Chapter 8
Natasha
I’m nearly hyperventilating as Simone pulls up to the front of Mr. Hoffman’s house. We’ve had the most fun. The movie was hilarious. The popcorn was delicious. The soda was caffeinated.
I felt free and wild like never before in my life. All from a movie with a girlfriend. I might need to seek counseling. That’s how silly I’m feeling. Giddy as though, instead of riding in Simone’s perfectly safe car, I’ve arrived home on the back of a motorcycle without a helmet.
“What do you think he’s going to do?”
I giggle, partly to cover my nerves. “I don’t know. I can’t begin to imagine.” It’s ten minutes after nine. We did this on purpose, of course. Simone talked me into using this as a way to force a confrontation. I’m going to be brave and face Mr. Hoffman. I have to. Constantly stressing over our odd arrangement is affecting my sleep and my ability to concentrate on my assignments.
“Text me and let me know. I’ll just be in my apartment with my vibrator, thinking about that man Daddying you harder than ever.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re such a goof.”
She laughs. “Go. Before your punishment gets even worse.”
I shudder as I step out of the car. Mr. Hoffman has a long list of rules for me, but he’s never once mentioned punishments. I intend to make that part of our little chat.
Trembling, I make my way to the front door, open it, and quietly sneak in. The light is on in the library. I must be brave and head that way. This is my chance. Everything is going to change. I can feel the tension thick in the air.
Pulling my shoulders back, I force myself to close the distance. I’m not breathing, though, by the time I step into the library.
Mr. Hoffman is sitting in his favorite armchair. He’s not reading. He doesn’t even have a drink in his hand. He’s just sitting there, staring at the door as I walk in.
I swallow hard. Which one of us will speak first?
He stiffens slightly as he leans forward, sets his elbows on his knees, and rubs his palms together. I can’t read him, but I’m slightly surprised when he says, “How was the movie, Little one?”
I lick my lips as I tentatively step closer. “It was good. Funny. We had fun.”
He holds my gaze. I get the feeling we both know something is about to happen. I’m walking through molasses to get to the loveseat where I usually sit. It’s a standoff. Who will open Pandora’s box first?
I’m impressed by Mr. Hoffman’s ability to hold his tongue. There’s a slight tic in his jaw. He’s dying to tell me I’m late. I bet he’s barely refraining, and the reason is that he has no idea how to follow up after my disobedience is verbalized.
He might be more nervous than I am. He looks perfectly calm on the outside, but I’ve known him long enough to read the signs. In addition to the tic, there’s a vein in his forehead that’s protruding. Not from anger. I’m not afraid of him. It’s coming from somewhere else. It’s coming from his need to control me.
I finally reach the loveseat and perch on the edge of the cushion, not leaning back. I keep my spine straight and fold my hands in my lap, impressed with my ability to keep from shaking violently.
Suddenly, it’s all clear to me. I know exactly what to say. I draw in a deep, fortifying breath. “Are you a Daddy Dom, Sir?”
His eyes widen, and he freezes in place before eventually reclining in his chair. “Yes, Little one,” he says in that voice I love more than anything in the world. The one that invites me to climb onto his lap.
“Are you my Daddy Dom?” I ask next.
He holds my gaze. Neither of us looks away as if we’re bravely facing this together. “I’d like that very much, Natasha, but it requires a lot of discussion and negotiation.”
I wasn’t expecting that response, but I’m intrigued and finding my voice. “Do you want to punish me for being late?”
“Yes.” He rubs his chin in the way he often does when he’s calculating his next words.
“How?”
He bends forward slowly, putting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his palms together. “I want to spank your bottom until it’s pink and hot. Then I want to make you stand in the corner holding your dress up with your panties around your ankles.” His voice is so calm and controlled.
I flinch. I probably could have assumed he was thinking something along those lines but hearing him state it out loud is still shocking. His words ring in the air, and I can’t help but squeeze my thighs together because I desperately want him to do exactly what he described.
He knows it, too. He even lets his gaze lower to my lap, where I’m clenching my knees and gripping my hands together. His knowing gaze eventually rises back to mine. He doesn’t comment. It’s maddening.
“Why don’t you do it then?” I prod.
“Because we need to negotiate something like that before I would touch you so intimately, Natasha.”
He’s used the word negotiate twice now. It feels kind of sterile and leaves a weird taste in my mouth.
“You’re confused.”
I nod.
“I assume you’ve done some research on age play, and you’ve spoken to Simone about it.”
I nod again.
“Age play falls under the BDSM umbrella. Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism. Are you familiar with the terms?”
I’m trembling as I nod yet again. I’ve done deep dives into all of this in the past few weeks since Simone gave me a list of terms to look up.
“Age play falls under that umbrella, Little one. I wouldn’t enter into a relationship with someone as their Daddy without discussing it with them first. Everyone has limits, including you. There’s no way I would take you over my knee and spank you without talking to you about it first.”
“That makes sense, but you can’t say you haven’t been Daddying me for the last month. You certainly didn’t discuss that with me first.”
He gives me one of his slow smiles. “Touché, Little one. I’ve definitely pushed you beyond what most people would consider ethical, but I took my cues from you. You might not have known the terminology, but you’re Little. You were before you stepped into my home. I guided you. I tested you. I pushed you a little further each time you responded positively.”
“You groomed me.” I straighten my spine, trying to be firm and not let him steamroll me.
He draws in a breath. “Okay. Was I wrong about anything?”
“No. But you should have spoken to me.”
He nods. “I should have.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Fear.”
That startles me. I wasn’t expecting him to say that. “What were you afraid of?”
He doesn’t hesitate or waver. “Losing you.”
“Oh.” That knocks the wind out of my sails. As long as we’re dumping it all out… “I lied to you yesterday. I didn’t have class. I spent the afternoon with Simone at the coffee shop.”
“I know that, Little one.”
I gasp. “How?”
“Camden told me he had a symposium and canceled class.”
“Oh.” Shit. I want to smack myself in the head. That didn’t occur to me. Professor Arnalt and Mr. Hoffman are friends. Duh.
“Why didn’t you confront me when I got home?”
“For the same reason I didn’t confront you tonight for being late. I don’t have permission to take the kind of liberties with you that I crave. It’s one thing to test the waters and give you rules. You follow them so eagerly. You’re desperate for guidance and boundaries. But enforcing my rules when you break them is going too far without us negotiating a dynamic.”
“I drank coffee, too. And I had soda tonight,” I blurt out. It sounds silly when I say it, but I feel better.
He chuckles. “My girl isn’t capable of being naughty. Those things were eating you up inside, weren’t they, Little one?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“And you probably sat in a parking lot somewhere to make yourself intentionally late tonight to antagonize me.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Do you feel better now that you’ve confessed everything?”
I nod as I bite my lip. There’s something else I really need to know before we take this another step further.
“What else is on your mind, Little one? We’ve opened Pandora’s box. Go ahead and dump the entire thing.”
I swallow. He’s spoken the exact words I was thinking. Pandora’s box. “Do you… Do you just see me as a Little girl? Or… Is it more?”
“So much more, Natasha. Don’t doubt that for a moment.”
“Do you want to kiss me?” I sound ridiculously na?ve, but I don’t know how else to ask him.
“More than I want my next breath.”
I gasp. My entire body is shaking. Neither of us moves.
“Is there anything else you need to confess, Little one?”
I shake my head.
“Are you sure?” He lifts a brow.
I think for a moment, wondering what he’s referring to. I can’t imagine what else I would have to tell him. “Yes, Sir.”
“I know you’re a rule follower. In the future, you’ll feel better if you come clean rather than letting it fester.”
“Okay. Now what do we do?”
“Now we go to bed and get some sleep. You need time to think about everything we’ve discussed. I’m sure you’ll have more questions tomorrow. If you decide you want to explore this further, we will.”
“Is there more?”
He smiles. “So much more, Little one. I’ve only scraped the tip of the iceberg with regard to Daddying you.”
My breath hitches.
“If you agree to be my Little girl in all ways, Natasha, I’ll make what you already know about submitting to me seem like a walk in the park. I want to control you on a much deeper level. I want to dress and undress you, bathe you, and fix your hair. Feed you. Dictate what you eat. Dictate when you eat. I want to impose far more restrictions than I already have. Do you know why?”
I think I’m going to faint, and my knees are locked together so tightly the bones are grinding against each other. I shake my head. I don’t have an answer.
“Because it makes you squirm when I dominate you. The further I push you, the deeper you feel it. I want to own your body. I want to make you scream with pleasure. I want to consume you, Natasha.”
My stomach is upside down. My nipples hurt. My clit is pulsing against my panties. “That’s a lot.”
“Yes. That’s why I need you to think hard before you commit to being my Little girl.”
“I don’t think I understand what other rules you could possibly give me.”
“How about if I give you a sample tomorrow? I’ll dominate you deeper than I ever have. Then you’ll understand better. Age play is a power exchange. I can dictate all the rules I want, but in the end you consent or not, Little one.”
I frown. “It doesn’t sound like I’d have any say in anything.”
“Ultimately, you have the right of refusal. You have to make a choice to submit to me. I can’t take that from you. I can’t force it. That’s not healthy BDSM. It’s your decision. When you’re ready to make that commitment, you’ll let me know. Then, you’ll call me Daddy. Only then will I touch you.”
My head is spinning. It’s overwhelming. “Yes, Sir.”
“Go to bed, Little one.”
I stand on shaky legs.
“One more thing.”
“Yes, Sir?”
“I don’t want a repeat of last night. I’m going to impose your first rule starting now. Keep your fingers away from your pussy. You don’t have permission to touch yourself.”
My face heats as I stare at him in shock.
“Do you have a vibrator or any other toys in your room, Natasha?”
I’m going to collapse. I grab the arm of the couch. “No, Sir.”
“Can you obey that rule while we explore this together?”
I have to tell him the truth. His assumptions are wrong. Misguided. “I wasn’t touching myself last night, Sir,” I whisper.
He lifts a brow.
My mouth is so dry. “I’ve never, uh, done that, Sir.”
There are several seconds of uncomfortable silence. “You’ve never played with your little pussy, Natasha?”
I shake my head, making myself dizzy. “Before I met you, I never felt the kinds of things I’m feeling now,” I admit.
“So, you haven’t had sex?”
“I’ve never even been kissed.” I’m mortified, but he needs to know.
He draws in a breath and runs a hand down his face.
“I’m sorry, Sir.” I think he’s disappointed.
He flinches. “Natasha, don’t be sorry. You’re so fucking perfect in every way. I can’t believe I get to have the honor of teaching you about pleasure. I’m humbled and so pleased.”
I bite my lip. My knees are going to buckle. My panties are soaked.
“I’m curious. What were you doing when I came to your room last night?”
“I… I was trying on one of my dresses, and I wanted to see how I would look if I put my hair in pigtails.”
“Ah. How did it make you feel?”
“Very Little and very horny,” I admit.
“But you didn’t explore that?”
“I, um, I touched my nipples. They were so sensitive that a noise escaped my lips. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to be quiet if I touched my, uh, panties. I didn’t want you to catch me.”
“You looked very guilty and embarrassed when you opened the door, Little one.”
“I had just hung the dress back in the closet, so I was only wearing my panties. I had to run back into the bathroom and get my nightie. I had forgotten about my pigtails. I was mortified. It took me a long time to fall asleep after you left.”
“I don’t want you to feel embarrassed about your body’s reactions to age play or to me. I’m glad you get aroused when I dominate you. It’s the reason we’re going to explore this further, Little one.”
“Okay.”
“Tomorrow I’m going to take you to another level so you’ll understand what it means to be mine. To be my Little girl. We’ll discuss how you feel again tomorrow night. In the meantime, leave your pretty nipples and your pussy alone.”
He’s not asking me. He’s telling me.
“You aren’t a good liar, Natasha. There’s no way you could masturbate and lie to me about it. I’m going to look you in the eyes at breakfast and ask you point-blank if you were a good girl and kept your naughty fingers away from your pussy.”
The heat in my face has spread down my chest. “Yes, Sir.”
“Go to bed. I’ll wake you when it’s time to start the day. Don’t get up until I come to your room.”
“Yes, Sir.” I hesitate for a moment, staring at him, and then I turn and hurry from the room. My brain is mush. Nothing about that went as I expected. I’m reeling from it all.
I nearly run up the stairs and into my room. By the time I get inside and shut the door, I’m panting and shaking. I hurry to the bathroom to get ready for bed, and I’m under the covers with the lights out in less than five minutes.
It’s not until I’m settled that I finally check my phone. Several texts have piled up from Simone. I’m sure she’s curious about what happened when I got home. I decide to call her.
She picks up two seconds later. “Please tell me you now officially have a Daddy.”
I giggle. I like how she makes things seem lighter and less intense. “I’m not sure yet. The jury is still out on that. But we made headway.”
“Did he tell you he wants you?”
“Yes.”
She screams. “I knew it. Oh, God. You are so fucking lucky. What a dream. Tell me more.”
There’s so much, I don’t even know where to begin. I start rattling off some of the highlights while Simone swoons over and over.
A sudden knock on my door makes me nearly jump out of my skin. “Time for bed, Little one. Hang up the phone.”
“Yes, Sir,” I call out, my voice cracking.
“Oh. My. God,” Simone whispers. “I could hear him. You better do as you’re told. Shit, by Monday you’re going to be on a leash so short you’ll never have the chance to tell me any of the gory details.”
I giggle, but I’m staring at my bedroom door. There is a shadow on the floor, indicating Mr. Hoffman is still standing there. “Gotta go. Bye.” I hang up, set my phone on the nightstand, and burrow under the covers.
“Good girl,” he says before he finally walks away.
I can’t believe the turn this night has taken. I rehash it over and over, my face heating further every time. I have to lie very still because every movement draws attention to my nipples. Apparently, they’re quite the erogenous zone. Who knew?