Epilogue
Liam
“We aren’t having any more kids after this, Britain.” I slide my hands through my hair to try and release the tension. “I can’t take it.” When I look up to where she’s sitting in the hospital bed, she laughs at me. Fucking laughs at me!
“I didn’t know you wouldn’t be able to hang today,” she says with a smirk on her face.
“I just watched them insert a needle into your back that was the length of my forearm!”
“And look how much better I feel already? Relax, come here.” She gestures for me to join her on the hospital bed. I sit down beside her, almost scared to touch her with all the wires, and monitors, and drips she’s hooked up to. “Do you want to watch a movie? We probably have a couple hours,” she says while she gently rubs my back. My wife is too good for me.
“Fine, sure.” She laughs at me again, then tells me to pull a chair over so we can watch TV while we wait. “How bad is the pain now?”
“I can’t feel a thing, and I won’t. Silas will have to come tell me when to push because I won’t know it’s time.” I nod silently. She’s a fucking warrior. When we walked into labor and delivery, I could hear the screaming and I knew I wouldn’t be able to take it if Britain started screaming in pain. But, of course, all my girls are fucking champs, and Britain just bared the pain quietly, clenching her eyes, squeezing my hand, and then releasing a deep breath when the pain subsided. I don’t know how she does it.
Luckily, the epidural kicked right in, and she’s even fallen asleep.
I check my phone, seeing texts from our girls, Sandy, Alex, Constantine, Max, and even Jess, but I’m waiting. I’ll let them know when it happens and not a minute before. I just want to be in it with her.
Silas knocks on the door before entering.
“Hey, man,” I greet him. He’s only checked on Britain once since we got here. I think he said she was at six centimeters then.
“Hey, Liam, you ready?” He greets back, and I nod. “Alright, Britain,” he says gently, patting her leg. “Let’s see where we’re at.” Britain wakes easily, nodding along, and giving me a reassuring smile. Silas lifts the sheets and does a quick check.
I move to hold her hand, and then Silas looks at us and smiles. “You ready to push, Brit?” he asks. She nods ecstatically. Thank god she’s a seasoned pro at this. I’d be dying if she showed even the smallest amount of worry, but I’m happy she’s excited.
Silas calls in a slew of additional people and it quickly becomes overwhelming, if not a bit frightening. They turn on lamps over the baby bed, and start getting out all kinds of supplies. It’s a flurry of movement.
But Britain is just sitting there, smiling, chatting with Silas like this isn’t the most important moment of my entire life. Silas repositions the bed to get her ready to push, and I zone out at the monumental shift I can feel happening right beneath my feet. I’m going to have to share Britain with this other human. What if this changes things? What if I’m not good at it, and she resents me?
“Liam, Liam?” They have to say my name twice. Britain laughs at me again, taking my hand in hers, like she’s supporting me now. She never ceases to amaze me.
She tells me, “We’re just waiting for the next contraction and then I’ll push.”
“Okay, how long will you push for?”
“I dunno,” she scrunches her nose. “I spent 3 hours pushing with Caroline and 10 minutes with Elodie.” Oh my god, I can’t take three more hours of this. She just shrugs, though.
“Alright, here we go, Brit, you know what to do,” Silas says and with that, Britain bears down while a nurse counts beside her. Then Silas is telling her to stop. And they do that 3 more times, when I hear the wail. Britain sits back looking instantly relieved, like she just finished a light jog, not bringing a human into the world.
I lean forward to look at my son, and yeah, my whole fucking world just changed. Like I’m the fucking Grinch who’s heart just grew three sizes. I turn back to Britain, gripping her face in my hands and I kiss her hard, my affection and adoration for this woman at an all-time high. “You are a fucking rockstar, baby. I love you so much, Britain Millar.” She nods, holding onto my arms.
“How is he?” she asks me and Silas both.
“Perfect,” Silas says, bringing the babe up to her bare chest, laying him down. Silas elbows me as he moves to sit back down at the foot of the bed, and says “Congrats, Dad.” All I can muster out is a nod because it’s taking a lot of strength to not break down and cry right now. I want to cry from relief, but mostly because I’m so in love. With Britain, with our son, with our family. How did I get so fucking lucky?
While Silas works on Britain, he asks, “Do you two have a name picked out?” We sure do. I look to Britain and see she’s crying as she coddles our son.
“I think we’re going to let his namesake be the first to know, though,” I answer for the both of us. And Silas just nods.
“So, no William Millar the third?”
“Not this time.” Yeah, now that the birthing part is over, we are absolutely doing this again.
Britain
When the peanut falls asleep, I give him a gentle kiss on the forehead and breathe in his baby shampoo and newborn smell. My heart warms a few degrees and I smile. Our baby is perfect.
I reluctantly pass him off to Liam so I can stuff my face with the box of food Carly delivered to the hospital. There’s a small quiche, and cinnamon rolls, and chocolate chip cookies — all my favorite things.
I look up to see Liam watching me, so I cover my mouth to talk, “Giving birth made me ravenous. Don’t judge.”
He laughs. “No judgment, baby. I hold you in the highest esteem, always. You are a fucking goddess.” He stands there swaying with our newborn and I dust the crumbs from the quiche off my baby blue striped pjs Jess gifted me for the occasion. I know people will be here any minute, but this is the best they’ll get from me.
“How much longer till they’re here?” I ask him.
“Any minute, darling.” I nod. “Are you nervous to tell them?” I nod again. “You’re more nervous about this than you were about giving birth!” That’s only partly true. Liam looked moments away from having a panic attack the whole time, so I put on a brave face in hopes he might eventually enjoy it. I think it worked.
There’s a gentle knock at the door, and Alex enters. He has a huge bouquet of flowers, a gift basket, and a teddy bear. He heads straight for me, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
“The teddy bear’s from me,” he says and I laugh.
“Your wife did the rest?” He nods sheepishly and I smile at him.
“Knock knock,” a deep voice calls from the doorway, and Liam calls for him to come in.
Connie walks over, heading straight for the baby, looking at him with awe. He holds up a 4-foot stuffed giraffe and whispers, “This is for you, bud,” and I smile. The only thing missing right now is Georgia.
I sit up in bed a bit more and start. “I’m so glad you guys could both make it, because I wanted to introduce you to your nephew,” I motion to Alex, “and your grandson,” I motion to Connie. “Constantine Alexander Millar, we’ll call him CT for short.” Alex’s eyes mist. He comes over, giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, but doesn’t say a word as he takes his namesake from my husband.
Connie makes his way over next, giving me a kiss on the forehead then leaning back with tears in his eyes he says, “Thank you, peanut. Your mom and I are so proud of you.”
I can’t hold back the tears and neither does he, so we embrace and cry lightly against each other. We don’t mourn, we celebrate. The love that was, the love we found, and all the love we still have left to give.