47. Cian
Cian
W aking up, I’m more clear headed than I’ve been in ages. I lie still, attempting to clearly recall everything that’s led up to this moment. My mind replays everything, but backwards.
The nightmares in London, Fiona’s pendant around Ravenna’s neck, me punishing Ravenna for my own demons. The photos, our fights, vanilla and ylang-ylang, my apologies, her cold shoulder…
Guilt slams into me.
She’s right. We can’t go on like this, and the problem is me. I’m ready to admit that now.
“You’re awake.” Ravenna’s soft tone coats me like salve. “Do you feel better?”
Sitting up, I nod.
“That’s good. I didn’t know when you’d be awake, but I ordered dinner for you anyway. It’s fresh and warm if you’re hungry.”
I clear my throat. “Thank you.” Glancing around, I vaguely remember how we arrived here, but not the reason behind booking a hotel room. Even though I’m the one who made our reservation.
Getting out of bed, I join Ravenna at the table, where we silently eat dinner.
“Why aren’t we at home?” I ask between bites of filet mignon. “My memory’s a little foggy.”
She pats her lips with the napkin. “I’m having the place cleaned, aired out, and exorcized.”
“Exorcized?” Does she believe we’re being haunted?
“Yes. While I don’t believe in ghosts, I figure it can’t hurt.” She sips her wine. “When we arrived home, the place reeked of that perfume. I couldn’t stomach staying there. Not until it’s cleaned. And… I have a theory.”
“Oh?”
Setting down her wineglass, she pins that beautiful blue-grey gaze on me.
“Someone in our household is trying to drive you crazy, and they’ve succeeded.
They’re using reminders of Fiona to haunt you.
Whoever they are, they must have known her quite well.
Who else would have access to her perfume and her jewelry? ”
“You think someone’s doing this on purpose?” I take a minute to wrap my head around that idea.
“Absolutely. These things aren’t coincidental. Someone wants to put you in a vulnerable, off-center state of mind. I think they’re also trying to drive us apart. Though I’m not sure about their end game.”
“I agree that those two things are too much of a coincidence. But the only person around me who knew Fiona that well…”
“Is Wolfe,” she states in such a way that I believe she’s given this a lot of thought.
“Yeah.” I chew on another bite of meat. “Except he wouldn’t do this to me.”
She frowns. “How can you be so sure?”
“I just…” Fuck, I hate sounding na?ve, but Wolfe? We’ve been through so much together. “I just know. It isn’t him. Wolfe saved me from Fiona and Shawn. He’s not about to torment me with my ex all these years later.”
Ravenna releases a long sigh. “Then I’m out of suspects.”
“I’ll look over the security footage with Brendan. I don’t think it’s someone from the inside. If someone is planting things around our house, then they must be breaking in. Or in the case of that pendant, leaving it on our front walkway.”
“I guess that’s possible. It would be easier for someone with access though,” she points out.
I grunt in agreement. “We did thorough background checks before hiring any of the staff. As for my men, none of them knew Fiona that well. If it was my brother’s things around the house, then I’d turn my suspicions on them.”
Ravenna’s quiet for a moment as we continue eating dinner.
Her explanation of what’s been going on makes complete sense.
Even so, it’s no excuse for my actions. I’m hesitant to apologize to her again, except for the fact that she’s treating me differently tonight.
She hasn’t been this open in far too long.
I decide to get to the point and tell her the one thing that may break through her reserved demeanor.
“I’m serious about seeing a therapist. I know I told you on the jet, but even though we’ve sort of figured out what may be happening, I’m still going to go.
I want to be the best version of myself, for both of us.
It’s become clear to me in the past few weeks that I do need professional help.
I fucking hate to admit this, but I can’t figure this shit out on my own. ” I swallow down my wine.
I hate feeling so damn vulnerable, incompetent, and unable to fight my own demons.
Ravenna reaches for my hand, entwining our fingers. “It’s not weak to admit that you need outside help. In fact, it’s the opposite. You’re strong enough to seek out help in order to vanquish your inner demons.”
I hate the thought of her viewing me as broken . Though, neither her eyes or her smile hold a hint of pity. She actually believes that by seeking out a professional, I’m showing my strength. Not weakness.
The vice around my chest loosens. I’m going to get professional help, hunt down the person responsible for fucking with our relationship and gut them, and above all else, I’m going to make this up to Ravenna.
I’ve majorly fucked up twice in our years together. The first time when I abandoned her at her family home. The second time when my jealousy and suspicions overtook me and I did horrible things.
There won’t be a third time.