Chapter 1 #2
It was still difficult enough to sit through a session that I had way fewer tattoos than Axel or Gray.
But every tattoo I got was a badge of honor.
A victory that I had fought the trauma that made me averse to touch and won.
In that instance, anyway. When I’d tried to force a sexual encounter in the same way—back in college—it had been a humiliating disaster.
My dick wouldn’t stay hard, and my lungs had seized up, refusing to allow air in. I’d ended up puking and shaking on the bathroom floor.
I’d realized then that sex wasn’t going to happen for me.
Not without a buffer, anyway.
Shiloh sat in a recliner on-screen, entirely naked, cock hard and leaking. His cock was huge—or at least it looked that way when he was shaved clean and his hips were so slim. It jutted up over his lower abs, ready to put on a show.
I wanted a different kind of show, though.
“Put your legs over each arm of the chair,” I said. “Tilt your hips so I can see everything.”
Shiloh complied eagerly, no more tease left in him. He slid down a few inches so he could roll up his ass as he swung his legs over the chair legs, spreading him open.
He bared everything to me without a flicker of modesty.
He’d asked me more than once to show myself on camera. But paying him for sexual favors was bad enough. I couldn’t do it if he saw me too. It was too revealing to show him how he affected me, even if he knew.
“Grab your lube and get your hole ready for me.”
With a shuddering breath, he reached off camera. “How big is your dick? Do I need to prep?”
“You sure as fuck do, because we both know no one else uses this hole but me.” I inserted some dominance into my tone. “Right?”
“Right,” he said quickly. “Only you.”
“Then work yourself open for me. You must be tight.”
“I am tight,” he murmured, the ring of honesty to his voice. I wasn’t sure what his personal life was like outside of the virtual sex. Did he have a boyfriend? Did he do other kinds of porn? I was curious, of course, but I wasn’t sure I’d like the answers, so I didn’t ask.
He used his fingers, and when I asked, he got the dildo and slowly pushed it inside. The skin of his rim stretched, shiny with lube, as he impaled himself on the toy. His thighs twitched and trembled as he took it, moaning deep, and then pulled it out to thrust it in harder.
Faster.
My restraint broke, and I jerked my cock hard and fast, matching his rhythm with the dildo. Imagining my dick sinking into all that heat. I’d panic if Shiloh were here, asking for a real touch, but in my fantasies, I could hold Shiloh down and take him hard.
Abruptly, I came, biting my knuckles to muffle my cry so that Bailey wouldn’t hear me in his bedroom next door.
Shiloh moaned softly. “You’re coming for me, aren’t you? I can hear it.”
“Y-yes,” I grunted. “Your ass is so fucking perfect.”
“Need to come too,” he said.
“Tell me what you need.”
“Need you to touch me,” he gasped.
I wished I could reach through the camera and give him that. We both knew I couldn’t. “I’m touching you, then,” I said. “Stroking your dick in a hard grip. My hands are big and strong, and—”
Shiloh—ass still filled with dildo—stroked his cock in a frenzy as I painted the picture.
“—you come for me, Shiloh. You come all over that gorgeous body.”
He arched, every muscle going tense—neck tendons straining as his mouth dropped open in a silent cry. His cock jerked in his hand, pumping streamers of cum over his abs.
Fulfilling the fantasy in my mind perfectly.
I reached for a couple of tissues to clean up. Shiloh did the same. Once he’d caught his breath, he lay back in his chair, still naked, but all languid, relaxed limbs.
“That was great,” he said. “Now, tell me about your day before I have to go.”
“The shop has gotten pretty busy,” I said. “Bailey’s training a new guy. He’s going to college next fall, so we have to work on a replacement.”
“Mm-hmm. What’s the new guy like? Is he hot? Do I need to be jealous?”
I chuckled. “Definitely not.” I paused to amend my statement. “Well, he’s not unattractive. But you don’t need to be jealous. You know I couldn’t hook up with another guy, even if I wanted to.”
Shiloh sighed, eyes going soft. “You’re sure of that?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
Shiloh chewed his inner cheek, and I braced myself for some kind of well-meaning suggestion that maybe I just hadn’t tried hard enough. Hadn’t done enough therapy or pushed hard enough to get past the anxiety.
Hell, it wasn’t even totally untrue. If I hadn’t abandoned therapy for the past ten years, I might be in a better place.
I’d been making good progress in high school.
But then Mom died, Gray left, and I had a mess on my hands that took precedence over my therapy.
Besides, I’d learned the hard way while away at college that I couldn’t force my boundaries to go away.
“I’m glad we have this, then,” Shiloh said with a small smile.
It was the best thing he could have said. My chest loosened. “Yeah, me too.”
This might be only a fantasy, but it was the closest thing to real I’d ever have.