Chapter 29
A gloomy shadow falls over Hunter’s face—that stunning face I’d love to kiss until all that dejection vanishes. How I long to bury myself in his arms so everything else disappears until it’s just the two of us.
His chest heaves as he stares at me, looking like I’ve never seen him before—so utterly gutted. And it’s because of me.
You broke his heart .
I know. That’s why I’ve been incapable of seeing him—because I broke my promise. That sacred promise, sacrificed just to ensure our survival. But the cost is too high, and I wonder if we will overcome this strain.
Everything he said doesn’t make it less true. It’s his version of the story, and while we’re both in the right, I’m the one who made the decision, disregarding his feelings.
I have longed for his love for so long, and in the end, I single-handedly broke us.
I hate Felix with all of me. Because as I look at the man I love through blurry eyes, I am terrified that I’ve already lost him.
I cry quietly. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, but my apology only seems to make it worse because he scoffs and drops on his ass, rocking slightly. With his elbows resting on his knees and his face in his palms, he looks so damn lost.
“You’re sorry,” he mumbles.
Our conversation reminds me of our beginnings when we had that push-pull thing going on, always ending in a stalemate.
“What can I do?” I ask, leaving it to him. I’d spend my whole life looking over my shoulder if he can’t deal with this engagement. I don’t know if I can bear our separation, either. Nothing has hurt me more than that. Remember why you’re doing it. But it’s secondary. His pain is my pain, and it’s slaughtering my insides.
“You’d do anything for me?”
I approach him on unsteady feet, but my conviction strengthens me. “I would.”
Tipping his chin up, a heart-wrenching sigh escapes his mouth. “Strange way of showing me that.”
I know he’s hurt, but he’s being unfair. I don’t know what to do. How to make it all better.
“Do you want me to be your dirty little secret, Bailey? I have experience with that.”
My heart plummets in my belly, and I doubt I can lift it back to its rightful place.
A scream pierces the room, and I realize it’s coming from me; a butchered sound and sobs follow. I can’t believe he said that. My nails bite into my palms, breaking the skin, hoping for pain to ground me. The physical discomfort is nothing compared to being thrust into this dark place where demons mock me while guilt boils my flesh until I remain a pile of bones.
In an instant, he’s up, gripping my hands and stopping me from injuring myself. Pulling out his handkerchief, he dabs at my bloody palms before kissing each gently.
“Fuck. I am sorry, love. I shouldn’t have said that. I love you so fucking much. I hurt like hell, but that doesn’t give me a reason to act and say the shit I just did.”
My love has reminded him of the most awful experience of his life. I think my heart won’t recover from being responsible for that.
I am dirty. My love is dirty. I’m unworthy of love. Never learned how to. I’m failing the only person I’ve ever wanted to love.
He palms my cheeks, lifting my face up so I can look at him. “Stop thinking whatever you’re thinking. Please.”
“I can’t…”
“Maybe it’s better I stay away. You’re a bigger and better person than I could even dream of being. I bloody knew why I stayed away, because I’d hurt you, eventually. I could never deserve you. Fuck, you’re doing this for all of us, and here I am making it worse.”
Do that. Let me die in peace . Who cares about freedom when I’ve lost the only thing I was looking forward to?
He kisses my forehead tenderly, his lips lingering there for a moment longer. Please, don’t let it be goodbye. He might as well thrust his hand in my chest and rip that organ out that beats only for him. Without him, I don’t want it any longer. He can have it as a reminder of my love for him.
He takes a step back, but I only cry inwardly this time. He can’t hear those sounds ripping me to shreds. My eyes catch the ring. It’s not his, even though I wished it were. He had to see me being kissed by someone else. I would be even worse in his place. Maybe it’s because of how I came to the world, a product of an affair. My existence was soiled long before I was fully formed.
If I could turn back time, I would have stayed away or tried to, but would I have succeeded?
Don’t go. Please don’t leave me . I am begging him with my eyes while I keep my arms to myself. Every step that takes him further away from me pierces a dagger deeper into my chest. I drop to my knees, the pool of black drowning me.
“Please Bailey…”
What he doesn’t say rings louder than words. Pull yourself together so he can do the same .
I wonder if soul mates truly exist, because right now it’s like we share this common thread that binds us. All I wanted to do was bathe him in my love, heal every wound, and build something I never had—a family, a home, a life with him.
“Go. I just need a minute,” I assure him, but my choked-up voice betrays me.
I stare at the rug, nausea crawling up my throat, the bitter taste coating my tongue. Hold it together . I hear the door opening, then closing with a soft click. He left.
I dash toward the bathroom. Hugging the toilet seat, I empty the poison. Vomit shoots out of my mouth, making me weaker by the second. I am surprised when I feel his touch as he gathers my hair in his hand and strokes my back.
“Shh. It’s okay. I’m here.”
I don’t want him to see me like this, but with my strength gone, I barely push at his chest. He’s stronger, and I end up wrapped in his arms.
“I can’t leave you. I’ll never leave you. I vow to you, even if I’m never going to love you openly and freely ever again.”
Sobs wreck me, and I clutch his shirt, feeling his erratic heartbeat. “I love you so much I’d rather be dead.”
He cups my cheeks, his expression softening. “Do you think I could live knowing you’re not here? Kitten, I’d follow you in death to be with you. I don’t want a future if you’re not in it.”
I shake my head, ashamed. “I don’t deserve your love. Not any longer.”
He brushes his nose against mine, the sweet gesture undoing me. “Who else then? There’s no one else for me. I just need you.”
“I hate this stupid ring, and I hate him so much.” I glare at the innocent ring, wanting nothing more than to throw it into the trash.
His thumb caresses my face, lulling me into believing I can achieve anything. “But you’re going to win. You’re a fighter.”
“You made me into one.”
“I can’t take credit for something you have always been.”
I lift my chin, and his silver eyes shine with unadulterated love and undying devotion as he brings his lips to mine.
“I just vomited. Don’t kiss me.” I put a hand between us to stop him. But his fingers curl around my wrists, and he pulls my arm down, swiftly erasing the barrier.
His head lowers, completely ignoring me as he kisses me. Bringing his forehead to mine, I feel the ghost of his smile. “I’d kiss you covered in horseshit and human parts.”
A giggle rolls out of my mouth. He so would. He moves to stand up, but I dig my fingers even deeper into his jacket lapels.
“I won’t leave. Let me clean you up a bit.”
I nod, depleted of energy because my human charger is not next to me. Even in my head, I sound so damn needy. He’s here, soothing every wound. Despite everything, he didn’t leave me.
I hear the tap on the faucet and then the water running. Wetting a hand towel, he crouches in front of me. With gentle strokes, he wipes at my mouth, then discards it on the marble floor. I sink into his arms, wanting to drown in him and never resurface.
He holds me so tight; I feel his heart beating, and mine automatically synchronizes with his rhythm. Stroking along my arms, he infuses warmth into my frozen being. His presence alone breathes life back into me.
We stay like this in silent companionship as we caress each other.
“I wanted to tell you, but I knew I would have never pulled it off…” It’s a lame answer, but it’s the truth.
“I think that hurt the most… you wanting someone other than me there.”
I was so in my head that I didn’t even think of that. Nestling his hand, I lift it to my chest. “I am so sorry. Please believe me, I wanted no one more than you, but Blake doesn’t have the capacity to make me change my mind. You do.”
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, brushing his hand along my neck and resting it on my thigh. “I am glad you had someone there for you, though.”
“He’s my brother. And your twin is with my brother.”
He waves a hand through the air in a noncommittal gesture. “Nothing strange when you consider the family we were born into.”
A small smile teases my lips. “Can we stay in here forever?”
“I wish we could, but you—”
I shake my head, wishing to erase tonight’s event from my mind. “Please, don’t call him that. I don’t want him to have that power.”
I turn in his arms, and there it is again, that dejected look, even though he tries hard not to by schooling his features.
I palm his face, once again losing the fight with my emotions. “I was terrified you’d break up with me.”
He leans into my touch, bringing his other hand to my cheek. “Oh, my kitten. You alone have the power to end us because I never could.”
“He won’t kiss me again. I won’t let him touch me,” I swear.
I don’t know why I say it—maybe to assure him or strengthen my will. As if it could change our situation. As if it could magically erase my status.
Am I just a horrible person for putting Hunter in this position?
I immediately pull away, standing up.
At the sink, I lower my head and splash some cold water on my face. He’s behind me, our eyes locking in the mirror as his chest ripples with something dark.
“You’re bloody mine, Bailey. Mine alone.” His voice is a low, possessive growl.
“I am yours. Only ever yours.” The words rush out of me. It’s the undeniable truth.
If loving him makes me selfish, then burn me at the stake for it. I refuse to be a pawn in a game I have no say in.
But it’s not up to me.
I’d rather endure this hellish pain on my own than make Hunter feel uncomfortable.
Without a second thought, I blurt out, “I am engaged, and we can’t change that, so if you want to go out and meet someone else in the meantime—” I can’t continue the sentence. I would never be okay if he did that. Even as I think about it, my heart gets smaller and smaller in my chest until it’s a distant shadow.
He thrusts his hips into me, his hands gripping the edge, trapping me between the sink and his chest.
“Is that so? Should I go out and kiss someone else? Fuck someone else, kitten?” His voice is too deceivingly controlled, and I swallow on pure instinct, shaking my head.
“What the fuck did I tell you?”
“That I will be the only one.”
“Don’t let me hear you babbling this shit again to me.”
His voice lowers so deep that my thighs clench. This isn’t the place or the time to get all hot and bothered, but he caresses my pulse, which beats erratically.
In one swift movement, he bunches my dress up and unzips his trousers. That’s all it takes for desire to strum under my skin.
“Hunter…”
Lifting me onto the counter, he says, “I’m going to show you who the fuck you belong and who the fuck I belong to. Fuck you being engaged. You and me. The world can go fuck itself.”
With one thrust, he’s inside of me, making me take all of him—stretching me to my limits, filling me beyond my capacity. I claw at his back, wanting to dig myself just as deep into him. If he needs it like this, I’ll take his punishing fuck. I am brimming with him, gasping for air.
Digging his fingers into my waist, he nuzzles my neck and bites into my shoulder.
“I’m going to come in this perfect cunt of yours, and you’re going to walk back out there with my cum leaking from your hole while feeling me with every step. I will fuck you so hard, Bailey, you’ll never forget who you’re talking to.”
“My man. The only one,” I say through a shaky moan.
His answer is another hard thrust, and I cry out, closing my eyes for a second. I could fly away any moment, but he keeps me tethered to him.
He pulls the zipper of my dress down, uncovering my breasts. It’s so freaking erotic, still being dressed yet joined in the most intimate way. Then he moves to a nipple, sucking on the hardened pebble as the dress pools at my waist. With one arm, he holds me, and with the other, he kneads my breast. He must be a better multitasker than I am because he keeps fucking me. I am riding a high of sensations that make me dizzy.
My head falls back as he plays with my body—he’s turned me into a willing sexual puppet. I give in to the euphoria. With eyes locked and my body molded to his, emotions overwhelm me, and my eyes well up. He splays his hand on my throat, squeezing lightly, sending another jolt of pleasure through me.
“Stay here with me,” he commands in that deep and husky voice of his.
“I am always with you,” I murmur.
“Mine and no one else’s.”
“Never anyone else’s but yours.”
His rhythm changes, becoming frantic, coaxing an orgasm from me that leaves me on unsteady legs. But he’s there, holding me together.
Turning me around, my palms slap against the counter for balance.
“Eyes on me, kitten.”
We never lose eye contact in the mirror, not even when his palm crashes down on my ass, eliciting a gasp from me.
“Whose are you, Bailey?”
He is teetering on control while I am teetering on the edge of an unyielding orgasm. Seems fair.
I don’t even need to think. “Yours.”
I thought that would please him, but another ass smack follows, this one even sharper. The sting blasts through the pleasure, tearing me apart in the best way possible.
“What was that for?” I ask breathlessly.
“So, you never forget.”
As if I could.
He takes my senses on a wild trip, from hard and fast to slow and deep. Everything in me contracts as a second orgasm rips through me, and I know what will happen. I’ll drench his cock in my juices. And when it happens, it turns him feral.
“Just like that. Fuck, my little squirter. I love it when you do that.”
Then he follows, erupting inside of me, and he buries his head in my neck. Catching our breaths, neither of us moves.
“I love you,” I say, needing him to believe me.
He kisses my temple, then brings our fronts together. “I love you—till my last breath, and will love you with my next life as well.”
His declaration of love makes me all emotional. I am safe in his embrace, confident in our love. We stay like that for a moment longer, but it passes way too quickly. I already yearn for him, not knowing how long it will take until we can be together like this again. The thought fills me with unbearable longing.
He zips my dress and says, “He’ll pay for this.” I don’t even care if he is referring to Eric or Felix. In my eyes, both are to blame.
With a long kiss, the goodbye lingers as we try to hold on to us.
He’s the first to slip out, taking my heart with him, which once again feels hollow.
I straighten my dress, arrange my hair, and fix my makeup. The sigh escaping my mouth echoes around me before I leave the room with my thighs sticky from our releases and shaky from how hard he took me. But that offers me a bit of solace. With a smile plastered on my face, I make my way downstairs.
Eric is the first to intercept me—polished to perfection in his tux, hair gelled back and styled immaculately, reeking of false importance. How I’d love to rip his arrogance to shreds, tearing it apart like an old sheet of paper.
I hate him.
I hate that whatever he thinks he feels for me pushed him to steal my freedom.
Remember what is at stake.
I tell myself I have this while my eyes seek Hunter’s. He’s with our friends, locked in a hushed conversation. My place is with them, not with this stranger whose ring I’m wearing and who calls me his fiancée.
I don’t care about a title that I refuse to make mine. This engagement is a means to an end. Period.
“Where have you been?” Eric asks, cutting into my thoughts. The demand in his tone stirs the anger inside of me. I breathe out a long exhale to expel the haze of violence.
“Just needed a bit of alone time.”
He doesn’t seem convinced at all. But I couldn’t care less.
“I tried to find you, but that butler didn’t allow it. Does he know who he’s talking to?” Eric snickers.
“I don’t think Samuel cares. He listens to only one person.”
Eric takes my hand in his again. It feels like bugs are crawling up my skin, and I instantly shudder. I try to pull away, but his grip tightens.
I am not his to touch, yet he does it anyway. Rage bubbles beneath the surface, and I imagine breaking that damn hand so he’d never do it again.
But I can’t cause a scene. My parents are engaged in animated chatter with his parents. They are fabulous actors, and in our world, the key to success is to pretend.
“You make such a lovely couple,” my mother says with a fake smile, leaning closer to whisper, “Pull yourself together.”
“Then maybe you should have taught me how to,” I mumble low.
She huffs, and I stay there among people who ignore me completely as they discuss the logistics of the union and the wedding.
Another round of celebratory wishes and small talk follows. I am afraid that my mask will crack at any moment.
Eric inches his hand lower down my spine, and when he reaches just above my ass, I say, “Don’t.”
“You’re my fiancée,” he scowls, tone dripping with entitlement.
“And that means what, exactly?”
“I can’t touch you?” he asks, incredulous.
A headache throbs behind my temples. I doubt it will get any better as long as I have to deal with him. “Not without my permission.”
“I bet you didn’t say that to him,” he sneers, behaving like a spoiled little kid.
The best thing would be not to antagonize him, but I just want this night over with already.
“What I did or didn’t do before is none of your business. You can call this off anytime,” I say in a sweet tone laced with icy fakeness.
“I’ll make you forget him. I’ve waited so long. What will a few more months be?”
His delusion knows no bounds. I’d sooner forget myself than forget Hunter.
“Excuse me. I’m going to spend a bit of time with my friends now.”
I don’t wait for him to reply. Reaching my friends, the girls hug me so tightly I might fall apart any second.
“If the asshole thinks he can change our dynamics, he’s mistaken. We’ll move with you here then,” Abi says resolutely.
Mia offers me an apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry, Bailey.”
Celine squints at something behind me. “If he comes over, I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”
“Promise me you’ll be all right and that you will take care of yourselves while I am not at the house.” I don’t know what I’d do if something were to happen to any of them. If the information is correct, that Felix would kill them but keep me alive, then this would be the best opportunity for that.
“Don’t worry. Security is tight, and if he wants to come after us, let him try,” Kaden assures me.
“Only if we were that lucky because, with his next move, he’ll be dead,” Blake counters.
Dane winks at me and says, “Don’t worry about us.”
Hunter is once again silent, and an unyielding fist wraps around my heart, squashing it. I can’t do anything to comfort or reassure him, and that drags me to the pits of misery.
“He’ll be fine,” Mia whispers to me. “What you’re doing is so brave. You’re so selfless.”
“You’d do it in a heartbeat too.”
That’s the thing in our group—we’d march into danger willingly if it meant keeping each other safe.
I should go before he comes over. It’s not only Hunter; my friends would enjoy nothing more than using Eric as a punching bag.
As I dart to move away, I catch the muscle ticking in Hunter’s jaw.
Our eyes lock.
“Go before I change my mind,” he mouths.