Chapter 20
My eyes flutter open to dreamy greens––those deep green eyes that burrow into my heart, owning it entirely. The corners of his lips tilt up into a panty-melting grin.
“Morning, Silver,” he says in that deep, sleepy voice that peppers goose bumps across my skin.
I never want to experience a day when I don’t wake up to him—my protector, the only one for me.
“Morning, baby,” I say, then immediately clamp my mouth shut, freezing in place.
His finger traces along my cheek. “I like you calling me that.”
My nerves calm, and a smile parts my lips.
“How long did you sleep?” I ask.
“Who needs sleep when I can watch you instead?”
His words unravel me. I was infatuated with him before, but now my feelings have intensified. I need everything. I need his truths, not the version of him that hides, though he’s an expert at that—and at adapting.
Scooting myself into a sitting position, I drag my knees to my chin.
If I gave him the chance, he would take me, and I wouldn’t care about anything other than the all-consuming pleasure of our bodies joining. I am sore in the most delicious ways, yet I still crave more.
“I don’t want to pressure you. It’s just that I would love it if you were comfortable telling me why that is. I am sure it’s not me who steals your sleep.”
“Oh, you definitely are.” But his smile fades from his gorgeous face, and a frown appears between his brows.
Silence falls, thick and heavy.
I place my hand on his, and he interlaces our fingers. Giving it a light squeeze, I signal that I am here for him. I would open my chest to let him see that my heart beats for him, show him how much I love him, and that nothing he would say could change that.
“My father experimented on me.”
My body freezes, but I force myself to take measured breaths.
“I told you, I am not normal.” He sighs.
“Normal is a concept society came up with for the majority to have a guideline.”
“Nothing scares you away from me, does it?”
“No. Nothing, Blake. I promise.”
He looks ahead, lost in his thoughts.
“I will tell you and if that changes––”
I shut him up by pressing my mouth to his. “Nothing will change. Give me the chance to prove it to you.”
So many emotions battle in his eyes before resignation takes over his features.
“After Kaden was initiated and Celine was sent away, that changed our perspective about the Family. We have been in chains since our birth, knowing the initiation was inevitable. It loomed over us, but I thought we would pledge our damn loyalty to the Family, and that would be the end of it. But there was torture—both physical and mental. I would party and fuck just to try to forget.”
I wince, and he says, “I know my words will mean shit, but if I had the slightest hope that I’d meet you, I would have waited.”
“You had to cope.”
“I’ll never deserve you, and that fucks with my head even more.”
“I accept you just how you are,” I say wholeheartedly.
“But then Abigail’s initiation happened, and it was no longer about being chess pieces on their board of power. They took away what we wanted most for ourselves. They called it weakness, and weaknesses in the Family had to be obliterated. When Abi returned from the rehab center for her eating disorder and told us how far they went, it was on me to protect my friends. To do that, I had to earn their trust. But I had to catch their attention first so I could show my father how repentant I was.”
I know the hard part is just starting because Blake has a faraway look on his face, radiating so much distress.
“I threw a party during my senior year. I got drunk on purpose, and the principal called my father that night. Caleb brought me home and shouted at me. I had to act like I was sorry. He made me admit that I was an irresponsible prick and to promise that I’d do anything to earn his trust back. He bought it.
“The next morning, Caleb brought me to the laboratory, where I had to say the same shit to Felix. Their plan was to make us compliant at whatever cost, even if that meant altering our brains.”
“Oh my god,” I say, cupping my mouth to hold in the sob, but it breaks free.
“Shh, don’t cry for me.”
I knew I couldn’t have fallen for an unfeeling bastard, but he is something else entirely.
“My initiation was basically my father enhancing everything about me. I can’t get drunk, drugs don’t affect my brain chemistry, and I don’t feel pain.”
That’s dangerous—just because he can’t feel it doesn’t mean his body can keep up if he goes too far.
“And he did that a lot.”
I turn around, another sob wrenching from me. “You wanted to die, didn’t you? That’s why you kept doing that shit—drinking, racing, fighting—and you wouldn’t stop.”
“That’s what happens when you don’t have hope anymore, but it wasn’t just that. Keeping it from my friends, trying to help Cassandra while playing my father and Felix—I needed a damn outlet.”
He wraps me in his arms, and I place my palm on his chest. Feeling the steady beat calms me, assuring me he’s here and alive with me.
“I was a test subject. It wasn’t like he injected something into me, and it was done. He would get me drunk, then inject me with a different dose to test the serum. The same went for pain. He even had to resuscitate me a few times during some of the experiments.”
My hands roam over his body just for my brain to compute that he’s alive and not a figment of my imagination.
“I’m okay, Silver.”
He’s not okay. And he hasn’t been for a while now.
“But I knew that if I acted like it worked, he’d move on to turning off my emotions, and then to my friends. So I would drink, call him, and slur my words, or drink too much when I was with Grandmother.” Something dark passes through his eyes, and he sighs but quickly adds, “If they were busy thinking that didn’t work, they wouldn’t move on to the others.”
He shoots up. The guilt he carries is like an invisible cloak pressing down on his shoulders, but he continues.
“Meanwhile, I had to sabotage the escape plan. I had to find someone trustworthy to help us disappear—everything from passports to a pilot. In theory, it was an okay plan. Our plane would have just mysteriously crashed while we were on vacation. But no matter what I did, my father wouldn’t tell me where the tracking chips were. Without that information, we were doomed to fail. Both Kaden and Abigail had a tracking chip implanted during their initiations, just like I did—they’ve been removed. Felix and Caleb were determined to take over and would have done it by any means necessary. My father, in one of his rare good moods, told me that as long as I am still alive, the others didn’t matter.”
“You kept your friends safe.”
“That’s one way of putting it. And then you came along.”
“I came…”
“I was so close to telling my father that his fucking serums work and that he should just inject me with the one to stop feeling…”
“But you didn’t. Why?”
“Because then I would be erased. I wanted to feel and never forget… you.”
What do you say to something like that? I am speechless, hurting so badly for him; my heart is a bruised and battered organ. I never felt hate until this moment. I want to make his father and the other asshole pay.
“I am going to kill him for doing that to you.”
“I would never allow you to taint your soul like that, Silver.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
He nods, and his chest heaves with a deep sigh. “That’s not the worst of it. I am a bad guy, and I did something unforgivable. But don’t make me tell you that. Not yet, because I want to preserve what we have for a bit longer.”
My breath catches in my throat. I will do everything I can to show him that I will stand by his side, no matter what he’s done. Nothing he did will ever change my mind or alter my feelings for him. That would be impossible.
I don’t tell him that, though, because he’s so damn stubborn and convinced it will happen. Words won’t help, but when he confesses the biggest burden he carries, I will listen and then show him it changes nothing. It’s not a promise—it’s a fact.
I swing my leg over his thighs. Straddling him, I palm his face and lean in to kiss him, long and passionate, pouring every terrifying and amazing feeling into his mouth.
He gets hard, and his palms splay over my hips, holding me in place.
“How sore are you?”
I am very sore because he fucked me so many times that I think I blacked out the last time. But he doesn’t need to know that.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me.”
“But you’re hard.”
“Ignore my damn dick. He can wait.”
And he says he’s a bad guy. I could believe the idiocy that the earth was flat before that.
Instead, we kiss and cuddle. Lying in his arms feels so intimate, brimming with familiarity, as if this is exactly where I belong—like we were made for each other. We’re custom-tailored to fit each other, and that eases and soothes everything in me.
“We should go back,” I say.
“I know, but I am so tempted to kidnap you, take you far away from here, and have you all to myself.”
I giggle, but when I look at him, he’s wearing a serious expression, and a flutter erupts in my belly.
“You would, huh?”
He nods. “And have zero regrets because I am crazy like that, but you make me even worse.”
“No guilt here. Let’s walk for a bit. I want to see more of this place.”
After we dress, he stretches out his hand, and I take it. Hand in hand, we walk outside, strolling through the thick forest before returning to sit by the pond. I close my eyes, savoring the peaceful moment as ducks glide across the smooth surface. In the distance, I spot a family of deer.
For the first time, I feel like I belong. That asshole won’t steal my happiness. Caleb wants to come after me, let him. What Blake doesn’t know—but is bound to find out—is I don’t have any boundaries when it comes to the people I love either. I’d kill Caleb with my bare hands.
I lean my head on Blake’s shoulder. “Once this is over, kidnap me and bring me here.”
He chuckles. “Noted.”
I don’t want to leave, but our friends must be getting fidgety, and we promised not to separate. Who knows when we can enjoy our togetherness like this, but I have faith that we will—soon.
When we reach Blake’s car, he opens the door for me, but not before backing me against the side of the car and kissing me with such intensity my legs go weak.
I am still dazed as I buckle myself in.
The reality of us is better than any dream I could have conjured or any fantasy I could have imagined.
As I watch him drive, I can’t help but wonder if whatever he didn’t say is the reason he kept away from me. We’ve lost enough time, so I swat that thought away.
This weekend showed me Blake feels more for me than the need to protect me. I won’t ask or pressure him, but I hope with everything in me that my love will finally be reciprocated.