Chapter 9
nine
THEO
“N ope!” I called out, right as I exited my bedroom and saw Estrella tip-toe towards the elevator that would lead her towards her inevitable and rude exit. She froze like a deer in headlights as I swiftly walked towards her, grabbed her gently by her elbow, and pulled her towards the kitchenette that had come with that particular suite’s booking. “Nah, nah, nah. No sneaking out, little miss. Not until you eat something to settle all the alcohol you had yesterday.”
She stubbornly huffed and crossed her arms. “I don’t need to eat. I’m not even hungover.”
“And I don’t care.”
“Like you didn’t care about being a Peeping Tom last night? Or are we just going to pretend that didn’t happen?”
I should have known that she would bring it up right off the bat. I merely shrugged and smirked as I looked around the fridge. This hotel was so bougie that it even went as far as to stock their pantries . I was positive that the prices of the ingredients were easily five-times what they would have been in an actual grocery store, but I merely shrugged as I grabbed everything needed to make pancakes.
The pros of being one of the best bands in the industry? The cost of things wasn't necessarily a concern. Even if our bookkeeper occasionally growled every now and then. The cons of it, though? I had spent years eating solely fast food from hundreds of tour buses, and I would rather croak than subject myself to that torture again.
It was worth the growling bookkeeper and probable twenty-dollar carton of milk.
“I beg to differ. Your breath stinks, your eyes are bloodshot, and your hands have a little tremor to them. You need electrolytes and glucose.” I turned back to her and pointed at her cropped shirt next. “And that’s cheating. Obsidian Static? I thought you were photographing Neon Cherry today. If you’re gonna cheat, at least wear our merch.”
“Since when did you become such a health geek?” She looked down at her shirt and pouted. “And the drummer gave this to me personally. Don’t be a hater.”
I shrugged and ignored the last part of her sentence. “Sometime over the last eight years, probably.”
I hid my smile by turning my back when her blatant scoff met my ears.
That was probably not the best thing to say, but ultimately, I was right. She needed to eat. And I would use every single excuse I could to get her to stay with me for a few extra minutes. Or hours, for that matter. And as I began measuring the milk and flour, my shoulders sagged in relief at the sound of the dining chair being pulled out.
“You’re not my dad, ya know.”
I barked out a laugh loud enough to wake up a snoring Zack mere feet away from us. “Nah, I’m not. And while the thought of you calling me Daddy isn’t all that bad, I know for a fact that Mr. Flores would have my head. So, I’ll behave myself on that one.”
Zack’s hoarse and sleepy voice sounded next. “Why are you the one that gets to claim the title of Daddy? I’m the older one.”
I turned around to let out my own sarcastic quip. Though, as I turned around, it was cut short when I saw Estrella’s face, filled with sadness and pain, her hand gripping the countertop as though she were about to float away. Immediately, the mixture of eventual pancake mix was left forgotten on the countertop. I walked towards her before lowering myself into a squat and reaching up to grip her chin with my fingers. Tears lined her eyes. “Hey, hey, hey. What’s going on? What happened?”
She sniffed and tried to pull away from me. My fingers only tightened their hold. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
I felt Zack’s presence at my back before he spoke. My eyes stayed trained on Estrella, though. “It’s obviously not nothing, mi Estrella . We were just joking.”
Her eyebrows pinched together, forcing a singular tear to leak down her face. “Right. Because let’s just joke and talk about my dad as if he’s still alive. Stellar joke, guys. Appreciate you.”
“What?” My heart could have stopped beating then and there. “What did you just say?”
She picked her head up, her eyes locking in on mine quizzically before jumping up to Zack’s features. I didn’t know what his expression looked like, but I would have bet money that it was similar to my own. “ Papá . He’s dead. You didn’t know?”
I shook my head fiercely. “No. We had no idea.”
Zack spoke immediately after, and it was only then that I turned my face back to look at him. Horror coated every single one of his features. “When? How?”
Estrella shrugged as if she hadn’t just thrown a time bomb directly at both of us. “Three years ago. Heart attack. He was too stubborn to even call for help. You knew how he was. That never changed. He was gone before any of us could do anything about it.”
Fucking hell.
Even with everything we had done to try to keep tabs on our girl through out the years.
It wasn’t nearly enough if we still missed something like that.
“I’m so…so fucking sorry, princess.”
Zack joined in. “I’m so sorry. I genuinely had no idea. I would have been there if I did.”
That got a sarcastic laugh as she pulled out of my touch entirely. She swiveled the chair back in the direction of the cooktop and bowl of batter, ignoring us entirely. I flinched as her next set of words dug deep into everything I was. “Right. Because my dead papá would have been the action to get your head out of your ass and choose me. That makes me feel so much fucking better about myself, thanks.”
“Th-That’s not what I meant, mi Estrella .”
“Whatever. Just make breakfast, Theo. Neon Cherry plays in the next few hours, and I have a date with their makeup artist before the show begins. And we still need to get this talk out of the way, don’t we?”
I nodded my head as though she were looking at me.
She wasn’t, though.
I didn’t deserve her attention at all after that one.
* * *
We found ourselves on the couch an hour later as an awkward silence fell over all three of us. Estrella dragged her pancakes along the plate, playing in the syrup. Though, she did manage to take a bite here and there, which I was extremely grateful for. She was thin and I was desperate for real food to touch her stomach.
Finally, she broke the silence as she looked up at Zack. “Are you going to sign the divorce papers?”
His answer was immediate. “No.”
“Why not? I don’t want your money. I will tell a divorce court the same in a nano-second.”
“I know you don’t. And even if you did, and we had no other choice, I would give it to you.”
She placed the plate of her half-eaten pancakes on the coffee table. I reined in the sigh that I wanted to make. “I am already as humble as I could possibly be right now. I have felt nothing but aching loneliness, sadness, and confusion for years. No matter the alcohol and sex, it has never gone away. So, for fuck’s sake, just tell me why you have the balls to run away from me—from us—yet not enough to actually leave me in all areas of the definition. I deserve that much.”
Zack’s voice grew heavy with emotion, and I looked up to see his eyes holding nothing but longing as he stared back at her. “Because I never wanted to leave you in the first place. I never wanted to run. But…I had to.”
“Why? Fucking why ?”
My voice cut through their growing tension. “Because of me.”
The silence that followed was thick.
Zack and I had fought for years. We had almost destroyed not only ourselves, but our career, too. All because I was a selfish bastard who wanted what I couldn’t have, and held a stupid as fuck ultimatum over him.
Estrella, or the record deal of a lifetime.
Estrella, the girl I thought we could both get over…or the possibility of fame, fortune, happiness, and so much more. And when you were each other’s only family at that point, with your own parents having died in your twenties, it was the most manipulative ask ever.
And it worked.
I was such a fucking idiot.
My voice was hoarse as I continued. “He left you because of me. Because I have been irrevocably in love with you for years. Almost as much as he is. And I was a spoiled fucking brat who couldn’t bear to witness someone getting something I wanted so, so badly. So, I essentially forced him to leave you. I threw our record deal in his face. I threw his only passion and career in his own face. And then I forced us both to turn our backs on you. Thinking…thinking it would do something, I guess. And that all three of us could just move the fuck on.”
Estrella stared at me, saying nothing.
Zack cut in next. “I never wanted to leave you. But the record deal was already signed. I had planned to tell you, and then…shit hit the fan. My hands felt tied. I-I didn’t know what to do. But I need you to know that I regret choosing this life over you every single day since then.”
Estrella’s eyes stayed on me.
The blankness in them tore me apart about as much as her silence did.
I kept talking. “On your wedding day, I lied to you. I never told him that I had kissed you at that stupid party. That I had professed my love to you then, too, but we were too far gone to remember. I never told him anything until months later. I…I only told you. Begging and wondering if I could get you to choose me over him. Like an absolute dumbass.”
Silence.
Complete and utter silence.
I probably should have skipped breakfast, too, like her. I was afraid it was going to come back up between the anxiety and fear coursing through me.
“ Mi Estrella , plea?—”
“Don’t!”
I blinked at the shout.
She shook her head angrily. “I have spent years wondering why I wasn’t good enough by someone who called me his soulmate on a nearly nightly basis. I have begged God and back for an answer—to the point that I stopped believing in him entirely. I have drowned myself in alcohol and sex as a distraction for years to try and prove to myself that I was worth more than abandonment. Only for what?” She laughed incredulously. “Only for my husband and brother-in-law to tell me that they both have been madly in love with me the whole time, only to torture me for shits and giggles?”
“Please,” I started. “Please don’t call me your brother-in-law. I don’t want that.”
“Then what the fuck do you want? What do either of you want from me? Because it sure as fuck doesn’t sound like I’m getting out of my marriage anytime soon.”
Zack answered on a rough swallow. “We both want you. We want you to be…ours.”
We both watched as Estrella’s mouth opened and closed like a fish at the admission.
I spoke before she could have the chance to do so herself, even as my gaze averted itself to her half-eaten plate. “I could never get over you. And Zack hasn’t even looked at another woman in years, let alone thought about the possibility of someone else. And after a really bad fist fight that landed us both in the hospital, and nearly in jail, we just realized…Princess, there is only ever you. You own us. And you somehow have the power to both make and destroy us. Even if you don’t want us at all.”
It could have been hours before she spoke. But when she did, I knew instantly that she was crying. “So, what? I’m the birthday present little kids fought over before they realized that sharing is caring? Really?”
“Estrella, no. That’s not what we’re saying,” Zack protested.
“Sure sounds like it. Theo?”
I didn’t have the heart to lie to her anymore. “Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. But on my terms. I ruined it all. He didn’t do anything wrong, except choose me when he should have left me in the dust.”
“Nice. I’m not a human being with emotions, but instead a fucking toy for brothers to fight over. How fucking wonderful. Do I even get a say in any of this whatsoever?”
“Of course you do.”
The sound of her footsteps leading to the elevator forced me to look up. I hadn’t even known she was standing, let alone making a run for it. Zack called out to her, but she only shook her head as her finger jammed into the elevator button.
“Estrella,” I croaked. “Please, just…give us a chance. Give us a chance to make it up to you.”
She turned back towards us abruptly. “You know what the funny thing is? If I had known this all those years ago, I maybe would have even considered it. Because I loved Theo deeply. Like a true brother then, but I could have made that love transfer into something more. I could have tried . But now? Is it even worth it? How can I trust either of you ever again? To make me fall in love—to heal me—only to leave me in the dust again.”
“We’re s?—”
She looked at Zack directly. “I wanted children. I wanted a life with you. And you both took that from me. Without even thinking about me at all. Sorry isn’t going to fucking cut it.”
“We’ll show you. We’ll work for it. We’re never going anywhere again. I swear. Just…let us prove it to you. Some way. Somehow.”
Her head shook, forcing her curls to sweep over her shoulder. “I need to go to work.”
Zack begged next. “Please, baby. We’ll do anything.”
She paused as she turned to the elevator, waiting for it to open for her. I waited with a baited breath.
“Anything?” Her voice croaked.
“Anything.”
“Fucking grovel like your life depends on it then. Chase me. Make me feel actually wanted . Because even though Theo fucked everything up— you’re the one who still chose him, Zack. You’re the one who was too much of a fucking coward to kick him to the curb and choose your so-called soulmate .” Her voice was thick with emotion as she took a deep breath. “If anything, I should choose him. Just to show you how it feels to be kicked to the curb and chosen second.”
My head hung in shame as the elevator doors opened, only for them to close and take her away from us.
Zack nudged my shoulder with his before he stood, refusing to let me bury myself in my thoughts. “You heard our girl. Get up. Get ready. We’re gonna chase her until she’s sick of us. Both of us.”