15. Romy
FIFTEEN
Romy
I knew it was panic that was making me feel as if I couldn’t catch my breath, not the running although I wished it had been the running. Cassian was with me, Liv speeding off in her car knowing we’d get there about the same time. The rest of the town were upended, some people following behind us, although the other officers were calling them back, telling them to leave it to the police in the main.
The message from Joel’s mum had been what elevated everything. It wasn’t finished, there was no punctuation, and this was from a woman who usually sent the most grammatically correct text messages in both English and Welsh.
Someone try break in call polic
It’d been sent ten minutes before I’d turned my phone back on. I knew that the security crew would be round already, that there would be video footage because of the cameras Roe had set up. But I didn’t know that they were okay.
They wouldn’t be okay. Heidi would be scared, maybe too brave – I could see her standing up to someone. Mia would be terrified. Joel’s mum would be like Heidi, probably wielding the heaviest object she could find. Hopefully they were safe somewhere.
I’d know in another few seconds.
Those few seconds felt like hours as the cottage came into view. A jam of cars were outside, parked haphazardly. Liv had joined them at the same time we got there, running up to the gate where a big burly police officer stopped us.
“I’m Romy – the girls’ mum. Are they okay?” The words didn’t sound coherent.
“They’re safe inside with two of my colleagues. Unharmed but shaken up. Who are you?” He eyeballed Cassian.
Cas explained who he was, which made the officer relax further.
“What happened?”
The officer – who introduced himself as Sergeant Clarke – pointed behind him. “They attempted to break in by barging down the door. Your mum ran upstairs and got the girls in the wardrobe so they didn’t see anything. She hid under the bed.”
I frowned. “It’s an ottoman bed. She pulled it down on herself?”
“She did. Your security guy got her out. They were there within about ninety seconds.”
I looked around and saw Roe Holland, who hadn’t been at the police talk.
“I really need to see my daughter and Mia.” I could find out who I needed to thank after.
Liv strode over, nodding at Sergeant Clarke. “She’s cleared to go in and come out with them. I’m sorry, Romy, you can’t stay there tonight. I’ll come in with you and you can pack bags for you and the girls.”
Bile threatened to show itself. I swallowed, feeling wobbly, then felt Cassian’s arm around me, pulling me in for a hug I didn’t know I needed.
“You can stay next door, if that’s okay?”
Liv looked at me and shook her head. “There are going to be police here all night. Lights and noise, and we’ll have to take the car away that was abandoned.”
“Do you think they were trying to snatch Mia?” That seemed the only explanation. I was crying now, the tears not able to stay inside. Cassian kept his arms around me and for once I felt some of the weight was shared, even though he’d asked for none of this.
Liv didn’t answer properly. “That will be one line of enquiry.”
“That means yes, that’s what you think. How do I keep her safe? If someone’s trying to kidnap her, what do I do apart from keep her with me all the time?” I was sounding hysterical now. “And what if they took Heidi by mistake?”
“If Mia was the target, they were foiled. Security worked. Roe’s team disturbed them.” Liv looked over to where Roe was, about two feet away from us now.
“We nearly caught them. One of them probably has a broken jaw too. I clocked him pretty hard, just couldn’t keep hold of him.” He rubbed his fist. “We need to move you somewhere for the next few nights.” He looked at Cassian. “Can we use the school house?”
Cas nodded. “It isn’t in great shape, but it can be made do of.”
“I need to see Mia and Heidi.” I was feeling more nauseous by the second.
Liv took hold of my arm and guided me through my own front door, the garden flattened, probably by Roe and his fight partner.
“Mummy!” Heidi sprang up off her feet and leaped at me. “A bad man came and got in.”
Mia was there too, clinging along with Heidi. I crouched down and hugged them both, kissing their heads and squishing them, feeling that they were alive. My eyes closed, my heart rate settled. The feeling of sickness passed.
I eventually opened my eyes and looked at Joel’s mum. She was smiling, her usually perfect hair a mess, but she looked okay.
“Thank you.”
She shrugged. “What for? That’s my granddaughter and her best friend. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them. I have to say though, Romy, you need to find somewhere else to store your personal toys.”
I felt myself start to laugh. The feeling grew until I was laughing loudly and hard enough to make the girls take a step back. Tears mixed with the laughter, from both me and Deryn.
“Mummy, what toys do you have under your bed and why can’t we play with them?”
That made the laughter start again.
Cassian came into the room, looking shocked – probably at the group of women who were now convulsed with stupid laughter and at the state of the place. It really had been turned over.
“Did you know Mummy’s got secret toys under her bed?” Of course, Heidi stopped laughing and managed to tell him that.
He raised his eyebrows at me. “Really?”
I managed to find a grin from somewhere. “Yes, but she’s really hoping she isn’t going to need them anymore.”
Then he laughed too.
We needed that laugh, because the reality was grim. Even though they’d only been in the house for ninety seconds, the damage was horrific, but I couldn’t think about that now. Some of the things they’d ruined had been mine and Joel’s, wedding gifts and things we’d collected. They weren’t replaceable, but I still had the memories. It was going to take days to get the house straight for the girls again, if we were allowed back any time soon. If we could go back.
“Roe suggested we all stay at the schoolhouse,” Cassian said when we were in Beryl’s living room, seventies kitsch splattered across the walls and over the sofas.
I didn’t care - I had a cup of tea, everyone was safe, and two girls sat watching Disney’s Moana , cuddled up together underneath a very floral blanket.
“There’s no room at the Puffin Inn,” he carried on. “And it might be best for the girls to be close enough to get to school in the morning. Roe can set up security there for the night. I can sleep on the couch and it’s a super king bed so you could have that with the girls.”
I nodded, not needing any more details. I trusted Roe and Liv, and the two had been talking furiously with lots of nodding. “That would be great. I’m not happy you’re on the coach though.”
He didn’t smile, which worried me. Cassian was nearly always smiling. “I’ve slept on that couch more times that I’ve slept in the bed. It’s really comfy.”
“I’m not going to argue. I don’t have it in me right now.” I really had nothing left, the adrenaline crash proving spectacular. “Joel’s mum is going back home. A police car’s going to follow her back to make sure she gets there okay and her friend’s staying over so she won’t be on her own.”
“We’re all good for now?”
“For now.” I managed a nod. “Let’s get these two wannabee princesses into bed.”
It was after eleven by the time the two girls were asleep. Mia had been clingier than Heidi, which didn’t surprise me in the least and I felt lacking in skills I maybe should’ve had. Her mother was gone, her home wasn’t her home anymore, and she knew that bad men were looking for her, so it was a surprise she fell asleep at all.
Heidi had been quiet, probably processing everything, working out what had happened to her home and why we were now in a strange house with lots of people round that she didn’t really know.
I slipped out of the room, leaving the door ajar and the hallway light on so if either of them woke they weren’t in darkness. I was too wired to sleep myself, too full of anxiety, of impossible scenarios running through my head that didn’t seem improbable anymore.
Liv had been here with us, performing the role of a family liaison officer that she had been trained for. Roe and some of his security colleagues had been about, and apparently were still about but we weren’t likely to see them. I’d asked how that was being funded, and apparently it wasn’t – Roe had called it in because shit was going down in his town.
He’d always been the quieter twin, his expression rarely giving away what he was feeling. I’d seen him studying people though, watching with a stillness that’d reminded me of a bird of prey surveying the landscape, looking for the slightest move of a mouse or a vole.
Tonight he’d felt distant, pre-occupied, but he’d helped make me feel secure.
The other man doing that was sat on the sofa he was going to use as a bed, blankets ready, wearing shorts and T-shirt that he’d brought with him, given that most of his clothes were at Beryl’s.
“How are they?” He hunched up on the sofa so I could sit down.
“Asleep. I expect they’ll wake up at some point, unless they’re so shattered they sleep through.” I sat down and sighed, some of the worries and stress of the day exhaled with the air.
“I’d say they should stay at home tomorrow, but I don’t think that’d help.” He stretched out his arm. “I think they need the normality.”
“I think you’re right. I know they’re safe there too, and I can sort out where we can stay until we can go back home.”
“Stay here. It’s only for a few days and from what Roe says, this is easier to set up security because there’re a limited amount of access points from the road. Easier to see who’s approaching.” He reached down to pick up his mug. “Do you want a drink or something to eat? Freya dropped off a veggie stew.”
I hadn’t realised I was feeling hungry until Cas mentioned food. “I wouldn’t mind actually. I’ll come and sort it though. We’ve disrupted your life enough.”
He stood up with me. “Hardly. We could say it’s Mia’s fault life has been disrupted, but it’s absolutely not, so it’s definitely not yours.”
“You’re right. I’m just sorry for all the upset it’s caused. Like a whole town meeting – that’s probably only the fifth time it’s happened in five years. Everyone’s now panicking about security and that’s only going to be worse after tonight.” I followed him into the kitchen which I’d briefly seen before but hadn’t taken in.
“Liv was right with what she said. I know people are used to leaving their doors unlocked round here, but the town is growing and more people with crappy intentions will be here as well. But it isn’t your fault, or Mia’s. I think Cara has a lot to answer for. Her life choices have put her daughter at risk.”
He sounded cross now as he ladled the stew into a bowl that looked like it might’ve been bought around the same time as when the house was last renovated.
I didn’t want to talk about Cara and what she should or shouldn’t have done. There was a lot to unpick and it wasn’t my job to do it. Mia was mine to look after now, for however long that was. I hoped for her sake that her mother was safe and unharmed, and that she would be able to see her daughter again, although none of that was guaranteed. From what Liv’d said, it sounded as if Cara was running drugs or storing them at the very least.
“This kitchen really is terrible, isn’t it?” I looked around it, being reminded of my great-grandmother’s house which was a relic of the nineteen sixties.
“It’s horrendous. I’m going to help the builders rip it out myself. It’ll bring me a lot of joy.” He eyed up the units with determined obliteration.
I managed a smile. “Thank you for helping to look after us.” I knew I was perfectly capable by myself, but it was easier when someone helped.
“Even if it wasn’t you, I’d still help a parent of a pupil.”
The half-light from the too low watt kitchen light caught the plains of his face, making him look devilishly handsome.
He grinned, his eyes glinting. “Can I guess you’re glad I’m helping you rather than the previous headteacher.”
I chose innocence. “I’m not sure. You’re available, he’s not. I’m sure he’d have been perfectly capable of helping us out, although he may have been more inclined to sleep through the whole thing.”
“I think he slept through a lot.” Cassian paced towards me, his eyes dark, almost black. “If you want some time to yourself I can find somewhere else to stay.”
I shook my head, not even needing to think. “I bet you wish you hadn’t come to Puffin Bay.”
“Not at all.” He brushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m used to drama, this is just different drama. I would like the drama of taking you out on a date though.”
That elicited a smile and I felt my cheeks blush, which they did easily. “Let’s aim for Friday. The girls are definitely staying with Deryn, unless anything happens to change that.”
“Sounds good.” His hands were resting lightly on my shoulders, but he looked up at the wood-coated ceiling. “I’m still kicking myself for not saying yes when you first asked.”
“Move on from that. I get why and I was relieved anyway. This is way out of my comfort zone still and I think the only reason I’m not having a panic attack over being closer to a man in years like I am now is because so much other stuff is going on.” A silver lining could always be scraped from something.
“This stuff, as you so eloquently put it, is making me like you even more.” His focus was back on me, his hands dropping down my back.
I felt my body temperature rise, an ache beginning between my legs that wasn’t going to be satisfied tonight. “I don’t usually come with all this drama.”
“I don’t believe that for a minute. I’ve met your daughter.”
“Fair point, but she’s more like Joel than me.”
He shook his head slowly. “I don’t know if she’s like her dad or not, but she’s very like you. She’s brave and kind and without any judgement. She’s been Mia’s little bodyguard at school this week, and she’s gone up another reading level, so you should be very proud of her. She is like you.”
I didn’t think too hard about it, throwing my arms around his neck and pushing my body closer to him so I was able to find his lips with mine, beginning a kiss that had no right to happen given what today had brought.
He kissed me back, slowing it down, taking control even though it was subtle. I let myself be held, soaking in the physical contact like I’d been starved of it for too long.
When was the last time I’d been held like this? Kissed like this? Before Joel died which now seemed a very long time ago.
I didn’t feel the guilt I’d half anticipated. I didn’t feel beholden to the ghost I’d created in my head. Instead I felt wanted as something other than a mother; I remembered what it was like to have part of me back.
The kiss had deepened; it had taken on its own life and I wished I could abandon the caution of being a parent whose child and ward had experienced a traumatic evening. It was the only thing that stopped me from climbing him like a tree and rubbing my centre against him.
I slowed it down to a stop, and I knew from his face how I looked when we broke apart; a wild, wanton woman who really didn’t want this to stop.
“I think we might scar the kitchen if we carry on.”
He laughed, still holding me, his shorts not doing anything to conceal what was happening in them and I did stare.
“I doubt this kitchen has ever seen anything like that before. But I’m not sure the cabinets are strong enough for what I want to do to you on them.” His eyes were heavy with lust, lust that was all for me. “The sofa would be though.”
“I shouldn’t.” I wanted to. I wanted to rid the day of what’d happened, create a different memory for today. “But I want to.”
Cas took hold of my arm and guided me out of the kitchen. “You have a baby monitor on in the bedroom that you brought with you. We can hear if they wake up. Let me distract you some more.”
He was too persuasive, or maybe I was too easily persuaded. “Just kissing.”
“Is that what you said when you were sixteen?”
“I’ve said it plenty of times since then too.” I grinned, knowing I hadn’t stuck to any of them.
He sat down on the sofa, gently pulling me down next to him and the kissing restarted, reminding me of being younger, when all of the exploring went on and you weren’t really sure of what came next, only neither of us were that innocent any more.
I ran my hands under his T-shirt, feeling the tone of his muscles there, dragging my nails over the dusting of hair that led down to the waistband of his shorts, my wrist grazing his cock through the material which made him gasp into my mouth.
Cas explored too, his hands under my top, tentatively cupping my breasts through my bra, his mouth travelling to my neck and we were both lying on the sofa, him over me.
Then he slipped lower, his tongue trailing over my stomach, soft kisses placed on skin that hadn’t been touch for so, so long. I’d showered when we’d arrived here, needing to freshen up and I was glad now I had, his hands tugging on the waistband of my leggings.
“Can I?”
“I think I’ll combust if you don’t.” I was remembering how much I’d missed sex, missed having someone else to bring me to orgasm.
He tugged the leggings and my underwear off me, pulling a blanket partially over us, and then his mouth was between my legs, tasting me tentatively and then he began to demonstrate skills I’d forgotten could exist.
His wife must’ve been delirious to give this up, but I wasn’t enough of a fool to think that good sex was the foundation for a good marriage.
I was aware of where we were, that the girls could come downstairs at any point, although we would hear them first on the monitor. Still, it meant this could be over at any point, and the thought of having to stop before I’d reached that climax was enough to focus me.
Cas looked up at me, toying my clit with his tongue, one hand on my thigh, playing with a finger at my entrance with the other. He pushed a digit in, then a second, the stretch better than any toy hidden under my bed. Curved fingers, probably borne of experiences I didn’t want to think about, had me starting to see stars, my vision blurring and then everything convulsed, my body racked with a delicious orgasm, the world turning inside out for a few precious moments.
I was catching my breath and trying to not laugh at the smugness on Cassian’s face when the baby monitor came into life.
“Mummy? Mummy?”
“Heidi.” I sat up, guilt filling me for a variety of reasons, including leaving Cassian in a state that looked painful. “I need to go – I’m sorry.”
He grinned, handing me my underwear. “There’ll be other times. Go check Heidi.” He passed me my leggings, no longer inside out from when he’d stripped them off.
I pulled them on as I was running, feeling part like a terrible parent for not standing vigil over the girls, and partly in rapture that I’d just recovered something of myself from before I’d had Heidi and lost Joel.
“I’m here.” I said the words quietly in case Mia was still asleep.
She wasn’t. The pair of them were sat up in bed, sheets and blankets round them. They looked tiny, younger in this half-light.
I sat on the bed, squidging in between them. “Everything’s okay. I was getting a drink downstairs.” So was Cassian, but that was something no one else would ever know. “What’s woke you?” I hoped it was just unfamiliar sounds.
“The moon woke me.” Heidi pointed at the window. The curtains were drawn but they were old and thin, and the full moon was shining right through. “And I forgot where we were.”
“Heidi woke me up,” Mia said, looking like a sleepy mouse. “But I like the moon. It means the man in the moon’s awake.”
I smiled, remembering a story I’d told them both on one of the many occasions I’d looked after Mia overnight and she’d had a sleepover with Heidi. “There’s always someone awake. The man in the moon and the owl we hear at home. The old man of the sea never sleeps, unless it’s a really calm day.”
“And Mavis. Mavis is always awake. She told us she was always watching so she must never sleep.” Mia looked ever so serious.
One day she’d know just how much Mavis did sleep, but even so, there still wasn’t much that Mavis missed. “So if you wake up, you know you’re not alone. And there are cities that don’t sleep, like New York in America.”
“I want to go to New York,” Heidi said, not at all sleepy now. “And France and Spain and Grannie’s.”
“I think Grannie’s is happening this weekend. You’re both staying and you can go swimming. But you won’t enjoy it if you’re tired, so you need to bank some sleep now. It’s late, so late the man in the moon is wide awake and having lunch.”
“Lunch? But it’s night-time.” Heidi had lain down so hope was not lost.
“The man in the moon does the night shift, which you do not. Mia, are you okay?” I pulled the summer blankets over Heidi. Mia was already snuggled back down in the bed. “Is the light from the moon going to stop you from sleeping?”
“No, I like it. I like this house too.” She turned onto her side and curled up, a bit like a cat.
“I’ll tell Mr Caddick that you like this house. Maybe he’ll show you some more tomorrow after school.”
“We’re staying here while our house is mended?” Heidi stirred.
I put the covers back where they were.
“For a few days we are. It’ll be like camping.”
Heidi’s eyes fluttered. My daughter woke up rapidly but fell asleep the same way. Her father had been the same.
I thought about what Cassian had said, how she was like me. I hadn’t seen it before, not in her personality because she looked like me enough, but then I hadn’t seen the traits he’d listed in me. I pressed a kiss on her forehead, doing the same to Mia, whose eyes flickered open.
“I want to stay with you when Mummy comes home. I love Mummy but your home is happy.”
Mia’s words broke my heart.
“We’ll make sure your mummy knows you love her.” I wasn’t sure how to respond to the rest, but I understood what I’d known all along: I’d do whatever I could to keep Mia safe and happy, just like I’d do with Heidi.
If she stayed with me, we’d definitely need a bigger house.