Chapter 20 Gianna
Gianna
“What are you doing?”
I will myself not to look over my shoulder to get a glimpse of him.
Last night he still wasn’t home when I woke up in the middle of the night, and then he was gone by the time I woke up again.
The only proof he came back was the tossed clothes in the corner and the faint scent of him on the pillow.
My fingers tighten on the pen, and I keep drawing in the notebook on my lap.
He settles next to me on the couch, and his fresh scent engulfs me.
My heart gallops at the familiarity and the comfort I still get from it.
There used to be nowhere I felt safer than in his arms. I’d missed when he came back home, but he obviously took a shower.
His fingers grab a piece of stray hair hanging in front of my face and tuck it behind my ears.
I swallow down the rise of a softer emotion inside me.
“Drawing,” I say, knowing he’ll keep touching me if I don’t acknowledge him. “You took my laptop from my bag and I don’t have what I need to complete my work, so I’m sketching out my ideas.”
“Ahh.” Sebastian hums. “I forgot about that. I’ll have Nico bring that over.”
I roll my eyes and then glance at him. “You don’t forget anything. Don’t lie to me.”
All humor disappears and he nods. “You’re right. I was waiting for you to ask.”
“I shouldn’t have to ask. That’s the thing, Sebastian. You want me to stay, but you treat me like your prisoner who has to earn back their rights instead of a partner.”
His jaw tics and he settles against the cushions, his head tilting back as he stares up at the ceiling. “I spent six years searching for you. It’s hard to let go and not be afraid you’re going to slip away again.”
The back of my eyes sting, and I try to keep my breathing calm so he can’t see how his words affect me. I spent those years afraid of him finding me, yet when he did I ran straight to him instead.
My hand shakes as I try to draw another line. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Yes, because you have to be. I clipped your wings and put you in a gilded cage so you couldn’t escape me again.”
Licking my dry lips, I set the pen down and face him on the couch. “Then open the door, Sebastian. Trust I won’t fly.”
His head lulls toward me, his icy eyes darken like a thunderstorm. “Would you have come willingly if I hadn’t threatened that loser?”
I want to lie. It’s on the tip of my tongue. But we have to move forward from this stalemate. “Probably.”
Surprise flashes across his face, and I sigh. “Or I would have at least heard you out. You probably would have had to corner me first. I don’t know,” I say.
He reaches over, cupping the back of my neck and pulling me to him. I don't resist, moaning when our lips touch. He deepens our kiss as I crawl over him, straddling his lap. My hands roam his chest before he pulls away with a hiss, catching my wrist.
I frown. “Are you hurt?”
Sebastian sighs. “I—no. I had to do something and it’s sore.”
There’s indignation in his voice so I know he’s not telling the full truth. I yank my hand away and start unbuttoning his shirt.
“Wait, Gianna—”
“No, show me.” I shake my head. “You want us to be together, and yet you hid and continue to hide most of your life from me. Don’t I deserve the truth if I’m going to choose you?”
His jaw works back and forth as I work the rest of his shirt open. “I’ll show you, but let me explain before you jump to conclusions.”
I tear the shirt front to the side and the large black tattoo covering his entire right pec steals my breath.
It’s a crest, similar to a coat of arms, of a large crown on top of a skull with folded wings encasing it.
There’re crossed swords underneath with a small phrase in Latin.
I move to trace it but Sebastian catches my wrist. I’m not familiar with the design, but I can feel the significance of it.
My eyes lift and we hold our gaze, my blood pumping in my ears.
“What is that?”
“It’s an initiation.”
I swallow the emotion growing in my throat. “Into what?”
Sebastian blows out a breath. “Into the Outfit. I’ve been sworn in as a Made Man.”
“So you’re an actual mobster now?” I pull my hand away from him and he lets me.
An amused smile stretches on his face. “Mobster. A little melodramatic, mon c?ur.”
“You said you weren’t a part of all that.” I move to get off his lap, but he holds me tight in place. I glare when I can still feel his thick, hard cock pressing against my thin pajama shorts.
“I wasn’t, Gianna. That wasn’t a lie, but circumstances have changed.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t an option I could walk away from.
” His crystal eyes study my face, fierce possession darkening them, and I slowly relax over his body.
When I decided to not turn over the information in his office, I made the decision to trust Sebastian, and I have to give him the chance to prove that he’s worth it.
“What do you mean? What happened?”
Sebastian is silent for a moment, his gaze never straying from me as his fingers flex against my sides.
“Your brother hid you very well. I had to reach out to some… unsavory contacts to get the information I needed. It drew the attention of other players, and the Outfit needed confirmation of my loyalty.”
My heart pounds away, not fully understanding what he’s saying, but comprehending enough to know it’s about me. That Sebastian made choices that ultimately put him in danger… for me.
“So you had to get the tattoo for protection?” I ask, looking back down at it. I would never admit it aloud, but it’s honestly kind of hot on him. I don’t think I’ll ever be attracted to tattoos, but it makes him seem more dangerous than I already know him to be.
“In a way, yes. But nothing changes for us. My company is clean and it will continue to stay that way.” His hand slides up to my waist, his thumb brushing against the underside of my breast. “Nothing changes for us.”
“You’re involved with a crime syndicate and you’re telling me nothing is going to change?
” Tears sting my eyes when I think about the night I left him in college.
How I witnessed him shoot someone, and my perception of the man I loved was shattered.
The way I watched that man’s head fling back from the impact and the smirk Sebastian and Nico shared after.
Bile rises in my throat, and I pinch my eyes shut before blowing out a slow breath.
“You look pale, Gianna. I promise you, whatever you’re thinking. It’s not that bad,” he says, framing my face with his hand as his thumb strokes my cheek.
“I’m thinking that there will be days you come home with your hands stained with blood.
I’m thinking that maybe you’ll piss someone off and our children will be kidnapped as collateral.
I’m thinking that if we have a son he’ll be forced into this life too.
” My voice raises with each sentence and his hold tightens when I try to move off him. “Ugh! Let me go!”
He flips us on the couch and he presses my wrists above my head, locked in one of his hands as the other tugs the tank top under my breasts.
His mouth encases my hard nipple, sucking it harshly before pinching it between his teeth.
I gasp, the pain twisting to pleasure as my core heats from his touch.
He pops off the tight bud and looks up at me. “I’m loyal to the Outfit in name only. Our life and my company will always be kept separate. In fact, in a few months we won’t even have to worry about half of it because in London my father will ensure we remain untouched.”
I pause my struggling. “London?”
Sebastian kisses down the valley of my breasts, his lips caressing the dip of my stomach before he tugs at my shorts.
I lift my hips so he can slip one side down my leg and he lets the other side hang off my foot.
He comes back up, kissing me deeply, and I moan into his mouth when his fingers tease through my slick folds.
When he pushes them inside of me, I rip my head away.
“Wait, Sebastian. London?” I know he’s trying to distract me with sex, and usually I let him because god, he’s so good at it.
But there’s a warning in the back of my mind saying if I don’t address this, he’s going to sweep it under the rug.
From what my brother has told me, he’s spent the majority of his time there.
He drops his face into my neck, nipping at the skin as he pumps his fingers in and out. He rasps a bunch of French as he moves to kiss me again, and I catch most of it.
With you, everything is perfect. I can’t imagine my life without you.
That’s what I’m pretty sure he said, and my heart clenches in bittersweet agony. He can say things like that in such a romantic language, but he refuses to say he loves me.
“Je t’aime,” I whisper.
He shudders, and his eyes pinch shut before he blows out a breath and pulls out his fingers.
Sebastian cleans them off on his pants before looking back at me. “We’re transitioning for Nico to take over the company headquarters here in Chicago, and I’m going to run the one in London.”
“Like to live there? Permanently?” I slowly get off the couch, and he lets me this time.
“Yeah, to raise our family there,” he says with a nod, a fierce conviction in his voice that pisses me off.
I scoff, crossing my arms as I stare at him with discontentment. “And you just expected me to be okay with that?”
“You used to tell me you wanted to live in London all the time,” he says with a scowl.
“My prefrontal cortex wasn’t even fully developed. I’m sure I said a lot of shit while in la la land with the boyfriend I was hopelessly in love with. I’ve had a healthy dose of reality since then.”
Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Tell me what could possibly be keeping you here in the States.”
“My brother!” I wave my hand at him incredulously because that is the most obvious answer.