20. Forward #2
She frowns but tucks her wallet away. “I’d love a London fog tea latte, please and thank you.”
Pulling my wallet from my back pocket, I chuckle.
“What are you laughing at?”
“Just thinking about the way you kept biting my head off when I tried to buy you a beer the night we met, and then whispered ‘but thank you’ after each attempt, like you didn’t know how to turn me down so aggressively without being polite too.”
She bites back her grin, pinning her arms over her chest. “You were being an ass that night.”
“I’m an ass most nights.”
“No, you’re not. I think you pretend more than anything, until you get to know someone, at least.”
“Maybe you’re right.” I incline my head toward a private table tucked in the back corner. “Go sit down. I’ll bring the drinks over.”
I bring cookies and muffins, too, and Olivia looks at me like I have five heads when I set everything down on the table.
“What? If you don’t finish it you can take it home with you. Or I’ll eat it. I’m always hungry.”
“Are you still nervous?”
I shake my head, breaking a ginger molasses cookie in half, sliding the other half over to Olivia. “I don’t think so. Not anymore.” I study her, the way she’s hunched forward slightly, playing with a small piece of her cookie, teeth skimming her bottom lip. “But now you’re nervous.”
Heat rushes to her cheeks. “A little bit.”
“Why?”
“Because we need to talk, and normally I’m good at talking but…sometimes I feel kind of foggy around you.”
“Is that because you’re confused?”
“Yes.” She shakes her head quickly when my face falls, touching her fingers to the back of my hand.
“Not about the way I feel about you. I just think…I think my mind is always going in two different places, thinking about everything that could go wrong, but everything that could go right too. It’s hard to focus, and I get lost in this space in between, where I’m just… scared and confused.”
“I get that.”
“You do?”
I nod. “I think I was thinking the same thing, but maybe in different ways. I didn’t know how to step forward, because I’d never gone in that direction before.
And then when I wanted to step forward, you wanted to leave, and it was confusing.
” I look down at my hot chocolate, the whipped cream piped on top, the chocolate shavings and sprinkle of cinnamon, and when I meet Olivia’s gaze again, so much vulnerability shines in her eyes.
“I might have been confused about why we were on different pages, but I understand your fears.” My shoulder pops up and down.
“I guess I just wish you would’ve stayed and talked.
We could have tried to figure it out together. ”
The sound of quiet chatter and dishes clanking drifts around us as Olivia mulls over my words.
“We could have,” she finally says. “But I honestly don’t think it would’ve been effective, and that’s because I couldn’t wrap my head around what was happening.
I think I needed to step away to evaluate my feelings, how fast and strong they came on, and my priorities, though I wish I hadn’t hurt you in the process.
” The tip of her forest green nail taps on her mug.
“Could we try to figure it out now? Or is it too late?”
“It’s never too late, Ollie. But I do think…I think maybe we should take it slow. Or try to, at least. You know, proper dates and stuff, where you can learn to trust me.”
Her mouth quirks as she nods. “I would like that, Carter.”
“Kissing doesn’t qualify as slow, though, in case you were wondering.”
“Oh really? Are we talking innocent pecks or—”
“Tonsil hockey.”
Olivia snorts a laugh, my favorite kind, clapping a hand over her nose and mouth. “That feels fast to me.”
“Well, you have little legs. It makes sense that you think everything I do is fast. Something for you to work on, I guess.”
Brown eyes roll as she shifts back in her chair to sling one leg over the other and tosses her curls over her shoulder. “And you can work on earning your tongue in my mouth.”
My lids hood as I lean closer. “A challenge? I love a challenge.”
She hides her smile behind her mug. “And I love watching you lose.”
“Oh, I never lose, Ol.”
“Right. Just at beer pong.”
A growl rumbles low in my chest, and when Olivia snickers into her tea, I smile.
“I really like you,” I murmur.
Tenderness swims in her eyes as her shoulders drop. “I really like you, too, Carter. Thank you for being patient with me and giving me some time.”
The truth is, I think I’d give her anything she ever needed, all she’d have to do is ask.
And when we finally amble out of the coffee shop at midnight, strolling hand in hand back to the theater where we’re both parked, I wonder if she’s what I’ve been needing all this time. It feels that way.
“Save me a dance tomorrow?”
“You can have as many dances as you like.”
I tug her toque down a little lower, covering her ears. “What if I want them all?”
“That wouldn’t surprise me at all.”
“I’ve never been good at sharing.” I brush her hair over her shoulder, knuckles skimming her cheek. “You’re not gonna let me kiss you right now, are you?”
“No, I’m not.” She tugs on my coat, guiding my face down until my mouth hovers above hers. “You need to work on your self-control if we’re going to do this slow, Mr. Beckett.”
“Fine, but I’ve never been good with self-control.” I watch as she climbs into her car. “That rule was more of a guideline anyway. And you wanna kiss me too!”
“Of course I do.” She hits me with a wink as she starts pulling her door closed. “But I want to watch you lose more.”