Chapter Three
The birds and the bees…
Uncle Zarek pointed at the bed. “Sit.”
“But what if they start fighting?”
The Overlord shrugged. “Males fight. Sit down.”
I sat and flinched when something heavy hit the door. “Can’t you stop them?”
“I will not meddle in their dispute. They must determine dominance.”
“And Jaxor?”
“He is Askole.”
“He’s a baby,” I countered.
Uncle Zarek shot me an annoyed glare. “Who will become a warrior.”
A loud thud sounded and the weapons on the walls rattled.
“Unfortunately.” Testosterone was the bane of the galaxy.
“Has your father talked to you about the physical differences between a human male and a Coletti?”
“No.” Where was this going?
Uncle Zarek frowned . “Did he explain to you what happens between a male and a female?”
I stared at him in utter horror. Oh, my, God. He wasn’t going to give me the birds and the bees speech, was he? “Relax I had sex education classes in school.”
“Sex with a Coletti warrior is not the same. I need to educate you on our anatomical differences.”
God, just kill me now. “Do you hafta?”
“Yes, I hafta. Some females find our penis frightening.”
A giggle escaped me . “Seriously? Does it have teeth or something?”
“No.” Uncle Zarek rubbed a hand over his face. “Did you notice the slit in Kaelen’s abdomen?”
I nodded.
“We are a warlike race and to protect our ability to procreate, the Goddess placed our appendages in a shielded pouch inside our abdomens.”
Okay. That kinda made sense. “So, kicking a Coletti warrior in the nuts is only going to piss him off?”
“Exactly.”
What was he being so mysterious about? “Ok, what’s so scary about your man parts?”
Uncle Zarek stared at me for a long moment, and an image formed in my head.
My eyes widened in horror as a snakelike penis with a frill of tentacles around the top slid out of a stomach slit. “Tentacles? Are you freakin’ kidding me? What is it with aliens and tentacles? Ewww.”
“The tentacles increase a female’s pleasure,” Uncle Zarek replied.
The tentacles vibrated wildly like some freaky sex toy. “Oh, hell, no. That is not going inside me. Ever.”
An exasperated frown formed on Uncle Zarek face . “You do not have a choice in the matter.”
“The hell I don’t.”
“Coletti warriors are masters of seduction. Kaelen will simply overcome your reluctance.”
I crossed my arms and said sweetly, “It’s obvious you’ve never dealt with a woman suffering from PMS before. When it’s that time of the month Earth girls are fearless and capable of taking down an armed warrior without breaking a nail. We’re Attila the Hun in a dress.”
“Attila the Hun?
“A conqueror kinda like you.”
Uncle Zarek scowled when his communication bracelet beeped. “We will continue this discussion later. Captain Zan is becoming unruly.” He vanished
The bathroom door slid open.
Dad was sporting a blackeye. Kaelen had a busted lip and a nice bruise on his left cheek.
“So, are we all good now?” I refused to look at Kaelen’s slit.
They nodded.
I took Jaxor from Kaelen. “Just so you know, you are not putting that thing in me.”
“What are you talking about?” Dad looked confused.
“Uncle Zarek just explained the anatomical differences between a human male and a Coletti warrior.” I flashed Dad the image of the tentacled penis. “Ewww. Just ewww.”
Dad started laughing. “I don’t have to worry about getting you a chastity belt.”
“Chastity belt?” Kaelen inquired.
Still laughing, Dad replied, “Think of it as a metal diaper to prevent sexual intercourse.”
Kaelen shook his head . “Humans have strange customs.”
“Don’t I know it.” Dad looked around. “Where is Zarek?”
“He left to deal with an irate Captain Zan.”
Kaelen cursed and teleported.
“Was Mom surprised that you didn’t have tentacles on your penis?” Call me curious.
Dad ran a gentle hand down the side of my face. “She was. Our relationship was built on love and trust. Your bond with Kaelen is unbreakable and some adjustments will need to be made.”
“You think?” I shuddered. “Ugh. Tentacles.”
“Do you love Jaxor any less because of his tentacles?”
I expelled a long breath. “No. They are kinda cute, but he doesn’t have any on his boy parts.”
“Do you find Kaelen less attractive now?”
A rueful smile curved my mouth. “No, I still want to lick every inch of him, and I know that no matter what comes, he’ll stand at my side.”
“There you go.”
I hugged him. “You’re pretty smart for an old guy.”
“Have I told you how proud I am of you?”
“Right back at ya. You’re the best dad ever.”
Jaxor patted my face. “My momma.”
“Yes, I am.” I touched Dad’s chest. “And this is your grandpa.”
“Gumpa?”
“Grandpa.”
Jaxor let out an ear-shattering shriek. “Gumpa. Mine.”
“Gumpa it is,” Dad tossed Jaxor into the air and caught him. “You’re a very smart little boy.”
“Me. Smart.”
I tickled his tummy. “Yes, you are.”
“Let’s get a diaper on him before he has another accident,” Dad said .
“Good idea.”
Dad picked up a container. “There are enough diapers and formula to last for a week. I also brought you a traveler’s belt. Put it on.” He handed it to me. “You never know when you’ll need a quick retreat.”
“Ain’t that the truth.” I quickly donned it.
Placing Jaxor on the bed, Dad expertly diapered him and grinned. “I haven’t lost my touch.”
“Let’s hope Uncle Zarek was able to calm Captain Zan down or Qa’a will be feasting on his soldiers.”
“He gives me the willies,” Dad replied with a shudder.
I raised an eyebrow. “Qa’a or Uncle Zarek?”
“Both.”
Kaelen popped back into the room. He was now dressed in a black battlesuit and carrying a garment bag.
“Are we at war with the Alliance?” Dad demanded.
“Captain Zan is not a fool. He knows if he had tried to attack Zarek’s warbird Qa’a would have eaten his soldiers and destroyed his battle fleet.” Kaelen handed me the garment bag. “Get dressed quickly. Zan is anxious to meet you.”
“Me? Why?”
“To confirm the rumors that a single human female destroyed over fifteen Tai-Kok ships.”
“Thirteen, but who’s counting?” I took the garment bag and headed for the bathroom.
Dad bellowed, “Thirteen? I thought it was nine?”
I shrugged and darted into the bathroom.
I opened the bag. Silky black underwear.
That fit perfectly. Too perfectly. Next, I took out black leggings and a long-sleeved black knee-length tunic made of some kind of velvet-like material with a silver design woven into it.
It was utterly beautiful. I hurriedly dressed and wished I had a mirror.
What had the shower from hell done to my hair?
“Captain Zan has no interest in your appearance,” Uncle Zarek growled. “Come to the conference room. Now. ”
“Yes, sir.” I pulled on the black ankle boots Kaelen had provided and rushed out.
Dad and Kaelen stared at me.
“Is it my hair?”
“No, you’re gonna knock ‘em dead sweetheart.”
Kaelen held out his hand. “You are perfect.”
“Uh-huh.” I placed my hand in his. “Take good care of Jaxor, Dad.”
He rocked Jaxor in his arms. “I will.”