Chapter 14
Heat envelops me as I stir awake. A deep groan slices through the silence, and I remain perfectly still.
Blake is here. His hand is draped over my belly, and his head is buried in my neck. My heart pounds so loudly that I can hear it, and it feels like it might burst from my chest.
This has never happened before—him sleeping in my bed, us being so close. Even though he was inside of me, this feels more intimate. I don’t dare move, but I need to see him. Slowly, I turn, but he pulls me even closer, holding me captive. He’s an expert at that, casting an ironclad net over my very being.
A sigh leaves my mouth. Whatever this is confuses me so much that I don’t know how to behave or what to think anymore.
His full lips are jutted out in a pout, his brows knotted in a frown. Not even in his sleep does he find peace. My fingers itch to caress along his straight nose and sharp jaw. There are a few bruises starting to show on his cheek. I touch them gently, and he grasps my wrist, his green eyes opening, locking onto mine, taking me in.
I prepare myself for him to retreat, but his eyes soften, a mesmerizing grin lifting the corners of his mouth.
“Morning,” I say softly, not wanting to scare him away. For someone who emanates that predatory, dangerous vibe, he calls to me like nothing else. He doesn’t move, his breathing coming out in shallow pants.
“You’re so damn beautiful. I thought you were a mirage,” he says, making my heart flip and warming every atom in my body to the point of combustion.
“You must still be asleep.”
“I can’t believe I slept so much.”
I wish I could pick his brain apart, uncover him, and make him feel safe enough to share those demons with me. I hate that he sees me as this better, brighter person. I am flawed too. If he would allow himself to see that, maybe he would change his attitude toward me.
“Does this hurt?” I ask, touching his cheek again. He’s so near, and I am weak for him. It would be better if he left, but I don’t want that either.
“No, nothing hurts. Physically,” he says, and with that, the closeness between us shatters. My dream that he might finally tell me the truth, let me in, crumbles before my eyes. He scoots to the edge of the bed, planting his feet on the floor and giving me his back.
I force myself to remain seated and not throw myself at him or embrace and hold on to him. “Why are you doing this?”
His shoulders stiffen, tension rippling through his back muscles, and his head drops. “Because I can’t fucking control myself around you.”
“If it’s such damn torture, stop coming to me.”
“I don’t have much of a say.”
Anger lashes at my skin. “Yeah, right? You need to protect me, but from afar. God forbid you let yourself feel.”
“You’re in this mess because of me. I am in your damn bed. That’s as far from you I’m willing to go.”
“You’re not welcome in my room anymore.”
His jaw sets into a hard line, and he jerks his chin, full defiance on display. “Try to keep me away.”
With that, he storms off, leaving me with my mouth hanging open.
I can’t believe his nerve. I’m locking my door from now on; I can’t partake in this madness. It feels too good, and he could be the addiction I would lose myself in and never want to emerge from.
Pulling my hair into a short ponytail, I change and go downstairs.
Celine and Abigail are in the kitchen, both grinning at me.
“Did you take care of his booboos for him?” Abi asks.
I huff. “He drives me insane.”
“Yes, they’re good at that,” she says.
“So what is going on between you two?” Celine asks.
“I don’t know.”
I help the girls prepare breakfast but only eat a few bites of toast before heading out. I know we should walk in pairs, but there are guards everywhere disguised as students, and paranoia would only make it worse. I am so used to being restricted in some ways that I don’t even question it.
Plucking out my phone, I call Tyson. After the third ring, he answers with a groan.
“How are you?” I ask
“Feeling like I got hit by a fucking train.”
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out.
“Don’t be. I needed that.”
I will never understand how anyone can need such a violent outlet. In Blake’s case, it is so evidently clear he fights with every fiber of his being, chasing a win that transcends the one in the ring, as if he wants to win against himself.
“Do you need anything?”
“Are you proposing something, girlfriend?” he asks in a playful voice.
“You still haven’t won,” I remind him, keeping the conversation light.
“You’re hard to get, huh?”
Actually, no, but the guy I want doesn’t want me.
“Are you at your house?”
“Yep. How is the asshole looking?”
“He sounds better than you.”
“Of fucking course.”
I get to the first coffee shop and order some pastries and a coffee to go. I need to see for myself how Tyson is doing after last night. He lives with Xander in a single-family house on campus. When I ring the bell, Ivy opens the door, and we both eye each other. Then she passes me by, mumbling a “hi” but not sounding pleased at all.
“Hello?”
“Up here,” Tyson says, and I follow his voice.
Inside his bedroom, bathed in darkness, I go to the window and pull at the curtains. There’s no sun today, as if the winter fog swallowed it whole, throwing a gray blanket over the campus.
Turning around, I gasp. One eye is swollen shut, and yellow and violet purples cover his cheeks. He definitely looks worse than Blake.
“Did you take something for the pain?”
“Not touching those,” he grunts, and I approach the bed, offering him the cup of coffee.
He takes small sips, and I dig into the bag and offer him a pastry.
“I didn’t know your sister lives with you.”
“Stepsister.” His tone is harsh, and he closes his eyes, munching on the pastry.
I know what it’s like not to want to talk about certain things.
“Thank you,” he says, winking at me, then hops off the bed.
“Shouldn’t you rest?”
“I want to see how good I got him.”
I chuckle. “Okay. See you on campus.”
“Or you can wait for me, we could head to class together.”
His words hang in the air, seducing me into doing something I shouldn’t, like provoking Blake.
I nod. Tyson is my friend, and I’m there for my friends if they need me.
Just then, my phone vibrates, and I see a message from Blake.
Where are you?
You’re not my father. I reply.
No, I am your keeper. That’s worse because you can’t escape me.
I try to hold on to my calm while everything in me wants to shake some sense into him. Nope, not letting him rile me up, so I shove my phone into my bag.
“What’s going on between you and Blake?” Tyson asks once he returns from the bathroom, freshly changed.
“Nothing.” I want everything with him, but it’s improbable, so I won’t dwell on it.
I feel my phone vibrate, likely with a new message. I ignore it, even though taming my curiosity to know what Blake texted me is the hardest thing possible––a fight I barely win.
The moment we’re outside, Tyson snaps a selfie of us. I roll my eyes at him as he sends it to someone, and we walk to the main campus.
I feel Blake long before I can locate him. He leans against the wall in an alcove, watching me and ignoring everyone around him. His intense look crawls inside of me, fisting my heart. Still, I look ahead.
Tyson kisses my cheek and walks over to a group of friends.
With shaky breaths, I walk to my class. Only once seated do I pull my phone out and read the string of messages.
Let’s do it your way, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
You went to him? Oh, Silver. Now I am truly pissed off.
I am going to fuck him up so good, he will never think of putting his mouth on you again.
A delicious shiver runs down my spine. I am crazy. There’s no other possible explanation for liking Blake’s jealousy so much. But if he thinks I am a possession, he can shove that up his ass until it comes out of his mouth as an epiphany that I’m not.
Who does he think he is? The only guy my heart, body, and soul react to. Until him, I thought reading romance books set the bar too high—that no one could ever come close. Then he crashed into my life, a tsunami wiping out my damn foundation, leaving me bereft in its wake.
I search for Blake whenever I move from class to class, and every time I don’t spot him, anger turns to sadness, and ultimately to dejection. It’s like reliving the first time I found out he left, leaving me destitute. But my heart knew the night before that he would do it, and I couldn’t stop him. I tried. I pleaded with him not to go, and when I couldn’t convince him, I called him a coward.
The days after he left were pure agony. My heart went through debilitating grief that made every day a chore to wake up and go on with my life.
That’s why I should have stayed away this time around. My eyes glisten, making it hard for me to see where I am walking. When he vanishes this time, I will be left a shadow of myself.
Pull yourself together , I command, and my body follows through.
When I let myself into the house, Blake glares a hole in the wall he almost fucked me against. I wonder what goes on in his mind.
I went through that night in my head so many times, I still dream about it.
“A movie?” Abi says from the couch, and I nod. By the time I drop my jacket and bag in my room, the buttery, salty scent of popcorn wafts through the air. I prepare a bag in the microwave and head toward the theater room.
Celine is lying on Kaden’s lap, and Abigail is cuddled up to Dane’s side. Meanwhile, Hunter and Bailey sit stiffly next to each other. It must be uncomfortable sitting like that for an entire movie.
I take my seat, and of course, Blake sits next to me at the far end of the couch.
“There’s enough space,” I mumble low.
Our thighs brush, and a current zaps through me. He looks at where our bodies meet, and I can’t help but wonder if he feels it too. Stop being delusional.
I pop a kernel into my mouth, and Blake plucks one from my bag.
“You could have made yourself one.”
“But you like to share your things with me.”
My spine goes ramrod straight. My brother is sitting next to me, but Hunter has his eyes set on the movie.
I whip my head to Blake and whisper sharply, “Eyes on the movie.”
He doesn’t turn. Instead, he peruses every inch of the side of my face, as if he’s searching for something.
“Stop looking at me.”
“I could, but then I would go find Tyson and finish what I started.”
“You can’t prohibit me from dating anyone.”
“We’ll see about that.”
I don’t follow the movie’s plot. We are all into action movies, and they’re what we watch most, but not even the fight scenes and bullets flying everywhere can hold my attention tonight. Of course, they don’t. Blake’s pressed next to me, our arms always touching whenever one of us moves. He has to be doing it on purpose because every time I go for a handful of popcorn, he does too.
When the movie ends, I am the last to stand, needing a few moments to gather myself. The remaining kernels from the bag on my lap topple over to the floor as if I needed more proof of how unbalanced I am. Sighing, I pick them up and discard the bag in the trash can in the kitchen.
Going to my room, I slide my back down the door and inhale deeply, trying to get a grip on my frayed emotions.
After locking the door, I change for bed, taking my laptop with me. Focusing on writing my midterm essay, I barely see the handle turning.
A satisfied smile lifts the corner of my mouth.
“Open the door.”
“Can’t. I’m busy,” I say, saving the document.
Seconds later, Blake struts inside. I blink at him, and he shows me this emerald golden dagger he used to crack the lock before strapping it around his ankle.
“That wasn’t an invitation.”
Fighting with him would be in vain, so I shut the lid to my laptop and place it on my nightstand, ignoring him. Then he does something I never thought possible: he comes to bed of his own accord.
“Really?”
“Now she wants to talk.”
“I always want to talk. You’re the damn untalkative stone.”
“Believe me, Silver, you don’t want me to talk right now.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. Go to sleep,” he says, pulling me to his chest. A groan vibrates in his throat as I press against his chest, fitting as if this is my place, made for me.
“You still haven’t answered what you’re doing in my bed?”
“Trying something out.”
“I am not your guinea pig.”
“I am pumped up with energy. It’s you or Tyson. Your choice.”
“Fine. But for the record, that is blackmail.”
He chuckles, and those deep raspy sounds have a link to both my heart and between my legs. I tingle everywhere.
“You don’t laugh enough.”
“I don’t have much reason to laugh.”
“I thought you were mad at me.”
“I fucking am, but you’re also my peace.”
“Sure.”
“Everything I do is for you.”
The audacity of this guy to feed me this bullshit. My entire body stiffens to the point I might break apart.
He kisses my neck, and his hand comes to my front, caressing down my belly. Every traitorous muscle reacts, wanting more of his ministrations.
“What are you doing?”
“I don’t know. I don’t fucking know anymore, Mia.” He sounds so torn.
“Then, give me something…”
“And you’ll stop with this idiotic idea of dating?”
“It’s not an idiotic idea.”
“Be sure of what you ask of me.”
I say nothing. I am cursed to live in this purgatory of impossible dreams with him, but strangely, when he’s with me, it feels bearable.
I close my eyes, inhaling his heady scent, and with his fingers doing their magic, I fall asleep. Longing accompanies me even in my sleep, and it’s how I wake up as well. I ache for him, even when he’s near me.
When his eyes open, I say, “This was not the deal.” He can’t continue doing this to me. I know my stupid heart will go along with it and won’t care about the consequences.
“I don’t remember a deal,” he says, kissing my forehead.
A knock makes me whip my head to the door.
“Sis,” my twin calls out.
“Yeah,” I respond, and Hunter tries to come inside. “Just a moment!” I shriek, but it’s too late—he’s already inside. Blake scoots up against the headboard, crossing his arms behind his neck. I am mortified.
Hunter looks from me to Blake, who just lies there with no care in the world.
“This is not what it looks like,” I say quickly, the breath whooshing out of me.
“You don’t have to excuse yourself in front of him,” Blake grumbles.
“You motherfucking asshole,” Hunter says, his feet cutting the distance to Blake. “I told you to stay away from her.”
“Let’s get one thing straight. I don’t listen to you. And she’s a damn adult.”
The commotion wakes the entire house because everyone else comes into my room. Heat creeps up my neck and face. Surely, I am beet red.
“Everyone out,” Blake demands. That low voice laced with authority has my hormones engaging in a tango.
Hunter curls and uncurls his hands at his sides, and Celine drags him and the rest of the group out of my room.
“Why did you do that?” I ask Blake.
“What? I am so fucking done tiptoeing to your room.”
“So sorry for the inconvenience.”
“I am protecting you.”
“He’s my twin brother, Blake. And you made this awkward. Now I have to explain to him what we are.”
“Why do you have to label us? Can’t we just be?” he asks. He rolls out of bed, storms out, and leaves me with more questions than answers.
In the kitchen, my brother shoots daggers at Blake, who smirks at him. I pinch Blake in the thigh. He’s like this antagonistic little kid, treating me like the toy he wants and won’t give to someone else to play with––definitely not the sharing type.
When breakfast ends, I walk with Hunter to the main campus, soaking in the shy rays of the morning sun, which makes the frosted ground sparkle like tiny diamonds.
“That guy will break your heart.”
“I know,” I say, looping my arm around Hunter’s.
“Then stop.”
“I can’t. Neither can you stop what is meant to be. Once the action propels, there’s no stopping the movement.”
“I am going to kill him when he does break your heart.”
“I think he’ll be the one to hurt the most.”
“You’re even defending him,” he mumbles, and I kiss his cheek.
“Thank you for always being there for me. But I got this. He’s just trying to protect me.”
“That’s one way of seeing it.”
My phone rings, and when I see it’s Dad, I put it on speaker.
“Both your kids are here, Dad.”
“My two favorite kids.”
I giggle, and Hunter chuckles when Dad continues, “I would like to invite you to dinner. I have something to tell you.”
“What happened?” Hunter asks, panic lacing his voice as I hold my breath.
My father sighs. “It’s nothing bad. I mean, I hope it’s not.”
“Dad, stop being so cryptic,” Hunter says.
“It’s a surprise.”
Hunter and I exchange a glance. We’re not the kind of family that does surprises.
“A good one,” my father adds.
“Okay, now you sound strange. Should we see a doctor?” Hunter asks.
“Har har. Come spend the weekend with me.”
“I can’t,” Hunter says.
“I’ll let you know if I can,” I reply.
“The invitation stands,” he insists.
After Dad hangs up, I elbow Hunter. “Why can’t you?”
“Who’s watching Bailey with those four fucking all the time at the house?”
“Blake could do it,” I remind him.
“No, I’d feel better if it’s me.”
“I thought you and Bailey weren’t on speaking terms.”
“We aren’t. What does one have to do with the other?” he grumbles, heading to his classes.
A weekend with my dad will do me good. I can’t get used to sleeping with Blake again. With my decision made, I send my father a text to let him know that I’ll be staying overnight.
Some quality time with my father is exactly what I need. He has always been my anchor, never letting me drift away. And I need him now more than ever.