Chapter 32
We will be fine, no matter what.
The door to my office slid open without my permission and Cincin perked up, letting me know who it was in an instant. I looked up from the reports I was reviewing and smiled. Wyn didn’t return it. He wasn’t looking at me as he fidgeted and his tail whipped back and forth.
Without speaking, I opened my arms, and he walked straight into them.
I snagged him close, and he didn’t fight the tight hold.
Wyn had said he wasn’t a physically affectionate person, but he certainly acted like he was with me.
Yes, he wasn’t as snuggly as I was, but he did enjoy my touch much more than he’d led me to believe.
I hauled him onto my lap, and his legs went on either side of my thighs while his arms went around my neck.
Pressing a kiss to his forehead, I breathed in his light floral scent, fighting the urge to scent mark him.
That wasn’t something we had discussed, as becoming mates this quickly was… unusual.
“What’s wrong, Peace?” I asked against his ear, snuggling him as close as physically possible.
Wyn didn’t answer.
I trailed kisses over his ear, and little shivers went through him. His presence was so intoxicating. I adored every aspect of being close to him. I whispered, “Tell me, please.”
He tightened his hold, as if he’d thought I would flee—I never would—and replied, “I applied to serve on the Vvekian ship.”
I was aware. That had been before Wyn and I had started courting, so he’d still been under my direct command. It had made sense for Wyn to apply. He was a skilled engineer and a gifted seeker with a keen, curious mind that should be put to good use.
“And?” I asked.
“Qinlin approved it today.”
I took a sharp inhale. That I hadn’t known. Qinlin and Talvax must have discussed and decided without any input from me, as they were supposed to. And yet, I wished they had. What would I have said? Perhaps it was best they hadn’t asked me, because who knows what would’ve spilled out of my mouth?
“Are you upset?” he asked, his voice quiet and his tail coiling around his ankle.
I tugged his tail with my own, so they were entwined, as they should be. Holding him securely, I replied, “No. I will just miss you dearly.”
“Should I stay?”
My first instinct was to say yes; he should stay right here beside me, always, but I suppressed it and actually thought about the paths before us. “Do you wish to go?”
“Yes,” he said, his voice barely audible.
“Then you should.”
Wyn leaned back to look at me, and I gave him a soft smile, my arms remaining hooked around his trim waist.
“Do you mean that?” he asked.
“I do. If you didn’t want to go, I would be more than happy to find a way to force you to stay. But since you wish to go, there’s no problem.”
He frowned and repeated, “No problem?”
I blinked at his rough tone. “Are you mad?”
“You don’t care that I’m leaving.”
I snagged him close and bit his neck, right over the scent gland, making Wyn moan.
I growled, low and loud next to his ear.
“I care. I care a great deal that you’re leaving.
If I had my way, you would never leave my sight, Wyn.
I want you beside me every moment of every day.
But,” I slid back again to hold his perfect face in between my palms, “I care about you more.”
“I want to go,” he said, “but I also want to stay. I’m worried.”
“About what?”
“That we’ll drift apart.”
“That will never happen.”
“It will be months, Monqilcolnen.”
“We will talk, and I will come and see you.” I kissed his nose, making it wrinkle. “Separation shall not tear you from me.”
“It might.”
I shook my head. “My affection will remain unchanged, but I understand if you need to adjust our permissions.” It was unreasonable to require monogamy from Wyn when we weren’t mates and we would be separated.
He growled before crashing his lips to mine in a primal kiss that stole my breath. Wyn snarled, “You will not fuck anyone else. Do you hear me, Monqilcolnen? You belong to me.”
Fire slipped through my veins as my soul pounded in contentment. I brushed my fingers over his face, delighting in the jealousy I found there. “I hadn’t planned to. I was thinking more of you. I’m happy to abstain until you come back.”
I didn’t want Wyn to fuck anyone else—he was mine—but I understood the fact he didn’t know about my feelings.
I could and would suppress those instincts to claim Wyn as my mate for as long as I needed to ensure he was alright.
And despite his possessiveness, I doubted Wyn was ready for our relationship to progress right at this moment.
Wyn wrapped his arms around my neck. “I just want you, Monqilcolnen. No one else.”
“And I just desire you, Peace.” I brushed the tip of my nose along his.
He pushed his forehead against mine. “I want us to survive.”
“We will.”
“I’m scared.”
Tucking my hand under his shirt, I dragged my claws over his spine and made him shiver. My fingers traced the leather brace holding his wings in place, playing with the straps. My own fear was climbing my throat and threatening upheaval.
“Don’t worry. We are truly going to be fine.” Of this I was certain, to some extent. My inner fire hadn’t given me assurance of Wyn being my mate, but I knew of his importance to me. He was my forever. I only had to wait until I was Wyn’s choice back.
“You hope that, and so do I,” he replied, meeting my gaze. “But don’t pretend you’re not worried.”
My mask had slipped. I was growing so comfortable with him it was difficult to keep my mask affixed.
I brushed my thumb over his scales. I wasn’t ready to lay the whole of my soul bare to him, but I did need to confess the worries residing within me.
I offered him my throat, and Wyn darted forward to bite me.
I groaned at the warm feel of his mouth on me, on my scent gland.
“If you don’t want me to concede to you, then don’t concede to me,” Wyn said against my neck.
“But you’re right.”
“So?” Wyn looked at me. “Don’t concede, Monqilcolnen, just talk to me.”
My thumb kept cresting over the swell of his cheek as I stared at him, never looking away. He was so dear. I didn’t want to be separated from him, not for months, but especially not for cycles. He deserved my truth, though, and I would give it to him.
“You know I’m being groomed for a captainship,” I said.
His eyebrows drew together. “Yes, of the Admiral Ven.”
“You know?”
Wyn laughed and twirled some of my hair around his finger. “Everyone knows, Monqilcolnen. It’s not a secret, and nor is your future as Crown Prince Hallonnixmin’s advisor when he takes the throne.”
“That’s not decided.” It wasn’t. Yes, that was my father’s current position, but it wasn’t guaranteed I would take his place one day. One of my cousins might be granted that position by Hallonnixmin.
“It might not be formally decided, but everyone knows.”
I cupped Wyn’s cheek. “Does either bother you?”
“Did you think it would?”
“Yes,” I confessed.
He shook his head. “Never.”
“Then what of us?”
A small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “You’re thinking that far into the future?”
“Certainly.” I might not be ready to confess I wanted Wyn as my mate, but I sure as the stars shone I wasn't going to deny how much I desired him always.
“I’m not worried about that.” Wyn took a deep breath and met my gaze straight on. “I will go with you when you’re captain of the Admiral Ven, and I’ll stay when you are planet side.”
“No,” I replied, rejecting the rather romantic suggestion.
Wyn recoiled. “What?”
“That was a beautiful sentiment,” I told him, kissing his cheek. “But I don’t want nor expect you to sacrifice your career or future.”
“Monqilcolnen…” Wyn stopped.
“Your career is as important as mine. If we can survive months apart, then we can survive longer,” I reasoned.
He gripped the hair at the nape of my neck. “I don’t want to be away from you.”
The smile on my face had to make me look rather foolish, but I couldn’t help it. I loved every time Wyn claimed me, no matter how small. It made me feel certain in my feelings, in my instinct, in my inner fire, in our fate together.
“Nor I you.”
He sagged, face tucking into the crook of my neck. “Then what do we do?”
I held fast to my mate, breathing in his scent. “I don’t know.”
Wyn leaned back enough to catch my eye. “Are we simply fooling ourselves about this relationship working?”
“No,” I replied with complete confidence. “We’re not.”
“We’ll be fine, no matter the distance, right?”
“Right.”
“And we can figure out what we want to do as each situation arises,” Wyn continued.
“A reasonable decision.”
Running his fingers through my hair, Wyn gave me a soft smile. “I’m glad you think so, because I’m not ready to say goodbye.”
I swallowed, soul throbbing. “Do you have a time when you will be ready?”
“That is the question,” he muttered, stroking the line of my ear. “One I don’t have an answer for.”
I leaned into Wyn’s touch. “Neither of us needs the answer yet.”
“Not yet,” Wyn said, harkening me back to my inner fire’s long cry. Not yet, indeed.