Chapter 61
Returning to the stars.
I glanced at Monqilcolnen for what had to be the thousandth time.
He had been quiet, which wasn’t unusual, but this felt more pensive.
His grief was a cloud that never quite dissipated.
I wouldn’t rush him to be well, though. He was hurting, and I hated it.
He was my mate—the thought was enough to make me smile—and it was my duty to keep him well.
Sliding behind him, I curled my arms around his waist, and Monqilcolnen leaned back into my embrace.
I pressed my face between his curled wings and gripped the front of his uniform in tight fists.
It was Jemtonkilsol and Dilvonsil’s celebration—their return to the stars whence we came.
Already, they were wrapped in the light of the Crystal, but it was time for us to honor them.
“I will be right beside you,” I whispered.
Technically, I hadn’t been announced as his mate, because of the timing, but everyone who was attending knew who I was to Monqilcolnen.
When I’d suggested I stay among the crowd, rather than by his side, he hadn’t handled it well, snarling and yanking me close before bursting into tears.
The serene mask he used to wear had been shattered by grief, and I doubted he would ever be able to reclaim it, at least to the same extent.
“Please,” he replied, his voice broken and weak. “Don’t leave me. I need you right beside me.”
“And I shall be.” I turned him toward me and palmed his cheek. Grief was evident in his tired eyes and in the slump of his broad shoulders, but he was whole, breathing, and here. I went up on my toes and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “Please allow me to braid your hair.”
Monqilcolnen never braided his long hair, but I wanted to do something for him this morning, since he hadn’t allowed me to help him shower or dress.
He nodded, and I had him sit on the bed.
I came to his side and gently sectioned his hair.
I only braided a small section of hair on either side of his head, highlighting his noble ears and the long earrings he’d placed in his lobes.
“Lovely.” I kissed his cheek. Dilvonsil would’ve agreed with me, but I didn’t say such to him.
We hadn’t discussed his parents much. I wasn’t sure if it was something he was comfortable talking about yet.
I wished I could talk to Edith. She would know how to help, but she wasn’t even allowed to ping anymore.
The fear of contamination was too great.
I understood and agreed. However, it didn’t keep me from missing her dreadfully.
His eyes fell closed and a shudder went through him. “I don’t want to do this.”
“I know.” If he had been home, he would be the one to release his parents' ashes to the stars, but Hallonnixmin was doing it for him. “We don’t have to attend,” I said, even though this whole thing had been arranged for him, but I wouldn’t force him to go.
“No,” he said with a shake of his head. “I must.”
“Then I shall be with you.” I climbed off the bed and pulled on his tail with mine. He took a deep breath before following me into the shared space.
Cincin yowled from her place on the couch, something she had reclaimed once Monqilcolnen’s family had left.
He gave her a flash of a smile before he snagged her off the couch, making her whine in annoyance, though she began to purr less than a breath later.
Monqilcolnen buried his face in her creamy fur as his shoulders shuddered.
With one last squeeze, he set her back down.
She flicked her tail at him, then began to give herself a bath.
I chose not to remark about the orange fur clinging to his dark blue uniform and pulled him from the room.
The lifts weren’t working regularly, and I didn’t want to risk getting stuck, so I led him to the access panel.
We climbed through the tunnels, silent, as I led the way to the observation deck on the top deck of the ship.
We weren’t the only ones moving through the tunnels or along this path. No one said anything, the air somber.
When we slipped out of the tunnels, I pulled Monqilcolnen to the side of the short corridor that led to the closed double doors.
People were heading inside, and while they cast us glances, no one said anything.
I straightened his uniform, doing my best to brush off Cincin’s fur, before simply holding his face between my palms.
“Whatever you need. I am here,” I said. “Never will I leave you.”
He took a trembling breath, then pushed his forehead against mine, nuzzling and sparking awareness through me as his scent bloomed. Monqilcolnen replied, “And I will never leave you.”
“Good.”
Monqilcolnen had needed me to hold him close most nights or claim him, both of which I was happy to do.
What he wouldn’t do much of was talk. This was a process.
He had never been one to share his thoughts or feelings in the past, and that habit didn’t suddenly dissipate because we were officially together, mates.
No more than my issues had vanished. No, these things we would have to work on separately as well as together through the cycles.
With our tails entwined, we headed toward the doors, which opened at our arrival.
The room was a circle. Every wall was a window showing the void of space mixed with the bright stars and a distant galaxy.
People were standing on either side, forming an aisle.
I caught sight of Urgg next to Seth, Bartholomew, Camden, and Noxlyn.
Captain Talvax was opposite her mate, with Qinlin by her side.
Vorjyn leaned against the glass, framed by space itself.
Cencay was wiping tears off their cheeks as they stood with Gorgownun and some other officers.
Even Mistress Kel’yeena had come, playing light music on her webs.
Serlotminden and Kalvoxrencol were in front of us.
Behind them was a massive screen, which showed another ship with Hallonnixmin holding two glowing orbs, one in each hand.
In front of him stood Emperor Kontilmakqilnen with tears coursing down his blue cheeks.
We moved slowly, Monqilcolnen heavily leaning against me, toward his cousins’ sides.
When we were in front of the screen, the emperor began, his voice rough, “I had the great honor of being Jemtonkilsol’s younger brother.
He was fifteen, entering the first phase of adulthood, when I was born.
He once told me that the first time he held me, he knew he was not only looking at his future sovereign, but his best friend.
” He broke off with a gasp, tears flowing faster.
Empress Vyn moved closer to her mate, taking his tail.
He took another breath. “Jemtonkilsol has been with me every step of my life, and the thought of tomorrow without him…” He shook his head. “It is unbearable.”
Monqilcolnen released a quiet sob, trembling, and I wrapped my arms around him.
The emperor continued, “I don’t remember a time when Dilvonsil wasn’t beside him, laughing and teasing him.
My father would often tell the story of them meeting.
Dilvonsil knocked him clean over in a bout and called his effort ‘pathetic.’ They have—had always been a greater warrior than him, despite having a creative soul.
Apparently, Jemtonkilsol told our father that he had met his mate, his match. He was right, of course.
“There were times I fought with them both, laughed with them both, and cried for them both.” He closed his eyes.
“And now, I mourn them both, wishing they were here right now.” Emperor Kontilmakqilnen looked directly at my mate.
“I believe he knew the end was coming, Monqilcolnen, even though we didn’t.
The night before he left us, he came to me and begged me to care for you if anything should happen.
I thought he was being foolish. His cycles, while greater than mine, were not so great I feared his demise.
” He shook his head. “I should’ve known.
But I will. In their place, you are mine as much as my sons and daughter. ”
Monqilcolnen bowed his head as tears poured down his face.
“Jemtonkilsol and Dilvonsil loved you more than anything in this universe besides each other. You were a product of that love. The miracle they waited so long for and hoped for. You were loved, Monqilcolnen.”
I held my mate close to me, soothing a hand up and down his spine.
“Wyn,” the emperor said, making me start. He smiled through the tears at me, looking so like Monqilcolnen and Kalvoxrencol. “They waited for you too.”
I blinked.
“Jemtonkilsol foresaw you and your place beside his son, long before Monqilcolnen was even born. He knew you before he knew his child. Dilvonsil knew you were out there, waiting for their kit, ready to protect and shelter him.” Emperor Kontilmakqilnen continued, “Jemtonkilsol spoke of you too that night. He was relieved, Wyn, because you were beside Monqilcolnen, and he had seen your strength.” He glanced at his own mate.
“He told me his son’s love story and mine were mirrors.
I survived through everything because of Vyn.
” Vyn held her mate as fiercely as I held mine.
“And now, you are that strength for my new child.”
I offered my throat, words unable to slip from my strangled throat.
“The greatest honor I had was being Jemtonkilsol’s younger brother and Dilvonsil’s friend, and now, they have entrusted me with another honor, their son. One I shall protect,” he said, then stepped back.
Monqilcolnen didn’t say anything. No one expected him to.
Hallonnixmin took his father’s place. “In my cousin’s place, I shall release both Jemtonkilsol and Dilvonsil’s ashes to the stars while their souls fly within the light of the Crystal.” He was about to turn around but paused. “Monqilcolnen.”
He looked up.
“Your father told me something once,” Hallonnixmen said, eyes bright.
“He said my best friend would need me one day to do something that he couldn’t.
That was important for me to tell you, ‘It’s fine.
It will all be fine. You are not alone, and this is as it was meant to be.
You in the stars as your cousin helps you. ’”
Monqilcolnen sobbed, shaking.
“It is my honor to help you, Monqilcolnen. You are my brother, my cousin, my best friend, and I would do anything for you,” Hallonnixmin said before turning around.
Part of me wanted to curse Jemtonkilsol with every fiber of my being.
He had known this was coming. He had known his death was imminent and had made plans to protect and help his only kit.
He’d done everything but tell Monqilcolnen.
Another part of me wanted to thank him. If Monqilcolnen had known, he wouldn’t have been here, he wouldn’t have lived; he would’ve stayed by his father’s side.
Jemtonkilsol had protected Monqilcolnen, and now, it was my turn.
Hallonnixmin walked forward and the screen followed his movements as the bay doors opened.
It was a funeral deck. Not all ships had them, but many did.
It was an outside balcony, which was covered in a shield so one could be right beside the stars.
He continued walking down the length of the deck, no doubt followed by other people in the procession.
When he came to the edge, he said, “May the light of the stars forever shine with you.” Hallonnixmin pressed his hands outside of the shield, the gloves he wore allowing him to penetrate it.
The two orbs began to glow brighter and brighter as soon as they connected with the void of space.
They swirled around each other as they rose to the top of the funeral deck, then in a flash of light, they exploded outward.
The ashes of Monqilcolnen’s parents spread over Drakcon space, and even further, joining the stars forevermore.