk like that.”
“You should go. You have a girlfriend you’ve moved on with and probably love.”
“Marnie—”
“Stop saying my name. Please, Venom, just go,” she whispers, the dam finally breaking as a sob escapes.
His hand reaches out to her, but no matter how much she wants him to take her into his arms, she can’t. “I don’t want to leave you like this.”
“You did this!” Marnie screams and covers her mouth as she takes a shaky breath.
Lowering her voice back to a normal volume, she shakes her head.
“Don’t you get it? You just told me that I lost the only person I have ever felt completely safe with.
The only person I thought truly loved me.
I thought being without you felt like dying, but this…
I was wrong. This pain might actually kill me. ”
The last few words come out as a whisper, and she can’t hold back the sobs. The last thing she wants is his pity, and she hates how weak she is right now.
“Please don’t say that,” he whispers.
“Leave me alone.” Her lip trembles as she tries to collect herself. “I know I have no one to blame but myself, but the only way I can get through this tonight is to hate you a little bit. I can’t hate you when you’re pitying me.”
Looking up at the sky, she wills the tears to stop. To stop being so weak and show him she’ll be fine without him even if it’s a lie. The last thing Marnie wants is Venom seeing her like this.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do… Whether I’ll move back or go somewhere completely new, but I’ll be far away from you as soon as I figure it out. That’s what you want, and I have to respect it.”
“Marnie—”
“Stop saying my name. I need a favor, though. I need you to pretend like you did love me once. Because someone who once loved me would walk away and not let me humiliate myself more than I already have. Please, Venom. I’m begging you.”
Saying nothing, Venom walks away, and Marnie quickly climbs into her car, holding her middle as she slumps over as the sobs take hold again.
The pain feels like a wave pulling her under the surface, and she can’t come back up to gasp for air.
She’s not even sure that she wants to right now. Right now, she’s just drowning.