Epilogue
Lavinia
The sterile scent of antiseptic filled the air, mingling with the hum of the air conditioner. I shifted in the uncomfortable plastic chair and flipped through an outdated parenting magazine. My fingers traced the edges of the pages, the paper slightly rough against my skin.
Would I be a good mom? The closest I’d come to a loving parent was my grandmother, but she’d passed away. All I had left were memories of her, and I’d always cherished them. I just didn’t know if it would be enough to help me with my own baby.
Despite my worries, excitement thrummed through me. Today, I’d see my baby for the first time.
Cotton sat close enough that his broad shoulders brushed against me. He shifted, and I noticed him glance at the clock. The way he’d stayed close and looked out for me since we met said he’d be a great father. If I could just figure out how to be a good mom, we’d be fine.
I sighed, and he leaned closer.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah. Just nervous.”
His gaze softened. “We’ll be fine. I promise.”
I wanted to believe him. My worries didn’t keep me from wanting to know if the baby was a boy or girl. Today, we’d find out. I’d been on pins and needles since I woke up. I might be concerned about being a mom, but I already loved this baby with every fiber of my being. Didn’t matter that their biological dad was a piece of shit. I’d never tell them about Tyler. If they didn’t look like either me or Cotton, I’d make up something, like telling them they resembled a grandparent who’d passed away.
I heard Cotton’s breath hitch, and I glanced his way. He stared at the clock again. I realized he was just as eager as me. I kept going over the names I’d picked in my head. I wanted to make sure I didn’t forget any of them. Cotton might not like any of them, but I probably should have at least one for each gender. I wondered if he’d made a list too.
The nurse called our names, and I stood, smoothing my shirt. Cotton placed his hand at the small of my back. We followed the nurse down the hall, and I counted our steps in my head. The farther we went, the tighter the knot in my stomach.
The antiseptic smell grew stronger, and I heard the tap of our shoes on the white tile floor. The walls were a light gray, and the chairs along the wall were the same plastic ones as in the waiting room. I wondered how many patients they saw each day. The waiting area had been full when we arrived.
The nurse led us into a small room. Standard medical equipment filled most of the space. I recognized the blood pressure machine in the corner, and the ultrasound machine against the wall. The exam table had a paper cover that crinkled when I touched it.
The nurse set a folded gown on the table. “I’ll leave you to change. The doctor will be in soon.”
She slipped out of the room, and I reached for the gown. Cotton got to it first. He unfolded it and held it out. I slipped my shirt off and reached behind me to unhook my bra. He glided his fingers down my spine, making me pause and shiver. I’d never tire of his touch. My bra fell to the floor, then I shimmied out of my pants and panties.
Cotton helped me into the gown, then tied it behind me. I faced him, and he smoothed the fabric over my shoulders. The tenderness in his eyes made me want to cry. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve him, but I thanked God every day for bringing him into my life.
“I’ll help you onto the table,” he said.
I didn’t argue. I’d learned the hard way recently I wasn’t as balanced as I used to be. More than once I’d tripped over my own feet. Cotton cupped my elbow and helped me onto the paper-covered table. I settled on the edge, trying to keep my lower half covered. I didn’t know if I’d need to open the gown or not.
He took my hand in his and squeezed. “It’ll be okay. I know you’re worried.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Tears burned my eyes, and I blinked them away. He picked up my clothes, folded them, and set them to the side.
I glanced around the room again. The white walls made everything seem so cold and clinical. Since I’d be coming here a lot, I wished there were more colors.
The door opened, and a woman stepped inside. Her brown hair had been pulled back in a ponytail, and she had a warm smile. “Good morning. I’m Dr. Martinez.” She looked at me, then at Cotton. “You must be Lavinia and Green Caine.”
“Everyone calls me Cotton,” he said.
I blinked for a moment. Had he ever told me his name? So much had happened, I wasn’t sure I’d have remembered. I’d been under so much stress until he’d taken care of Tyler.
“Cotton it is.” She moved to the chair in the corner and rolled it over to the laptop. “I see this is your first pregnancy, Lavinia. How are you feeling?”
“Nauseous most days. I’ve tried to eat small meals, but it doesn’t always help.”
She nodded and typed something into the computer. “That’s perfectly normal, although it’s frustrating. I see you’re six months along. When did you first find out you were pregnant?”
“About five months ago.”
“Planned pregnancy?” she asked.
“No. Not even close,” I said.
She smiled. “I’m sure it was a bit of a shock.”
“You could say that.”
“Have you had any issues with bleeding? Or intense cramping?” Dr. Martinez asked.
“No.”
“Good.” She typed a few more things into the computer. “I’ll need you to lie back. I want to check your stomach.”
I didn’t move right away, and I felt Cotton squeeze my hand. His gaze met mine, and I saw the warmth in his eyes. I took a deep breath, then did as the doctor asked. Dr. Martinez covered my legs with a blanket, then lifted my gown over my belly. She lightly pressed on my stomach. She had a gentle touch, and I felt myself start to relax.
“Everything feels fine. Are you ready to try an ultrasound?” Dr. Martinez asked.
“Yes. I’m excited to see my baby for the first time, even if I’m still worried I won’t be a good mom.”
“You’ll be a great mother,” Dr. Martinez said. “There’s no guarantee we’ll be able to tell the sex of the baby today. We’ll do our best, though. I had one poor mother who didn’t find out until she was nearly eight months along because the baby refused to cooperate every time.”
I nodded. I’d expected that answer, but I’d hoped anyway. The last week, I’d spent a lot of time researching what might happen at this visit.
“We’ll start the ultrasound now. It won’t hurt, but the gel I’ll use might be a little cold. Just try to relax and enjoy the moment.” Dr. Martinez stood and wheeled the ultrasound machine closer.
Cotton helped me lie back more, and Dr. Martinez opened a bottle and squeezed some gel onto me. It wasn’t freezing, but it was cool enough I shivered. She picked up the wand and pushed a few buttons on the machine. I’d never had an ultrasound before, but I’d seen one on TV. I knew I should see my baby on the screen.
“There’s the head, and if you look closely, you can see an arm. This dark area right here is the stomach.” Dr. Martinez went over each part of our baby, explained what I was seeing, and took a picture. “I’ll get some measurements to make sure everything is on track for your due date.”
As she moved the wand around, she stopped on different parts. I’d see her mouth move as she measured something and then typed it into the machine. I knew the moment I laid eyes on my child I was already in love.
Cotton’s hand squeezed mine, and I saw the awe in his expression. His gaze met mine, and I saw the sheen of tears in his eyes. As much as I already loved our baby, I knew Cotton would be the best dad. He’d protect our child with his life and do everything in his power to make sure they always felt loved and cared for.
Dr. Martinez moved the wand lower, and I saw her brow furrow. She moved the instrument back and forth a few times, and I started to worry. I felt Cotton tense and knew he’d noticed too. When the doctor smiled, I relaxed a little.
“Everything looks good, and I think I can tell what you’re having,” she said.
My breath caught. “Really?”
“I won’t say it’s one hundred percent, but I’m fairly certain you’re having a little girl. She’s not turned quite as much as I’d like to get a clearer view, so we can check again at a future appointment just to be sure.”
Tears sprang to my eyes. A little girl! I didn’t know why I was surprised. I’d felt in my heart that’s what I’d have but hearing it out loud made it more real. I placed my hand on my stomach and smiled. A daughter. I was going to have a daughter.
“That’s my baby,” I whispered. “That’s really my baby.”
“It is.” Dr. Martinez smiled. “And it looks to be a healthy one.”
As much as I’d worried about being a bad mom, I couldn’t deny the joy filling me right now. I’d hoped we’d find out the baby’s sex today, but I hadn’t counted on it. Now that I knew I’d have a daughter, I was even more excited to see our baby. For the first time since I’d found out I was pregnant, I felt like everything would be okay.
My grandmother’s image popped into my mind, and I remembered how she’d let me sit with her while she sewed quilts and clothes. I’d always felt safe when she was around. She’d been my rock, my constant. When she passed away, my world had shattered. I’d felt so lost without her. Now… I’d have a daughter. I’d be the rock for my little girl.
I placed my hand on the side of my stomach and smiled. I still worried I’d mess things up. No one could be perfect. But I’d make sure my daughter always knew she was loved. I’d read books, play with her, and do whatever else it took to make her feel safe and happy.
Hope bloomed inside me, and I felt my lips curve into a smile.
“I’m gonna be the best dad I can be,” Cotton said, his voice low and determined. “Our daughter’s gonna know she’s loved and cared for. I swear.”
A wave of reassurance and love washed over me. I knew Cotton meant every word. I’d seen that same look in his eyes when he’d sworn to protect me. My heart swelled, and I couldn’t help the tears that slipped down my cheeks.
Dr. Martinez smiled warmly. “Congratulations on your baby girl.” She set the wand back in the cradle on the machine and wiped the gel from my stomach. “Let me give you a bit of advice before you leave today.”
I nodded, eager to know what to do next.
“First, maintain a healthy lifestyle. You’re young and in good shape, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables and avoid junk food.” She patted my shoulder. “Second, avoid caffeine. I know it’s difficult for some women, but it will be better for the baby.” She paused, looking from me to Cotton. “And last, make sure you attend all your check-ups. If anything seems off, call the office and let me know. Even if it’s nothing, it’s better to get checked out.”
I couldn’t help but smile at her calm and professional manner. She’d been so kind and gentle, and she’d made me feel at ease. I had no doubt I’d chosen the best doctor in town.
She gave me a kind smile. “You’re doing great so far. Keep it up.”
“Thank you, Dr. Martinez,” I said.
She nodded and left the room, giving us a moment to process everything. I felt more prepared than when I’d walked in here. Now that danger was no longer hanging over my head, and I knew I had a future with Cotton, excitement flared inside me. We’d need to put a nursery together, buy baby clothes, and do all the stuff expectant mothers looked forward to. I felt like a new chapter was starting in our lives.
Cotton helped me off the table and reached for my clothes. He handed them over, then took the gown from me and tossed it into the chair in the corner.
I quickly changed into my clothes, then fished my shoes from under the chair and put them on. Going to the doctor for the first time had made me nervous, but it had gone better than I’d imagined. I felt more hopeful about the journey ahead, and I couldn’t wait to share our news with everyone.
Cotton took my hand as we left the doctor’s office. The cool breeze hit my cheeks, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation. After the warm, stuffy waiting room, the crisp air felt refreshing. I hadn’t realized how long we’d been inside until the sun hit my face. We walked down the sidewalk, the sound of traffic mingling with the chirping of birds. The sun dipped lower in the sky, and I knew it wouldn’t be long until dusk fell. Cotton’s hand tightened around mine, and I glanced up at him.
He smiled down at me, and my heart skipped a beat. How had I gotten so lucky? I’d never imagined my life would change so drastically, or that I’d end up with a man like Cotton. He’d been my rock, and I’d fallen more in love with him every day.
“We should start thinking about names,” I said. “I don’t want our daughter to be born and we call her baby girl for months.”
“You have something in mind?” he asked.
“Maybe.” I bit my lip, hesitating a moment. “I heard the name Lorna once and fell in love with it. I heard someone talking about their daughter, and I thought it was a beautiful name.” My spirits lifted as I thought back to that day. I’d been in a store, and the woman had called out to her daughter. The name had struck me as being so perfect. For years, I’d held onto it, even when I’d thought kids weren’t in my future.
Cotton’s brow furrowed, and he gave a thoughtful nod. “It’s not a bad name. What do you think of Luella?”
I blinked up at him. Luella.
“Is there a reason you like it?” I asked.
He cleared his throat. “It was my mother’s name.”
I repeated the name in my mind and decided it was just right. “I think it’s perfect. I know our baby won’t be here for several more months, but I already feel like I’m getting to know her. Like I can picture holding her, and she’s already part of me.”
“She’s part of both of us, Lavinia. Doesn’t matter if I helped create her or not. And I’ll make sure she knows how much we love her.”
My heart felt full to bursting, and I didn’t think I could be any happier. We continued walking, and I rested my head against his arm. I hadn’t thought it was possible to feel this connected to anyone. Cotton was everything I’d ever hoped for and more. I couldn’t wait to start our future together and see what life had in store for us.
And knowing we’d have a daughter? I couldn’t stop smiling. I’d finally have the family I’d always wanted.
“Can you imagine how the others will react when we tell them?” I asked.
“They’ll be happy for us. And the women will probably throw you a baby shower at some point.”
I hadn’t thought of that. I’d never attended a baby shower, but I’d heard they could be fun. “I still can’t believe we’re having a little girl.”
Cotton rested his hand on my back as we walked, the warmth of his palm seeping through my shirt. “Everything I ever wanted and more, Lavinia. I promise you, I won’t let you or our daughter down. You’re my family now.”
And that was exactly what I’d needed to hear.