Chapter 4
Chapter
Four
ENFIELD
I’ve spent the last two weeks with my babies, bouncing from home to home, and thinking about what Nash suggested I do. I’m back at Sarah’s house today with a sleeping Theodora in my arms. I just gave her a bath, which she despised. Her little cries nearly broke my heart.
Now she’s wrapped up tightly and snuggled against my chest as I stare adoringly at her. Has there ever been a little girl so beautiful? I swear she’s perfect. Perfect little nose. Perfect head of hair with wispy curls at the end. Long lashes on her perfect cheeks.
Despite how often I’m in the news for one scandal or another, I spend a lot of my time with my kids. I see each of them at least twice a week. Oftentimes more. I’m spending a little extra time with Theodora because she’s so new, and they grow so damn fast. Also, she’s my one and only little girl.
I have plans next week to take both my boys out to a trampoline park together. It’ll be the first time they’re meeting. I’m excited for them to meet. I’d love nothing more than for them to become instant best friends.
I’ve heard it said that every parent wants better for their kids than what they had. For me, that’s a relationship with their siblings. I’m closer to my cousins than I have ever been to my siblings.
Sarah comes into the room and sets the baskets of laundry on the floor. There’s always a basket of laundry somewhere. I think she does laundry night and day, non-stop. She sits on the floor and pulls one of the baskets close to begin folding.
“You’ve been quiet lately,” she says.
In many ways, I learned a lot about choosing women to be the mother of my children from Courtney. I screwed up all the way around with her. She’s not my biggest fan, and while I think she’s a good person and I messed up her life plan, I wish she enjoyed being a mother a little more.
Not because I think all women need to be mothers. But because that’s what I want for my kid. It’s my fault. I know that.
Since Courtney, one of the things I’ve looked for in a mother to my kids—besides consent, of course—is how well we get along. Can we be friends? Sarah and Amelia are two of my best friends, and that makes spending time with my kids so much easier.
“I don’t want to wake our daughter,” I reply.
She shakes her head, laughing quietly. “I mean, it’s been two and a half weeks since you were released from prison and you’ve not set something on fire or spray-painted your parents’ car.”
“You missed the news—I had an affair with the Duke of England.”
Sarah snorts. “First of all, I imagined you scoffed when the headlines gave him that title since we both know it’s not an actual title. Second, that was dredged up while you were in prison.”
“Oh?” Nash didn’t mention it when he picked me up.
Maybe he wanted to focus on the mess I’d made to land me in prison to begin with.
Interestingly, neither of my parents has mentioned it either.
It’s not like their calls have lessened.
Is this one thing a missed mark? They don’t care about the scandal of me fucking around with a married man? A royal married man at that?
“You don’t get the news in prison?” Sarah teases.
“Honestly, besides not being able to see my kids, I welcomed the silence and solitude. I didn’t have a constant barrage of calls.
” As if to prove my point, my phone rings.
I give Sarah a look and then glance at my watch.
Shockingly, it’s my mother. I hit the button on my watch to silence the call.
“I’m borderline ready to block all numbers that my parents could be calling from. ”
She shakes her head, amused.
“I’m tired,” I admit. “This is going to sound as spoiled as one can sound, but I’m so damn tired of trying to come up with something new and bigger to piss off my parents and the parents of potential suiters.”
“You’re right. That is spoiled.”
I nod in agreement.
“That means you’re going to walk away?”
“No. This is going to come off like I regret my children, and I don’t, but with the birth of my kids, that’s no longer an option.
There are life necessities, school, college if they choose, activities, life experiences, and…
memories to make. Having three kids means my money will run out.
The entire reason the second trust is released upon the birth of my first contracted kid is that kids are expensive, and the trust is meant to make sure they live a happy, fulfilled, and spoiled life. ”
“Spoiled life. Is that in the fine print?”
I grin. “Believe it or not, something that more or less implies that, yes.”
Sarah rolls her eyes.
“I want the best life for my kids. I want to take care of you.”
“I don’t need you to take care of me, Enfield. I never needed that, and I still don’t. I don’t want it.”
“Yeah, but—”
“Do Courtney and Amelia let you take care of them?”
“Amelia tells me off every time I suggest something along those lines. Thank you for being nicer than her.” Sarah laughs. “Courtney does. Mostly because she thinks it’s paying me back for forcing parenthood on her. I let her take advantage because I feel guilty.”
“Ah. Well, I’m not going to tell you off unless you get pushy, but I don’t want to be taken care of. Do you know why I agreed to have your baby?”
I shake my head.
“Because I was ready to be a parent. I’ve accomplished the independent milestones I wanted to in order to feel secure enough in raising a kid.
I don’t need to tell you, but kids are expensive.
I make good money, and I’ve set up enough digital success that I have passive income all the time.
I’ve already been picking away at projects while Thea naps and between chores when I’m not napping.
And second, because I knew you’d never leave her. ”
“Of course not,” I say, scowling.
Sarah isn’t looking at me as she folds laundry.
“My biological father came and went from my life for twenty years when I finally put a stop to it. After the first six years of that bullshit, my mother started dating, and it became obvious by the time I was eleven that she was doing so with the goal of replacing my father. From the ages of six to eighteen, six men came and went from my life. Five of whom promised to be my father. Two of whom promised to continue to be my father even after their relationship with my mother ended. Do you know how many of those men are still in my life?”
“I’m hating where this is going.”
“Yep. I get really triggered and pissy when someone implies that the only happy, healthy childhood can be had with two parents in the house—a father and a mother. My absolute best memories are of just my mother and me.”
“That’s why you preferred to be a single mother,” I note.
“No. Well, yes. That’s a different kind of trauma.
Obviously, I’ve had a lot of healthy relationship models to learn from growing up.
” Sarcasm is heavy in her voice. If I missed it, her eye roll drove it home.
“Basically, I have abandonment issues, and trusting someone to love me forever is not going to happen. But I know in my gut that you won’t ever leave our daughter.
That’s the most important detail I took into consideration when choosing a father for my kid instead of just going to a sperm bank. ”
“I won’t leave her,” I promise. “Or you.” I lean forward to grip her shoulder. Sarah meets my eyes and smiles. “I chose you because we became quick friends and I knew we’d continue to grow as friends.”
Sarah places her hand over mine for a minute. “Thanks, Enfield.”
We’re quiet for a minute, and I think about what she just told me.
I think about how I can make her feel more secure.
Wrong or right, I know financial security isn’t the only thing that matters, but for me, it means that you can focus on relationships, children, quality of life, education.
All the things that the wealthy take for granted.
Things that I’ve thought about a lot as I fight for my trusts without the burden of marriage attached to it.
“So… Nash came up with an idea, and it all banks on my parents having no boundaries and being controlling assholes. I have no doubt that it’ll work in my favor.”
“Yet, you’re not jumping on it.”
“Courtney might disagree, but it means hurting my potential wife and I’m not that kind of guy. I should be jumping on this, but this one point is holding me up.”
“When you say hurting…”
“Not physically or verbally or anything like that. But like… I need to be a cold asshole. I need to make it to a certain point in our marriage, which isn’t long at all, but enough time for my parents to break enough of the points in our contract that it’s rendered null and void.
There’s a clause in it that outlines a lot of shit that they will disregard, and if they do, the trusts and company shares are mine, and the contract is torn up.
My marriage is over. Nash will file for an annulment. ”
“You need to be a cold asshole to make that happen, do you?”
“Because we all know that the moment I decide I like someone, all these secrets can spill out. Like this one that I probably shouldn’t have told you about, but I need to hear it out loud again.”
“Isn’t it better if she’s on board?”