Chapter 28
Shiloh
I’d never loved Holden more than when he lay back in that tattoo chair, vulnerable and in pain, and sought out my eyes for reassurance.
I’d touched him sparingly—only a few times in total and for mere seconds—but it was mind-blowing just the same.
The warmth of his skin. The texture of the hair on his arm. The firmness of his muscle.
He’d been untouchable for so long. Maybe I’d gotten it into my head that he always would be. Maybe that’s why I’d taken it so hard when he pushed too far and triggered himself. I was afraid it was inevitable.
Holden touching me was fine. But me touching him? Well, I’d known all along that would be harder for him.
But he found a way. And yes, it was a long way from everything we both wanted, but it was a start.
That night, he’d been overstimulated and beyond touch. Beyond socializing, even. I’d understood. We’d gone home, and I’d had dinner with his brothers while he retreated into his room for some alone time.
The next morning, he’d still seemed a little fragile, but by the morning after that, Holden was back to normal.
He’d kissed me awake, then slid down the bed and put his mouth on my ribs.
I squirmed, instantly ticklish. “Wh-what are you doing?” I asked between giggles.
“Just exploring,” he said, glancing up at me with eyes full of dark heat. Oh, this was going to be that kind of exploration.
My cock twitched, eager for what was to come. Holden licked down my stomach, careful to keep a few inches between the rest of our bodies. Somehow, having only a single point of contact made it all the more erotic.
His warm, wet tongue traced around my navel, flicked my cockhead, then backtracked up to swirl around my left nipple.
“Fuck, Holden,” I murmured. “You’re gonna kill me.”
He chuckled low in his throat, clearly enjoying himself. I wriggled a little, careful not to move too much and cross his boundaries, but enough so he’d understand my impatience.
He took pity on me and finally slid back to where I wanted him.
He licked me from root to rip, swirled his tongue over my cockhead, and then dipped the tip into my slit.
I was burning up with lust, grabbing handfuls of sheets to resist the urge to grab his hair and pull his teasing mouth all the way onto my dick.
“Please, please, please,” I chanted.
“Oh, begging. I like that.” He finally, finally took me into his mouth.
He sucked me off, drawing out gasps and moans that I couldn’t control. He took it slow, too slow, until I begged some more.
I was a whimpering, desperate mess by the time he let me come, swallowing around my spasming cock this time, drawing out the pleasure even more.
Then he’d raised up on his knees, hand on his cock.
“Do you think…my mouth?” I asked hesitantly.
Holden’s hand tightened on his thick dick, but he stilled his strokes. Considered me for a long moment.
“Not if it’s too much,” I added.
“Would you be willing to let me be in control?”
“Always.”
He climbed off the bed, then motioned me toward the edge. “No hands.”
I rolled over and crawled on hands and knees to the edge of the bed, then slowly opened my mouth.
Holden shuddered and closed his eyes.
I was about to suggest we call the whole thing off when his cockhead pushed between my lips.
He made a quiet, wounded sound that startled me. My eyes flew open as the salty flavor of his skin burst on my tongue.
His eyes were shiny with tears.
My heart dropped, and I started to pull back.
“Wait,” he growled. “Don’t you dare stop.”
I froze, eyes wide, mouth still full of cock.
Holden seemed to realize what he’d said. He grimaced. “Don’t stop for my sake, I mean. If you want to stop, then by all means, do. Of course.”
I gave a minute shake of the head, enough to signal I didn’t want to stop.
“Good. Take a breath, then.”
I inhaled a deep breath through my nose, and not a moment too soon. He bucked forward, pushing his cock into my throat.
“Fuck,” he groaned. “It’s so good. How is it so good?”
That’s when it hit me. This was his first blow job.
I’d said he could be in control, but I couldn’t just let his first blow job be nothing more than a wet hole to plunge in. I put my tongue to work, tracing a figure eight up his shaft as he drew back, flicking over his cockhead and sucking hard when he paused with only the tip in my mouth.
“Fuck, Shy,” he muttered.
He plunged deep again, and thank god I’d mastered my gag reflex years ago. My throat still went tight around him. I swallowed reflexively.
He swore, curling forward, and came hard down my throat. He braced one hand on the bed beside me. The other went to my shoulder, surprisingly. He held me, squeezing gently, as he withdrew from my mouth, trailing cum down my chin.
Holden dropped to his knees and kissed me hard and deep. “Fuck, Shy. That was amazing.”
“You’re amazing,” I rasped, my throat a little hoarse from the fucking.
He kissed me again, and when he drew back, I saw tears in his eyes once more. Concern flashed through me. “Are you sure it was okay? We didn’t push too much, did we?”
He shook his head, struggling to hold on to his composure. “It’s not that.”
“What is it?” I asked, sitting up. I desperately wanted to reach out and hold him, but I didn’t dare.
He swiped at his eyes. “It’s silly. I just never—” His voice broke. He took a breath and tried again. “Never thought I’d have this.”
“Oh, baby…”
He covered his eyes with one hand and reached for me with the other. I caught his hand, and he laced his fingers with mine, clinging tight.
“I love you,” he said, voice thick. “Thank you for…”
“Don’t you dare thank me,” I said fiercely. “I’m so damn happy to be here with you. I love you. All of you. Every part.”
He swiped at his eyes and sniffled. “You really mean that, don’t you?”
“Totally and completely.”
He gave a raspy little laugh. “I don’t know how I got so lucky. Of all the camboys in all the world…”
I smiled. “I got lucky too. Of all the clients who came into my chat, you were, by far, the most gentlemanly.”
He sent me an unimpressed look. “You don’t have to make me sound like an old man.”
I laughed at that, then gave him a meaningful once-over.
His shoulders were strong and toned. His chest was broad and covered in dark hair, along with the new tattoo still covered in protective plastic.
Every inch of him was big and masculine.
“You sure don’t look like an old man, even if you are a curmudgeon. ”
“Take that back,” he growled playfully.
I giggled. “Nope. Not happening.”
He pushed my shoulder, knocking me onto my back, then leaned in to kiss me again. We kissed until it was time for him to leave for work, and before he did, he took hold of my hand and slowly raised it to his face.
He laid my palm along his cheek, holding my eyes while he did. “I want everything with you.”
“Then you’ll get it. Whether it’s this year or twenty years from now, I’ll be here. I’ve got everything I need with you.”
He lowered my hand from his face, blowing out a breath. “Okay.”
“Do you believe me?” I asked.
He held my gaze, searching for the answers, then nodded. “Yeah. I really do.”
I didn’t have school, so I let Holden get ready for work first. By the time I showered and dressed, the brothers were all gone.
Emory was rinsing breakfast plates and loading them into the dishwasher when I entered the kitchen.
“You missed breakfast,” he said with a knowing smile. “This is becoming a habit.”
I made a beeline for the coffeepot and poured the dregs into a cup. “Maybe I’m just not a morning person.”
“Oh, I think you like mornings quite a lot,” Emory teased. “We could hear how much.”
I raised my cup and took a sip, watching him over the rim. “Where’s the shy guy who blushed like crazy when he walked in and saw me naked?”
“Well, you’ve got clothes on now. And I’ve had to put up with a lot of teasing about me and Gray, so I’m just paying it forward.”
I grinned. “Fair enough. Holden and I had other priorities this morning.”
Emory ran another plate under a stream of water, pausing to scrub a streak of ketchup with a sponge before setting it in the dishwasher.
“Things seem to be going well with you two?”
I set down my coffee cup and moved in to take the next plate from his hands and place it in the dishwasher. It didn’t feel right to stand around and watch him clean up.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“That’s all you’re going to give me?” Emory said. “I sensed something was a little off the other day. You were…careful with each other. I don’t know. It was just a vibe.”
I nodded. He was perceptive.
“Holden pushed a little too hard. Had a bad reaction. I didn’t take it well.”
Emory looked concerned. “Is he okay?” He paused. “Are you? That must not be an easy position to be in.”
As if a dam had broken, everything poured out of me.
“I got so scared of hurting him,” I blurted. “I freaked out more than him, I think.” I laughed at myself, shaking my head. “The tattoo session helped, though. We’re doing good.” I thought of the crazy hot morning sex. “Better than good.”
Emory closed the dishwasher, and by some unspoken agreement, we moved to the sofa. I settled into the corner, and Emory sat on the other end but turned sideways to face me.
“I peeked in a few times while you guys were with Cyrus. You touched Holden some, right?”
“Yeah, Holden wanted to reassure me by doing some touch therapy in a more controlled environment. Mainly because I was scared after…”
Emory’s eyes softened. “That’s understandable.”
“Is it? Because I feel like I made it all about me when Holden is the one who has this terrible trauma, you know? I need to be there for him.”
“And you are,” Emory said. “But you’re in this relationship too. It’ll never work if you put Holden’s needs above your own.”
I chewed my bottom lip. “He’s so considerate. He’s the best boyfriend. I’m not exactly suffering over here.”
“Maybe not. But this touch aversion of Holden’s doesn’t just affect him. It affects you too.”
The acknowledgment of that hit me hard. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe because I’d been pushing down my feelings about it, so concerned with Holden that I didn’t process what everything meant to me.
“I love him,” I said shakily. “I don’t want anyone else. Not ever. But…”
“It’s hard,” Emory said.
I nodded. “He gives me so much more than my past relationships. In every way, he’s a better man, a better boyfriend. I’d never trade that in for anything else.”
“Of course not,” Emory said. “We can all see the love between you. But if you ever need someone to talk to about how you feel in all of this, I’m here for you. Holden has his therapist, and he has all his brothers. You need someone too.”
I leaned forward impulsively, hugging him. “Thank you.”
He patted my back. “You got a good one, Shy. But so did he. Don’t forget that.”