Chapter 32
thirty-two
. . .
Maddox
There was a knock on my hotel room door, and I groaned. I’d already ordered dinner, and I didn’t want to be bothered by anyone.
I’d come straight here after I’d left the hospital.
After I knew Georgia was okay.
Everything had come crashing down on me when she opened her eyes.
It hadn’t happened when she’d fallen through the ice, or when I’d given her CPR. Almost like my body had been in fight-or-flight mode, and I’d fought like hell to get her to the hospital. To make sure she was okay.
But from the minute those sapphire blues had locked with mine… The minute I’d heard her hoarse voice speak…
My body had had a visceral reaction.
Flashbacks of my mother not responding when I’d breathed into her mouth and desperately pumped my hands down on her chest. Memories of her lifeless body being taken from our home.
I felt like I was reliving it all over again.
And I couldn’t get the thought of Georgia lying on the ice with blue lips, her body completely still, out of my head.
Allowing myself to love someone the way that I loved her had been a reckless decision.
I’d fucked up.
Because I would not survive losing this woman.
I looked through the peephole and groaned. Why the fuck was Wyle here?
I pulled the door open. “Did you not get my text that said I was fine and that I didn’t want company?”
He strolled past me. “Of course, I got it. I just don’t give a fuck what you said.”
I moved to the minibar of my suite and poured myself another whiskey straight up and tipped my head back, allowing the cool liquid to warm my throat.
“So, what’s the plan, Maddox? You’re just going to hide out here because your girlfriend almost died? I thought you were the mature brother.”
“Fuck you. You have no idea what went down. You have no fucking idea what I’ve gone through. The shit in my head.” I pointed my finger in his face, and he slapped it away.
“Don’t be a dick. I’ve asked you hundreds of times to talk to me after that night with Mom, and you shut me down over and over.
So don’t play that card with me, brother.
Tell me what happened with Georgia. I know she fell through the ice, and you got her to the hospital.
But I want to know what’s going on in that head of yours. What’s got you so fucked up?”
I shoved past him and dropped to sit on the chair next to the desk that I’d been working at.
“It’s just too much, you know? She almost died, Wyle.
I took her out there. And she was dancing out on the fucking ice like a little fairy, and then—” I looked away and glanced out the window at the tall buildings outside as the last bit of sunlight disappeared behind the clouds.
“She was gone. Without warning. And when I pulled her out…”
He poured himself a drink and pulled up a chair beside the table and moved it right in front of me, our knees almost touching. “That had to be fucking terrifying. Was she breathing when you pulled her out?”
I sucked in a deep breath before letting all the air exit my lungs.
“Her lips were blue. She wasn’t breathing.
I turned her to the side and slapped her back hard, trying to expel the water from her airways.
And then I did CPR until she started breathing.
And there was all this blood and I didn’t know what the fuck to do.
I called 911, but they couldn’t get there quick enough.
So, I wrapped her up, and she was completely lifeless.
Unconscious. But I knew she was breathing. ”
He covered my hand with his, and I startled. Lancasters weren’t touchy-feely people. “That had to bring up some memories about the night you found Mom.”
“It didn’t at first. Not until after she woke up. And then it hit me like a ton of fucking bricks.” I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Fuck, Wyle. If I lost her, I’d be done. So fucking done. How did I let myself get here?”
“You love her, and loving someone is scary as hell. But you’re hiding here in the city, talking about how she could have died, and you would have lost her—yet you aren’t with her now, when she needs you most?”
My head snapped up. “I was there when she needed me. I never left her.”
“Yeah. You stayed when she was in a coma, brother. And then you took off the minute she woke up. That’s a little fucked up.”
“I’m in too fucking deep, Wyle. I needed to know she was okay, but this is too much for me.
I’ve got to be careful moving forward. It hurts too much.
And I took her out there, you know? What kind of shit boyfriend am I?
I nearly killed her on Valentine’s Day. The first girl I’ve ever loved. I’m not cut out for this shit.”
He tipped his head back and finished the amber liquid in his rocks glass and set it down on the desk.
“Listen to yourself. You’re making no fucking sense.
First of all, her falling through the ice had nothing to do with you.
It was shitty luck. Shit happens, Maddox—we both know that.
It was out of your control. You could have taken her to a fancy restaurant and gotten into a car accident on the way there.
That would not be any more your fault than this was.
A shit boyfriend does not plunge half his body into the freezing water, which, by the way, you could have fallen through that ice yourself.
Going out there was risky. But you did it because you love her.
You fucking risked your life for her, man.
” He slapped me on the arm when I stared out the window and waited for me to look at him.
“Seeing her like that, I’m sure it fucked you up.
Especially after what happened with Mom.
But Georgia didn’t die, Maddox. She’s alive and well.
And there’s always a risk when you love someone, but we’re all going to die eventually.
There’s no risk-free way around it. It doesn’t mean that you stop loving just because you might lose that person someday.
Guess what, Harvard, you will. We all will.
You just have to love the best you can while you can, right? ”
His eyes searched mine, and I shook my head. “What the fuck is happening here? Who are you, and what have you done with my unemotional brother?”
“Hey, I guess this was a wake-up call for all of us. I think we all shut down after we lost Mom, and, man, she would be so pissed about that. She was all about feelings, you know? About loving one another.”
“Yeah.” I nodded. I was so tired, and I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing anymore.
“She would be so pissed at you right now.” He barked out a laugh.
“Fuck you. She would not. She never got mad at me.”
A wide grin spread across his face. “True. But… you went through all those heroic measures to save the girl. Hell, you breathed life into her and wouldn’t leave her side. And then she wakes up, and you tap out? That’s fucked up, brother.”
I scrubbed a hand down my face. “I get it. I’m a dumbass. The truth is, I didn’t know I was capable of loving someone the way that I love her, and that scares the shit out of me.”
“You’ve never been a coward. Man the fuck up.”
“Okay, can we give the offensive pep talk a rest and let me process this? How did you know I was even here?” I hissed.
“Hugh Reynolds must have gotten my number out of his sister’s phone.
He called me. Said he was worried about you.
He’d gone by your house, and no one at the office had seen you since you left the hospital.
So, I called the hotel, found out you were here, and came right over.
I was actually in the city, meeting with Grandfather.
I think I’m going to join the world again.
You’ve inspired me. I agreed to take a position working with Dad.
I’m interested in real estate. What can I say? ”
“Well, aren’t you just full of surprises?”
There was another knock on the door, and I rolled my eyes. “When I told the front desk I did not want to be disturbed, that seems to have been an invitation to knock on my door every five fucking minutes.”
“Listen, I’m meeting a woman down at the bar. But I sent this surprise to you myself. You’re welcome.” He marched to the door and pulled it open, and I stood there, stunned to see Alana Reynolds on the other side of the door.
“What are you doing here?”
“She’s your therapist. Hugh and I both thought you were due for a session. You’ve got an hour, and the helicopter is waiting to take her home.” Wyle shrugged and winked at me.
The little fucker.
“I’m sorry you came all this way,” I said, holding my hand out for her to walk in.
“Good luck, Alana. He’s a tough nut to crack,” Wyle said as he made his way out the door before letting it shut behind him.
I pulled a chair out beside the table, and she took her seat.
“Can I get you something to drink?” I asked.
“I’m good for now, but thank you.”
I settled in the chair across from her. “Should you be away from Georgia right now?”
She smiled. “Georgia is okay, Maddox. She was released from the hospital, and her cousins all flew to Cottonwood Cove to surprise her, and she’s doing really well. I stopped by this afternoon and saw all the arrangements that you sent.”
I cleared my throat. “I wanted her to know that I was thinking of her.”
“I think she knows.”
“You don’t seem like you’re pissed at me…” I leaned back in my chair.
“I’m not. I’m your therapist right now, and I’m here to talk about you. You are clearly going through something, and I want to help you.”
“I left your daughter when she needed me most,” I said, raising a brow, almost begging her to get angry with me. That would make things easier.
Her eyes widened. “My daughter needed you most when you pulled her out of the ice and rushed her to the hospital. How could I be anything other than grateful? I know how much you love Georgia.”
“I don’t know why I ran. And now, I don’t really know how to fix it. This feeling that I could lose her—it’s overpowering me. I’m drowning in fear,” I admitted.
She leaned forward and took my hand. “I know why you ran.”
“Why?”
“Those first few days in the hospital, when she was in a coma and we didn’t know if she was going to wake up, you were in shock.
You’d experienced something traumatizing, just like she did.
But yours wasn’t visible to the outside world.
But that fear, the flashbacks of that terrorizing moment, seeing her the way you did…
” She swiped at the tear running down her face.
“Doing what you did that day was not easy. You stayed calm and in control. You did what needed to be done. And now… it’s not easy either.
To process all that happened. To realize that you love someone so deeply, and the fear of losing them hits you smack dab in the face.
Especially when you combine all of this with the fact that you’ve been through a similar trauma with your mother, and you didn’t get this outcome.
It’s human nature to think of all that could have gone wrong. So… you’re processing it all, Maddox.”
“But she needs me.”
“Georgia is a strong girl. But I do think you talking to her about this would be helpful for both of you. She knows you love her. That’s not what’s hurting her.”
“What do you mean? Is she not recovering well?” I pushed to my feet as my heart started racing.
She stood, a kind smile spreading across her face. “No. She’s physically on the road to recovery and doing well. She’s hurting because she knows that you’re hurting. She doesn’t like knowing that you’re alone and dealing with this on your own.”
“My sweet fucking fairy,” I whispered under my breath, but Alana chuckled, which made me think she heard me.
“I have one-hundred-percent faith in you, Maddox Lancaster.” She squeezed my hand.
“I guess I’ve been bashing my father for leaving my mother when she was sick, and now, look at the way that I ran.” I shrugged. I hated the thought that I could be anything like him. “I guess that makes me a hypocrite.”
“You and your father are very different people, Maddox. I know that. You know that. You didn’t leave Georgia when she needed you.
No one is questioning your loyalty. Taking a step away when you’re terrified is okay.
What he did was completely different. But maybe there’s a part of you that can forgive some of his actions, because they stemmed from fear.
Yes, he made some really bad choices after that, and that’s on him.
And what you do moving forward is on you. ”
She leaned up and kissed my cheek. “You’re a good man, Maddox. I have all the faith in you. I’ll see you back in Cottonwood Cove next week for our usual appointment?”
“Thanks for coming. I’m going to figure this out.”
“I don’t doubt that for a minute.” She held her hand up. “I’ve got a helicopter to catch.”
“Thanks again,” I said as she made her way down the hallway.
I closed the door and squeezed my eyes closed.
What the fuck was I doing? Was I really going to let fear stop me from being with the woman I loved?
Fuck no.
Time to sober up and get my shit together.
And by get my shit together, I meant get my girl back.
Because nothing worked without her.