Chapter 5 #2
I watched as the door closed, all of a sudden acutely aware that I’d been left alone with Garrett for the first time since that night.
I inhaled through my nose, squared my shoulders, and turned to face him, pasting on a false bravado.
I wouldn’t let myself think about the fact that he looked good—really good—in his standard uniform of jeans and T-shirt, or the fact that his hair was hanging loose around his face and I could still remember how silky it felt that night almost four years ago.
And I certainly wouldn’t think about the fact that he looked like he’d packed even more muscle onto his massive frame.
Nope. Wasn’t even going to think about it. Not even a little bit.
“So what’s up?” I internally cringed at the high-pitched sound of my voice.
“You just gonna stand there, or you want to sit down and get comfortable?”
Crossing my arms over my chest—more for protection than anything else—I scowled at his still-smiling face, silently cursing his straight teeth and gorgeous dimples. “I’d been hoping that whatever you had to say would be short enough that there’d be no need to get comfortable.”
“For fuck’s sake,” he mumbled, leaning back in the recliner and shoving a hand through his long blond hair. “Will you just fuckin’ sit down, Gwen.”
“Fine,” I grumped, dropping down onto the couch but making a point to remain on the edge so he’d know I had no intention of sticking around for long. “What’s so important that I had to find a sitter and drag my ass all the way over here?”
His eyes made a heated track along my body again, that time coming to a stop on my breasts.
I peeked down and quickly dropped my arms once I noticed that crossing them under my boobs caused them to strain at the material of my sweater.
My back went straight and I cleared my throat to pull his attention away from my chest.
It wasn’t simply the fact that we were alone that was making me antsy, or that I still found him insanely attractive—even though I hated him.
It was that I could have sworn those intense green eyes of his were flashing with something I hadn’t seen since the night we made Liddy.
And despite my brain screaming in warning, my body still reacted.
My skin felt hot, my breathing was erratic, and, against my better judgment, my panties grew damp.
I’d been telling myself for years that the draw I’d felt that first night was gone, long extinguished by his immature, callous behavior.
But the truth was I still felt an inconceivable pull toward him…
and I hated it. I didn’t want to want him anymore, but something about him called to me like a goddamned moth to a flame.
“You haven’t deposited any of the checks I’ve sent you.”
That one sentence was enough to douse the fire that had been smoldering in my belly. “Christ, Garrett. Seriously? That’s what this is all about? I’m not having this conversation with you.”
I stood and started for the stairs, but for a man so big he was surprisingly quick on his feet, blocking my escape route before I made it more than a few feet.
Grabbing my elbow, he spun me until my back hit the wall next to the mouth of the staircase.
His big, solid body pressed in until only an inch of space separated us.
“Will you stop fuckin’ fighting me at every turn, Gwen?
That money’s supposed to help take care of you and Liddy. What the fuck is your problem, huh?”
I snapped right back, drilling my index finger into his chest. “No, Garrett! That money isn’t to support Liddy and me.
It’s so you can feel better about the fact that you’re a shitty human being, and only a slightly less shitty father.
You write those checks to help ease your guilt over the fact that you’ve probably seen your own daughter a handful of times in the past three years. That’s not my problem. It’s yours.”
His eyes burned into me as he moved even closer. “You didn’t seem to have a problem cashing one of those checks last year, did you?” he sneered. “Bet that ten grand made things pretty fuckin’ comfortable, huh? How about you stop being such a bitch for two seconds and show a little gratitude.”
“Gratitude?” I asked on a low, threatening whisper as my insides began to burn with hatred.
I was so angry my entire body began to shake.
“You expect me to show gratitude? Have you lost your fucking mind? The only reason I cashed that goddamn check was because my insurance wouldn’t cover the entire cost of Liddy’s surgery and you fucking know it!
” If I hadn’t been in such a rage I might have noticed the way his body jerked back in shock, but I was on a roll and unable to stop.
“You want me to thank you for that? Fine. Thank you so much for paying for our daughter’s procedure. That totally makes up for the fact that you’re a selfish prick who couldn’t bother to find the time to actually show up to the hospital!”
One second I was in his face, yelling out my fury, and the next I was pinned back against the wall again, a livid Garrett bearing down on me. “What the fuck are you talkin’ about?” he snapped so viciously that I felt the very first niggling sense of fear.
“What?”
“I said,” he snarled, “what the fuck are you talking about?”
“Liddy’s surgery, Garrett,” I answered in bewilderment. “The surgery to put the tubes in her ears.”
“My daughter had fuckin’ surgery and you didn’t tell me?” he bellowed. His arm reared back and he punched a hole in the wall just inches from my head, causing me to let out a started squeak.
I tried to move around him, to escape his terrifying rage, but his hands hit the wall on either side of me, boxing me in as he roared, “Answer me!”
“I did tell you!” I shouted back. “I called when the doctor told me the tubes were the only way to stop her ear infections! I called and called, but I could never get through to you, so I called Chris and told him that the surgery had been scheduled. He said he’d let you know.
When you never called me back, I even reached out to Kimber, and I can’t stand that woman! ”
“Bullshit,” he snapped. “They would have told me.”
My back shot straight at his accusation and my anger took control once again, snuffing out the fear and uncertainty I’d been experiencing.
“You and your friends might think I’m some white-trash gold digger, but I’d never keep something like that from you.
I called and told them everything. They swore you’d be there the day of the surgery, but you weren’t.
While you were God knows where, doing God knows who, I sat in that waiting room all alone.
I just kept praying that everything went okay, that Liddy would be all right.
I was terrified, Garrett. And where were you, huh? Where were you?” I finished on a shout.
He staggered two feet back, his hands tugging at his hair agitatedly as he stared at me.
“I… I didn’t know,” he said quietly. “I swear to fuckin’ God, Gwen.
This is the first I’m hearing about any of it.
I didn’t know. They didn’t say a goddamn word.
You think I’d intentionally miss something that important?
Jesus, Gwen, I know you hate me, but do you really think I’m that big a prick? ”
“I honestly don’t know,” I answered in a quiet, defeated voice.
“I’ve known you for almost four years and I don’t have the first clue who you really are.
All I know is I met a guy one night who I thought I had a connection with.
For the first time in forever, I felt something other than crippling loneliness.
I went to bed with that guy, but I woke up with a selfish, narcissistic rock star who didn’t give a shit about anyone but himself.
And you’ve spent the better part of those years proving my assumptions right. ”
“That’s a low blow,” he whispered.
“Maybe.” I shrugged. “But am I wrong? Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you’ve put Liddy’s needs above your own?”
“I love my daughter,” he snarled, leaning even closer.
“I don’t doubt that. But loving her and being a parent don’t go hand in hand just because you want them to, Garrett.
You made the conscious decision to carry on with the lifestyle you lived before she came into the world.
You chose to put your goddamn parties and one-night stands before your daughter.
And it was you who’s missed every single milestone in her life so far.
And you’re surprised that you’ve surrounded yourself with people just as selfish as you?
” I let out a humorless laugh. “I’d expect nothing less from Chris and Kimber.
Hell, I’d expect the same from any one of you.
I’ve never met a group of more entitled, self-absorbed assholes in my life. ”
“What do you want from me, huh?” he snapped. “It’s not like I wanted to miss that shit. I was working!”
“Missing your daughter’s first birthday because you’re on a yacht in the Mediterranean with a swimsuit model is not considered working, Garrett,” I threw back.
“That was one time,” he said through clenched teeth. “One time. I made a fuckin’ mistake, but you’re so goddamn high and mighty you won’t let me live it down. We can’t all be as fucking perfect as Saint Gwen.”
I narrowed my eyes into slits. “I never claimed to be perfect. I make plenty of mistakes, but I always put my daughter first. Hate to break it to you Garrett, but being a parent takes more than a couple of phone calls, short visits every few months, and ridiculously expensive presents sent by mail. It means being there for your kid when she’s sick or hurt, something you’ve never done.
You might love Liddy, but you’re a fucking lousy excuse for a dad. ”
“What the fuck do you want me to do?” he roared, causing me to jump as he stalked away from me and began pacing like a wild, caged animal.
“I didn’t ask for you to get knocked up, for fuck’s sake!
This is my life, Gwen. This is what I do.
I record. I tour. And yeah, I fuck available pussy when it’s laid out in front of me if that’s what I want to do.
You know why? Because I’m fuckin’ single and I can!
But that shit doesn’t touch Liddy, you know that.
I keep that away from her. So what the fuck do you want from me? ”
All of a sudden, the air was knocked from my lungs and my shoulders felt too heavy to hold up straight under the crushing weight of disappointment. “Nothing,” I answered with quiet veracity. “I don’t want anything from you.”
He came to an abrupt halt and stared me down, his eyes flashing furiously. Something seemed to be warring inside of him, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but it was gone before I could place it.
“Deposit those checks,” he ordered, his jaw clenched.
“I told you, any money you want her to have goes into a bank account set up by you until we agree she’s old enough to access it. Until then I’m more than capable of taking care of my daughter.”
“She’s my fuckin’ daughter too.”
I pushed off the wall and straightened my back, refusing to let him see what our most recent fight had taken out of me.
Every single maternal instinct inside of me rushed to the surface.
Liddy was my world, the only flesh and blood family I had left on this earth, and she deserved so much better than what she’d been born into.
My life might not have turned out the way I’d planned, but the minute I saw the pink plus sign on that test stick, I became a mother.
Every breath I’d taken since that moment was for her, and they would be until the day I died.
She was the most precious thing I had, and I’d be damned if I stood there and let this man make excuses for all but abandoning her.
“Then start acting like a father! You want the right to tell me to deposit those checks? Then prove to me that you can be more than someone who pops into her life whenever it’s convenient for him. Until that happens, you have no right to make any demands.”
With that, I spun and stomped up the stairs, determined to get the hell out of Garrett’s house. That stupid mansion, in all its opulent glory, held nothing but bad memories.