Chapter 35 #2
I shake my head. I’d like to laugh, but I’m far too enchanted by the room I’m standing in. After the kids and I manage to capture our bearings, we walk further into the room and allow the horde behind us to follow.
It’s an endless chorus of my invitees repeating the same reaction that Lissander voiced. We stand near the table that’s ours and watch as everyone meanders in, their necks craned this way and that to take everything in. No one wants to miss a single detail.
The table to the right of ours is where the kids and their mothers park themselves.
To the left is where my parents, Sparrow, and Enfield’s one and only friend, Nash, are seated.
Over the past four months, Nash has been involved in Enfield’s life as more friend than lawyer, which I’m really happy to see.
I think he needs a friend outside of me and the kids’ mothers.
My mom stops beside me and gives me a big hug. “I’m so happy for you,” she murmurs in my ear. “Thank you for letting us be here.”
My parents are all too aware that Enfield’s are entirely cut out of our lives. It’s one thing to see those words on paper, but it’s another to know that they’re defining our real lives. I think it scared her that she might lose me.
“It was never about you,” I reassure her.
Enfield closes in on my other side and hugs my mother with me. “Never about you,” he agrees. “We’re happy that you’re part of our lives, Patricia.”
She sighs. Her arm leaves mine, and I feel her curl it awkwardly around Enfield. “Thank you. I’m so excited to share in your joy when you’ll have me.”
“My kids love having grandparents,” Enfield says. “You’re exactly everything I’ve ever wanted for them, so thank you for loving my kids without hesitation.”
“As a grandparent should.”
We all know that’s a dig at his parents, and, yeah, we all agree. Even I feel a strange kind of resentment toward Enfield’s parents in the way they regard his kids. It’s absolutely disgusting.
Music starts, and of course, it begins with our first dance. We don’t speak as we hold each other close, heads pressed together, stealing kisses every few seconds, it seems.
Then the kids are there, shoving their way between us. Lissander practically climbs up Enfield until, laughing, Enfield picks him up. Sarah deposits Theodora on his other arm.
I offer my hands to Ronan, and that same shy smile greets me. But he doesn’t take my hands. He steps closer and waits for me to lift him. So I do.
He’s heavier than I thought he’d be, but I hold him tightly. Ronan rests his head on my shoulder. “This is okay?” he asks quietly.
I lean my head against his and meet Enfield’s eyes. He’s smiling, eyes shining, as he watches me. “Yeah, Ro, thanks for dancing with me.”
“Thanks for wanting me,” he says, and I get the impression that he’s far older than five.
I squeeze him tightly, and his arms match my strength. This little boy never fails to tug at my heartstrings. I don’t know Courtney, and I know Enfield primarily feels guilt regarding her, but the mothers and I feel anger. You don’t ever make your kid feel unwanted. That’s just shit.
“I absolutely want you,” I assure him. “I’m so happy you’re my little boy too.”
He nods but doesn’t say anything else. I have a feeling we’re going to be really good friends, Ronan and I. He’s going to change my mind about being a parent, at least toward him and his siblings.
When the next song starts, Enfield, Lissander, and Theodora join us, and we make a little huddle of bodies that don’t quite dance together. Lissander finds it hilarious. Ronan clings to all the people who love him, surrounding him.
Enfield kisses me softly. “I love you,” he murmurs. “I can’t wait to spend every single day with you for the rest of my life.”
My voice lodges in my throat. That’s the first time he’s said he loves me. I stare at him, and tears do more than prickle now. This damn man has made me weepy. How goddamn sweet and loving and attentive he is just undoes me.
“I love you too,” I choke out. That’s as much as I can say.
When I said I wanted to see where this goes and Enfield agreed, I think I had myself convinced that I’d get the happy ending I always imagined.
I didn’t. I got a man who has a lot of his own healing that he’s working through.
A man who’s trying to figure out who he is now that he’s shed the weight of his anger.
A partner who treats me like I hung the stars.
He’s the sweetest, kindest, most caring person I’ve ever known. It becomes clearer every day when I watch him with his kids, the mothers of his kids, and more intimately, me. I’m his forever, and he never lets me forget that.
Enfield chose me. He chose to spend his life with me. After fighting for thirteen years to acquire the freedom he’s always wanted, he chose to marry me instead. Nothing riding on it. No strings. No rules he hates. Nothing to lose if he doesn’t and nothing to gain if he does.
He chose me instead of finally embracing the freedom he’s always strived for. I’ll never forget what that means. Enfield wanted me! Truly wanted to spend his life with me. That’s more than I even dared to dream.
And now it’s mine.