15
I stumbled into my apartment kitchen at seven on the morning of Midsy, knowing I had to start preparing for what was going to be an exhausting day. The team had already done so much in advance, but given the breadth of this event, we still had more to do. I opened the refrigerator to get the half-and-half out for my coffee, and when I closed it, I caught a glimpse of a face peering at me through the fire escape window. I dropped the carton of cream and saw it was a smiling Heath. I clutched my chest and walked to the window to let him in.
“You just about gave me a heart attack,” I told him. “Maybe a stroke, too. Definitely a panic attack.”
He wrapped his strong arms around my flannel pajama-clad body. “Good thing I’m an emergency responder,” he said, kissing me.
I pulled back and put my hand over my mouth. “I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. I’m a hot mess.”
“Emphasis on the word hot ,” he said, kissing the back of my hand, followed by my cheek and then the side of my neck. The whole situation was tempting; part of me wanted Heath to keep going with his early morning seduction. But I needed to get to work, and besides, things between us hadn’t gone much further than this yet. It was also not the right time, and I definitely didn’t want some kind of quickie where I had to run across campus unshowered and with any hint of a sex glow. Marnie would definitely figure me out. And I’d probably run into Ashlyn Lark on my way into the dining hall. Maybe Kyle, too. Oh God, no . Heath needed to leave.
I pulled back again. “I am so happy to see you this morning, but I absolutely need to gulp some coffee and get to work. We have Midsy today, as you might already know.”
He squeezed my hands and then dropped them to walk back over to the window, pulling a large Dunkin’ iced coffee off the fire escape. “I know,” he said, handing the coffee to me. “Everyone at the station already got the briefing in case there’s an incident. Want me to be here when you get back tonight? I’m not working, which is totally fine by me.”
Once again, it felt like bad timing. “I’m not going to be done until at least one in the morning, probably later,” I said. “I’ll be completely wiped out, I’m sure. I won’t be a great person to hang out with at that point.”
“Okay,” he said with a small smile, but it was clear he was disappointed. “I hope it goes well.” He kissed the top of my forehead. “Let me know when you want to hang out again.”
I felt terrible about rejecting him. “How about dinner some night this week?”
“Sounds good,” he said. “I’ll text you my schedule. Bye.” He climbed back out the window and headed down the fire escape before I could say anything else.
I ran to the window and yelled down, “Thanks for the coffee!”
“You’re welcome!” shouted a group of female students from the grass below in unison. Ashlyn and her friends, yet again, now erupting in laughter.
I slammed the window shut, grabbed my cell phone, and called Tam.
“Well, good morning,” she grumbled. I heard a male voice in the background asking who it was.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. It was a Saturday morning. Some people sleep in. Apparently, Tam didn’t have to be at work, and Professor Plum probably never was needed by anyone early on a weekend morning. “Can you come up here one night this week? I mean, I don’t know which night yet. Heath needs to let me know. But I want you to meet him.”
“Okay, okay, we can figure it out,” she murmured. “Is everything okay? Are you on the verge of marrying him or something? Are you pregnant, Dev?”
“No, not at all. None of the above. I have some kind of mental block toward him. I’m avoiding intimacy with him. And you know me, I’m not one to shy away from things.”
“You were caught in a closet with a married man by his teenage daughter. No, you’re not one to shy away. Isn’t this guy like super hot? Sorry, E.”
“Professor Plum’s name is E? What does that mean?”
“It’s Ellis. I never told you that? He’s going to be horribly offended now.”
“Does he know we call him Professor Plum?”
“Yes, I told him that on our second date. I decided honesty was an important foundation for a relationship. He rolls his eyes, but he’s accepted it.”
“So, it’s okay for me to call him Professor Plum.”
“Yes, Devon, you may. Okay, I will give you two more minutes. I am neglecting this man next to me now that we are both awake much earlier than either of us ever intended. What do you think the issue is?”
I sighed. “I think I feel guilty about Kyle. But I’m trying to figure out if it’s that or something about my chemistry with Heath—because that would be ridiculous. And to answer your original question, he is super hot.”
“Okay, Dev. You let me know your schedule, and I’ll figure this out. Can Profes—, I mean Ellis, come, too? It might be helpful to have an outsider perspective, plus I really want you to meet him.”
“I’d love it. Get back to, well, whatever. Thanks, Tam.”
“Anytime, love.”
...
We got through the formal dinner. My go-to (and Adrienne’s favorite) Chicken Milanese, a silky fettuccine alfredo for the vegetarians, and a vegan-friendly stuffed spaghetti squash rounded out the entrées. My team pulled out all the stops, even as Marnie grumbled through the list of dietary restrictions of our students to ensure that everyone had something absolutely delicious to eat that night. “It wasn’t like this ten years ago,” she muttered as she inspected the label of the vegetable stock I had left for her at her prep station.
“We can make our own veggie stock next time if you’d prefer,” I said. “It’s not hard, and it’s quite tasty, but it’ll take a few hours.” She didn’t say anything in return.
After dinner, as Andrea had specified, students went to the auditorium to begin their travels through the various performances. Each of the entertainment stations had a dessert and beverage table. Given the fact that students would be ingesting food for hours–which made me nervous from a purely biological standpoint—I decided to make all bite-sized desserts. The auditorium where the improv troupe kicked things off featured tiny eclairs, mini cannoli, and itty-bitty crème br?lées, along with lemonade and bottled water. As my team prepared for the late-night breakfast with karaoke, I staffed the table to ensure all went well and, as Andrea had requested, that students weren’t spiking the lemonade with vodka.
“What do I do if I see them do that?” I had asked.
“I don’t know,” she had admitted. “Maybe confiscate it? I’ll be there. Bring the student to me.” I had the impression she had no idea what she would then do with the kid, but I left it at that.
The improv troupe went through a number of skits and brought a few random students onto the stage to participate, and to Andrea’s delight, got many laughs from the audience. Their final skit was called “The Staff of Rockwood,” and once I saw a female student come onto the stage in a chef’s hat, I knew I was in trouble.
“Guess who I am?” asked the student to the crowd.
“Chef!” “It’s her!” “The cook lady.” “Devon Paige!” Several students turned to point at me, and my entire body felt like it was on fire.
A male student walked out on the stage, dribbling a soccer ball. He was wearing ripped jeans and a Counting Crows t-shirt, and his hair was a mess. I had to give these kids credit; they were way too clever. “Who am I?” he asked.
“Kyle Holling!” “Coach Holling! “Mr. Holling!” I looked around and didn’t see Kyle in the crowd, luckily. I hadn’t seen him anywhere on campus since the kiss incident, but I knew he was still teaching his classes. Word was he was a mess in terms of his appearance and barely managed to get through his lessons, but he was showing up. I had wanted to reach out and see if he would talk to me, but I had to get through Midsy first. I was glad he wasn’t seeing this.
I caught Andrea’s eye from across the room, and she must have noticed the desperation on my face. “Look at the time!” she announced in her best Head of School voice. “We do need to keep to a schedule tonight. Please move to the gym, where we have three delightful a cappella songs awaiting us. And a huge round of applause to our very talented improv troupe!”
I sent thank you vibes in her direction and scooted ahead of the students to make it to the gym to relieve my staff, who were setting up the mini cupcake and sparkling cider station. We even had plastic champagne flutes for the cider, which was quite cute. There was an all-female singing group, followed by an all-male, and then the coed group singing, as Andrea had promised, “Coconut.” They called themselves the Ponies, and they were by far the most creative of the three, “riding” out onto the gym floor on hobby horses. One student even juggled coconuts during the song. And best of all, there were no references to Kyle or me in any songs.
The last station before we returned to the dining hall was in the outdoor amphitheater for the faculty rock band. Andrea had yelled at everyone as they were leaving the gym to be sure to grab their coats but also to make sure they were in the amphitheater for attendance in ten minutes, which I knew was not going to happen. Half the students didn’t get their jackets for fear of missing the roster check, and the other half who did go back to their dorms were late. I did my best to get hot chocolate to those who appeared cold, but this situation was mostly beyond my control. I heard Ryland Dennis’ voice through the speakers and wanted to gag.
“Hey, Stallions! We are the faculty rock band. We’re still trying to figure out a name, so if you have any ideas, please let us know!”
“How about the washed-up old dudes?” shouted Shad Wilton, one of the biggest troublemakers on campus. I spotted Andrea strut over to the aisle next to his row and motion for him. The students around Shad hooted and slapped him on the back, and Shad begrudgingly left his seat to talk to Andrea behind the tiered seating.
“On that note,” replied Ryland, launching into the Grateful Dead’s “Touch of Grey.” A few students paid attention and bobbed along with it, but most just turned and talked to each other, ignoring the performance. I stood by a table full of plates of my now infamous cookies, which were devoured in less than ten minutes. I had no idea how these people were going to eat breakfast after this.
“And for our last song tonight, we have a special guest singer. We could definitely use some female vocals, so if any staff are interested in joining us, please reach out,” said Ryland. Hardly anyone was listening to him. Students were huddled together, and I spotted two making out under a blanket that they had wrapped around themselves. I looked for Andrea, but she was still chastising Shad, which seemed to be a bit much at this point. “In the meantime,” Ryland continued. “We’ll take help wherever we can get it. On lead vocals, please welcome student Ashlyn Lark!”
My jaw almost hit the ground as Ashlyn sauntered to the middle of the stage in a slinky cocktail dress and heels. She must have been freezing. Even Andrea stopped lecturing Shad to walk up to the back row and watch her niece perform. My guess was she had no idea this was occurring. “Hello,” she crooned. “Jealousy is rampant on the campus these days, whether it be between students or between staff. Sometimes, it involves people who don’t even live or work at Rockwood. We thought this was fitting.”
The band launched into Natalie Merchant’s “Jealousy,” which I doubted many of the students knew, but I sure did. What is Ryland trying to accomplish? And with Ashlyn as his accomplice, no less. It felt dirty and very inappropriate. Besides, if she had wanted to break up Kyle and his now ex-wife, he succeeded. Was he attempting to stir the pot further between Kyle and me, or was there more to this? And why does he care? I could feel Ashlyn looking right at me as she sang, even though her eyes were closed as she was crooning. None of it made any sense, and I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Seeing that students were already starting to leave mid-song to head to breakfast, I texted the facilities team that we would be ready for a cookie table clean-up in five minutes and raced over to the dining hall.
I was out of breath and must have looked like a disheveled mess by the time I showed up in the kitchen. “You okay?” asked Marnie in her usual flat tone, which made me feel like she didn’t actually care one way or another. I reminded myself that she was like this with everyone and grabbed a glass of water.
“I think so,” I said, still gasping a bit. “It’s getting cold out. Students are starting to come in. I don’t know how much room they’re going to have in their stomachs for breakfast, but they’ll be here. It looks like karaoke is ready to go?”
“Yeah,” she answered. “The Robotics Club said they’d run it for us, so they’ve been setting up for the last hour. I just sent staff out to serve food. We’re fine, Devon. This is the easiest thing we’ve done all week.”
She was right; the formal dinner and all the dessert station logistics were by far much more challenging. “Thank you,” I said. “I’ll be out there keeping an eye on everything. Let me know if you need anything. You did a great job this week.”
“Yeah,” she said, nodding. That was about as good as things got between us, and I had to accept it. She was very different from me and a bit of an odd duck to work with, but she did a good job overall.
The students were filling the dining hall, getting food, and sitting at the tables. I noticed many of them were yawning, but a few were signing up for karaoke slots with the Robotics Club members. Within a few minutes, the sounds of students singing filled the cavernous room—lots of Lizzo, Taylor Swift, and Harry Styles. I felt a mix of exhaustion and exhilaration because the students were having fun, and my team had pulled the whole thing off. I had no idea if the students would be up to any antics later, but it was so late, and everyone seemed so tired. Part of me felt like Andrea’s plan might work. I walked over to where she was standing in the corner of the room, eating a cinnamon roll.
“Good job, Devon,” she said. “Both on the whole thing and this damn cinnamon roll. I can’t begin to add up all the things I’ve eaten tonight, but they’ve all been amazing. I know I’ve been asking a lot of you this fall, but you’re doing awesome. It means a lot to me.”
It was, by far, the nicest thing she had said to me since I had started working at Rockwood. “I appreciate it,” I replied. “I also am very excited to have tomorrow off.”
“You doing anything fun? Hanging out with that hunky paramedic of yours? He can resuscitate me anytime,” she said, and it was so corny I had to laugh despite my exhaustion.
“Maybe,” I said. A man walked up to the microphone, and Andrea and I both gasped.
A student was already at the microphone and announced, “Our next performer will be Mr. Holling, and he will be singing Oasis’ ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger.’”
Kyle grabbed the microphone from the boy abruptly and gripped it with both hands, his eyes closed. Like the student depicting him earlier in the improv skit, his hair was a mess. His beard was overgrown, and he was wearing sweatpants and a Manchester United t-shirt that looked like it had been balled up and forgotten in the back corner of a dresser drawer. His big toes poked out of holes in his sneakers. I listened to the words of the song, just as I had listened to them while lying in a cramped twin dorm room bed next to him over fifteen years earlier. As I looked at his stress-worn face, I saw it blurred to a much younger, clean-shaven man, one who had kissed me, held me, and caressed me over many hours that one night. As Kyle belted out the lyrics, I felt them sear into me in multiple places, but especially into my head as I tried to make sense of everything that had happened, as well as my heart, which had grown achy and more confused.
“He’s still not over Cora,” said Ryland Dennis, who was now standing next to me. “How sad,” he smirked. “You know he’s singing this about her, right?”
“Oh, sure,” I said. There was no way in hell I was going to tell Ryland anything about the significance of this song for Kyle and me.
“Because in case you thought any of this was really about you,” he continued. “Cora was where the real magic was. She’s an incredible woman. So much beauty, so much style.” I felt him give me a once over, and I knew I looked like a mess after working all day and running across campus. I tried to ignore his inspection and took it with a grain of salt. He had very little credibility in my eyes. “You’re a distraction,” he said, walking away.
“He’s an ass,” Andrea said. “Don’t take him seriously. And you don’t see him with Cora now, do you?”
“Nope,” I answered, not knowing what else to say. She was absolutely correct, but she also loved her gossip, and I didn’t need to feed that anymore that night.
Kyle finished singing and walked out of the room. Students were buzzing and asking each other about the song and what the whole thing meant. “I think it’s about her,” one student said loudly enough and pointed in my direction. I looked at Andrea and bit my lip.
“You want to try to catch up with him?” she asked. “I’m going to pull the plug on all of this in the next fifteen minutes. These kids need to get some sleep. And then, God willing, they stay there.”
I nodded several times and bolted outside, trying to find Kyle. I didn’t see him anywhere. I ran to his dorm, but my key wouldn’t work on that building. All the students were in the dining hall, so I couldn’t plead with anyone to let me in. I looked up to his window, but it was dark. Still, I climbed the cold fire escape in case he had simply gone to bed. I peered in the windows and saw nothing. I knocked on the glass and waited, but there was nothing. It was almost one in the morning; The Horse was closing in a few minutes, and last call had already passed. The rest of the bars in Portsmouth were either closed or about to close, so it wasn’t worth heading into town. I checked the parking lot, and I couldn’t see his car anywhere. I was out of ideas.
I started walking back to the dining hall, as I figured I might as well help clean up. My phone lit up with a text from Heath.
You still up? Everything go okay?
This was normal. Texting someone you care about is normal. Why am I resisting this so much? I felt like I had been fighting with ghosts all night. I texted back.
Just finished . We nailed it. Great success.
I paused for a moment and thought about my car sitting in its spot in front of Wentworth.
Want me to come over?