9. Ravenna
Ravenna
I n the light of day, I thought he’d transform once again into a brooding beast, but he doesn’t. Much to my surprise, he remains in bed with me, cuddling, letting me explore his body. The tightness of his jaw tells me he’s uncomfortable with it, but he’s trying, for me. My heart warms.
The scar that stretches from his forehead to his chin actually doesn’t stop there, it continues down to his shoulder where it’s obscured by a tattooed patch of four-leaf clovers which bleed into purple bell-shaped flowers that grow from a skull.
I trace them with my finger, snuggled up to Cian’s side.
“What is this flower?” I ask him, intrigued by the purple bells and the skull.
“Foxglove. It’s poisonous. I chose it to remind me that beautiful things can be deadly.”
I want to ask for details, but I hold my tongue. “They’re pretty. I love purple flowers, especially purple tulips.”
“What do you love about them?”
“I guess… their simple grace.”
“I see.” He lifts onto his elbow, rolling until I’m halfway beneath his massive form.
Gently, he smooths my hair away from my face.
“There are some things I want to tell you. I don’t know why I want to let you in closer, there’s just something about you.
More than the fact that we’re to spend our lives together.
I can’t explain it.” His gaze searches my face, seeking answers.
I know what he means. He gets under my skin too. In both good and bad ways. I’m not sure what to make of it either. Last night I was dead set on shielding my heart against him, until that kiss.
That kiss melted my resolve faster than you can say whiplash .
That kiss was my undoing.
He clears his throat, drawing my full attention. “I was engaged once. Years ago. It was a love match. Or so I thought.”
I hold my breath, hoping he’ll tell me more. I’m desperate to understand him. Every clue he reveals about himself is another piece to the puzzle that is him. I want to see the full picture.
“Long story short, she was in love with my brother, and the two of them wanted me out of the way. They betrayed me. They…” he clears his throat again, and I realize it’s a nervous habit. “They did all of this to me.” He gestures to his body. “I miraculously survived. Then I killed them both.”
Oh. My. God . My heart wrenches. I reach for him, caressing his cheek, but don’t dare speak. Afraid that whatever I say will scare him into silence.
“After that, I never wanted to marry. I didn’t let anyone close to me ever again. I most certainly never wanted a wife.” His eyes squeeze shut. When he opens them, gazing down at me, I see his inner struggle. “But now I have you.”
Marrying me has forced him to face his fears. I’m doing that. This must be difficult for him. I can’t imagine being in love, then betrayed like that, to swear off ever having someone in my life again, only to end up in an arranged marriage with a stranger, who is also my enemy’s daughter.
“I don’t know what to do with you,” he admits, caressing my hair.
“You don’t know me yet, but I’m the kind of man who’s loyal to a fault.
I take my vows seriously. I’ll never stray from you.
I will cherish you, if you’ll let me. We obviously have a passionate physical connection.
But I don’t think I can ever fully trust you.
Trust isn’t in my nature any more. Maybe with time… but I doubt it.”
Guilt coils around my chest, squeezing the air from my lungs.
I’m a living, breathing lie. I lied to him the very first moment I saw him, and now there’s no way to come clean.
We’ve reached a tentative peace since last night and I don’t want to ruin it.
There’s no way forward other than to keep to my not-so innocent deception.
If I tell him the truth now, he’ll definitely feel betrayed, lied to, and he’ll return me to my father. Without my virginity, Papa will sell me as he won’t be able to marry me off.
I mentally shudder at the thought.
A far worse future awaits me if I speak the truth now. Cian can never know that I’ve deceived him. It’s as simple as that. But from this day forth, I will only ever be honest with him about everything else. He deserves that much.
“I understand.” Lacing my fingers through his silky hair, I pull him in for a kiss. “I am also loyal. Fiercely loyal to those I care about. Protective as well.”
He entwines our fingers. “I have no doubt about that. When you get upset, you’re like an angry badger.”
“ What? I am nothing like a badger. Take that back this instant.” I try and fail to hold back my grin.
He smiles, the expression transforming his entire face, softening the edges. My heart skips a beat. “Never. I like badgers.”
I laugh. He nips at the corner of my mouth.
My stomach rumbles, drawing our attention.
Heat warms my cheeks. “Dinner was a long time ago and we’ve been quite… active.”
“Yes we have.” His smile widens and he rolls off of me to call for room service.
Last night and this morning are a one-eighty from what happened on our first night here. Well, except for the destruction of clothing, and the sex, but that was delicious both nights.
I like this version of Cian much better than the previous one. He gives me hope for a brighter future together.
Maybe this wasn’t a huge mistake after all.
“ D o you have any other family?” I ask. We’re wearing white fluffy robes at the breakfast table and I’ve already devoured my weight in pancakes, eggs, and bacon. “I mean, besides your terrible brother.”
He swallows a piece of sausage before answering.
“Yeah, a bunch of cousins, but we’re not close.
They’re too straight and narrow for my side of the family.
Ma died giving birth to us, and Pa spent the rest of his short life in prison.
My brother and I were never close. I should have seen his betrayal coming. ” He glances away.
“Wait, giving birth to both of you? You’re twins?”
“Yeah. I’m the oldest, and my brother was always envious of me. He didn’t think it was fair that our birth order determined who got to inherit the leadership role.” He features harden. “I didn’t realize how much he wanted me out of the way until he betrayed me like that.”
My heart pinches. My twin and I are so close, I can’t imagine either of us turning on the other like that. Family is supposed to have your back, to be your support system, but it sounds like Cian never had that.
While I feel sorry for him, these insights also enable me to better understand him. I have my twin and my cousins, we’re close, but Cian has never had anyone. At least, not family.
“Who raised you?” I ask, since his parents obviously didn’t.
“My only living grandparent, Grandpa O’Rourke. He was also the Gaelic Devils’ leader until I came of age. He passed on a few years before my brother’s betrayal. I’m glad he didn’t have to witness all of that.” He falls silent, pensive.
“Oh?” I prompt. “He may have helped you.”
Cian shakes his head. “Nah, he would have called me a damned fool. He never liked Shawn. Which only added to my brother’s jealousy.
But Grandpa O’Rourke warned me about Shawn once, told me he saw envy in his eyes, but I didn’t pay him much mind.
So I have only myself to blame for being blindsided like that. ”
“It’s hard to believe when those who are supposed to be our closest allies become our enemies instead.” I know it all too well.
Papa and Matteo should have taken care of me. Protected me. Instead, I suffered their abuse. Until now. Marrying Cian is my escape.
“How about you?” he asks. “Tell me about your family.”
“Uh. My sister and I are close. We’re quite a few years younger than Matteo, so he never really paid us much attention. Unless it was to torment me for his amusement. I’m actually close with my three cousins. They are like sisters to me. The five of us girls always have each other’s backs.”
“You’re lucky to have such a big, close family. I envy that,” he admits.
“We’re not all close. I mean, my father and Uncle Davide don't really get along outside of family business. And you know how much of a problem Matteo was for everyone, except Papa who was the one to groom him.”
Cian glances at me. “Are you saying your brother was a monster because that’s what your father turned him into?”
“I don’t really know. Matteo was always… different. Mean. I think Papa just encouraged him to be himself.”
He leans his elbows on the table, his stare unrelenting. “What did he do to you, Elena?”
My gut twists at my sister’s name. Every time he calls me Elena it’s a reminder of my long list of lies. My biggest lie of all. I hate it.
“As I’m sure you understand,” I glance pointedly at his chest, “I don’t really want to talk about the details.”
Silence hangs in the air between us.
After a moment, he sits back. “Fair enough. How about a truth for a truth? I’ll answer one of your questions and then you’ll answer one of mine.”
That’s tempting. Do I want to give him the gritty details? In exchange for knowing more about him, it might be worth it. I hesitate, chewing on a slice of orange, then nod.
“You can go first.” How generous of him.
“Okay. Why did your brother and ex-fiancée do that to you? Why not just kill you quickly and move on with their lives?” I mean, from what I’ve seen, the damage is extensive. They had to have tortured him for days and days.
My stomach twists and I’m no longer hungry. The rest of the orange falls to my plate.
“That’s two questions.”
I realize he’s right. “Fine. I’ll roll it into one. Why did they torture you instead of just killing you and being done with it?”
He thinks on that for a moment. “Because my brother, Shawn, was like yours. And I didn’t realize it before then, but my ex got off on the same shit.
” He clears his throat. “I lost count of how many times they fucked in front of me, covered in my blood, while I lost consciousness. It was their ultimate high. They wanted it to last for as long as possible.”
My lips part in shock and my stomach heaves. Oh my god .
“Cian—”
He shakes his head, cutting me off. “I’ve answered your question.”
“Thank you.” I reach across the table, taking his hand in mine and giving it a gentle squeeze. I’m grateful when he doesn’t pull away, because right now I desperately need to touch him, to give him whatever small comfort he’ll let me. “It’s your turn.”
“How did your brother hurt you?” His lips press into a thin line.
Of course he’d ask that. I’m somewhat prepared to answer.
I close my eyes against the onslaught of memories, some of them still relatively fresh, some going back years.
“He did all kinds of things. When I was eight, he killed my pet rabbit and made me watch. Mostly he liked to hit me. That seemed to turn him on, and sometimes he made me watch him get himself off after beating me. He often threatened to touch me, sexually, but he never did.” Thanks God for that.
Cian’s pale blue eyes brighten with rage, his neck a deep crimson. “Your parents didn’t intervene?”
“They didn’t know.” I look down at my plate.
My statement is mostly true. I didn’t realize how much my father knew about what was happening between me and Matteo until quite recently.
Before a few months ago, I thought Papa simply chose to look the other way.
Now I suspect he put Matteo up to some of those things.
But Cian and Papa have to work together, so they need to get along. I can’t jeopardize that peace for my own selfish reasons. What happened with Matteo is in the past. Papa can’t hurt me now that I’m Cian’s wife.
Abruptly, Cian drags me around the table and into his lap. His huge body folds around mine, his arms caging me against him in a protective, but inescapable embrace.
“Just to be clear, I don’t get aroused by pain, broc meala. I do get off on being in control, of holding your pleasure captive and having you at my mercy, but I’ll never hurt you.” His breath tickles my ear.
Relief sweeps through my veins. I trust him. After how he’s treated me so far, I believe him.
I nod in acknowledgment. In an attempt to lighten the mood, I say, “My clothes, however, are in danger.”
“True.” His low chuckle vibrates in his chest, and I relax against him. “But I’ll buy you ten dresses for every one that I cut from your body.”
“Then you owe me twenty dresses,” I tease.
“I do.”
I twist in his arms, “What does broc meala mean?”
At this question, he simply grins.
I guess we’re done with our questions game. For now.
I plant a kiss on his lips. That chaste kiss turns into sex on the table, then another round in the shower. I simply cannot get enough of this complicated, tormented man. As different as we are in some ways, I think we have more in common than either of us realizes.