16. Ravenna #2
Except when we arrive home, he ushers Mama to their wing of the house, giving me nothing more than a chastising glare. The realization that he’s not going to beat me tonight has the air rushing from my lungs.
Suddenly, I’m bone tired.
Elena and I climb the stairs. She stops in front of her door, gazing over her shoulder at me.
“I love you, Ven, but you need to stop trying to stand up for me. I know my duty to this family. I’ll marry whoever Papa wants and try to make the best of it.
So please, stop angering him for my sake.
I don’t want you to get hurt. You’ve done enough already. Just stop.”
“You know I can’t do that,” I mutter. “That’s not who I am.”
“I know. You’re bold and brave. But I’ll never be those things, and you can’t protect me forever.”
“No. But I can try.”
She gives me a sad smile before slipping into her bedroom. I do the same, being sure to lock my door. It won’t keep Papa out if he changes his mind, but at least I’ll hear the key turn before he enters. Any amount of warning is better than none.
After some tossing and turning, I manage to sleep soundly for several hours, only to be woken by a sharp pain in my abdomen. With a ragged inhale, I sit up.
I’m alone. Darkness shrouds my room.
The pain comes again and this time I recognize it for what it is. Cramps. I’ve started my period.
Which means I’m not pregnant.
Devastation mixes with relief in a jumble of emotions. Cian has no reason to take me back now. Which means I’m stuck in this house forever. My only way out of here is forever gone. The last thread ripped away from me.
A muffled sob tears from my throat.
In a moment of despair, I send a text message into the void.
Ravenna
Please, I’m begging you, don’t leave me here.
O f course my text goes unanswered. He's done with me. After five more days , I have to admit that to myself. Cian really has abandoned me and there’s nothing I can do to change his mind.
But I’m done with remaining silent. The need to explain myself to him overrides any fear of his threats.
So I lay it all out in one message after another.
Maybe blowing up his phone will finally get his attention. Doubt it.
Ravenna
I never meant to hurt you. When Elena disappeared on her wedding day, I took her place to ensure peace between our families.
And to protect my sister from my father’s anger.
If a wedding hadn’t happened that day, he would have hurt her, and I feared that you would have called off the truce. I wanted to stop the bloodshed.
Ravenna
I’ll admit that I had my own selfish motivations too.
Marrying you was my ticket out of here. I never meant any harm.
Obviously I didn’t know about your past at the time.
I understand how my deception looks. I know you think the worst of me.
And I know I can’t change your mind, but I can tell you my side of the story and why I did what I thought I had to do.
I realize now that I should have come clean.
I tried to when we were in the library, but then my sister called and everything blew up. I’m sorry for lying to you.
Ravenna
The connection between us was real for me, and against all odds, I thought we actually had a future together.
I know you don’t believe me. How could you?
But I want you to know that being your wife was the happiest week of my life.
Lying to you is my biggest regret. I know you hate me, and that we can’t fix this, but I needed to tell you the truth.
There. I told him what I needed to say. Too bad it’s too little, too late.
In frustration, at myself as much as at him, I toss my phone on the bed and take a long, hot shower. If only the water could wash away my sins.
Finally explaining myself, even if in a text message that Cian will never read, leaves me feeling both unburdened and adrift. What do I do with my life now? I have absolutely no idea.
Clean, and gravely depressed, I exit the en suite. Only to stop short, when I find my parents in my room. My pulse spikes. Why are they here? Instinctively, I tighten my robe around my body.
“What are you doing in my room?” My gaze flits between them, coming to land on Papa.
“I’ve been waiting to find out if O’Rourke knocked you up or not.
Seems like he didn’t. He’s made it clear when I’ve met with him that he doesn’t want you back.
He said your usefulness has come to an end.
” Papa sneers, eyeing me. “Let’s hope the next guy who fucks you is more satisfied with the goods. ”
My pulse thunders in my ears. “What do you mean? I’m still married.”
“Marriage is a piece of paper. Since you fucked up and have become my responsibility again, I’ve been thinking about what to do with you. Can’t marry you off again. Not legally. So I’m going to sell you. Tonight.”
I gape at him. “You can’t?—”
He backhands me so hard that my lip splits open again, and I can already feel a bruise forming on my tender cheek.
“ Stop telling me what I can and can’t do. I can do anything I fucking want. Tonight, I want to sell you. You will make yourself pretty. That’s final.”
“I won’t.” I blink back the tears in my eyes. “I’m married. I don’t belong to you anymore.”
“Wrong. You’re under my roof, which means you’re mine to do with as I see fit. And you’re no man’s wife, you’re nothing but a used whore.” He glances at Mama. “Make her presentable or you’ll regret it.”
Mama nods and I stare at her in disbelief. I mean, she’s always followed Papa’s orders, but this… She can’t go along with this plan. She’s my mother.
Father approaches me, and I’m too shocked at first to react to his proximity.
Then I’m too late.
He takes my arm. A biting sting is the only warning I get before he empties a syringe into my shoulder. I struggle in vain. The mystery cocktail hits my system two seconds later.
The world tilts. My stomach heaves. I stumble.
“I figured you were going to be a problem. That should calm you the fuck down.” Papa’s words sound distant, liquified.
This is a bad dream. It has to be.
Through hazy vision, I watch Papa leave. Mama sits me down, then obediently starts drying my hair and styling it.
She does my makeup. All the while she murmurs meaningless, senseless words.
Please, God, wake me from this nightmare.