Costantino

35 - I Want You

I was full of frustration.

My body was itching to move.

To work out. To punch a punching bag - or a person. To shoot or stab someone.

It had been three fucking weeks since I did anything to relieve the tension and anger that was building up daily - especially since I was still fulfilling my duties as the Underboss of the Sicilian Mafia.

The only single good thing that came out of not going to the gym for a few weeks was the change in my morning routine.

Usually I'd wake up, go to the gym, come back and take a shower before Millie even woke up.

But now we were waking up at the same time and since she was overly protective, we were having breakfast in bed. She didn't want me going downstairs to sit at the table unnecessarily - one of the little things that was getting on my nerves.

But saying we had breakfast in bed makes it sound a lot more romantic than it was.

It was actually a lot of Millie complaining I was dropping crumbs in the bed - something she hates. And she had to wrestle to keep Lula away from our food.

But we did get to watch an episode of our show together every morning - the one about the four lying bitches and the masked guy trying to kill everyone.

I vibed with the hooded psycho the most but Millie liked the lying bitches - I don't know why.

Today was the first day of going down to eat breakfast in the kitchen - exactly three weeks after my father had his men beat me black and fucking blue because Rocco protected a girl from being hurt in a club.

That's one little detail I didn't tell Millie - that my father wasn't the one who inflicted the punishment. Sure, he got a few hits in just to make his point, but most of it was done under his supervision by his men.

"Costa? Do you agree?" Millie frowned as we descended slowly down the stairs.

"With what?" I sighed.

"Did you listen to anything I just said?" She snapped, irritation marring her beautiful features.

"I listened to the last part."

"And what did I say?" She cocked an eyebrow. I half expected her to also put her hands on her hips.

"You asked if I agree." I smirked knowing it would only aggravate her even more.

And I got my wish.

"You're such a child." She huffed, her brown eyes narrowed into slits. "I asked you if you think you should stay home for a few more days to recover."

"Not this again." I sighed, starting my walk down the long hallway towards the kitchen.

I was at the fucking end of my patience - not just necessarily with Millie, just from being cooped up and fussed over for the last three weeks. I was used to dealing with this on my own - I'd never had a woman take this much responsibility over me.

"Yes, this again. You can barely walk down the stairs without wincing. If you go out and get up to something dangerous, you'll hurt yourself."

"I told you, I'm fine."

"You're not fine." She muttered, easily keeping up with me since I wasn't walking as fast as I usually would to get away from her. "If I poke your ribs, you'll fall over."

"That's an exaggeration." I scoffed. "But if you poke my ribs I won't be held responsible for what happens to you next."

"Is that a threat?" She rose an eyebrow at me again, lifting her hand. She brought it closer to my midsection. Even though she wouldn't have done it because she's too fucking caring for her own good, I still grabbed her hand.

Giving it a gentle squeeze, I continued walking down the hallway with her.

"I won't do anything dangerous, okay? I just need to go and check on a few things."

"But-"

"And, I'll have my brothers with me. Rilassati, va bene." (Relax, it's okay)

She didn't understand Italian and since she never made the effort to learn, she chose to ignore that part of my sentence.

"You don't know that. Your brothers are worse than you." Her comment was supported by the chaotic scene we encountered when we walked into the kitchen.

Rocco, with his fading cuts and bruises, was currently trying to wrestle Giovanni for the maple syrup. Tristano was busy glaring daggers at Aidan while he leaned across him, and his plate of food, to reach the orange juice.

"See?" She scoffed, letting go of my hand. She abandoned the conversation, pretty much skipping over to the breakfast bar where Agata and Greta were.

"My coffee, please." She smiled excitedly, her previous irritation long gone.

Why does it make me feel so fucking content to see her smile like that?

"One moment, cara." (Dear) Greta smiled, turning to make her usual cappuccino at the machine.

Meanwhile, I took my seat the head of the table for the first time in three weeks. Just then, Agata approached with my usual breakfast.

She put it down in front of me, a soft smile gracing her features. "è bello vederti in giro." (It's good to see you up and about.)

"Grazie, Agata. Per tutto quello che hai fatto." (Thank you, Agata. For everything you did.) Agata was the closest thing I had to a mother after mine died. I think she knew that, even if she tried to keep her boundaries in place since she was on our payroll.

"Prego. Ma hai ringraziato tua moglie?" (You're welcome. But, have you thanked your wife?)

She spoke in a hushed whisper, not that it really mattered. The other idiots at the table were too busy bickering and my wife couldn't understand a sentence of Italian to save her life.

"Non ancora. Lo farò, come si deve." (Not yet. I will, properly)

I already had a plan. She deserved the fucking world for what she did for me.

I may be feeling frustrated, but that didn't mean I didn't appreciate her effort.

"Bene. Ma forse puoi iniziare dandole un posto a tavola." (Good. But, but perhaps you can start by giving her a place at the table.)

She gave me a pointed look, an undertone of anger coming through - probably since she saw the way my family and I treated Millie when she first came here.

It was long overdue - I knew that. But five months later, I finally called her name when she made a move to leave the kitchen with her cappuccino.

Agata stepped away, heading back to the counter when Millie came to a stop.

"Yes?" There wasn't an ounce of irritation or annoyance that I stopped her. She'd been like that ever since I got hurt - ready and willing to help me if she thought I needed it.

"Come here."

"Why?" She frowned, taking a few steps towards the table. Although, she was careful to keep her distance, like it was a boundary she refused to cross.

"Just come here." I spoke again and this time she begrudgingly came closer, holding her coffee in her hands.

"Are you okay? Do you need something?"

"I'm good." I shook my head, pulling back the chair next to me on my left. "Sit."

At first she seemed confused, looking between me and the chair. Then she glanced over at the rest of my family who didn't seem to be paying any attention.

"No. Costa, I-"

"Sit."

When she still refused, that's when she started drawing more attention to the conversation.

I knew what was going through her head - it was the conversation that took place the first day she came to live here.

My sister said this table was for family only. So she went to eat breakfast alone in the dining room every day after that. That was also the day the twins dropped the water condom on her.

The conflict in her eyes had the guilt resurfacing all again. I couldn't change what happened, but I could sure as hell change the way we moved forward, if she let me.

And this was the first step.

"Please?" I held my hand out to her.

After hesitating for another few seconds, she finally took my hand. She avoided meeting anyone's eyes as she sat down with her cappuccino.

The first few seconds were awkward, only because she was quiet and I knew she was uncomfortable. But Aidan didn't skip a beat, making her feel right at home.

"Millie, pass the maple syrup."

"Don't you have enough?" She scrunched up her nose, eyeing the dripping stack of pancakes and waffles on his plate.

"Just pass it." He snapped, like a ferocious kitten.

"Fine." She sighed, moving the maple syrup closer to him but not putting it into his hand like he wanted.

"You know, that much sugar isn't good for your energy levels." She frowned, her caring side coming out again.

"Fucking tell me about it." Tristano grumbled, watching the twins load up on their first daily dose of sugar.

"It's fine. We went to the gym." Giovanni waved her off, already half way through his own pile of diabetes.

"You idiots went to the gym this morning?" Millie questioned, but Rocco scoffed.

"More like last fucking week." He clarified, taking more civilised bites of his food compared to the twins.

"Your breakfast." Agata suddenly appeared, happier than ever as she set Millie's plate down in front of her.

"Thank you." She smiled, her eyes lighting up when she saw the granola yogurt bowl.

"Did you see Riviera's message? She sent a broadcast to everyone." Tristano broke the short silence around us while we were eating.

"No." I shook my head, taking a sip of my coffee. "I muted her on WhatsApp."

"You muted your sister?" Millie mused.

"Hm. She's annoying. All she ever does is complain."

"Or send pictures of her evil child." Aidan added, his hatred sparked by years of torment from my three year old niece.

"You shouldn't ignore her." My wife gave me a disapproving look, much to everyone's confusion.

"You're defending her?" I frowned incredulously.

"I know what it's like to be away from your family." She shrugged, stirring her yogurt. "She probably just wants to keep in touch with you any way she knows how."

"Damn." Rocco laughed. "What happened to you? You used to be a bitch."

"Hey. I'm still a bitch." She pointed her spoon at him threateningly. "I'm just a bitch who has changed her opinions on certain things, that's all."

"Well, that's good to hear because she's coming back early for Christmas this year." Tristano revealed.

"Fuck. Really?" There goes my peaceful recovery. I needed time to get back into the swing of things and having Riviera around would make that ten times harder.

I love my sister, but she's difficult to deal with.

"Sì. She'll be here in three days." He grinned, probably because he was the only one who could tolerate his twin.

"So she's going to be here for two whole weeks?" Millie frowned, probably regretting ever defending my sister.

"Three. She's staying for New Year's too." Tristano clarified causing groans to come from the twins.

"But, isn't she married? Doesn't she have to stay in Portugal with her husband?"

"Usually she spends Christmas with us and New Year's with them. But her husband is going to be away for New Year's." Tristano explained.

"Oh."

"We usually throw a party for Christmas and then a huge one for New Year's. That shit gets crazy."Aidan grinned excitedly at Millie who only shook her head.

"You're not drinking at either of those parties." She ordered, asserting an authority over them I didn't even know she had. But it just came naturally, they didn't even question it.

"What? Why?" Giovanni interrupted, his fork paused halfway to his mouth with a pancake perched on it.

"You ruined my dress last time, that's why." She snapped.

"What?" I frowned, looking between my irritated wife and the twins.

"The night you...you know..." Millie's attempt at subtly hinting at my punishment had me aching to smile. "These idiots got drunk off their faces. Tristano and I had to clean up after them and get them into bed."

"They ruined the dress I gave you?" I loved that dress. It was a gift for her.

"Yeah. I did try to get it dry cleaned but they couldn't get the stain out of the silk. But it's okay, really." She quickly added the last part when she saw my livid expression.

"If I see either of you near a drop of alcohol, you're dead." I pointed at the two of them who were busy glaring at Millie.

"It's not her fault." Surprisingly, it was Rocco who defended Millie. "You're the idiots who went too far."

"We were just having fun. It's not like there was much to do that at that party."

"Non mi interessa. You're not drinking until January." (I don't care.)

For the rest of breakfast those two idiots were in a mood while we discussed the plans for Christmas and then New Year's.

For Christmas, we always have a small family lunch. Then, we have a dinner with the top members of La Famiglia. That's the party that usually turns pretty boozey.

We also have a bunch of other Christmas parties and galas to attend during this time of year.

Then, on New Year's, we throw another party - the biggest of all our events at the house.

After breakfast, I went out with my brothers and the twins to check on some of our most important operations.

Then we met with some of our capos for updates. Each capo ran their own group of soldiers and had their own responsibilities.

After that, I had just enough time to pick up some things I needed from a store before it closed.

Millie had no reason to worry about me leaving the house - nothing exciting happened at all.

I was still pent up with frustration when I got back to my office. I needed a fucking outlet and I was hoping I'd at least get to smack someone or shoot someone today.

But nothing happened.

Regardless, Millie still texted me three times while I was out during the day. Then, she decided to come into my office at 8pm when I finally returned home.

"Hey." She smiled tentatively when I called her in after she knocked. "I brought your dinner."

"My dinner?" I cocked an eyebrow.

Why is she so fucking cute? Annoying, but cute.

Leaning back in my chair, I beckoned her inside with my hand. She closed the door behind herself, coming over to the large wooden desk.

"Did you eat today?" She put the risotto in front of me, along with a fork and a glass of water.

And my painkillers - milder ones than the first ones I was on.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at the way she stepped back, giving me a pointed look. She's mastered the art of passive aggressive behaviour in her 25 years on this planet.

I knocked the pills back with some water before taking a bite of my food.

"No. I didn't have time to eat." She already knew I wasn't a lunch kind of person - she figured it out herself. It was always a late breakfast after the gym and then dinner.

I used to hate it when she understood things about me and my personality or my behaviour. Even now some of the little things piss me off depending on my mood.

But I don't hate it as much as I did at the beginning of our marriage.

"How was your day?" I asked the question when she dropped down on the chair across from my desk.

"Good. After three weeks, I finally got some peace and quiet." Her teasing tone had me rolling my eyes.

It's because she refused to let me sit at a table for three weeks - she only allowed soft things like the bed and couches.

So, I was either in our room or I worked from one of the living rooms a couple of times while I waited for my ribs to heal. Or for my wife to let me off my fucking leash.

"You know you missed having me around." All she did was shrug, although the light smiling continued playing on her lips.

At the same time her phone began to ring but she hesitated to answer it. She glanced over at me but I shook my head, taking another bite of my food.

"It's okay."

I should have told her to ignore it.

She ended up giggling with Damian for thirty minutes about some drama he got himself involved in.

Apparently he screwed some guy who is now trying to stalk him.

I didn't understand the details and I didn't want to. By the end, I was ready to take all my anger out on him - and it was a lot of anger.

To keep myself calm, I multitasked during my dinner. I worked on my laptop while also listening to Millie laugh more than she has in weeks.

How does that fucker make her laugh so much?

Half an hour later, I was finally ready to finish for the evening when she got off the phone.

"Can I...can I ask you something?" She spoke hesitantly after a few minutes of quiet.

"Sure."

"Do you think I can go to Athens for Christmas?"

I should have seen it coming - especially when she asked about Riviera that morning at breakfast.

Now she's just been reminded how much that idiota can make her laugh.

I'm sure the pause in the conversation and my silence gave my answer away. But she still waited patiently, the hope in her beautiful eyes still lingering.

And all it did was make my frustration worse because now I had to be the fucking one to put an end to that hope.

"Millie...you know you can't. Christmas is an important time for us. We have too many things going on."

"You don't really need me here." She laughed, although it was definitely strained.

"I do. You're my wife and it's our first Christmas together."

"We're not together like that." She immediately jumped in, as if she felt like she had to clarify that.

"I know, but all the attention will be on us - especially from my extended family. There are expectations and traditions, Millie. You know my father won't be happy if you're not here."

"I seriously doubt he'd care." She scoffed, muttering the words under her breath.

"What?"

"Nothing." She shook her head, making a move to stand up.

"Answer the question, Millie." She hesitated, biting her lip as she stood up. She glanced around the office, avoiding my gaze. The tension in the room thickened, her discomfort clear.

"Nothing." She repeated, softer this time. "It's nothing, Costa."

I leaned back in my chair, my eyes narrowing as I watched her. "Millie, if it's something about my father, you need to tell me."

She didn't reply and my patience was wearing thin. This time I just waited for her to realise she had no other choice. She took a deep breath, her exhaustion from the last few weeks peeking through her mask.

"The night of your punishment, I ran into your father in the kitchen. He...he wasn't exactly friendly."

I felt a surge of anger at the mention of my father - a surge of anger that was ready to be unleashed on the next person who pissed me off.

"What did he do?" I spoke through gritted teeth. "Tell me everything. I won't ask you again."

She didn't want to, but I made her recall every single detail from that night.

She started with her trip to the kitchen for the ice packs and the words she exchanged with my father when he called Rocco and I weak.

Then, she explained how she stupidly threatened him too - as if she could actually walk away from the alliance.

"How stupid could you be?"

"He threatened me." Her voice came out a lot stronger than before. "He told me to remember my place and made it clear that if I stepped out of line, he could make this marriage a punishment for me too."

He already told me this marriage was my punishment - except he didn't know it was the twins who ruined the potential Greek alliance with the Bratva. To this day, no one else - apart from my brothers, knows I took the fall for them.

And it was staying that way.

"Then you keep your fucking mouth shut and you come and tell me. I told you never to speak to him again after that stunt you pulled in his office."

She's the only person I've ever met with the balls to storm into the Don's office the way she did after Kozlov threatened her.

My father said I could handle it then, but if she ever spoke out of line with him again, it would become his problem.

That's what I was afraid of.

"Tell you?" She laughed incredulously. She was ready to fight fire with fire. "You weren't even awake, Costa! You were already dealing with enough."

I stood up, slamming my laptop shut. "I don't care! You shouldn't have left it this long. You know what he's capable of."

"I can handle myself." She argued, crossing her arms defensively. "I don't need you fighting my battles for me."

"And what about when you end up like I was?" I growled, walking around my desk towards her. "What then, Millie? Because he'd fucking do it to you without a second thought."

The graphic image caused her to stall for a moment. Her lips opened to reply but she came up empty.

Then she switched the conversation around all together.

"You don't even have the right to be mad at me, Costa. I'm the one who is still mad at you."

"Me?" I scoffed, my anger burning hot in my veins.

"Yes, you! I told you I haven't forgotten what you said." The same fury I saw that day returned tenfold.

She still hadn't let me explain, but by this point, I was too fucking angry to care.

"It's been a fucking month. Get the fuck over it." I snapped.

She didn't expect my harsh response, her sudden silence was a dead give away of that. But Millie has always been able to recover in situations like this and today was no exception.

"You're a dick, do you know that?" She stepped away from me, her anger now mixed with hurt. "Why can't you understand how hearing that made me feel?"

"I've tried to explain it to you countless fucking times, Millie. What you heard was bad, but it was just a joke."

"A joke? It's not a joke." Her voice softened and she shook her head. "Not to me."

A tense silence fell between us, the air charged with the anger and frustration from everything that happened recently. From the moment she asked me to come to her award ceremony, everything had gone wrong. It was just all out of my control, something that made me feel even more frustrated.

Before either of us could say another word, a knock at the door interrupted us.

As per fucking usual.

Millie held my stare for another few seconds before I begrudgingly turned towards the door, calling the person in.

"I need to talk to you about something." Tristano seemed to realise he'd interrupted something when he looked between Millie and I.

But she didn't waste another second. After sparing me one last glance, she left the room.

Twenty minutes was all I had to calm down before the idiota came into our room for round two.

"Millie?"

I kept my back to him, re-folding the pile of laundry that Lula had messed up while I was giving Costa his stupid dinner.

"We haven't finished our conversation." His voice was a lot softer than it was when we came to blows downstairs.

"I don't have anything else to say."

"Well, I do." I heard him messing about somewhere behind me in the room before his footsteps approached me.

"Can you sit down for two minutes?"

"No." Yes, I'm stubborn. Sue me.

"Please?" My movements with the laundry slowed and Costa took that as a sign. So he gently took my hand, turning me around to face him.

He guided me to sit down at the edge of the bed then he knelt down in front of me, wincing from the movement.

Pftt, good.

...

Not good. I don't like him hurting.

"I'm just going to say it before we get interrupted again." He murmured, just loud enough for me to hear.

"We were talking about you...about how I...feel." He spoke slowly, licking his lips - indicating he was feeling nervous. "I've been trying to find the right fucking time to tell you and it just...it hasn't worked out."

I didn't know what to say to him, but I also don't think he would have appreciated any interruptions.

So I just waited, letting him gather his thoughts.

"When you told me about your award ceremony I wanted to be there so fucking bad, Millie. I had so much shit planned that day but I moved it all around to be with you. Then I got sidetracked and I forgot."

Once again I resisted the urge to speak since I knew it would only take us away from whatever point he was trying to make.

"You got upset when the twins broke your trophy and I just...I hate seeing you sad, Millie. That night or any night. I can't stand it and I don't...I don't know how to deal with that. I'm not used to caring about other people's emotions."

I already knew that about him. It was obvious from his reputation and his lifestyle.

He slept around but rarely ever held down a relationship. He didn't have many female figures in his life - especially after his mother died.

His soft side was hidden behind the tough exterior he needed to survive in the criminal underworld.

I didn't like it, but I never expected anything different from him or any potential husband.

"I want to make you happy. I tried to make you happy with that party.

When you came into my office-" He sighed, averting his eyes down towards my hands on my lap.

"I told them how I felt and they were giving me advice on how I can make you feel part of the family.

It got serious and then they made those stupid jokes at the end. "

"You laughed." My voice came out barely above a whisper, but it was enough for his eyes to snap to mine. "You laughed when Tristano said I could never handle you. You agreed with him."

The hurt seeped into my voice, along with the vulnerability.

"I..." He falter for a moment, his green eyes never leaving mine. "I'm sorry. Mi dispiace, Millie." (I'm sorry, Millie)

I took a moment, studying his features. I could tell in his voice, in his expression and his eyes that he meant it. He really was sorry.

"You still haven't told me how you feel." The nerves began to build up in my stomach while I waited for him to speak.

"Let me give you something first." He got up from his kneeling position, holding onto the edge of the bed to support himself.

I watched as he crossed the room to pick up a large red box with a white ribbon on. He brought it over to me, taking a seat on the bed.

"Open it."

"Costa-"

"Just open the box, Millie." He cut me off, leaving no room for me to argue.

I untied the ribbon, opening the red box to reveal the most beautiful diamond jewellery set I'd ever seen.

The necklace was heavy with diamonds, but not in a tacky way. The design was so intricate and elegant. It came with matching earrings and a bracelet.

It took my breath away.

"Costa...wh-..."

"I can't ever repay you for the way you took care of me, Millie." I turned my head to look at him when I heard the raw emotion in his voice. "You don't know how much I appreciate what you did for me. And I can't ever do enough to say sorry for the way I treated you when-"

"Costa, you don't have to-"

"Let me finish." I was still holding the box in one hand when he took the other. "I fucked up, Millie. I should have done better at the beginning of our marriage and I didn't."

"It was hard for you too. This isn't a romance novel where the guy is supposed to be completely perfect from the beginning. It's okay for you to feel things and react too."

"Why are you making excuses?" He frowned, his eyes averting down to our joined hands when I began stroking his skin with my thumb.

"I'm not. I'm just being real. It was forced on us. The responsibility to make it work wasn't solely on you. Neither of us wanted this."

"But I want it now." He paused, speaking with so much raw honesty. "I want you, Millie."

He surprised me with how bluntly he said it. I was rendered speechless while he took the jewellery set from me, putting it on the bed.

"Cazzo. You drive me insane and yet...I want to give you the fucking world. I want you to be mine - I need you to be mine."

"Yours?" I whispered.

"Sì." He murmured, reaching up to tuck some hair behind my ear. "Mine. Solo mio." (Only mine)

As the seconds ticked by, my heart pounded away in my chest. "I...I'm scared."

"Why?" There was something strange about the way he said that. It's like he already knew the answer but he was giving me the opportunity to say it anyway.

"I'm scared I'll get hurt...if I don't keep my walls up." The emotions bubbled up inside me, my eyes stinging with unshed tears.

"I would never hurt you." He said it so fast - so fast that I wanted to believe him.

"You don't know that. What if we have an argument? Or what if you meet someone else? Or-"

"I don't want anyone else." He spoke so much firmer. "I don't need anyone else. And if we have an argument, we'll talk about it."

"What about a mistress?" They were extremely common in the mafia, but especially the Sicilian Mafia.

As long as the wife isn't disrespected in public and she's still maintained - financially, at least - then the husband can do whatever he wants. It's how things have worked for centuries.

"I would never do that to you. I could never do that to you. I'm not like that, Millie."

"You're going to become one of the most powerful men in the world when you take over from your father, Costa.

" A few tears fell from my eyes and I could feel my walls aching to go up.

I wanted to push him away so desperately just to keep my heart safe.

"You don't know if your feelings will change towards me.

But if I give my heart to you now, I'll never get it back. "

"How can I prove it to you?" He was so determined, but there was very little I could tell him. I didn't know what I needed - not yet at least.

"I...I just need time." To my surprise and his, I didn't push him away when I said that. I shuffled closer, resting my head against his chest. He took a moment before he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, holding me against him.

"Thank you for the jewellery." I whispered, wiping away a few fallen tears. "I love it."

"Qualsiasi cosa per te." (Anything for you)

He just held me after that, neither of us saying another word for the time being.