41. Cian
Cian
“ T his couldn’t wait until morning?” I gripe at Wolfe, who’s standing in my home office. It’s well past midnight. I had to leave the warmth of my bed, and the soft comfort of my wife to come downstairs for this spontaneous meeting with him. “You could always use your phone, you know.”
“Best done in person,” he grunts, sitting in the leather chair opposite my desk. “Finn and Kody were too afraid of your reaction, so they came to me about it.”
Finn and Kody? My wife’s driver and bodyguard?
My heartbeat picks up, driving the remaining cobwebs of sleep from my mind.
“What’s going on?” I growl.
“They saw a man walking with your wife out front of her building today after work. He chatted with her for a while before she got into the car. Apparently, they seemed rather friendly with each other. He wasn’t a stranger to her.
” Wolfe leans forward, elbows on my desk.
“Also, the man had the look of the Irish, not Italian, so he’s not her family. Not one of our guys either.”
Immediately my mind conjures up all kinds of possible scenarios, but only one lingers, manifesting in a full blown vision. Was she flirting with this man? Worse, is she cheating on me?
A dangerous heat crawls up my neck.
We’ve been married for two and half years now, and my greatest fear has come to life. She didn’t take a job because she was bored, or needed a sense of purpose, she took it to meet another man.
How long has this been going on?
Are they planning to run off together?
Is she already pregnant with his child?
I shove my fingers through my hair, grip tight, and tug on my scalp. I’m going to drive myself crazy with these questions. I need answers. Right. Now.
I stand up so fast that my chair topples over, crashing to the floor. A startled Wolfe eases back in his own seat.
“What are you going to do with this information?” he asks.
“I’m going to confront my wife.” I lumber out of the room, up the stairs, and enter our bedroom with such force that the door bangs against the wall.
Ravenna clicks on the light, blinking at me in confusion. She takes in my wild expression and starts to move toward me, reaching for me.
“Stop!”
She halts in the middle of the bed. “What’s happening?”
“That’s what I want to know.” I can’t hold back my glower.
Her furrowed brow deepens. “What?”
“Who is he?”
“Who?” Her gaze shifts around the room, as if these walls will give her more insight.
“The man from work,” I grind out.
Her expression changes from confused to annoyed. “You mean the man who I was talking to outside my building this evening? I assure you, Finn and Kody must have blown that encounter out of proportion if this is your reaction.”
“Who the fuck is he?” My fingers ball into fists.
“Nobody. We work at the agency and occasionally cross paths. That’s all.”
I’m not buying it. “What’s his name?”
“Devlin Doyle.” She slumps back on the bed. “For god’s sake, Cian, did you really wake me up in the middle of the night to question me about a co-worker? You don’t actually think—” She cuts herself off, her gaze sweeping over me from head to toe. “Are you accusing me of cheating on you?”
I clench my jaw. It’s all the answer she needs.
Ravenna grabs the battery powered bedside clock and hurls it at my head. The thing narrowly escapes my skull, crashing against the far wall.
Pink blossoms in her cheeks. “How dare you?” she shouts at me.
“How dare I?” I feel my own temper rising and do nothing to suppress it. “You’re the one chatting up strange men in front of everybody.”
“Chatting up strange men? Really?” She glares. “Let’s address what this is really all about. What’s really going on here.”
“Oh? And what’s that?” I narrow my eyes at her.
“You don’t trust me because you can’t let go of what happened with your ex.”
I flinch as though she struck me. Her words burrow deep, right into the heart of my tainted soul.
She’s right. I have no reason not to trust her. Not now. Not after everything we’ve been through together. But I can’t shake off the past, no matter how hard I try. My fears are so deeply rooted that they’re impossible to pluck out.
When I don’t respond to her accusation, she says, “For the millionth time, listen to me. I’m.
Not. Fiona . Her and I are nothing alike.
I’d never cheat on you. I’d never hurt you like that.
” She sighs, the fight leaving her body.
“You need to see a therapist. I hoped you’d do that on your own, but that’s just not happening.
You need to talk to someone about this, Cian. ”
I shake my head. “I don’t need a damn therapist. What happened is not anyone else’s business.”
“Can’t you see that it’s a poison to our marriage?” She says so low I have to strain to hear her. “It will ruin us. We can’t go on like this forever. The nightmares, your suspicions and inability to trust me. You need help.”
The sadness on my wife’s face causes a spike of pain through my heart. She’s right, of course.
But I can’t imagine talking to anyone, even a stranger, about what happened to me.
I’d be too raw, too exposed, and worst of all, they’d see me as not only weak but stupid.
I was tricked into thinking I was in love with a woman.
Betrayed by not only her, but my very own flesh and blood.
So damn na?ve that they should have just killed me.
Supposedly, it wasn’t all a lie. Right before I killed Fiona with my bare hands, she said she loved me in the beginning. Then she met my brother and fell for him. That the heart wants what it wants, and I shouldn’t hold that against her. She even said she was sorry as the light left her eyes.
Even though Ravenna and I have been married for a few years now, I keep worrying, in the back of my mind, that she’s going to change, like Fiona did. She’ll love me up until the moment that she stops loving me.
I’ve been waiting for that moment since the second my wife got under my skin.
Maybe I should just accept that she’ll be my ruin one day. Until that time, I should treat every moment with her as my last.
“Did you hear me?” she asks, studying my closed off expression. I’ve been standing here like a statue, processing, thinking.
I nod. Some of the tension leaves my shoulders. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Will you see a therapist?”
“I can’t.”
The sliver of hope falls from her features. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry,” I say again. Annoyed at myself for being unable to give Ravenna the one thing that will make her happy, I leave the room. Defeat tangles with remorse in my chest.
Back in my office, Wolfe’s dozing in his chair. He yawns. “How’d it go?”
I glare at him. “When you’re married, you can ask me that question.”
He grunts, seemingly unaffected by my irritability. “What are you doing now?”
My phone in hand, I type out a text message to Brendan, my head of security. Without looking up, I tell Wolfe, “Taking precautions.”
“Normally that sounds like a good idea, so why am I getting a bad feeling?”
I spare him a glance. “I’m having Brendan install tracking chips in all of Ravenna’s purses. That way I’ll always know where she is.”
“Did you tell her about your plan?”
I sigh. “No. And don’t you speak a word of it to her either.”
“No worries there. I don’t even like the woman. Just make sure she doesn’t find out or there will be hell to pay. She’s that type.”
Annoyance flares through me at Wolfe passing judgements about my wife. “You can go.”
He bobs his head in acceptance of his dismissal.
Even at this hour, Brendan replies to my message. He’ll have it done by the end of the week.
I toss my phone on the desk. Am I overstepping by placing tracking devices on my wife? Perhaps. But I’d rather have the peace of mind of knowing where she is, than dreading the unknown. My imagination gets away from me at times.
The jealous, possessive beast within won’t leave me alone. If I don’t do something to ease my mind, I’ll spiral into the pit of darkness where my fears live. They’ll dig their claws into me, unrelenting, until I lose my goddamn mind.
I wish I wasn’t like this, but it can’t be helped.
She says she’d never cheat on me. This way I know for sure.
It’s a win-win.