Chapter 15 Ally #2
“He does have good taste, and he likes you, too,” Cooper says with a wink as he stands up, draining his smoothie before looking down at me with an expression I can’t read.
He seems lost in thought, and it’s on the tip of my tongue to ask him what’s wrong, but in the back of my mind, I realize how afraid I am of what his answer might be.
We stay like this, frozen in place for a moment, both watching each other, a silent conversation I haven’t been able to translate yet, but it’s over as quickly as it begins as his phone goes off in his hand.
“That would be my alarm. I’m going to head out to practice, and Lucas should be up within the hour.
I told him to take it a little bit easy today, but we’ll see how much he listens.
I’ll be back around three, but I was wondering if you’d be willing to stay for dinner?
I told Lucas that I was going to make Alfredo, and he said you loved cheese, so I just had to invite Miss Ally…
” Cooper explains, and the way his cheeks pinken, I almost wonder if he’s using his kid as a scapegoat to invite me to stay.
Should I stay?
I feel like this is the moment I decide if I’m going to keep fighting the attraction. But every time I think I know the answer, something happens that changes my mind. I could try, right?
“I can do that. The kid knows me well because fettuccine Alfredo is definitely in my top five favorite meals. Besides, I just had a date with Schitt’s Creek and leftovers, so it’s definitely not a hardship for me.”
“Well then, it’s a date. I’ll see you after practice,” he says before just turning around and walking away like that one sentence didn’t just send my brain and body into a complete tailspin.
It’s a date?
Fuck my life, I need to talk to my sister.
And that thought alone makes me smile, because after trying for so long to prove I could do everything on my own, I wasn’t sure I’d ever appreciate the feeling of wanting to lean on someone else.
I used to beat myself up over this, but seeing Cooper rely on people around him yet being one of the most successful, responsible people I know puts things into perspective that it’s okay to need help as long as you’re doing your best.
“I’m not understanding what the problem is,” Quinn says as we sit at the kitchen island, inhaling a tray of nachos while Lucas plays Legos in the living room.
“What do you mean? Isn’t there some sort of rule about this sort of thing?
Bro code or something? I don’t want to give anyone another reason to hate me for going after one of Levi’s friends.
We may have been young and dumb, not having really given a shit about our relationship,” I say, “But that doesn’t mean this wouldn’t be another reason for everyone, especially Uncle Ronnie, to crucify me. ”
“You really think Uncle Ronnie would do that?” Quinn says, surprised. “I didn’t think it was possible for him ever to be mad at you.”
“Are you serious?” I say in disbelief, thinking about all the lectures I’ve had to sit through as he’s tried to help me pick a career path.
Yeah, I know, I’m old enough that I should have this figured out, but I really want to love what I do, and he gave me a job out of college, so I was never in a rush to force anything.
“That man is constantly on my case. Everyone thinks he keeps me close because he thinks highly of me, but the truth is he’s just doing that because he’s worried I don’t have any direction in my life.
‘Wishy-washy’ was the phrase he used to describe me. ”
I can’t commit to something that I don’t know for sure I would absolutely love doing.
Especially when I see my family, even Cooper and the guys, all doing something they are so passionate about.
How could I settle when I see just how happy they are?
It makes me want to wait, hold out hope that what I’m supposed to be doing just falls in my lap.
Maybe I’ve read too many books, but I believe in fate. I might be delusional, but I think life is way too damn short not to dream big every now and then.
“I mean, I can see that. Uncle Ronnie has a fucked up way of supporting us, although I truly think he means well. I just don’t think he knows how to show it in the right way.
He’s so rough about everything and tries to help make our decisions for us, and it can be so frustrating.
I don’t believe he thinks badly of you though, Al,” Quinn says, grabbing my hand and squeezing for a second, a soft smile on her face. “And I definitely don’t.”
“Yeah, he’s still mad at me for everything with you and Levi…not that I blame him. I’m still mad at myself for what I did and how I treated you.”
“I get that, but there comes a point when we all have to move on and get over it. It doesn’t phase me anymore, and we’ve been working through it. Levi is definitely over it, so why should anyone else care? Pretty sure Levi was over it the second I agreed to be with him…but that’s just men for you.”
“Truth. They either just get over it, or they fist-fight it out, but once it’s done, it’s done. It’s wild to me how most men don’t hold grudges,” I say with a laugh.
“Okay, then what’s the next problem? Because I’m not seeing any issues with a hot man who has his shit together and looks like he belongs on a magazine cover flirting with you.
Just because you’re used to men like Wilson doesn’t mean that every good man is unattainable,” Quinn says matter-of-factly.
What is the next problem? There has to be another reason why I have such a different feeling about this one, right?
Or maybe you’re just scared because for once it feels good…like really, really good.
“I don’t know. I feel like there are a million reasons.
I’m the nanny for starters. This is a job that Ronnie basically hired me for, and I’m pretty sure that goes against all ethics, and I can’t fuck up something else.
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but relationships and I don’t exactly go hand and hand. ”
“Okay, Ally, we’re going to go through said relationships one by one,” Quinn starts, narrowing her eyes, face neutral, her way of letting me know she’s serious.
“First off, no one gives a shit that you’re the nanny.
Besides,” Quinn says as she quirks her eyebrows at me, a little grin on her lips.
“That’s hot and we both know it. Plus, I remember the books you used to read back in high school, so I’m sure you’ve already had a few fantasies about that man. ”
My cheeks heat and I break eye contact, which only makes Quinn giggle.
“See, even you can’t deny it. We both see how he looks, and he’s one of the good ones.
So, we’re just going to cross that off that list. Next, Uncle Ronnie and ethics…
well, our family isn’t always known for going the ethical route, but we get results.
He put you in this situation, so if anything, this is his fault. ”
“I doubt he’d see it that way. I’m sure he would just look at me and tell me this is just something else I fucked up,” I tell her, now sounding whiny. I’m just over feeling this way about my own family.
“Look, if Uncle Ronnie says something about that, tell me. I’ll be the one to tell him he’s fucking ridiculous, especially considering he’s perfectly fine with me dating one of the players on his team, and I’m damn sure that’s not very ethical.”
Touché…but still.
“That still doesn’t change the last reason. Relationships—emotional or physical—don’t work for me. They just don’t,” I say, praying she just lets us move on, but I know my sister, and curiosity runs in the family.
“What do you mean emotionally or physically?”
“How much detail do you want?” I laugh.
“TMI doesn’t exist with me. Spill it all.”
“Emotionally, I just mess things up. Physically, well I struggle to enjoy those aspects, and I’d say that has turned me pretty…vanilla.”
“Emotionally we all mess things up. Especially when it’s something that isn’t meant to be. It’s like our heart and brain know it’s not going to last, so they don’t let us act smart. As for the physical aspects, I’m going to be blunt. Are you saying that you don’t enjoy sex?”
“No! I enjoy sex. I just…don’t orgasm. I always feel like everything’s leading in the right direction, like I’m on the right path…I just never seem to quite cross that finish line.”
Quinn looks appalled, and I do my best not to be embarrassed. I shouldn’t be embarrassed right? Am I broken, or has just nothing worked yet?
“Have you ever?”
“Orgasmed?”
“Yeah…”
“Nope,” I say bluntly, and her jaw drops.
“Girl. No. You’ve obviously been with the wrong men, and yes, I’m including Levi in that, but I’m not being a dick about him because obviously you two just weren’t compatible in any aspects of a relationship, so it’s not really surprising that it didn’t work out in the bedroom,” Quinn clarifies, and I want to laugh.
“Wilson, on the other hand, well, I blame the fact that he probably has a mini dick and doesn’t know how to use it. ”
This time I’m laughing—like full-on belly laughing—because she really hates Wilson, even more after I told her that he’s been bugging me constantly.
She wants his number so she can tell him off, but I’d be surprised if she didn’t try to run into him when we play them next week just to seize that opportunity in person.
“You say that, but there comes a point where you just get tired of trying and feel like you’re destined to live the boring life in and out of the bedroom.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You just need to have an open mind. Don’t think everything is always going to fail, and for once, just try to enjoy yourself. Who knows—you may be surprised.
“Easier said than done,” I tell her. Quinn looks down at her watch before looking back up at me. “Shit. I’ve gotta get going. Promise me you’ll text to let me know how this dinner goes?”
“Promise. But I still haven’t made a decision.”
“I know, but I have faith you’ll make the right one.”
That makes one of us.