57. Ravenna
Ravenna
I sit in my cousin’s guest bedroom, annoyed that I can’t reach Cian, even though I’ve been trying for the past two days.
I even broke down and texted Wolfe. No word back from him either.
They all hate me for something I didn’t do.
It’s infuriating. Most of all, I hate this sense of helplessness. It’s soul crushing.
My phone pings with a notification, and I immediately reach for it, then stare blankly at the screen. It’s an alert from my period tracker app saying I’m one week late. But that can’t be right…
Everything has been so stressful lately. I think back and realize I haven’t felt my usual PMS symptoms, except for tender breasts. I kept thinking that would go away once I started my period. Now I’m a week late?
I do the math, and my app is correct. I’m exactly seven days overdue.
Oh my god.
Oh. My. God.
Quickly, I send a text to Gin.
She doesn’t bother knocking before she barges into my room a few minutes later. Her wide eyes staring at me in shock and wonder.
“You think you’re pregnant?”
Trying to remain calm, I stand up and point to the packages she’s holding. “That’s what those are going to tell me.”
“Oh, right! Here.” She hands me both pregnancy tests, then flops down on my bed to wait, grinning with excitement.
I head into the bathroom, my hands shaking as I open the packages so I can pee on a stick. The results seem to take forever. Each second ticking by is a slow thrum compared to my rapid heartbeat.
If they’re negative, then I’m fine. It’s just another disappointing month. But if they turn out positive, and I’m pregnant… Do I want to bring a child into this world right now?
On the wall clock, the second hand meets the twelve. Finally, it’s time.
I glance at the tests where I left them by the sink. Two pink lines. I blink, but the result stays the same.
“Ravenna?” Gin knocks on the bathroom door.
In a state of shock, I open it. She looks at me and I nod.
“You’re pregnant!” She squeaks, hugging me close.
I’m so shocked, I’m not sure how to react. Cian and I have tried to have a baby for years. I’m not sure when it happened, but I reached the point where I gave up thinking it would ever be a reality. Now… I’m pregnant.
Ginevra glances at my face. “Are you okay? You look kind of pale.”
“I’m just…” I lick my dry lips. “I’m pregnant.”
“Yeah, we kind of established that fact. I think you need to sit down for a minute.” She leads me to a chair. “I’ll get you some water. Be right back.”
I stare into space while she’s gone. This is the worst possible time to find out I’m carrying a child. I’m homeless. My marriage is in shambles. In nine months I’ll be bringing a baby into this world. Alone?
I huff out a sigh. No, not alone.
Cian might hate me right now, but he’s going to be a father. I’m done being ignored and shoved aside. He has a responsibility to this child.
Gin returns with a water glass in hand. I take it, down half the contents, then stand with purpose.
“I need to borrow a dress.”
She’s shorter than me, and much curvier, but I’ll make it work. I don’t have time to wait around for my own dress to be washed and dried. I’m going to confront my husband—today.
Gin gasps. “You’re going after him, aren’t you?”
I bob my head.
She claps her hands and smiles. “You can borrow the car and our driver. I’ll get you something to wear, though you probably want to shower first.”
Glancing at myself in the mirror, I cringe. She’s right. I look terrible.
As I head into the bathroom to shower, Gin leaves to get everything else ready.
I wash my body and hair in record time, my thoughts jump between what I’m going to say to Cian and the fact that I’m finally pregnant. Back and forth, until I’m toweling off and drying my hair.
Gin’s left me a dress on the bed, along with a pair of leggings and a warm winter coat and scarf.
I get dressed, then pin my hair up. Using the makeup she left on the vanity, I conceal the dark circles under my eyes before swiping on some mascara and lipstick.
I want to look my best, like I haven’t been crying my eyes out for the past two days.
When I’m ready, and step out of the room, Gin’s waiting for me near the stairs. We walk down together to the car she’s generously provided.
She gives me a reassuring hug. “Go get him.”
“I will.” I’m going to find Cian and not leave until he stops being impossible.