24. Cian
Cian
“ P lease, Cian, I can’t breathe.” My ex squirms beneath me, trying to free herself from the hold I have on her neck.
Her pleading only makes me squeeze harder.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve fantasized about wringing the life out of her.
The way her skin would redden, her lips turn blue, and her eyes bulge.
I want to watch that spark fade as her gaze stares blankly at the ceiling.
“Cian—” She slaps me.
My eyelids fly open.
The scene in front of me shifts, the bedding becomes a starker white. The red hair splayed across the pillow is a darker shade than before.
I blink. And Ravenna materializes before me.
My hand strangles her long neck.
Her blue-grey eyes are wide with terror.
Tearing myself away from her, I scramble out of bed. I stare back at her as she sputters and coughs, trying to catch her breath, and massages her rapidly bruising throat.
What the fuck have I done? This isn’t a dream. It’s a living nightmare.
Disgust—at myself—slithers through my chest. I hurt her. That realization hits me like a boulder.
I stand next to the bed, paralyzed. I have no idea how to deal with this situation, with the ramifications of my actions.
Fists at my side, heart pounding, I insufficiently mutter, “I’m sorry.”
Unable to bring myself to meet her gaze, I stumble into the bathroom and turn on the shower. I need to clear my head. How much of that was a dream versus reality? I rake my fingers through my hair. Gripping tight at the scalp, I tug.
Fuck! I really fucked up, there’s no doubt about that.
I step into the shower’s spray as my mind races with possible courses of action. Ravenna deserves a better apology, and an explanation, at the very least. My intention wasn’t to kill her . It was a dream.
How am I ever going to make her feel safe with me again? I’m no better than her brother and father. I could have killed her this morning. Accident or not, it doesn’t matter.
I punch the wall. The tiles crack and cave in. My knuckles split from the impact. The pain helps clear my mind. Then, the shower door opens and I’m reeling again.
Startled, I glance at Ravenna. Healing bruises mottle her naked body. A deep red rings her neck, and guilt smashes into me like a wrecking ball.
I did that . I hurt her.
I’ll never forgive myself and neither will she.
“Cian.” Her voice draws my gaze to her eyes. She searches mine, then takes a step closer.
“Stop!” I shuffle backward. “Don’t come near me. I’m dangerous. I almost murdered you and would have if you hadn’t woken me up. I’m so sorry—” My anguished words falter.
“I forgive you, Irlandese. ” Her use of that endearment paired with those three words, leave me confused. She can’t possibly forgive what I’ve done. Doesn’t she realize how serious this is?
Ravenna steps closer, crowding me until there’s no more room to retreat. She cups my cheek. Her other hand slides up my chest to the back of my neck. On her tiptoes, she pulls me down for a gentle kiss.
“I’ll never let anyone hurt you like she did.” Her breath brushes against my lips. “This isn’t the first time you’ve spoken her name in your sleep. Let her go, Cian. For me, let go of her memory. I don’t want another woman in our bed, even if she is a ghost.”
Fiona has plagued my nightmares again, in a way she hasn’t in years. They started back up when I abandoned Ravenna and they haven’t stopped, even though I have my wife back.
“Let me help you forget about her.” Ravenna drops to her knees and takes the head of my cock into her warm, wet mouth. My fingers automatically fist her hair. I can never deny this siren anything.
“You don’t have to do this.” I groan as she takes me deeper. “ Jesus. ” Her mouth feels so good, heavenly.
Pulling back, she releases my cock with a popping sound. “We haven’t had sex since… before everything that happened. I know we both needed time to heal, but I’m not waiting a second longer. I need to feel you in me. Please.”
That’s all she needs to say before I’m lifting her from the tile floor, pressing her back to the wall, and giving her what she desires. My mouth crashes down on hers in a desperate need to taste, claim, devour. When she moans my name, my restraint snaps.
I line my throbbing dick up with her entrance and thrust. She cries out as I bury myself deep in her pussy. For a long moment that’s where I stay, sheathed, surrounded by the woman I’m falling in love with. I revel in the feeling of her body. My thumb slips between us, and circles her clit.
“I’ll never be able to forgive myself for hurting you, baby.”
Her soft gaze claims mine. “It was an accident. You were having a nightmare, which is something you can’t control.” She loops her arms around my neck. “I don’t want to live in the past. Step into the future with me, Cian. Let’s leave it all behind. Can you do that?”
“I can try.” I rest my forehead on hers. “No, I can do better than that. I’m done living in the past, too. All I want is us and our future together.”
She exhales against my lips. “We can have that. Now fuck me.”
A weight lifts from my shoulders. My chest grows lighter, airy. Heaven sent this woman to me. An angel. My very own angel.