Chapter 8
8
B ruce strode past the corrals, up the gentle slope, and continued walking. He’d done everything he could to convince Stella that he meant his marriage vows. Last night he’d thought they had perhaps reached a bit of understanding. He’d told her how he’d chosen jobs so he could stay with Aunt Mary. Shouldn’t that have made her see what kind of man he was? A staying, protecting, caring man? She’d let him hold her hand. And it had felt good and right. Like they could turn this marriage into mutual concern. Maybe even affection. But she was determined to see him as being like her pa. Here today, but not forever.
He reached a small grove of trees and sank to the ground with his back against a gnarly trunk. The bark poked at his skin. He welcomed the discomfort. From where he sat, he saw the barn and the trees beyond that indicated the river. Slowly, his thoughts settled.
They had agreed that God was the boss in their partnership.
Seemed that talking to Him would be a good way to fix this situation. God, I don’t know how to deal with things. I want to be a good provider, a good father, and even a good husband as much as Stella will allow. We agreed to a business arrangement. I plan to live up to my end of the bargain, but I don’t like being constantly told she doesn’t expect me to stay. What am I to do?
He didn’t expect an answer, but it was nice to sit quietly and enjoy the scenery. Last night Aunt Mary had told him to be patient with Stella. “She’s leery of trusting people and for good reason I hear. Give her time to learn to know you. She’ll soon grow to understand you won’t abandon her.”
He had no intention of abandoning anyone. But a man could get tired of having the possibility thrown in his face over and over. How many times could he tell Stella he wasn’t leaving, and she might as well get used to the idea?
Something else Aunt Mary said erased his troubling thoughts. She’d quoted one of her many favorite verses. Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee . “Bruce, keep your mind stayed on God, and He will guide your steps into peace. I’ve been praying about this arrangement between you and Stella, and I believe God has brought you two together. I fully expect you will both realize what you can have.”
“Have?” he’d asked. “We have what we want. A home for us all.”
“Both of you want more, even if you aren’t ready to admit it.”
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.” He hoped she wouldn’t press the matter.
“One of you needs acceptance and the other, security.” Aunt Mary had nodded vigorously at that point. “You have both found it here, but you have yet to discover that. Now leave me to rest.”
Bruce considered his aunt’s words. He could see that Stella needed security. Assurance that she could count on forever. Did that leave him as the one needing acceptance? He’d found that with his aunt.
And lost a portion of it with the vicious words Louella had said to him.
But he was over her and her accusatory words.
Right. About the way Stella was over her pa leaving all the time.
From where he sat, he saw the roof of the barn and noticed a few shingles had blown off. Repairing the roof was a chore he could do this morning before he headed out to get Stella’s cows.
He trotted back down the hill and vaulted over the fence.
Donny saw him, but remained under the tree, playing.
Bruce glanced around. He didn’t see Blossom and went closer to call to Donny. “Where’s your sister?”
“In the house with Mama.” Donny lowered his gaze to his play.
Bruce waited a moment then accepted the boy didn’t want to join him. A good thing, seeing as Bruce meant to climb to the roof. But had the children been warned to stay away from him? He didn’t much care for that idea.
He carried the ladder to the far side of the barn and put it in place. He’d seen a bundle of shakes in the tack room and went to get what he needed. His pockets full of nails, a hammer hanging from one side of his jeans, and shingles in his arms, he climbed to the roof.
Work had always been a solace for him. A place where he could feel good about himself. Feel he was equal to other men.
He paused, his hammer halfway to a nail. Aunt Mary was far too close to the truth when she said he sought acceptance. He pounded the nail in with far more energy than was required.
If acceptance was what he needed and wanted, he had surely picked the wrong woman to give him that.
Or maybe not. Perhaps in time…
The task finished, he crawled to the peak to check the other side of the roof. No shingles missing there.
Blossom raced from the house and joined her brother, talking animatedly. What had the child so excited?
Stella stepped out the door and paused to look around. Her gaze went to the river and lingered there.
He looked the same direction but saw nothing to give him worry or even hold his interest, and he returned his gaze to Stella. She continued to look toward the river then shrugged and glanced around the yard.
Did she sense danger? Had she seen something yesterday? Or was she looking for him? To deliver another warning? What would it be about this time?
He could have descended and gone to see what she wanted, but he remained on the roof, watching and wondering.
She glanced toward the children then lifted her skirt and crossed toward the barn. She opened the door and looked in. Went inside. Came out again and went to the corrals.
Not wanting to alarm her, he decided to get off the roof. But when he turned, her head appeared over the edge of the roof. She’d climbed the ladder. His heart punched his ribs, and he began to ease toward her. “What are you doing there? Don’t you know you could fall?”
“I’m on the ladder, not swinging from the eaves.”
He slipped and skidded four feet before he could stop.
“Bruce, be careful.” She reached out to him.
He knew her leaning like that could tip the ladder. He planted his heels to steady himself. “Don’t move. Don’t lean out like that.” Slow down. Take deep breaths. Don’t make any sudden moves . He talked himself to a degree of calmness. “Make your way down the ladder. Slowly.”
She eyed him. “You almost fell.”
“I’ll be fine. But I can’t get down until you do.” I can’t breathe until you’re down. He tried not to picture her feet catching on her skirt and tripping her. Tried not to think of her body twisted on the ground when she fell. “Please, just get down.” The words croaked from his throat.
“You’re sure you’re all right?”
“I’m sure.”
She gave him a long look then began her descent. He edged closer, watching her progress, feeling completely powerless. If she slipped, he wouldn’t be able to do anything.
His lungs slowly released as first one foot and then the other reached solid ground. She stepped back and looked up at him, shading her eyes with her hands.
“Are you coming?”
“Be right there.” He made a show of retrieving the hammer and checking for nails while waiting for his heart rate to settle down. When he no longer felt as if his legs were pudding, he swung to the ladder and made his way to the ground. He held to the bars for a moment before he turned to face her.
Every word that had crowded his mind as he watched her peering over the roof then descending on the ladder, fled. She was safe. That was all that mattered.
“Did you want something?” he asked, hoping his voice was steady.
She opened her mouth, closed it again. Shook her head. “I just…I only…” She fluttered one hand. “When I didn’t see you…”
He closed his eyes against the frustration mounting in him. Took a deep breath, prayed for God’s patience and wisdom, opened his eyes, and looked at her. “Stella, will you please stop assuming I am only waiting for a chance to leave? Why would you even think I would? And don’t tell me it’s because of your pa. Besides, he always took you, didn’t he? So, he really didn’t leave you.”
She sank to the ground as if her legs wouldn’t hold her. “What reason do you have to stay?”
“My aunt, the children, my marriage vows, you. How many reasons do you need?”
She studied the hem of her skirt. “Didn’t you say your father was a wanderer?”
“I might have. He was.” He paused a moment to collect his thoughts. “I’ve never wanted to be like my pa.”
“Why is that?”
He sat beside her. “Well, first, because he’s passed on.”
She gave a burst of laughter. “I can see that might be something you wouldn’t want to do just yet.”
He grew serious. “I don’t remember much about Pa. Seems he was always making me run errands and do the camp chores while he lay next to the fire.” He turned sharply to look at her. “I don’t think Pa ever saw me as anything but a run-and-fetch person.” It was the first time he had looked at his past except to wish he was something different than an urchin.
“Where was your ma?”
“I’m not sure when she passed away. All I remember is we left, but Ma wasn’t with us.” He looked past her to the nearby fence line. “I don’t want to be like Pa and not see people as valuable. Not see the joy in others or do what I can to add to it.”
She touched his arm, brought his attention back to her. “That is the nicest thing I’ve ever heard.”
He searched her gaze, felt as if he saw into her heart. Saw hope and trust and faith for the first time.
She searched his gaze as well. He could only hope and pray she saw what she wanted and needed. She smiled. “I can live with that.” She clambered to her feet and left him sitting by the barn, staring after her.
She could live with that. That surely meant she could live with him.
He might find here what he’d had a good dose of with Aunt Mary and what she knew he needed more of—acceptance. Smiling, he returned to the repairs.
A little later Stella called out, “Dinnertime.”
He crossed the yard, eager to see if she still approved of him. The children raced from their play and reached the hitching post at the same time as he. He scooped up Blossom and tossed her in the air. Donny clung to his arm, and Bruce swung him as they walked.
Stella watched, smiling at the children and then at him. “You certainly add to their joy.”
She couldn’t have said words that meant more to him and, smiling widely, he carried the children inside.
Aunt Mary chuckled. “Less than two weeks for sure.”
“What do you mean?” Bruce asked, wondering at the way Stella’s cheeks pinked.
Stella knew exactly what Aunt Mary meant. Stella pretended a great deal of interest in the pork and beans she had prepared for dinner, hoping all the while that Bruce’s aunt hadn’t said the same thing to him.
Putting on her best calm face, she took the pot to the table and concentrated on scooping out a serving for each of the children, taking as long as possible before she sat at the table. Across from Bruce with him directly in her line of sight. Oh, please don’t let her have told him her prediction.
Aunt Mary chuckled. “Delay won’t change anything.”
As Stella took her place at the table, she pretended not to hear Aunt Mary’s comment and hoped no one would notice her hot cheeks that surely were as pink as morning roses. She signaled to the children to bow their heads, and she did the same.
Bruce didn’t pray, and she stole a look at him. His gaze went from her to his aunt, puzzlement obvious in his expression.
Aunt Mary must not have said anything to him about two weeks. Stella’s shoulders relaxed, and she drew in a slow breath.
Bruce shrugged and bowed his head to say grace. “Amen.”
The air hung silent and heavy across the table as Stella wondered what she would say to him to explain her embarrassment. But she needn’t have worried.
“I have two barns,” Donny said between mouthfuls. “One my papa built and one the uncles built. So, I’m going to have a great big farm. Papa always told me I was a born farmer. Mama, what does that mean?”
Stella realized she wasn’t paying attention and collected her thoughts. “I suppose it means you understand about crops and animals.”
“Yup. I sure do. Can’t wait for our animals to come home.” He perched on the front of his chair. “Could I go with Uncle Bruce to get them?”
“Not this time,” she said, without giving it any consideration. He was too small to ride that far and having him would only hinder Bruce.
“Ahh.”
Blossom blinked back tears at her brother’s disappointment.
Stella studied her two children. She wanted to do everything in her power to make them happy, but there was no way she could grant this request.
“Tell you what,” Bruce said. “How would it be if I give each of you a ride on my horse right after dinner? Before I leave.”
Both children nodded and smiled.
Bruce’s words came back to her. He wanted to see the joy in people’s faces and do what he could to add to it. He was certainly doing that for the children and for that, she admitted a bit of affection for the man.
Aunt Mary cleared her throat, bringing Stella’s attention her direction. The older woman smiled and nodded, her gaze going from Bruce to Stella. “Two weeks,” she mouthed.
Stella turned away. Let Aunt Mary have her hopes and dreams. It wouldn’t change anything.
The children gulped their food and stared at Bruce as he ate more slowly.
“We’re done,” Donny said.
“Uh huh. I see that.” Bruce held up his cup. “I think I’ll have a refill.”
Stella wondered at his delay as she rose to get the coffeepot. She was about to fill his cup when he held up a hand to stop her.
“Are you two anxious to get going?” He spoke like the idea was a surprise.
“Yes.” Donny squirmed right off his chair and stood at the table.
“What about you?” Bruce asked Blossom.
“I ready now.” She scrambled from her chair and headed for the door.
Bruce laughed. “Guess I’m done too. Thanks for the meal, Mrs. Reynolds.” He planted his hat on his head and left the house, a child clinging to each hand, and made his way to the barn.
Stella watched. He was good at bringing joy to her children’s lives. She couldn’t deny it.
“You’re discovering he’s a good man, aren’t you?”
She didn’t turn away from the window at Aunt Mary’s question.
Aunt Mary continued. “He’s struggled with his past. It’s often been tossed in his face, as if it has anything to do with the sort of man he now is. If anything, he is a better man for the things he’s dealt with, and I include Louella in that. I’m assuming he told you about her?”
“He said she was hurtful when he didn’t want to court her.”
“Both she and her father were cruel. Made him feel unworthy.” A beat of silence in which Stella hoped Aunt Mary was finished.
But Aunt Mary wasn’t. “I wouldn’t want to see him hurt again.”
Stella spun around to face the older woman. “I have no intention of either saying cruel things to him or judging him for his past.”
“That’s reassuring.”
Stella hurried to the kitchen to clean up from the meal. But was she guilty of judging him for her past? Hadn’t she suggested he might be like his pa—a wandering man? Was she being cruel in doing so?
Not intentionally. But perhaps she was being unfair.
He liked to bring joy into other’s lives. She’d seen that and liked it.
Donny’s voice drew her back to the window. He sat alone in the saddle with Bruce leading his horse. Donny’s grin spoke of his great enjoyment.
Stella shifted her attention to the horse. Tried to keep it there. A big gray horse with black socks. A handsome animal. But her gaze refused to remain on the horse. Instead, she looked at Bruce. He said something to Donny and patted the boy’s leg then led the horse down the path.
As they turned to retrace their steps, she had a good view of Bruce’s face. She couldn’t stop staring at him. The wideness of his smile as he helped her son said more to her than any of the words of promise he had spoken. This man cared about Donny. Cared about Blossom. Cared about making them happy. What more did she need?
Yet she couldn’t deny she wished for more though she couldn’t say what it was. Wouldn’t confess to it, even if she knew.
He led the horse back to the barn, helped Donny dismount, then lifted Blossom to the saddle. He stayed at her side, holding her steady as he guided them down the path.
She could see Blossom’s big smile. Heard her distant laughter. Stella smiled, her heart filled with joy.
She’d forgotten Aunt Mary was watching.
“I can’t see what he’s doing, but knowing him as I do, I expect he is giving the children a ride, just as he promised.”
Stella murmured a yes.
“I remember a time shortly after I took him in. He was so eager to please. I had only to mention a task I needed done, and he ran off to do it. He scared me half to death one day. I heard a noise in the back and went to investigate. That little boy was chopping wood. I grabbed the axe and stopped him. He said he had done it before. I believed him. But I told him that until he was bigger, I didn’t want him doing it.”
Stella turned to watch her. Aunt Mary wore a bemused expression and had a faraway look in her eyes.
“He seemed surprised and said his pa taught him. He then went on to say his pa made him. Told him he was big enough to take care of himself and help around the camp. I didn’t probe, but I guessed his pa expected more than help. He expected Bruce to do all the work. It was later that he admitted to that fact.” Her gaze hit Stella with the force of a hammer. “I’ve done my best to make him understand that my love is given freely. Love has no price. He believed it for a few years. But Louella made him think otherwise.” She dabbed at her eyes. “It’s why I agreed that we should leave town.”
“Wait. He said he left because you were in danger.”
“Pshaw. I doubt anyone would have truly harmed me, but I saw that he would never be accepted in that town.”
Could it be true that both of them were willing to leave for the sake of the other? “He was fortunate that you found him and rescued him.”
“It’s been as good for me as him. I believe that God put the two of us together. Just as I believe He has put the two of you together.”
“I’m sure we’ll have an amicable business partnership.”
Aunt Mary laughed. “I believe you’ll have much more than that very soon.”
Stella shook her head. “You are quite the optimist.”
“I have prayer on my side.”
Unable to argue against prayer, and not wanting to admit the ray of hope that shone into her heart at the idea, Stella turned back to the window.
Bruce came toward the house. He carried Blossom, and Donny clung to one hand. The three of them were laughing.
Stella’s hungry gaze followed them. Before she could analyze the sensation, the trio reached the door, and she choked back her confusion.