Chapter 12
Rue
I drift out of a vivid dream, still wrapped in its lingering warmth. The fever I passed out with is now a distant memory. I can barely remember the pain. The scent of sweet crescent nuts and fresh-cut wood surrounds me, and I’ve never felt more at peace.
Images of the fading dream flicker in my mind. I grasp at them as they slip away, trying to hold onto at least a few. The ones I manage to catch are just pieces, but they’re enough to make me blush. There’s a stunning, blue-eyed fae kneeling before me, with pointy ears and skin the color of bronze. So much skin... His strong hands gently remove my garments while I find myself gripping fistfuls of his bright blue hair.
A puff of air on my face jerks me awake, shattering any hope of remembering more. My heart pounds in my chest, and tremors take over my body as I realize I’ve not been sleeping alone. I hold my breath and force my eyes open to see what’s breathing on me. But it’s not a what, it’s a who. And it’s clear that the visions I was catching were actual memories, not fever dreams.
The same fae lies beside me with his face mere inches from my own; the same bright blue hair, same stunning face, same long, pointy ears. Despite his incredible beauty, being this close to a fae is terrifying. My instincts scream at me to get up and run. But that would wake him. And as long as he’s sleeping, I’m safe. A few slow, deep breaths help, but I have to close my eyes to convince my body I’m not in immediate danger.
There’s time to come up with a plan while he’s occupied with his own dreams. The thought of what he might be reliving makes me cringe. I have no idea how much there is that I can’t recall. Considering his presence and the soreness I have in places I shouldn’t, the only thing clear to me right now is that I wasn’t poisoned by the innot. I was in heat.
But why? And where the fuck are we? I glance around, taking in a gray cave with slivers of light peeking through cracks in the stone. I vaguely remember stumbling through a dark corridor. It must have led me here. At least I made it somewhere safe before the innot caught up to me. Or worse–someone from my pack.
This fae, however, is far from safe. His scent may bring me a sense of calm like nothing I’ve ever experienced, but it’s just a trick. It’s obvious what he did to me, and there’s nothing safe or comforting about it. And what’s next? Will he laugh and finish me off when he wakes? Or trap me here until I have another heat he can take advantage of?
I should acknowledge the fear still sloshing around in my stomach, but now, all I feel is rage. He used me while I was helpless. He took advantage of my weak Omega body. I shouldn’t be clinging to the few memories I have of him. I should be trying to purge them all out! He’s just like an Alpha. Big, strong, selfish, and disgusting.
I vibrate with fury beneath the arm that’s draped over me, stirring him from his sleep. He blinks open his eyes and looks lost for a moment. Then, a smile spreads across his face. It looks more serene than sadistic. But I don’t trust it. And I don’t fucking like it.
He props himself up on one elbow, still with that infuriating grin. I slip out from under his arm and scoot back against the cave wall, hiding my body beneath the cloak we’d been sharing. My face burns with a fresh dose of rage when I realize how pointless it is to hide. He’s already seen everything I have.
I don’t give a shit if he’s lying there just as naked. I never wanted this.
He doesn’t come after me, but his smile falls as he realizes his fun is over. His bare skin all but glows in the dim light, tempting my eyes to hunt down every shimmer. But my chest is burning with anger at what he took from me, so I keep my eyes firmly planted on his face.
“I’m Durin,” he says calmly.
My body deflates at the sound of his voice. A sense of calm and relief warms me from my chest all the way down to my bare toes. A voice shouldn’t have that effect. It makes no sense. Perhaps it’s not his true voice. Fae can glamour their looks. I’m willing to bet they can glamour their voices, too. His fake voice won’t trick me. Or the perfect lines of his fake body and flawless angles of his gorgeously fake face.
He was able to seduce me during my heat, but that’s no real accomplishment. I’m sure any male could manage that with a feverish Omega. It won’t happen while my mind is clear. I need to leave. Or find a way to get him to. I glare at him, fighting off the effects of his voice and letting my rage build once again.
“You don’t need to fear me,” he says, still unbothered by his nakedness. “I heard your cries and came to help. This…” he starts, looking down at his body, “was the only way you’d allow me.” He lifts his eyes back to mine and frowns. “I’m sorry if I’ve upset you. I can go.”
He stands and calmly gathers his clothing. For some impossible reason, my heart lurches at the thought of him leaving. Seconds ago, I hated him and wanted him gone. Why does hearing him offer to make it happen feel like a threat?
I’m confused. This is probably a trick of some kind. I push away how wrong it feels to let him leave and try to read his face as he dresses. It reveals nothing. It’s flat. Stoic. Whatever he’s thinking is locked away as tightly as my memories of him.
A growl builds in my chest, and I have to clench my jaws to keep it from storming out of my mouth. I’m sickened by what he’s done to me, but I should be grateful he’s letting me go. It’s a mercy I doubt many shifters have been gifted by a fae. I sit stiffly, biting my tongue while he finishes dressing at a much slower pace than I’d prefer.
When he’s finally finished, he carries over a jug and a small cloth bundle. I want to keep my eyes on his face, but the scent of meat tugs my gaze down as he opens the flaps. There’s not only meat, but also some crumbly chunks of cheese. I suddenly feel on the brink of death and grab the bundle from him. I shovel every bit of the food into my mouth, choking as I practically inhale each bite.
When it’s gone, I drop the cloth and rip the jug out of his hands. I tilt it back and carelessly gulp the water down. It spills over the rim as I drink, cooling my cheeks and chest as it trickles down my face. When I finally feel satisfied, I look up to see the fae smiling again.
He’s laughing at me. I must look ridiculous. I realize I let the cloak fall and yank it back over myself, glaring at him.
“You should leave,” I croak, jolting at the roughness of my voice. I shake it off and narrow my eyes at him again.
He tries to resume his blank expression, but a hint of his smile remains. “It’s nice to hear you speak.”
Ah yes. The mindless silence of an Omega in heat. Omegas only know three words when they have the fever: knot , please , and Alpha . That’s common knowledge among shifters. It’s good, though. It means I didn’t reveal anything to him that he could use against me.
“What’s your name?” he asks.
He says it so casually, like he’s simply curious. But I don’t like the idea of him knowing my name. He already knows far more about me than I’m comfortable with. I’ll keep my name to myself, for some form of dignity if nothing else.
I look away, refusing to say another word. I can’t see his reaction, but I do notice my clothing folded neatly beside me. There’s no way I’m getting dressed with him watching. I don’t care how long we spent naked together.
After a few moments, I see his legs turn and begin carrying him away.
So, that’s it, then? He’s letting me go?
I throw off the cloak and scramble to get dressed before he decides to turn back around. Ignoring my bindings and undercloth, I throw on my leathers and tunic as quickly as I can. When he reaches the cave opening, he stops instead of stepping through.
Fuck. I was so close.
I search for my boots so I’ll have a chance at running, but the discarded cloak catches my eye. The crest on the front jumps out at me like a slap to the face. Everyone knows that crest belongs to the queen. We’re taught at a young age to run and hide if we see it. My stomach drops in horror as I realize the real danger I’m in.
He turns back when I gasp, and his eyes drop to the cloak. The concern that blossoms on his face is so convincing. The shame in his bright blue eyes is painted on flawlessly. I look back at the crest, needing it to remind me what a cunning a fae I’m dealing with.
“Yes, I’m a noble,” he says quietly.
When I glance up at him, he’s glaring at the cloak. I’m confused. I’d expected him to mock me after crushing my hopes of escape. But he looks almost angry about it. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. He’s just toying with me some more. I cross my arms over my chest, waiting for him to leave.
“I never wanted to be a noble,” he says, still not looking at me. “A few days ago, I killed Mitah, a high-ranking soldier. I was caught and taken to the queen, who forced me into becoming something I hate.”
Did he just say he killed Mitah? That bastard fae has plagued shifters for decades. He’s heartless, taking lives as casually as plucking fruit from a vine. We’ve changed the location of our camp twice because he was spotted too close to our territory. This fae says he killed him. Fae can’t lie. I’m unsure how anyone could make I killed Mitah mean something else. I replay everything he’s said to me since I woke up, trying to recall his exact words.
You don’t need to fear me. I just wanted to help. I killed Mitah. I was forced...
“Say it again,” I demand.
His brows raise, but he obliges me. “I killed Mitah. I was forced to become a soldier.”
I was only asking for the Mitah part, but he continues. “I heard your cries and wanted to help you. You… showed me how to help.”
He rubs the back of his neck, looking rather sheepish for a noble. It’s probably an act. One I won’t be falling for.
“Anything else you want to know?” he mutters at the floor.
There is so much I want to know. But the only thing that matters right now is my safety. “Do you mean me harm?” I ask. “Be clear.”
He finally looks up at me and drops his hand from his neck. “No. I mean you no harm. In fact, I want to help you more, if you’ll allow me.”
Is he implying he wants to mate with me again? How dare he say that to me!
“You will never touch me again!” I growl.
My fangs emerge for the first time since presenting. They’re long, sharp, and empowering. I feel fierce, like an Alpha. Like a predator instead of the prey. For once, it feels like someone needs protection from me. I take an aggressive step toward the fae and snarl, proudly showing them off.
“You helped. Now, get the fuck away from me!”
“No! Not like that!” he says, throwing his hands up and backing away. “It was… I mean…” he grips his hair with both hands and grits his teeth. “I just want to help you get to safety.”
As I consider whether to believe him, the new little hut that’s become a home comes to mind. “Mother,” I whisper around my new fangs. “Fuck. Fuck!”
She must be worried sick. Or worse! She could have been hurt or killed trying to find me. I don’t have time for this. I need to get back to my mother. I spot my boots near the cave opening and stomp toward the useless fae, driven by adrenaline and prepared to shove him out of the way if necessary.
As I pass, warm hands grip my arms, and his soothing voice tries to shush me. I flinch and jerk away from him.
“What did I say about touching me?” I snap.
My chest heaves with my angry breaths. He stares at my fangs, more interested than intimidated. That pisses me off, too. I close my lips over them and will them away, thankful when they obey and slip back up into my gums. I continue to glare menacingly at him and brace myself for his retaliation.
But it doesn’t come. His brow creases with concern, and he shakes his head. “I’m sorry,” he says, averting his eyes. “Don’t worry, we’ll find her.”
I’m relieved that he doesn’t lash out at me. But I don’t need his help, and he doesn’t need to know where we’re staying. “I know where to find her,” I say shoving my boots on my feet. “You can go.”
“Let me help you,” he says firmly, locking eyes with me again. “I don’t know why you’re avoiding Alphas, but I can ensure you’re safe and provided for.”
Avoiding Alphas? What the fuck did I tell him? I thought I couldn’t speak. How did he figure that out?
“We’re well taken care of, thank you,” I say curtly, turning away from him.
“What if it happens again?” he asks. “The heat.”
“It won’t.” I run my hand along the wall to begin feeling my way out of the cave.
He speaks of the heat so offhandedly, but I feel violated. We spent hours, probably days, with our bodies intertwined. Yet, I can’t remember a single damn thing. Like whether he was rough with me, or if he laughed as I pathetically begged him for a…
Wait. How did he satisfy me without a knot?
I pause and turn to look at him for any signs of exhaustion, but he seems surprisingly fine. Maybe my first heat was mild. Or maybe Omegas don’t need a knot as badly as the Alphas claim. That wouldn’t surprise me with their overinflated egos.
Or maybe he’s just really skilled at mating. Skilled enough to make a knot unnecessary. I blush at the thought, wishing I could remember at least some of what happened. At least the parts that were enjoyable for me. If there were any. But the fae can’t have hope of a repeat. I need to steer him away from the idea.
“I’m newly presented and got spooked by an innot. This was a fluke. Without an Alpha nearby, I shouldn’t have any more heats.”
He hums and crosses his arms as he considers my words. “Okay. But make sure you’re secure. Most fae won’t bother you too much, but this close to the castle is more dangerous. The nobles wander here. Avoid putting yourself in their path.”
The nobles? You mean like yourself?
I want to say it so badly, but it seems like he’s letting me go. I do realize he may still hunt me down later. I’m sure he’d enjoy that. But I at least have a chance to get back to the fortress Mother found for us. I doubt he’d find me there. I didn’t realize it was so close to the castle, but we’re less likely to be found there by anyone than anywhere else I can think of.
So, I simply nod and start down the dark passage again. He quickly steps in front of me, taking the lead. It makes me want to scream, but I hold my tongue and follow him. I’m too close to freedom to risk fucking things up.
The cave soon opens up to a slightly wider area, with streams of light shining in from outside. My eager steps falter when I see the large silhouette of a gryphon’s body blocking most of the rays. I’m shocked when I realize why the straw was there. In my fever, I stumbled into a gryphon’s nest.
She let me find safety in her home. If she allowed me in her territory, she must have found some value in me. I don’t think I need to fear her. But I’m confused why she allowed a fae noble to enter her cave while I was vulnerable.
Gryphons are intelligent. If she let him in, that must mean she found value in him, too. But what?
At this point, it doesn’t matter. I just need to get away. I step as close to her feathered body as I’m comfortable and bow my head. “I don’t remember anything,” I tell her. “But it’s clear you let me find refuge here. I’ll find a way to repay you.”
The gryphon moves aside and watches me pass. Chills run down my back as I feel the heat of her powerful body beside me. I hold my breath, keeping my head bowed in respect, and step out of her cave.
Once we’re a few steps into the forest, I hear the sound of her claws clicking against the stone as she retreats back into her home. I cringe, remembering the mess we made of her nest. The fae should probably be just as eager to get away from here.
He stops by a vine-covered tree and turns to look at me. He’ll need to leave first. I can’t let him know where our home is. The gryphon wasn’t threatened by him, and I’d like to trust her judgment. But not killing me yet isn’t a valid enough reason to let my guard down.
“You leave first,” I say, holding myself as confidently as I can. “I’ll be fine.”
He doesn’t react. I hate that I can’t read his expression. He’s infuriatingly beautiful with his messy blue hair and sharply cut cheekbones. His face is sure to haunt me. I have no memory of our intimate moments, but I’ll no doubt have daydreams of my own making whether I like it or not. Damn him.
“Please,” I add, willing to sound meek it if will get me out of here safely.
“I…” he starts, but then changes his mind. “Okay. Take care of yourself.”
He turns and moves away through the trees. His white uniform stands out in the blues and purples of the forest like a beacon… or a warning. I watch his tall form and bright blue hair until they’ve faded into the distance. Then, I tear off in the direction I think I came from. I didn’t run far, so finding the hideout shouldn’t be too hard.
I spot the innot’s ooze, shining innocently on some roots below. It’s safe in its hardened state, so I decide to follow it. The innot passed right by our home. Surely, the trail will lead me there.
And it does. It takes no time at all to find the hideaway. As soon as it comes into view, I burst through the thicket and run straight into the hut.
Mother jumps up from the small chair by the fireplace and rushes over. Her eyes are red and swollen, and her hands shake as she reaches for me. When she pulls me against her sobbing chest, I allow myself to break down.
The fear from the innot, the confusion of the heat, the conflicting feelings about the beautiful fae... they all pour out as I bury my face in her tunic. Despite my hatred of feeling weak, I just need to feel protected right now.
We cry for a while, clinging to each other without saying a word. Fear is loud, but the peace of our relief is quiet and still. It clears my mind and brings me back to myself. Eventually, she holds me out at arms-length to look me over.
I glance down and realize how much of a mess I am. I’m covered in slick and sweat, and my filthy clothing hangs off my unbound chest. I must look like I’ve been running and fighting for my life for days. Her face confirms it. She shakes her head with so much sadness despite her relief.
My heart stops when her nose starts to flare, likely noticing the scent of my slick. Fear prickles along my skin and pierces deep into my chest. I can’t explain why I suddenly dread telling her about the fae. It’s not shame. I just don’t want her to know about him.
“Don’t worry, Mother,” I say. “I’m okay. I got spooked by an innot and went into heat from the stress. I had to hide in a cave. But I’m fine now.”
“Heat?” she gasps, assessing me again. “ Fine? Oh, my sweet pup, you are far from fine. Let me make you some tea, then we’ll get you cleaned up and fed.”
She fumbles to get some water boiling while I sit in the little chair. “Oh, Rue, you endured a heat alone?” she whispers. “I can only hope you don’t remember any of it.”
But I wasn’t alone. Not at all. And there are some parts I would love to remember, however pitiful that makes me. I sit quietly and watch my mother prepare the tea, wondering whether or not to correct her.