Chapter 25
twenty-five
. . .
Brinkley
We’d just finished a six-mile run, and my legs were rubbery and weak. “I can’t keep up with you lately, and you know it’s hard for me to admit that.”
Lincoln turned to look at me with concern and grabbed me by the thighs and flipped me over his shoulder. “I’ll carry you, then.”
“It doesn’t mean I can’t walk; it just means you’re getting faster.” I smacked his ass as my body relaxed against him.
“I’m training harder than I ever have, and I like having you push me on the runs.”
I sighed and pushed up, sliding down his body until my feet hit the ground. “Then I guess I’ll just have to keep pushing alongside you.”
“Tell me about your two offers,” he said.
I’d tried to fill him in on the latest with my job prospects when we’d started our run, but my breathing was so labored right out of the gate that I’d been unable to form a complete sentence.
“So, both Football Live and Sports Today want to buy the rights to your story. Sports Today is obviously big time, and they let me break the news about your plans for next year when we made that announcement. But I like the woman at Football Live magazine a lot. And they have a female president over there, which I, of course, love. But then I got a really nice call from Audrey. Do you remember me mentioning her? She was my mentor during my internship at Strive Forward magazine. They are hiring, as well, and she said they’d be thrilled to have me. ”
“So, you have three really good offers. The others aren’t in the running?”
“No. I definitely want to go with one of these three. It’s just, you know, there’s a lot to consider.”
The back of his hand grazed mine as we walked, and he glanced over at me. “What is there to consider?”
“All three are talking about full-time positions, which is important for me moving forward. So, it comes down to pay, benefits, and how much control I will actually have over what I write and where it’s featured. And then the big kahuna—where I’d be located.”
He came to a stop and turned to face me. “Where do you want to be located?”
I laughed because he was so funny about certain things.
He’d made it clear he wanted to be together.
In fact, he couldn’t wait for this story to break so we could go public with our relationship.
But he had not pushed me at all to sign in New York, even though we both knew it would make our lives easier.
“I don’t really have a say in that, you know?
But obviously, I’d like to be close to you.
Both Football Live and Sports Today are based in San Francisco, but that doesn’t mean that I couldn’t work remotely down the road.
You know, once I prove myself. And then Strive Forward magazine is located in New York, which would obviously be very convenient, as well. ”
“I’m not going to lie, I’d fucking love to wake up with you every day like we’re doing right now.
But I know your career is important to you, and I want to support that.
So, wherever you go, we’ll make it work.
Do I prefer you to be in New York with me?
Fuck, yeah. But I can’t really demand that, can I?
” His gaze locked with mine, and a loud laugh escaped when I realized that he was actually asking for permission to be a caveman.
“Um, no. You can’t demand that.”
“Fuck. That’s what I thought.” He shrugged, and we started walking again. “So, you’ll go interview with all three of them, and your gut will tell you what to do.”
“Do you always listen to your gut?”
“I do. It’s never failed me. Not with football, not with you, and it even told me to hear out Romeo when he showed up on your front porch. Your instincts are there for a reason. And if you don’t know what to do, you can always ask me, and I’ll be happy to tell you what to do.”
I laughed. “You are so ridiculous. You’re not my boss; you’re my lover.”
We walked through the backyard and into the house.
“You can be the boss of me anytime you want, sweetheart.”
“Yeah? I can tell you whatever I want you to do, and you’ll do it?”
“Correct.” He handed me a bottle of water and tugged me close.
“How about we read that letter?” It had been sitting on the counter for the last two days since Romeo left, and he kept putting it off.
“What do I get if I read the fucking letter?” He thrust against me, letting me know exactly what he wanted.
“How about we read the letter, and then you can have your way with me in the shower?”
“Fine. You read it. I’ll listen.” He handed me the letter and moved to the table where we settled across from one another.
Lincoln had a thick skin, and he wanted everyone to believe he didn’t care because he didn’t know his father.
But it was something that had always bothered him, so he obviously cared.
And I hoped that this could be a form of closure for him.
I opened the sealed envelope and pulled out the lined notebook paper before glancing up at him to make sure he was okay with me moving forward. He gave me a slight nod, and I unfolded the paper.
A photo of what looked like a young Lincoln and Abi was inside the letter, and I handed him the photo. He stared at it for a few moments and then nodded at me to start.
The letter was handwritten in black ink.
I turned the paper around to show him the date.
“He wrote this last fall,” I said, and Lincoln nodded.
“Lincoln, Hell, I’ve tried to write this letter a million times, and I couldn’t find the words.
But tonight, I watched you play the Cougars and dominate the football game on TV.
It’s hard for me to wrap my head around it—that I had any part in creating such a magnificent man.
I’ve been keeping tabs on you where I could without getting too close, and I have to shake my head every time I learn more about you.
A straight-A student, a superior athlete, and a great son to Abi.
I’m not deserving of any ounce of your light, so I’ll watch from a distance.
But I need you to know that I didn’t walk away because I didn’t love you and your mom.
I walked away because I didn’t love myself.
” I paused to clear my throat and take a sip of water.
I glanced up at Lincoln, and his face was hard as he listened. So, I returned my gaze to the paper.
“I’m not here to make excuses. I didn’t have a great upbringing, and I wasn’t worthy of your mother.
I knew it the first time I met her, but I couldn’t walk away back then.
The pull was too strong. She was all goodness and sunshine and warmth.
Something I didn’t feel deserving of back then.
And when she got pregnant with you, I panicked.
I wasn’t ready. She embraced it. Worked double shifts and read everything she could about becoming a mother.
I turned to the bottle and drugs and anything I could to escape.
When you came into the world, I was there.
I watched you take your first breath,” I said, and my voice cracked.
I could feel the pain in his words. Lincoln’s face remained hard, and I continued.
“Your mother told me I hadn’t earned the right to give you my name, and she was right.
I’d abandoned her long before you entered the world.
She’d made it clear that if I wasn’t going to step up and be the man you both deserved, she’d do it all on her own.
And there was no doubt in my mind that she meant it.
So, I stuck around for a few days and then tucked tail and ran.
” I paused to take a breath because this was heavier than I’d imagined it would be and watched as Lincoln took a long pull from his water bottle.
The way his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat and his jaw ticked from clenching his teeth so hard had my heart squeezing.
“You okay?”
“Yep. Finish it up. Let’s get this done.”
I nodded. “I know I don’t deserve the title of being your father.
I’ve known it every day since the day you were born.
But I want you to know that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.
I wish I’d been man enough to step up to the plate back then.
Man enough to show up on your birthdays and Christmas and attend your football games.
It’s the very least I could have done. But fear had a choke hold on me, Lincoln.
And I didn’t want to face what I’d done to you, so I let more and more time go by, terrified to look into your eyes and see the disappointment that I knew would be there.
“I am writing this now because I’ve recently learned that I have a lot of health issues.
My family doesn’t know it, and I’m doing what I can to step up the only way I know how in the time I have left.
I have two more children, Romeo and Tia.
It’s important to me that you know I don’t love them any more than I love you.
There has not been one day in your life that has gone by that I haven’t thought of you.
I’ve carried this picture of you in my wallet every day.
Every single day, I apologize to you in my prayers.
Yeah, I’ve fucked up a lot in my life, but I still pray every night.
And you’re the first thought and the first one I pray for before I go to sleep.
I may not have been able to make things right in my lifetime, but I’d be really happy if my three children could find their way to one another.
They don’t know about you, and I won’t tell them because you are the one who deserves the right to make that decision.
So, I’m going to leave this letter for my wife and hope it finds its way to you.
And then the ball will be in your court.
” I paused again and let out a long breath.
“Sometimes, Lincoln, we aren’t strong enough to find the courage to make things right, but it’s never too late to say I’m sorry.
And I’m truly sorry for failing you as a father, as a man, and as a friend.
I’m honored to watch you play on TV and to know that a little piece of me lives on in you.
My amazing son, I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me and get to know your siblings.
They’re really good people, just like their mama and their older brother who they don’t know about.
With love, Keith Knight.”
I set down the paper and looked up. Lincoln’s eyes were wet with emotion, and his hands were fisted on the table. I reached over and wrapped my hand around his, and they relaxed and intertwined with mine.
“That was… not what I expected.” He cleared his throat.
“Yeah. It was very heartfelt, huh?”
“It was,” he said, glancing out the window at the water.
“Do you feel better now that you’ve heard what he had to say?”
He turned back to look at me, and his green eyes were filled with a mixture of empathy and pain, and it took my breath away.
“I don’t honestly know what I feel. I want to say that I don’t care because he wasn’t there for me. But hearing those words, I don’t know, maybe there was more there than I’d thought there was.”
“That’s very fair.”
“I wish he’d owned up before he died so we could have had a chance to meet face-to-face and have this talk. It’s sort of one-sided, where he got to say his piece, and I didn’t. But maybe it’s better that way.”
“Maybe all that was meant to come out of this was your relationship with Romeo and Tia.”
“Yeah. And if I hadn’t met Romeo in this way, I don’t think I would have been open to meeting them on my own. And now Tia is blowing up my phone every day, and I don’t even mind it. So maybe something good really did come out of all of this.”
I moved to my feet and climbed onto his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Something good did come out of it.”
“Yeah? So, we read the letter. Are you ready to pay up?” he teased, his thumb tracing along my bottom lip.
“I always pay up, Captain.”
Without warning he was on his feet with me in his arms. He carried me to the bathroom and set me on the counter before leaning over and placing a hand on each side of my face. “Thank you for making me read that letter.”
“Thank you for letting me be there with you.”
“Now I’m going to rock your fucking world,” he said against my ear before nipping at my neck.
“I’m counting on that,” I said, as he tugged my tank top over my head.
I kept my arms up as he pulled off my sports bra, as well, and then he dropped to his knees and reached for the band of my running shorts. I pushed up just enough for him to tug them down my legs. My fingers tangled in his hair, and he groaned.
“Goddamn, sweetheart. I love your fucking body so much. I can’t get enough.” And he pushed my legs apart and buried his face there.
My head fell back against the mirror as he licked and sucked my most sensitive area. He wrapped my legs over his shoulders and tugged me forward, giving him better access.
My fingers gripped the countertop as I bucked against him. His tongue slipped inside, and it was more than I could bear. I was already exhausted from our run, and my body surrendered to him.
Panting and gasping.
Tugging at his hair as his thumb found my clit, knowing exactly what I needed.
I nearly came off the white marble as bright lights sparked beneath my eyelids, and my body trembled.
“Lincoln,” I cried out as he moved faster, sending me right into oblivion.
Every muscle, every bone, every inch of my body completely shattered.
He stayed right there, waiting for me to ride out every last bit of pleasure.
I couldn’t speak. My body was spent, and he stood up and shoved his shorts down his strong thighs before tugging his tank top over his head.
His cock sprang free and pointed directly at me, and he chuckled. “He loves you as much as I do.”
“The feeling is mutual,” I whispered.
He stroked my cheek. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just trying to keep up with the GOAT of the NFL on a run and then get my world rocked right here on the counter.” I chuckled.
He studied me before turning on the shower and then scooping me up and carrying me in with him. He set me on my feet, and I reached down to stroke him. He grabbed my wrists and lifted my hands to his lips. “Not right now. That can wait.”
And he spent the next twenty minutes gently washing my body, washing my hair, and kissing my neck. He wrapped me in a towel and dried my hair with the other towel sitting on the counter before wrapping it around his waist.
This man had a way of making me feel like I was the only woman in the world.
And I loved every second of it.
I didn’t want this time to ever end.
We’d been existing in a bubble, and I wasn’t in any hurry to leave it.