13. Romy
THIRTEEN
Romy
I thought it would take me hours to get to sleep, the memory of that one kiss seared on my skin, the parts of me where Cas had his hands still cindering. It was the first kiss I’d had that wasn’t from a friend or a relative since Joel had died, and while there had been an initial wave of guilt, it had gone quickly.
I lived. So did Heidi. Me taking a vow of chastity wasn’t necessary to prove how much I’d loved Joel because life wasn’t a competition, and I really liked Cassian.
I slept easily, safe in the knowledge that my house was secure and checked recently, happy that the girls were having a slumber party with Grannie, which Mia was calling her now too. They’d watched two Disney films, made tents in the lounge and stayed up later than normal telling ghost stories. Joel’s mum had messaged me to say that everyone felt safe and cosy, and tomorrow she was going to take them to Newborough beach to see the wild horses with a friend of hers who was an ex-police officer. I’d suspected something was going on with her and this friend that was more than just friendship for some time, and at some point soon I’d ask.
Cassian knocked on at nine, although I’d half expected that he’d make an excuse to get out of it, embarrassed about yesterday evening and that kiss. My head was spinning from the change in him, to the extent where I’d dropped Liv a text message to see what she thought.
I read it straightaway. He’s into you. Go with the flow. Get yourself some cock xx
I really hoped Heidi never found out the passcode for my phone and read any messages from Liv.
He wasn’t embarrassed at all, definitely not embarrassed enough to leave off giving me a good look up and down and a smirk that told me he liked what he saw.
I returned the favour, not quite as obviously, and definitely with more colour to my cheeks than normal.
Until we started running that was.
We ran along the coastal path for a mile, until the tide was out far enough for us to drop down steep steps onto the vast beach that was being exposed at the spot known locally as Lovers Heights. Since leaving my house, we’d only spoken a few words, setting a pace that was quick, probably quicker than what I was used to. Running on the sand naturally slowed us down to a jog which my muscles were definitely going to thank me for later.
“What did you say this was called?” Cas looked around us, up at the rocky cliffs that were a sheer drop down to the sand at one point.
“Lovers Heights. The story goes that a couple fell from them when they were trying to run away from the island and escape to Gretna Green where they could be married. The woman was promised to one of the landowners on the island, but she was in love with her childhood sweetheart, who was a fisherman. They were apparently heading for the steps that we just came down, but never made them. One story is that they fell from the cliffs, another is that the landowner pushed them off.” I slowed down completely, the story sapping the last of my breath.
“Is there any truth to it?” Cas looked entertained. “Are their deaths actually recorded?”
“There are two graves next to each other in the churchyard just outside Puffin Bay – Gwendoline Jones and Tomas Evans – with the same date of death. They were just nineteen and twenty-one, so it could be them. The church records from the seventeen hundreds were lost in a fire, so that’s all we know.” We were walking now, the sun cascading down on us, the sky a perfect unbroken blue.
Cas’ eyes flickered to me, and I knew he was thinking of another love story that ended too soon.
“It’s okay, you know. It’s been more than five years since Joel died and I won’t forget him, but I’m not heartbroken anymore.” It was a hard thing to say out loud, although I’d accepted this as a truth a while ago. “When he first died, everything was raw. Everything reminded me of him. I could still smell his cologne on his clothes and on the sheets, even after they’d been washed half a dozen times. I’d hear footsteps walk up the path to the house and think it would be him, and when I remembered it couldn’t be, grief would hit me and drag me under again. Now I don’t think it will be him when I hear the gravel crunch. I sometimes wonder about what our life would be like if he hadn’t rescued that boy, but I can accept now that I’m enjoying the life that I still have. Heidi lost one parent – I couldn’t let her lose another.”
That had been the line drawn in bold. I didn’t die that night. My daughter still had me, and she deserved a mother that taught her how to enjoy life, not spend it grieving.
“You’re kind of amazing, you know that?”
His words were quietly said, almost lost under the crash of a wave and the holler of a seagull.
I laughed, partly because I wasn’t good at accepting compliments, partly because a cute boy was noticing me.
“I think we’re all amazing. Everyone I meet has had their loads to bear and yet we can still breath and see the beauty in things, especially in the flaws.” We jogged around the curve of Lovers Heights to a smaller bay, the sand interspersed with strips of rock and pebbles.
“Does this place have a name?” Cas paused on one of the rocks, looking at the cliffs.
“Copper Cliffs – Clogwyni Copr. When the sun sets in July and August the cliffs look the same colour as copper.” I looked out to the sea which was deceptively calm.
Enticing.
“This is where the search for Joel started and ended.” I remembered that morning. Search and rescue had been out all night; the lifeboat crew in their boats, the helicopter not ceasing, but there was no sign.
The sun had risen, watered yellows and reds seeping into the sky when I’d seen Thane Allister’s expression as he walked towards me, Liv getting there first to break the news. Doreen, an ex-nurse who lived a few doors down, was holding Heidi, which had been a good thing: as soon as I’d seen Thane, I’d known, my legs crumpling under me.
I’d ran to Copper Cliffs, knowing that was where he’d last been seen and now I was standing a hundred metres from that exact spot where there had been an ended I’d never planned for.
Cas froze. “Are you sure you’re okay being here?”
I nodded, managing a smile just as watery as that sky had been that morning. “Yes. I come here a lot or quite a bit anyway. We were lucky – we’d known that it was unlikely he’d survived after the boat he was on capsized, but the way the tide is made it unlikely we’d be able to retrieve his body. This place provided me with closure. At first, I’d think of that day, but we had happy memories here too. We were here when I told him I was pregnant.”
Cas was still, his eyes deep with thoughts that maybe one day he’d share.
“It’s okay. I’m okay.” My smile was full of sunshine. “I’m more than okay.”
His arm came out, his hand resting on my lower back, his thumb curving round onto my waist. “Can I do anything to make you be better than okay?”
I nodded, feeling brave. “A kiss. Then Copper Cliffs have another, newer memory.”
He studied me, those dark chocolate eyes clearly assessing what was the right thing to do here. Then his hand moved up my back, bringing me closer to him, feet closing the rest of the distance.
We were both hot from running, slightly sweaty for a second kiss, but that didn’t seem relevant when his lips met mine again, pressing a kiss that was more than the one last night. It was full of promise, newness, something shining that was lovely and fresh. My heart felt the beat of excitement and want and the possibilities of having someone with me that wasn’t just a friend or a concerned relative
Within seconds heat started to build between my legs, the pulse inside me pounding stronger than it had for years, as if someone had watered my body so it was about to bloom.
My hands raised onto his shoulders, feeling strength there. Cas’ hands dropped to cup my ass, holding me closer, making me warmer and wetter, the kiss getting harder and deeper and needier.
This felt raw and right. A sense of peace. When it ended, I saw my own need reflected in his, a need that made me want to cast away the possibility of sweet dates and courtships and walks by the beach because it wanted something more. A need that made my heart skip a beat and my body set on fire.
He held me closer even though the kiss had ended, the reason pressed against my stomach.
Running shorts did little to hide what he’d thought of the kiss. I pressed against him a little harder, hearing his laugh, his hands still on my back and my ass.
“Shall we run back to mine? For breakfast, I mean – I’m not – ” I stumbled over my words.
Cas grinned, his dimple appearing and making my heart flutter. “If you want. When I can. And breakfast – and anything else sounds good. If it’s not too soon.”
“I don’t know. If there’s a rule book for this situation, I don’t own it.” I was unsure, but not enough to let go of him.
“I don’t think there’s a rule book. We just make it up as we go along.” He looked up to the sky. “I’m not interested in a one-time thing though. I like you.”
I lifted my lips back to his and started another kiss, this one not quite as deep or long, but just as hot because it promised so much more.
“How about breakfast at the Puffin Inn? We shower separately. At different houses.” Because if he came back to mine this would go from first run together to a different sort of exercise in a very hot minute.
“That’s probably a good plan. Did Heidi’s gran say if she could babysit?” His hand came up to move a strand of probably sweaty hair out of my face.
“Tuesday night. She’s offered to stay here while the town meeting’s on, so we could go out afterwards.”
His grin was enough to have me clenching my thighs.
“Does she know about me. That your neighbour kissed you, even if he probably shouldn’t have?”
I laughed, imagining that conversation and what her reaction would be. “She doesn’t. She would’ve asked me if I need a manual to remember what to do. If she finds out you’re more than just a friend, she’ll be totally over the top with it. She’s picking Heidi and Mia up from school on Monday because I’ve got a meeting online at that time, so be prepared for her winking at you – she won’t have an eye infection or a nervous tic. Be warned – she can be unfiltered.” Although if Deryn scared him off with that, he wasn’t going to last long in Puffin Bay.
“I’ll just wink back and deny all knowledge.” His hand cupped the back of my neck, fingers pressing in a way that made me want to lie down and see what he could do to the rest of my body.
“You do that. I’ll make sure she pays for therapy.” We headed back towards Lovers Heights and the steps that would no doubt wind me. “You might need it after we have breakfast together. The whole of the bay will be talking.”
“Let’s give them something to talk about then.”
There was nothing obvious about us. No sign was lit up that said Romy McAllister had her first kiss in five years with the new school headteacher, and there were no flyers being passed about that Cassian was packing some heat in the jeans he was wearing. The town had gotten used to seeing him as part of my group yesterday and because of the drama around Mia and Cara, it’d made sense for him to be around Mia and Heidi, and ergo, me, but it still felt odd even though there had only been three kisses between us.
There had only been three kisses.
“Where do you recommend for breakfast that’s not the Puffin Inn? I’m considering offering Amelie rent to move in there when Beryl comes back from her holidays given how much time I spend in there.” He looked guilty. “It is a good way to meet people though.”
“That’s a good excuse, isn’t it?” I grinned playfully. “I don’t think Caleb’s going to give the flat up any time soon though, so I wouldn’t hold your breath.” Caleb would often go away for six weeks at a time, if he was on a research project somewhere. At some point he’d be doing a stint in the Arctic Circle, looking at marine life and something to do with global warming. That would be six months away, which Amelie wasn’t looking forward to, even if she pretended she was. She’d never intended to be a step-mum, just like Roman hadn’t intended to be a father, finding out when Caleb had needed a bit of his liver for a transplant that he had a son from a long ago relationship, so in some ways, the two of them learned to parent together.
“I’m sure he can be persuaded. With something. Where shall we eat?” He was clearly hungry.
“How about the café on the beach? We’d have to sit on the sand, but that’s okay, isn’t it?”
“Sounds like how I’ve always spent my Sunday mornings,” he joked. He took the steps down onto the sands, crouching down to take off his trainers and socks, carrying them with him. “I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to how nice it feels to walk on the sand. When I knew I was moving here, I decided I’d go to the beach every day.”
“Have you managed that so far?”
He laughed, shaking his head, his eyes crinkling at the sides. “No. I’ll try again tomorrow after I’ve finished up at school and met with one of the builders.”
We talked as we headed over to the café about what works were starting on the schoolhouse and how the governors hadn’t realised how in need of modernising the house was.
The café was set just across from one of the boat houses, meaning we needed to put our shoes back on to cross over the concrete path that led from the boathouse over sand that rarely felt the waves of the sea. It was also a shop for water sports, selling wet suits and paddle boards, as well as swimming costumes and other things people might need on the beach. As a side line, they’d started making pizzas, buying a wood fired oven, appealing to the beach crowd and teenagers who liked to hang out there. They’d added to that with breakfast barm cakes, fluffy bread filled with bacon and sausages, or eggs and mushrooms, depending on what you fancied.
We ordered food, no one in the café paying any heed to me being with Cas, and we also ordered coffee because it was the lifeblood of everything after a decent run.
Cas paid. I didn’t say anything, accepting it for what it was, whether that was friends who might be teetering on something else, or an informal date. Putting a label on it didn’t seem necessary.
“Where do you want to sit?” He carried both our coffees in a cardboard tray, his breakfast bap in his other hand.
“Let’s head that way. There’s a rock that makes a good sitting place.”
“You’ve done this before.”
“Many times with Heidi. She likes their chocolate milkshakes and they sometimes sell Amelie’s ice cream too. It gets a bit quieter over there as well.” The beach was already busy, people getting ready to take boats out for the day, families setting up windbreakers for when the inevitable strong breeze started.
We walked over there, the sounds of people laughing and shouting instructions, children playing, the soundtrack.
The coast curved slightly, a barrier of rocks that sometimes prevented people from coming this far was covered in brown seaweed, shells broken densely into the sand. This was where Heidi would search for sea jewels, usually coming back with far more than she needed, which meant there was an area of our garden that one day an archaeologist would dig through and draw a conclusion that the sea had once covered that single spot somehow.
“This is pretty nice.” Cas sat down on the rock, placing the coffees between us when I took a seat. “I can’t believe how quiet it is compared with the other part of the beach.”
“There are loads of undiscovered beaches around the island. My favourite time’s November when the tourists have gone home and every where’s deserted. The sea’s always wild then and the sky looks like it’s always ready to start an argument.”
“That’s very poetically put.”
I laughed, knowing I was anything but a poet. “Heidi’s better with words than I am. I’m just an accountant.”
“A very good one, so I’m told.”
“Who’s been telling you stories?”
“I’m not revealing my source.” He fell quiet, something troubling him. “I should’ve said yes when you asked about going for dinner on Tuesday. I’ve now spent most of the weekend with you. That’s some mixed messages.”
“I get it. You’re just out of a relationship. You’re in a new job, one that’s got a lot of responsibility and you’re in a new town. I can see why you’d say no – and I didn’t assume I was going to be your type.” I looked at the waves as they broke across the sands, the lapping gentle and inviting, although I knew it’d be bloody cold.
“Am I your type?” He looked at me, as I fussed with my ever-present ponytail, strands of it coming lose.
I gave a short nod, biting back a smile. Was there any point in playing hard to get. “You know you’re attractive.”
“It’s just a face. I hope I’m more than just a face.”
I could understand why he’d think that. “I liked talking to you. That first night when we talked on the phone.”
“I’m glad. So can I take you out to dinner then? Would Heidi’s gran babysit the girls?”
“She’d love to, if I tell her it’s for a date.” She’d be only too happy to see me moving all the way forward.
“It is, so tell her that.”
“I will.” I cast a glance at him. “You know she’ll tell people. She doesn’t live in Puffin Bay but she still knows everyone.” Which was both a blessing and a curse. She liked to tell me any gossip she found out, which was wonderful, but she also told other people, as long as she didn’t think it was harmful.
“Fine with me. I’m not worried about what the school governors will say if I go out on a date with a parent. I think they’re hoping I’ll settle down here so they won’t have to find anyone else for the job.” A shadow of seriousness flicked over his face. “I wanted to do the right thing when I declined, but I don’t think that’s the right thing to do.”
“Sounds complex. You’ve got a smidge of ketchup there.” I lifted my hands and wiped it away with my finger, a completely mum thing to do, but his response wasn’t one that my daughter would’ve had. He caught my finger in his mouth, sucking on it firmly, then licking it, a promise that spoke straight to between my thighs.
I let my hand drop to his shoulder, unable to look away from his eyes, and then I had to as he leaned in, his hand on my back and closing any gap between us while he took the kiss I’d given willingly.
It probably lasted too long for it to be considered acceptable for public viewing, something that was noted with a female voice yelling at us to get a room, a voice I recognised.
I pulled away, seeing Clover Carew walking her cat along the sand on his lead, a common site to residents of Puffin Bay.
Not to everyone.
“Is she really taking – is that a cat? It looks like it’s escaped from the zoo.” Cas squinted at her and Moonshine, her beloved feline.
“That’s a cat. I think it’s a Maine Coon and there have been reports from holiday makers that there’s a wildcat on the island, probably because they’ve seen Moonshine at night when he’s on the prowl.”
“I’m not surprised. Who’s his owner?”
“That’s Clover. She’s a book editor and works from home. She’s lived on the island forever and I think she went to school with Joel, although he was a bit older. She’ll tell everyone what she’s seen, by the way, so the entirety of your staffroom will know what’s happened before registration tomorrow.” I thought on that for a second. “Which means I can never show my face around the school again.” I felt my cheeks heat and my face start to colour up.
“Am I really that embarrassing?”
“No, I just – what will they think?” I was used to being talked about because of what happened to Joel. Everyone in the town knew the story, everyone in the town had an opinion on how my life should be – usually with best interests and all that.
“They’ll think it’s sweet and if they think any different they won’t say anything. What time are the girls back?”
I checked my watch. “In about half an hour.”
“Come on then, I’ll walk you home. Then I’ll have to locate my training kit.”
I grinned, shaking my head. “Training and then the Puffin Inn for Sunday dinner?”
“Might be.”
It wasn’t until just near the cottages that his hand found mine, enveloping it with his. It was the first time in a long time I’d held an adult's hand, mine usually containing that of a small daughter or her friend’s.
It felt good.
Right.
Maybe too soon, but I knew only too well that you had to make the most of every moment that you had, just in case there weren’t that many moments left.