Chapter 11 #2
Unbidden, my fingers returned to his face.
Studying him without any pressure or anyone else around was oddly nice.
I’d always found Monqilcolnen attractive, because he was, objectively, but it had never influenced my feelings much in regards to him.
I didn’t expect that to change, but my soul did pick up a bit from being so close to him, from touching him. He was so warm.
His golden eyes suddenly opened, and I paused with my fingers on his forehead. He smiled; it was a small thing that barely quirked the corner of his lips, but it was enough to soften his entire aspect from the bored expression he always wore.
“How do you feel?” he asked. “I shouldn’t have slept. Qinlin will be quite angry if she finds out.”
I continued to stare at him, my fingers on his forehead, which he hadn’t remarked on.
“Wyn? Are you well?” Monqilcolnen straightened, and my hand fell to the couch. He pressed his palm against my cheek and then my forehead. “You do not feel abnormally warm. Are you dizzy? Nauseous? What about your vision?”
Words. I had to find words, but they had slipped away with the feel of his palm against my face. My gaze skittered from him as the urge to flee surged up, like it always did.
“No,” Monqilcolnen said, his hand falling away from me. “Not today, Wyn. You are more than welcome to run away any other day, but today you’re injured, and I need to know if you are well.”
“How?” I asked in a quiet voice. “How did you know I was going to flee?”
“It was rather obvious from your body language. Now, how are you feeling?”
“My head hurts, but I’m well.” My tail flicked.
I wanted to leave. Anytime Monqilcolnen looked at me, a strong force grew in my gut and made me feel rather helpless.
I hated to be helpless. No. I’d had enough of that as a child.
I was now in the first phase of adulthood, and I would do all that I could to never be helpless again.
So when Monqilcolnen made me feel like that… All I could do was flee.
“That’s to be expected, but are you dizzy, nauseous, or having double vision?”
“Afraid I’ll vomit on you again?” I teased, then pulled back, making Cincin growl in warning. I couldn’t believe I’d brought that up, let alone teased him about it. I hated it; it wasn’t some joke between us.
A soft breath, not quite a laugh, sounded and made me look up.
Monqilcolnen was smiling brightly, his chin resting on the edge of the couch and his golden eyes shining with mirth.
I swallowed, my soul thrumming. I’d never seen him look like this before, and I wasn’t certain if I’d ever be the same again.
No, I was certain I wouldn’t be. Seeing this smile once wasn’t going to be enough.
I was going to have to see Monqilcolnen look like this often. Maybe forever.
Tone light, he replied, “No, I’m not worried about that. What is five times compared to four? Not much.”
I dropped my head to the couch with a low groan, then stared at Monqilcolnen; he returned my look, expression reverting to his usual serene mask. Never was I going to have a better opportunity than right now. “Can I ask you a question, Commander?”
“How about, right now, I’m not a commander and you’re not a lieutenant? You may ask me whatever you wish.”
My hands clenched, and my tail curled around my ankle. Nerves churned in my gut. I didn’t want to do this, but I needed to know. I took a deep breath, and a sharp yet soothing scent made my nostrils twitch. Monqilcolnen. By the Crystal, he smelled wonderful. How had I not noticed before?
“Why do you tell that story?” I asked.
“Of you vomiting? Why wouldn’t I? It’s amusing.”
My eyes dropped to the deep blue couch. “I do not find it so.”
“Why not?”
“It’s embarrassing.”
Silence prevailed for so long I forced myself to look at him, terrified he’d be mad. As much as he said we would put our ranks aside for this conversation, the looming chasm between us remained. He was related to the royal family, he was my commander, and he was over ten cycles my senior.
“I can understand why you would find it so, I suppose. I hadn’t thought of it from your position,” he finally said. “Truly, I found it amusing, and I enjoy telling it for many reasons.”
What were those reasons? I wanted to ask but lacked the courage to do so.
“I would…” I trailed off, and Monqilcolnen placed his hand on the couch near me, not touching but close. Gathering my remaining courage, I continued, “I would prefer in the future if you didn’t tell this story.”
“I can do that.”
My eyes darted downward once again as a smile tugged at my lips. Monqilcolnen bent his head to catch my gaze, and I cleared my throat, looking away. Why did he insist on looking at me? His golden eyes always made me squirm.
“I must offer you my sincerest apologies.”
“What?” I asked.
“I struck you. I hurt you, Wyn.” His voice was so distraught I almost closed the space between our fingers. “That’s something I never wanted to do, and I am truly sorry.”
“It was an accident.”
“Nonetheless. I injured you, and I apologize.”
Impulsively, I touched his hand, then whipped away. It wasn’t appropriate—I didn’t have his permission to touch him. The movement also surprised me. I wasn’t a physically affectionate person. Normally, I only touched people during fucking, except with Urgg and Seth.
His fingers followed my quick retreat, brushing against me for a single moment before sliding away. I swallowed at the tingles of electricity skittering through my veins. What was happening?
Meeting his gaze for a second, I said, “I accept your apology.”
“Thank you.”
Cincin meowed at me, and I sank my fingers into her thick fur and smiled. Her solid weight and warmth was comforting. I stroked her nose, and she purred.
“She likes you,” Monqilcolnen commented.
“You said she was friendly, so that’s hardly surprising.”
“I lied.”
“What?”
Monqilcolnen gave me a small smile as he rested his chin in his hand, just staring at me. “Cincin doesn’t like anyone besides me, but I was hopeful she would like you. It seems I was correct.”
I gave a breathy chuckle. “It seems you were.”
His eyes traced down my form on his couch. His voice turned impossibly soft as he said, “So very right.”
Wyn was lying on my couch with my cat in my quarters.
It was perfect, absolutely perfect. I couldn’t contain the smile playing on my lips as I watched him worship Cincin.
My instincts were screaming, Not yet. Not yet.
Not yet. Soon. I wanted to tell them to be silent.
I wanted this elusive “soon” to be now. Whatever this was between us was something I wanted to come to fruition right now.
Cincin stood, stretched, and hopped off. She rubbed along my leg, and I petted her. She didn’t choose to remain beside me; instead, headed to her fountain with fresh bubbling water and her overflowing food bowl.
Facing Wyn, I commented, “Now that she’s moved, I should take you to the medbay for Doctor Qinlin to examine you.”
His gaze shifted away from me yet again, and I wanted to growl and grasp his chin, forcing him to look at me, as I rather liked Wyn’s clear blue eyes.
I didn’t, of course. One day, I hoped he would become more comfortable with me and be able to meet my gaze without prompting.
Perhaps not telling the story would assist in that, though I loathed to stop.
My instincts demanded I tell it—subtly claiming Wyn, or at the very least, linking our two names together.
Besides, it was a humorous story.
“I can go myself,” he replied, pushing the blanket back and sitting up.
I moved to a crouch. “I don’t wish to force myself where you don’t want me to be, but Qinlin left you in my care. I’m responsible for you. Please allow me the honor of keeping you safe, for now.”
Wyn finally looked at me, his eyes narrowed and tail flicking. “I do not need you to protect me or assist me. I am not weak.”
I tilted my head to the side in concession, and he inhaled sharply. He was correct. Wyn was a skilled fighter who could protect himself when needed, and it was likely he didn’t require my assistance in walking. But that hardly mattered to the possessive instincts coursing through me.
“I understand,” I said, “but in all honor, I cannot leave you until I know you’re well. I hurt you, Wyn, and I feel impossibly guilty about that. Not to mention that Qinlin ordered me to watch you. At least allow me to escort you to the medbay. Please.”
“Fine.”
I fought and won the battle against the smile wanting to spread. Spending time with Wyn was so difficult—it was hard to control myself around him—but I would take whatever time I managed to secure. Also, in regards to this moment, my instincts demanded I make sure he was on his way to recovery.
We stood, and Wyn swayed. I placed my hands on his narrow hips to steady him, and he leaned back, his back resting against my front, and held his head.
Unable to help myself, I leaned down to subtly inhale his light, sweet scent.
An urge to nuzzle him, scent mark him, swept through me, but I resisted.
It was a rather new instinct. I’d never had it with someone else, aside from family, and what I felt for Wyn was hardly familial.
Thinking about Wyn’s fingers on my forehead when I’d woken up was enough to make a needy growl rumble in my chest.
“Thank you,” Wyn said, stepping out of my embrace.
My hands fisted at my sides as I gave him a bland smile. “You are more than welcome.”