Chapter 29 #2
“Baby, don’t let this get you down. They’re a bunch of assholes.”
Don’t let this get me down?
I was well beyond being down.
It had been a complete disaster.
I used the back of my hand to swipe beneath my eyes. “That was a disaster. I wish you hadn’t been there to see that.”
“I’m fucking glad I was there. I wouldn’t have wanted you to be there alone with those assholes.”
“I can take care of myself, Lincoln,” I said, tipping up my chin. “You didn’t need to step in.”
I didn’t know how to handle all these emotions. The disappointment and the anger were at war with one another.
“I will always protect you.”
“Well, I’m sure a part of you is relieved that this job is off the table. Less of a chance of me staying here.” It wasn’t a fair thing to say. I was just spewing venom at this point.
He reached beneath my chin. “I’m not going to lie. I’d be fucking happy to have you beside me. But I did not want today to go this way. I know how much you wanted this, and I wanted it for you. It fucking pisses me off that they pulled this shit with you.”
“Well, it really pisses me off that I’ve worked really fucking hard, Lincoln.
” My voice trembled as I cried through my words.
“I’ve tried to prove myself. And all they cared about today was you.
That’s how it’s going to be, isn’t it? I’ll just be the reporter that wrote Lincoln Hendrix’s story, and then when news breaks that we’re dating, I’ll just be your girlfriend. ”
We both knew there was a lot of truth in that statement.
People put athletes on pedestals. It was part of the reason that Lincoln had been so apprehensive to share his story. He liked keeping his life private.
“It’s not how I’ll ever see you.”
I nodded because I knew that he meant it. “I know. And I know you can’t help that you’re famous and that you’re amazing and the greatest of all time—but I need to shine, too. You get that, right? I need my own thing. I don’t just want to be someone’s girlfriend.”
He looked at me like I’d just punched him in the gut. But the reality was setting in that once we went public with our relationship, my job would be greatly affected.
My profession. What I’d worked so hard for.
No one would take me seriously.
“Have I ever treated you like you were anything but amazing? I have been cheering you on since the minute we started working together. You have other offers, baby.”
“Right. But do they only want me because they want that story?” I asked as I looked out the window. Was everyone just after the story?
“You are so fucking talented. You know it, and I know it. I will not let anyone dim your light. Do you hear me?” He didn’t answer the question because he couldn’t answer it.
I knew my worth.
Hell, I’d always known that I could do anything I set my mind to. But today had thrown me. I hadn’t thought that they would have called me in just to get to him.
His gaze searched mine, and I knew that he saw it there.
The real question.
Would I ever shine on my own if we were together?
I’d never been that girl that worried about shining. Worried that someone would dim my light. I’d always been confident in my capabilities. But Lincoln’s fame was bigger than anything I’d ever dealt with.
He pushed out of the car and opened my door. We made our way upstairs, neither of us speaking.
There wasn’t much more to say.
The reality was setting in.
I didn’t know what to do or how to handle all of this.
It was our first day out of the bubble. Our first real obstacle and it was already a shitstorm.
I walked into the bathroom and shut the door before turning on the faucet in the bathtub.
I needed space.
I tied my hair up and slipped into the water, letting myself cry all the tears until there was nothing left.
This day had been an eye-opener regarding my future.
For the first time in my adult life, I was doubting myself. Wondering if anyone was genuinely considering hiring me based on my writing skills.
How would Lincoln look at me if I didn’t have anything of my own to be proud of? If my entire life was wrapped up solely around him.
That was not how relationships were supposed to work. There was supposed to be balance.
I may not be the GOAT of the NFL, but I was proud of the work that I did out in the field. Of the interviews that I’d conducted over the years and the way I could use my words to present people to the world in the best light.
But would anyone even consider that when they looked at me now? Once word got out that I was dating Lincoln Hendrix? Hell, Lou Colson didn’t even know we were a couple. Just the fact that Lincoln had awarded me with the story of a lifetime had been the reason he’d shown any interest in me.
It was never about me or my writing ability.
They wanted Lincoln.
This was all new to me, and my head was spinning.
I knew if I stayed here right now that Lincoln would try to fix this for me.
But just like he needed time to figure out where he wanted to play all those months ago, I needed to figure out my future, too.
I dried off and got dressed, throwing my clothes into my bag and dragging my suitcase out.
Lincoln was just closing the front door, and he held up a bag of food from our favorite restaurant in the city.
But I wasn’t in the mood to eat or to celebrate.
His gaze moved to my suitcase. “The first sign of trouble, and you’re already running?”
“I’m not running, Lincoln. I’m going home. I need to think. I need to see how this works. I need to know where I fit.”
“You fit right fucking here,” he said, his hand pounding on his chest. “If you don’t know that, then you don’t know me the way that I thought you did.”
I cleared my throat and tipped up my chin. “I know you. I know you’ll just try to fix this and tell me everything will be fine. But I need to figure out my stuff, and I can’t do that when I’m with you.”
“Why the fuck not?”
“Because I love you. And I want to make you happy. But I need to make sure I don’t smother myself in the process. Can you just give me this time?”
“It doesn’t sound like I have a choice.” He wrapped his arms around me. “But you don’t need to leave. I fly out tomorrow. This is your home.”
“I need to think, Lincoln. I do that best at home, sitting on the shore.” I pushed up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek.
It felt like goodbye.
But neither of us was willing to say those words.