50. Reclaiming My Forever #2
My head wags rapidly and I fist his shirt in my hands as another sob rips up my throat.
“No,” I say firmly. “No. That’s not what you taught me.
You taught me to communicate. You taught me to lean on you when I need strength, and you’re supposed to lean on me too.
Because we’re supposed to do these things together, aren’t we?
Work through the hard stuff, the fears?”
His eyes cloud, an uncertainty that takes over, steals the brilliance of his evergreen forest and replaces it with a bleak and gray hazy fog. His thick lashes flutter closed as he rests his forehead against mine, and there’s a tremor in his voice as he whispers, “I’m so scared, Olivia.”
Cupping his face in my hands, I sweep over the delicate skin beneath his eyes, urging them open. “I don’t want you to be scared alone. That’s not how we do things in this relationship.”
My tongue touches my top lip, tasting the saltiness of my tears, and before I can think twice about it, I cover his mouth with mine. Carter’s fingers crawl up my back, diving into my hair, clutching me to him as I kiss him.
When I pull back, I trap the single tear tracking its way down his cheek. “Please talk to me, Carter. Tell me what happened. Give me the truth, and together we’ll find the answers.”
His inhale is staggered, ragged. He licks his lips, the tips of his fingers pressing into my skin, and finally, he talks.
“I did go upstairs with them,” he tells me quietly.
“Courtney, and the other girl, her friend, I still don’t know her name.
I only went upstairs with them because Courtney had…
She had my phone. Her friend found it in the bathroom at the restaurant.
I was so careless, and I must have forgotten it, and when Courtney showed it to me…
” Carter swallows, his gaze searching mine.
“She had one of your private pictures up.”
Something strange claws up my throat, a mixture of anger and fear.
Anger that somebody could be so callous, fear for what that means for me, for us.
There’s something else there, the nagging reminder in the back of my head that I’m not perfect.
That there have been so many women before me with smaller waists, rounder breasts.
Shame curdles in my stomach, but for only a moment.
Because then I remember that I’m perfect for Carter, that he thinks I’m beautiful, and what anyone else thinks doesn’t matter in the slightest.
“I’m so sorry, Olivia. I should’ve been more careful. I never should’ve kept them on my phone. I never thought…I never thought—”
I place my palm on his cheek, calming him. “What happened next?”
“She told me she’d already sent all the pictures to herself, that if I didn’t want them to get out I needed to come with her.”
“What did she want? Money? Did she blackmail you?”
A bitter chuckle leaves his lips. “If she’d wanted money, we wouldn’t be in this mess.
I tried, trust me. I threw it all at her, but she didn’t want it.
” He runs an agitated hand through his hair, mussing his waves.
“She said we ruined her life, that Adam didn’t trust her anymore because of what happened that one weekend at the bar, that he would’ve been able to forgive her cheating otherwise.
She said it wasn’t fair that I was getting another chance after my past, that she couldn’t stand seeing me portrayed as such a perfect boyfriend, that I’d never last. She wanted to remind everyone of who I really am. ”
“But that’s not who you are, Carter. You aren’t your past, and it doesn’t define you. There is such a beautiful, incredible person behind every decision you’ve ever made.”
He looks down, nodding. “She wanted to hurt us, and I think…I think I let her.”
I brush his hair off his forehead. “Why didn’t you tell me all that?”
“Because she wanted me to break up with you. She said if I didn’t, then you would.
She wouldn’t get rid of the pictures until she knew we were done.
I can’t ever be done, Ollie, not with you.
But I can’t let your pictures get out either.
You’ll lose your job, and I won’t let you be embarrassed and exposed that way.
I need to keep you safe, and I’ve already failed by letting your pictures get in someone else’s hands. ”
“I love my job, Carter, but nothing in this life is worth risking you. I would trade all of it for a happily ever after with you, for the life we wanted.”
“I’ve never been so disappointed with myself.
I was so scared, and I freaked the fuck out.
I didn’t have a clue what to do, what to say to you.
I was worried if it looked like everything was fine between us, Courtney would leak the pictures.
I stayed up all night trying to come up with a plan.
I came up with jack shit. Nothing. I wanted to beg you to stay, stop you from leaving.
But in the moment I finally gave in, let you get in that damn car, I knew that the best thing for you was space.
Space until I could solve it, until I could make sure you were safe.
” He shakes his head, unable to meet my gaze.
“I’ll never forgive myself if I fail you any more than this. ”
“Failing is part of life. And we pick back up and start again. We can do that, Carter. As long as you’re by my side, I can always start again. Can’t you?”
Anguish swims in his eyes as he watches me closely, like he’s afraid the words aren’t real, that I’ll get up and leave at any moment. Doesn’t he know my heart belongs to him? As long as he’s willing to keep trying, I’ll be here.
Before he can answer, the quiet purr of an engine draws our attention up, and a police cruiser pulls up the long driveway. My pulse hammers in my ears as Carter shifts me off his lap, taking my hand in his as he stands, the car coming to a stop next to his truck.
Two officers step out, and the male looks from me to Carter. “Can we talk, Mr. Beckett?”
Carter nods, and the female officer smiles at me. “Good evening, Miss Parker. I’m Officer Perry, and this is my partner, Officer Wolters.”
I look to Carter in question, and he squeezes my hand.
Officer Wolters steps forward, offering something to Carter as he chuckles. “Well, your screen is still shattered; we couldn’t do anything about that. But you can have your phone back.”
Carter takes his phone, turning it in his hand, and the hot sun glints off the fragments of the broken screen before he tucks it in his pocket. “What does this mean?”
Officer Wolters smiles. It’s warm and broad and makes me feel something I haven’t felt in days.
Hope .
“It means we’ve got both women in custody. This is over.”
* * *
I can’t sleep, and I expected as much. The problem right now is that the solution to my sleepless nights feels obvious.
But Carter didn’t want to push me. He was worried it was all too much, too fast, too soon.
We spent hours at the police station, my hand tucked in his while they explained the charges we were well within our rights to press: intent of nonconsensual distribution of intimate images.
Carter filed a police report on Monday night after he promised to come back with answers, with a solution. He said he couldn’t find another way to handle it, because he couldn’t figure it out himself. I think he made the right decision, and he finally does too.
The problem was they couldn’t locate Courtney since her last known address was with Adam, and since Carter didn’t know the name of her accomplice, the police were stuck.
Until a woman named Raegan showed up this afternoon, ridden with guilt over the part she’d played.
She turned her phone in, loaded with messages from Courtney, details of her intent to distribute the photos one at a time, whether or not Carter and I ended our relationship.
And then Carter brought me back here to Cara and Emmett’s. He held me in their driveway and told me to take the time I needed to come to terms with this. He told me it was okay to be angry with him, and he’d understand if I was.
The problem is that he’s there, and I’m here.
The phone rings once before his smooth voice answers, eager, as if he were hoping I’d call.
“Ollie? Are you okay?”
The tears that haven’t stopped these past four days overflow again, cool trails tracking down my cheeks. “I don’t want to sleep without you.”
He stays on the phone the entire drive over, for every step he takes up the stairs, and I hear Emmett’s soft chuckle both in the phone and through the door as he pokes his head out to see who’s here.
The bedroom door opens and Dublin dashes inside, leaping up on the bed, covering my face with his tongue.
Only when Carter’s gaze lands on me does he finally hang up.
I peel back the covers and he wastes no time climbing in beside me, pulling my body against his, his hands gripping my hair, my face, my hips as his mouth covers every inch of my face with kisses.
“I haven’t lost you?”
“Carter, you will never, ever lose me.”