Chapter 13 Constance
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CONSTANCE
“Are you sure you don’t vant to come, Connie?” Alik pouts.
“Our parents vill miss you.” Pyper takes my hands and I chuckle.
“No, I’m fine. I’m going to chill here. There is so much to explore,” I tell him, and they both start pouting.
However, I can’t help it… I want to put an appropriate distance between Alik and me.
Considering what went down two days ago, he’s been the same sweetie pie as usual, but I don’t think seeing him right now is a good thing… honestly it might sting.
Not only that, but Misha and I have been not only fucking like bunnies anytime I’m not with Pyper or Alik… but… I feel more than a lil sum sum brewing between us, and I want to find a way to navigate these feelings I’m having without others swaying me to one side or another.
And today is the perfect day to do that since Misha is out with Pakhan, handling something for his engagement.
God, just saying that makes me sound crazy as fuck for dealing with this man.
However, for some reason, even though I know it’s wrong, I can’t let him go.
I want to think about what I would have to face if things progress…
and today is a rare day alone in this big ass house to explore and think.
“Fine, but make sure to keep your phone on you. Ve’re going to do somezhing vhen vee get back.” Alik smiles as they walk off and I wave them off, shutting the door behind me and leaning against it.
“Finally! Some alone time!” I giddily skip off in some random direction because this house is a maze and I love wherever it takes me.
Honestly, this place is insane. I pause by a massive stained-glass window with images of polar bears.
It’s a welcome reprieve from the other images I sprinted past, depicting a hunting scene that looked like one woman being chased by hundreds of creatures.
What in the hell kind of crazy art is this?
I’m staring at the stained glass window and I chew my lip, mind already on the one man who I can’t seem to get out of my head… Misha…
Being with him is like living in a high-definition porno with a crazy ass plot.
It’s heavy on the “I came for the porn and stayed for the porn and plot” type shit.
Everything since meeting the Bershovs is more vivid, more complicated, and infinitely more interesting.
But interesting doesn’t always… or ever, mean easy.
And I, Connie, want to live an easy life, so why the fuck am I falling head over heels for a man… for people who were supposed to be nothing but quick fucks for me?
I pull out a scrap of paper and a pen from my pocket and crouch down on the floor, using the back of my iPhone as a clip board.
I draw a line down the center of the paper…
yes I could have used my phone, but I find that I have more clarity when I’m writing, and I need that or a bitch will be too biased and be thinking about that clari-D.
Nope… I need to focus. Pros on the left, Cons on the right. I don’t expect a clear answer, just an airing of the evidence that I’m not insane for falling for this man…
The Pros
The Aha! Factor: This is the heavy hitter, the reason I stay.
Misha sees me. Not just the pragmatic Connie, the one who pays her taxes early, but the slightly messy, fiercely loyal, deeply introverted woman who dreams in spreadsheets and watercolor.
He makes me not think. It’s terrifying, but I love it. With him I can just BE.
The Passion: That dick doe… Bonus: Dimitri and Nadya…
The Unexpected Adventures: My life, pre-Misha, was a careful construction of routines and planned events. Now? Well… life is fun and random, but I don’t mind it… but what comes after the two weeks are over?
I pause, looking at the list. It feels like a solid but still lacking list, though I can see why someone would be drawn to this… but I tap the pen against the paper. Time for the counterargument.
The Cons
The Whirlwind Effect (Lack of Boundaries): Misha wants what he wants when he wants it how he wants it… he takes me without fail and regard… actually this is a Pro…
The Commitment Shuffle: this nigga is not only engaged but fucking his cousins… bruh…
The Emotional Drain: He’s my ex’s biological cousin and if I’m honest there’s still something there… and I don’t know how to navigate that… I am falling in love with Misha… not that I have fallen for Misha but… Alik…
I lean back, letting out a long, slow breath, looking at the paper. After looking through my options, I think anyone with half a brain can see that I should leave this man and his people alone… but I love the person I am when I am with them.
This me is brighter, well fucked, and a little bit happier. But the other truth is that I am also perpetually stressed, sometimes anxious, and always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I know I can’t break it down like a mathematical equation. Love isn’t about the number of bullet points. It’s about whether I can tolerate the price of admission for the privilege of the main event.
Case and point: Is it okay to keep seeing a man who’s engaged because I feel the most alive in his arms?
The question hangs in the air of the pristine halls, the silence thankfully not demanding an answer that I’m not quite ready to give.
I stand, shoving the paper, pen, and my phone into my pocket as I continue walking down the halls. I’ll think about it later…
It’s all too much. I glance at another stained glass window, this time enjoying the way the colors play across the floor.
On God, I could stay in this house for the full two weeks and explore this mansion every single day, and still have more to see.
Every turn is a new hallway, a new sculpture, a new secret. This place feels magical.
I’m halfway down the main corridor when Dimitri steps out into the hall and he stops dead in his tracks, surprised.
“Pechenye?” he tilts his head. “I zhought you vere going out vit Alik and Pyper?” he asks, his eyes roaming my face.
“Oh… uhm… I opted out.” I smile, feeling awkward because he and I have never been alone together.
“I see,” Dimitri chuckles before he takes a slow step closer. “Zhen do you vant company? I just so happen to be free.” He smirks and my heart skips a beat and I heat up. Girl, what the hell is wrong with you? Re-damn-lax!
“Oh I w-would love that.” I nod and so does he, holding out his hand and I look at it for a second.
“Pechenye, zhis is vhere you place your hand in mine.” He winks and I sputter, giving him my hand, body lighting up.
I don’t know why but this feels… wrong and right all at the same time. Like, I know I’m not with Misha romantically and we’re not exclusive, and I have done my fair share with Dimitri and Nadya, but being alone with him… is different. More forbidden, like a secret, and it’s making me sweat.
“So vhat vould you like to do?”
“Hm… just look around, honestly. I feel like someone needs to appreciate this place for its sheer size and insanity,” I chuckle and Dimitri actually smiles. It’s a warm, genuine expression that softens the usual sharpness around his eyes.
“I know ze feeling… I have been coming here all my life, and I still don’t zhink I’ve seen everyzhing.” He steps up, closing the distance between us, but maintaining a respectful foot of space.
“I can believe that… I thought my two week vacation would involve me being outside for the most part, but I never thought my sightseeing trip would or even could be contained within these walls,” I admit, feeling comfortable enough to be honest. “The more I explore, the more I realize I have no desire to leave.” I run my hand over the walls and he quietly watches me.
“Hov poetic,” he observes, tilting his head again as if he’s reading me. “Most people find zhis place intimidating. Yet, you seem to treat it like a playground, no matter vho is standing vitin it.” I huff under my breath.
“Playground is a strong word. I’m just nosey.” I throw my head back laughing and Dimitri hums.
“Nosey… or brave?”
“Brave?” I mutter, rolling my eyes snorting. “More like stupid.” I shake my head, trying not to trip over my own thoughts.
“Stupid decisions sometimes get you to ze right answer,” he murmurs, and I want to say more, but instead we lapse into silence. As we look at the other stained glass images, I peek back at him only to see he’s watching me.
“W-what?”
“You’re so beautiful, Pechenye.” Lord. My knees nearly give out and my hands start to sweat. “You seem nervous,” he whispers against my ear and I jump.
“I… well…”
“Don’t be,” he chuckles. “Vhile I von’t lie and say I don’t bite, if you vant somezhing, just say ze vord and I’ll give it.
Since ze club, Misha gave us free use.” He looks at me and my heart jumps because I know that term…
I’ve heard it before… at the Pleasure Palace, but to think it would be used with me…
I feel like my lungs are going to cave in.
“F-free use…” I whisper and he nods.
“Da.”
“B-but I didn’t agree t-to that,” I murmur. Not that I have a problem with it, but…
“Ze moment he alloved you in his room, it vas done, Pechenye. It seems Misha really likes you.” He stops our walk. “And I have to admit it makes me even more curious about you.” He looks me over and I shudder.
“Why? There’s nothing to be curious about. I’m just a normal girl.”
“Da, a normal girl vho sucks dick good and deep and eats pussy like a champ. Normal indeed.” Gah! What the fuck is w-wrong with me? Why do I find that so fucking flattering? There is nothing flattering about that!
“You’re cruder than you look, Dimitri.” I cut his way and he laughs.
“Maybe, but I specialize in a singular focus.”
“A-and wh-what’s that.”