8. Romy
EIGHT
Romy
“ S o what exactly was that delectable specimen on manhood doing here?”
Liv was deposited on the sofa, her long legs kicking out, cushions arranged haphazardly but she seemed comfortable. The girls were in bed finally, the conversation between them drifting to just monosyllables as the excitement of the day segued into sleep.
We were drinking tea and dunking digestives, the TV now switched off because there was nothing interesting on, but we didn’t want to recap over what was happening with Cara.
“He walked past, and the girls saw him, so I offered him a drink. He was just being friendly.” I really did think that. I wasn’t arrogant enough to think he’d walked that way on purpose just to see me – because why would he?
My friend looked entertained. “You fancy him.”
“I’m not thirteen anymore, you do know that, don’t you?”
She shrugged. “I’m aware none of us are thirteen anymore, thank god. I wouldn’t be that age again even if you paid me and gave me special powers. Thirteen to eighteen were awful.”
“What age would you be, then?” I was trying to distract her from saying anything else about Cassian.
“Twenty-seven. That’s when I started to get my shit together, I just didn’t realise it. Anyway, Cassian. Tell me more.”
Sometimes her job was a pain in the backside. She noticed far too much. “He’s just moved here. He’s in the process of getting divorced. His wife was a teacher in the school where he was deputy head, and he caught her sleeping with his best friend, who was also the head teacher in the same school.”
“I bet that was a scandal. So he’s single? No kids?”
“Why couldn’t you have done a different job?” It was a fair question.
“I like this one. I can be legitimately nosey and I can lock up bad people. Back to what you’re trying to avoid – has Cassian the Sexy Head Teacher awakened your lady parts?”
I glared at her with my best cross mum look. “I can’t believe what you said about the duster.”
“Tell me I’m not wrong or I won’t believe you. You haven’t even talked about a man you found attractive unless he was fictional or famous since Joel died.” She was one of the few people who spoke about Joel without worrying that I’d melt into a puddle of tears. I appreciated that.
I could continue to deny what was very obvious, probably to Cassian too, or I could come clean and we could end this conversation quickly. “I find him attractive. He’s got something about him.”
“He’s a bad boy gone good. Which is your type.” She glanced over at the photo of Joel on the wall holding Heidi a few days after she’d been born.
He’d been so excited to be a girl dad, hands on from the start and even some use while I was in labour. He’d have adored the little person she was becoming, brave like him and full of fun and life.
“I suppose it is. Maybe it is time I tried going on a date. I have no idea who with though. How do you meet people now? I’m not sure I want to meet someone online or go hunting for someone. And there’s no one in Puffin Bay.” It felt like a relief to actually voice those words, like I was finally coming out of a long, dark tunnel.
“Isn’t there? That new head teacher might be interested in some one-to-one time.”
“That new head teacher’s just had a really messy break up with several life changes. And I’m hardly catch of the day, am I? Single mum, extra bonus kid, husband who died a hero and the town worships – that’s catnip for men.” I decided another digestive was needed, one coated in chocolate.
Liv folded her arms, a cushion plonking onto the floor as she did so. “He’s interested.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’m a detective and I detect things. Plus, not to generalise, but lots of women his age will have kids and the baggage from past relationships, just like he does. And you’re gorgeous. He has eyes.”
“I’m not gorgeous. I have stretch marks from being pregnant, my belly will never be flat again and I breastfed for nearly twelve months. Cassian Caddick is six feet of manliness that makes most women swoon three times before breakfast. I’m not even going to be able to compete.”
“Do you think he’s that shallow? I don’t. I think you should ask him out.”
“He’ll say no.”
“So what if he does? What have you lost?”
“My pride and dignity and the ability to attend any school event.”
“He wouldn’t tell anyone, I can see that. No one would know if you ask him and he says no. Be brave. Ask him to dinner.”
“Tiny matter of two small beings to look after. I’m not Cara; I won’t leave them alone given they’re five.” I wouldn’t leave Heidi alone in the house when she was fifteen as I suspected I wouldn’t have a house to come back to.
“I’ll babysit. And if I’m on shift, Joel’s mum will babysit. I’ve sent her a photo of Cassian – she’s all for you having a more formal introduction.”
“You make it sound like we’re in a Regency romance.”
“If only. I could be the pale, lanky interesting heroine, gazing out across her estate, wondering if one day she’d have a gentleman caller that day.”
“You’d be sneaking into your neighbours’ houses, snooping out the gossip. No chance of you being a damsel in distress.” I sighed, trying not to cringe at the sudden memory of how awkward I’d been when I’d said goodbye to Cassian.
He’d been so kind, telling me to call if I was worried about anything and asking if there was anything school could do, pretending he was oblivious to my stuttering awkwardness.
“You’d be the woman who scandalises society by taking over a legal firm full of men and showing them exactly how business should be run.”
I grinned, confident I’d steered conversation in another direction.
“Do you want to ask him out?’
Clearly I was wrong.
“He’s the first man I’ve met for a long time that makes me think my lady parts aren’t solely responsive to fictional characters, but no. I don’t want to ask him out for the reasons I’ve said already. And I don’t think he’s going to ask me out any time soon. There’s probably some law about head teachers having anything to do with parents apart from school business.”
“You could ask him to school you.”
“Olivia!”
She didn’t respond, standing up and sending cushions flying everywhere. “Did you hear that?”
“No because I don’t have ears like a bat.” But my heart was now booming in my ears and if I’d felt exhausted before, I was now wide awake and overly alert.
“I’m going to go out and check the perimeter. It’s probably nothing so don’t panic.” She picked up her phone from the table and the baton she carried while on duty.
“You look like you’re about to take a hostage.”
“Be prepared. That’s my motto.”
“I thought it was just one more shot?”
“Exactly. Keep your phone in your hand. Back in five.”
She was actually back in ten, slightly damp because it’d started raining while she was outside. In Liv’s hand was a plastic bag with the packaging for a disposable vape inside, and on her face was an irritated grimace.
“Was there someone there?” I’d convinced myself she’d been hearing things.
“Looks like it. Recently too – this wasn’t there before when I checked the perimeter. I’ll get someone on duty to come and pick it up.” She headed back into the kitchen and I heard her on the phone, passing on information and concerns.
Joel had been much better than me about not worrying about stuff, unless he was worrying about me and then Heidi for those short few months before he died. I could get into a tizz about most things, if I overthought them. He knew exactly what to say to bring me back to being level again and I’d loved him for that.
I’d loved him for lots of things, all the things I remembered fondly and didn’t want to forget.
“Done.” Liv came back in the room. “Jezza’s on his way to pick this up and he’ll do another check. They’ve also got this address on their patrol and have it listed so if you call, they’ll be straight here.” She sat back down on the sofa. “Text Cassian and let him know.”
“Let him know what? That you’re an overreactive police officer?”
A cushion was launched at my head. It was a good job she was a better police officer than cushion thrower.
“That someone’s been knocking about round your house. It gives you a reason to start a conversation with him, doesn’t it? Come on, Romy. This situation with Cara is not fun, at least try and have a little flirtatious excitement while it’s happening. All you’ll be doing is keeping him informed.” She shook her head at me, organising the pillows into a kind of nest again. “I’m going to have to get some sleep, so as soon as Jezza gets here, I’ll need to hunker down.”
“Fine with me. Not sure if I’m going to sleep easily though.” I really wasn’t, even though I was tired. I’d only partially slept the last three nights, listening in in case Mia woke and needed someone to be there. Now my head was buzzing with everything, some of those being hornets which I wasn’t going to stop thinking about in case they stung me.
“Message Cassian. Don’t you think he’s a bit lonely too? In that big house with no one there, in a town where he knows hardly anyone properly? I think he’d be glad of someone reaching out.”
“You should’ve gone into sales.”
“Similar to interviewing suspects and dealing with the super. Make of that what you will.” She shrugged again and I wondered if her shoulders got tired from the amount of shrugging she did.
“I don’t think Cassian wants me to feel sorry for him.”
“What do you think he wants you to feel for him then? Lust? Overwhelming desire? His dick?”
“Were you always this course or is this something that’s developed through working with too many alpha males?”
“A bit of both. Go to bed. I need to get the door when Jezza calls and then I’ll need to meditate after watching him simper after me.” She wrinkled her nose like she was smelling rubbish, or she was about to sneeze and turn into a rabbit.
“Poor Jezza.”
“Poor me.”
I paused at the doorway. “Thanks for being here, Liv.”
“You can thank me by asking that delicious teacher out and then describing exactly what’s in those trousers.”
I laughed and headed to bed.
I did text Cassian.
He was probably in the midst of messaging women on dating apps or maybe fans from some website that’d been made in his honour, but he responded straight away.
Cassian: Need me to come round? I’ve worked out it’s only five minutes if I survive running through a field full of bulls.
Me: It’s not the bulls you need to be worried about. The farmer’s wife owns a shotgun and has very bad eyesight. If she thinks you’re a fox, you’ll have had it.
Cassian: I’ll stick to the bushes. Don’t tell me there’s a local flasher who hides in them.
Me: How did you know?
Cassian: Really? Tone gets lost in texts so I’m not sure if you’re joking or not.
Me: Joking. There’s no flasher, at least I don’t think so. We had a couple of naturists last year. That was interesting, explaining it to Heidi.
Cassian: What did she make of it?
Me: A thousand things ranging from disgust about what was hanging between the man’s legs to concerning curiosity. I distracted her with sugar which was another disaster.
Cassian: Better though?
Me: Marginally. How’ve you spent the rest of your evening?
Cassian: Watching sport, reading some articles on education when the sport got boring, and I fended off a call from my mum.
Me: Is she going to see your new place?
Cassian: She’s planning on being here at Christmas if I say I can’t go to her, which is what’ll I’ll probably do. She lives in the same part of town as my ex, and I’m not relishing the idea of bumping into her or my ex best mate. Not that I’m feeling sorry for myself.
Me: I think you’re allowed to be. Any relationship ending comes with a side of grief.
Cassian: It does. I suppose that’s the risk we take though, when we fall in love with someone. We choose to be vulnerable.
Cassian: God, that’s deep for a Monday night.
Me: Or any night, but you’re right.
Cassian: Would you have a relationship again?
My heart was beating at the same pace as it had before when Liv had heard something outside. Why was he asking? Was he just being polite? Was he interested? Was I going to overanalyse every syllable he’d written – absolutely yes.
Me: I think so. Meeting someone might be hard though. I know everyone in Puffin Bay and I don’t really go much further afield unless it’s for work.
Cassian: You never know what might happen.
Me: True. How about you? Or are you forever scarred.
Cassian: At some point. I probably need to sort myself out first and remember how to adult alone.
Me: It’s not that much fun. I adore my daughter, but there are only so many conversations about cartoon characters you can have before it stops being interesting.
Cassian: I understand that pain. How’s Heidi managing having Mia around all the time?
Me: Okay. She’s never been clingy and she’s always wished for a brother or sister. I’ll set up the spare bedroom for Mia this week and they can have their own space, but I suspect that Mia will want to sleep in the bunk beds. I don’t think she likes being on her own.
Cassian: Understandable. I’ll see you at the gates tomorrow and walk Mia and Heidi to their classroom. We’ll keep them safe while they’re in school – and outside of school. I get the feeling word's going to get around about Cara.
Me: Liv says they’re going door to door tomorrow and searching the coastline, so the drones will be out and the boats. Everyone’s going to know something’s going on and most people will have a theory.
Cassian: As long as they look out for you and the girls that’s a good thing.
Cassian: I’ve added your number to my favourites. If you need anything during the night, it’ll ring. I’ll come straight down, bulls be warned.
Me: Thank you. I appreciate that, but I’m sure we’ll be okay with Liv sleeping downstairs. See you tomorrow.
Cassian: Sleep well.
I almost did sleep well. It was easier to drift off to sleep than I’d been expecting, my mind doing exactly what Liv had said, focusing on analysing Cassian’s messages instead of what was going on with Cara.
I was woken in the night by Mia, who’d come to find me with tears running down her cheeks. She’d had an accident and wet the bed, which I reassured her was quite normal and we could easily make it better. Heidi slept like a fairy princess who’d been drugged by a wicked fairy, or at least pretended to. I was never quite sure with my daughter.
We remade the bed, tucking in the sheets with Mia showing me enough skill for me to determine that she was probably the one who made her own bed at home. The old bedding was put in the washer to go on in the morning, and I told her again that it was fine and I wasn’t cross and she shouldn’t be upset.
Then I’d lay next to her on her bed, patting her back like my mum had done for me when I was a little girl and I did now for Heidi, noticing her breathing becoming deeper as she fell fast asleep again, tucked up in fresh bedding, which was always a treat.
As I returned to my own bed, I reminded myself of my ambition to spend a night in a posh hotel by myself, order room service and sleep in high thread count sheets that I hadn’t washed, kind of iron and put on the bed.
That sounded like bliss and I pictured that some more until the head next to me in the bed was Cassian Caddick.
Which was probably why when my alarm sounded what felt like three minutes later, I was in the middle of a rather full-on dream about my daughter’s head teacher. The blanks of those sentences Liv had hinted at last night were filled in, hazy movie clips involving white sheets and dark hair, dark eyes and forearms that should’ve been classed as porn pittered in my subconscious, and I woke with an ache between my legs and dampness that wasn’t usually there.
Still half-asleep, my hand pushed under my knickers, fingers I pretended weren’t mine slowly pulling through wet folds, and I started to touch myself, circling my clit that was already sensitive, I was already close.
Before reality scared away the dream completely I pulled back the scenes, thinking of Cassian, imagining how he was in bed, how he would be now if he was here and not just a flicker from an illicit dream. How would he touch me? How would he fuck? How would it feel when he grew closer to coming. Aspects of the dream lingered like mist, before a quick, forceful orgasm wrecked my body and unleashed the reality that I was alone and I had to get up and make breakfast for two five-year-olds.
Then I had to face the man I’d just gotten myself off to in a school playground.
I bet that was what seventeen-year-old me had always dreamed of.