Chapter 7
Gianna
Matt is at my apartment when I return. I avoid his furious glare as I hurry past him into my kitchen.
Grabbing a soda from the fridge, I hold up a can and he shakes his head as I lean against the counter and open it, sipping it slowly to settle my stomach.
Shame has had it turning all the way back from the city.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to visit him?”
I take a few more sips, trying to steel my nerves before sighing. “You would have stopped me.”
Matt stands up in a flurry. “You’re goddamn right I would have. He could have kidnapped you! And you didn’t even take your bracelet!”
It’s my turn to be outraged as I take in my brother. “You already know how he is! This is all a game to him, running would have made it worse. Plus he’s messing with Jeremy, and I can’t have that on my conscience if I were to try to run again.”
He frowns. “What do you mean he’s messing with Jeremy?”
I wave to the pile of papers Jeremy left on my counter. “Filed a restraining order on my behalf. And Sebastian says I need to break up with Jeremy and move in with him or he’ll do worse.”
My brother grabs the stack and starts rifling through the papers, causing the creases between his eyebrows to deepen. “It’s a restraining order, G. Not that big of a deal.”
My mouth drops, stunned at his nonchalance. “A restraining order against a lawyer is a big deal! It can impact everything for him. And this is only the beginning, you know Sebastian can do worse. Permanently worse.”
Matt’s eyes shift to the side, and his lips pinch like he doesn’t know how to say what comes next tastefully. “Gianna, we can assume a lot of things, but I’m not looking to make hasty decisions at the risk of Jeremy’s life. It just… doesn’t matter in the scale of things.”
Even if my brother isn’t a big fan of Jeremy, the man has always been sweet and patient with me… aside from the night he left without a fight or goodbye. But I can’t blame him for it, we were all caught blindsided.
I scoff at Matt’s response. “Oh, so would you rather him threaten my life? Then would it matter?”
My brother shakes his head. “Your life is already in danger, why do—never mind. What did you tell him?”
Turning back to the counter and taking another sip of my soda, my mind is already made up.
I’m still not sure about helping my brother and the FBI.
That seems like something we can’t come back from, and will put us in more trouble than it's worth.
“I told him I wanted time to think about it. He gave me a few days.”
Matt frowns. “That’s awfully generous of him.”
The suspicion isn’t unwarranted, so I need to tell him the truth. That the draw between Sebastian and me is stronger than ever, as if it never dulled to begin with.
“I’m sure he knows I won’t say no… or he won’t let me say no. If I don’t go with him, he’ll find a way to make everything worse. And Jeremy doesn’t deserve that,” I say, clearing my throat as my voice wavers.
Matt shrugs. “Maybe not, but I don’t really care about Jeremy. So what if he loses his job? I don’t want to lose my sister. And if you don’t feel comfortable going into the heart of the beast, then I’ll hide you. We discussed this.”
“I don’t want to leave, Matt. I’m tired of running, especially if he’s determined to keep me.”
“If you’re so sure you need to go, have you thought more about what I proposed?”
An ache grows in my throat and my shoulders tense. “What exactly do they want to find?”
“Anything. Anything that can tie him to his mobster father, anything that shows that his company is illegitimate.”
I shake my head in frustration. “Like what though? I don’t think he’s going to leave me alone to just look through his life.”
Matt sighs, nodding once. “Okay, you’re right. How about we come up with a plan of what to look for or possibly plant on his devices?”
My eyes widen and I laugh. “Plant? Like some kind of spy? Oh god.”
“You can say no, Gianna. No one would blame you after what you saw him do.”
I shiver at the reminder of the night I ran from him.
Staring at the worry on my brother’s face, my heart tells me this is the only way he’ll let me go willingly.
I’m deluding myself that I’m only agreeing to do this because of Matt’s plan and not because I want to close that chapter of my love life.
“I don’t know if I can go to that extreme.
I feel like it will be okay, that I’ll be okay. ”
My brother scoffs. “You’ll be okay? It’s Jeremy for now, but what if he continues to find more people? He’s banking on your good heart and general empathy for others to keep you chained to him, Gianna. Don’t be fooled.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I glare at him. “Do you think I’m stupid? I’m aware he’s manipulating me into this, and I’m letting him. You were just begging me to snoop for you!”
He rubs a hand down his face. “I know that! But it doesn’t mean I’m not scared for you.
G, this man is dangerous.” His eyes close briefly before he blows out a long breath.
“And I think you are a bit stupid, Gianna. A stupid, naive girl still in love with the man who stole her heart when she was barely an adult. Your brain formed around Sebastian and it can’t let go. I’ll find another way.”
My cheeks flush in embarrassment at my brother’s pitying look and my stomach twists with emotion. I am not still in love with him. I don’t think. “Thanks for your confidence, Matt. I really appreciate it.” The sarcastic barb hits its mark while I try to calm my own fury.
Matt’s jaw tightens. “I’m not here to coddle your feelings. I’m trying to protect you… You’re all I have left.”
Sharp tingles in my nose make my eyes blur as we stare at each other.
Our parents died when I was twelve, and since my brother was nearly eighteen, he took custody.
Thankfully. our parents had set up trust funds in our names that made it no financial hardship for him to take care of me, other than having to raise a teenager as barely an adult himself.
My eyes fall to the carpet, and we stand there in silence for a moment before I look back up at my brother.
“I deserve to find closure, to put an end to this. I can’t continue to live life the way I have been.
And honestly Matt, when I finally saw him I realized a lot of my fear was conjured in my mind from a state of constant anxiety.
It wasn’t as prevalent when I faced him. ”
Matt groans. “You went into flight mode because you finally realized how dangerous he is.”
Pushing away from the counter, he follows me as I storm into my room. “He won’t hurt me, I’m confident of it. But I… I know I’m the exception, okay? He wouldn’t hesitate to hurt Jeremy.”
Matt shakes his head. “Don’t you see though, Gianna? Knowing you’d be hurt if Jeremy got hurt is still hurting you.”
I throw up my hands. “I know that, Matt. This isn’t new information to me. Want to know the worst part? I don’t care.”
My brother stares at me in horror for a few seconds before rubbing his hand down his face and groaning. “Fuck. Alright, alright. But I’ll be damned if you don’t go with some kind of plan on how to get out.”
“Even if I don’t spy on him?”
He’s silent for a moment, then rolls his eyes. “Even then. I’ll figure it out, Gianna. I always do.” He sighs. “So, Jeremy really just up and left without a fight?”
Hurt swirls in my chest and I shrug. “Can you blame him? Everything he’s worked toward in life is potentially taken from him in seconds by a restraining order signed by his girlfriend that she swears she didn’t file.
Believing me would force him to lose confidence in the law. I just… I see his side, Matt.”
My brother scoffs. “If it was the woman I loved, I’d scorch the earth before leaving her.”
Like Sebastian I want to say, but hold in.
Not because it will upset him being compared to Sebastian, but because Sebastian has never said he loves me.
Not once in the course of our entire relationship, and while I could assume it by his actions, there was never that reassurance by him simply stating it out loud.
That reminder sparks my old annoyance and grates on my nerves.
“I can see the look on your face,” Matt says, shaking his head. “It is not the same.”
I swallow, turning away from him. “I know that. I just… I also know the man I dated in college, okay? It’s there. I felt it, Matt. I know he cares for me, or at least he did once.”
He comes to stand beside me. “I don’t have to remind you how manipulative men like Sebastian James are.”
Rolling my eyes, I laugh a little. “You think he dated me for over three years just to manipulate me? To what end?”
“You found those birth control pills. To trap you.”
I purse my lips. “We never confirmed that. It was just a hunch.”
“Don’t do that. Trust your gut instinct. You know what they were,” my brother scolds.
He’s right. I’m positive Sebastian replaced them with placebos, even if I hadn’t opened the packs yet.
And I don’t know why I find myself defending him.
It’s not like he deserves my loyalty. I nod, not wanting to continue this conversation.
We could talk circles around each other because we’re both stubborn.
“You’re going to agree to it, aren’t you?”
I don’t look up at him, not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes. “Don’t you think I have to?” The rough whisper has me swallowing to ease the ache in my throat.
Matt sighs. “I’d find another way.”
I shrug. “Now you don’t have to. Either way, it will put an end to… everything.”
Us. An end to us had almost slipped out.
The end of us, but a twang of my heart stopped the word.
Us ended a long time ago, or at least it should have.
I’d convinced myself it had, but seeing him again made me realize the fire that is my love for him only simmered in my heart, and now it’s a blazing flame again.
I either need to extinguish it once and for all, or keep fueling it until it burns us both.
My brother watches me cautiously for a few more seconds before shaking his head. “I’d be just as stupid and naive to say you’re not the best option, but I just wish you weren’t.”
A smile forms on my lips, accepting my brother’s form of apology for his earlier words. “I know.”
His throat bobs with a harsh swallow. “Then let’s get you ready to enter the wolf’s den.”
I laugh. “I thought it was a viper's nest?”
He rolls his eyes. “Whatever it is, it’s dangerous and I only care about my baby sister getting out.” Matt reaches over, tousling the hair on the top of my head with quick swipes of his hand. I swat at it, scowling when I put it back into place.
“Sibling tax,” he taunts, and I push him away.