Chapter 20
twenty
. . .
Reese
I came back to the house close to midnight after sitting out in the stall with Millie for a few hours and reading on my Kindle.
I was pissed at Finn, and I had no right to be angry.
The way he shut down the minute I told him that Carl was single had pissed me off.
I didn’t say I was going back to him just yet, and he looked disappointed.
Like he’d hoped the minute Carl ended things with his girlfriend, I’d just call off this sham of a relationship and crawl back to him.
How desperate would that be?
So, he’d gone completely quiet. Probably afraid to tell me that he wanted this to be done.
Hell, he’d had more sex with me than he’d ever had with anyone, if what he’d told me was true.
He was supposed to be the king of one-nighters until now.
Maybe he was bored out of his mind and sick of spending his days with me. At least in a romantic way.
I knew this was going to be a huge mistake. We’d never fought much in the past, and if we had disagreements, we were able to come around fast. This was the reason I worried about breaking our pact.
Finn and I were different when it came to sex.
I mixed up the emotions between sex and love.
Finn just thought of sex as an act.
But I loved having sex with him. I was getting too attached. He was already my best friend, and now that we’d crossed this line, thoughts of having sex with Carl did not excite me.
The thought actually repulsed me, and that was a whole different situation I wasn’t ready to deal with.
The man I’d thought I’d marry was finally single, and he wanted to get back together with me. He’d rubbed my arm today, and I’d cringed at his touch.
I didn’t want Carl that way anymore.
Something had changed in me since I’d come home. Hell, maybe it all changed while I was away for a year, and I just hadn’t realized it. I’d built Carl up in my head.
Or I’d just experienced something so much more powerful that now I didn’t want anyone or anything else.
But Finn’s reaction had stung. I think he thought I should have let him off the hook and been more excited about going back to Carl.
I tiptoed down the hallway and saw him lying in his bed. All of his clothes were still on, and he was sprawled face down on top of the bedding. I picked up the flannel throw blanket and placed it over him.
I made my way back to my room and changed into my pajamas before climbing into bed.
I was finally getting what I wanted, and now I didn’t want it. What was wrong with me? Tears ran down my cheeks, and I pulled the comforter up around my neck and let myself cry. Because for the first time in my life, I didn’t know what the future looked like, or what I even wanted it to look like.
I was exhausted, and my eyes grew heavy, so I let the darkness take me.
My dreams were not filled with thoughts of my ex-boyfriend, the handsome doctor I’d planned to spend my life with. Once again, they were flooded with thoughts of my sexy best friend. The way he touched me. The way he made me feel.
And I let myself drift away because it was the one place I felt completely at peace.
A creak on the floor woke me from a sound sleep, and the room was pitch dark, so I knew it was still the middle of the night.
I lay perfectly still, and I felt someone approach my bed.
I jerked up to see a dark figure standing there, and on instinct, I shot up and punched him in the throat, my foot coming out and kicking as hard as I could. He fell forward toward me with a gasp.
A blood-curdling scream left my throat as I dove out of bed and ran across the room.
“Finn!” I screamed as I hit the lights and turned around to see the man I’d just assaulted on the floor was my best friend, lying in a ball and groaning.
“Finn? Oh my God.” I hurried over, and he was holding his throat and gasping for air.
I placed a hand on each side of his face, and he blinked up at me a few times.
“What the fuck, Miney? Did you just throat-punch me and kick me in the balls?” he yelled.
“I thought you were a stranger,” I said, helping him slide over so his back could rest against the wall. He closed his eyes, and his free hand moved to his crotch.
Oh my God. I kicked him in the dick and punched him in the throat.
I was definitely the worst fake girlfriend of all time.
“Why would a stranger be in your room?” he said, his voice hoarse.
I’d probably damaged his vocal cords and his family jewels all within a matter of seconds.
Fight or flight was clearly a real thing.
“Why would you be standing over my bed in the dark? It freaked me out.”
He groaned and shifted, pressing his back against the wall as he thought it over. “I don’t know. I took two Benadryl earlier, so I must have been sleepwalking.”
“I’m so sorry. What can I do? Do you want me to get you a glass of water?” I asked.
“No. Just sit here with me.” He reached for my hand, placing his on top of mine as he set it back down on his crotch. “Maybe you can comfort the big guy. It’s the least you can do after that vicious attack.”
I chuckled, leaving my hand there because I’d hated that we’d fought earlier. It had been the first night we hadn’t had sex since the day that we’d crossed the line. And I’d missed him, even though I’d just had dinner with him a few hours ago.
We’d definitely entered a gray area. At least I had.
“Why did you take Benadryl?”
“Because I was waiting up for you to get home from your date with Carl, and I used that fucked-up blanket my mom brought over yesterday. That fake gift from hell is actually wool, and you know I have sensitive skin.”
I laughed so hard that a few tears escaped my eyes. “What are you talking about? First of all, I wasn’t on a date with Carl. I was out in the barn with Millie and Han. But why would you care? You seemed thrilled that Carl was single again.”
He looked over at me, his gaze softening now. “You were in the fucking barn the whole night? It’s freezing outside.”
“It’s not cold in the barn, and I had a coat on. I didn’t think you’d notice.”
He looked away for a minute before his beautiful gray eyes found mine. “I noticed, Miney. And I wasn’t thrilled that Carl was single again. I was worried that you were going to, uh, change the plan and bail on me.”
I leaned my head against his chest and listened to the sound of his heartbeat. “I would never bail on you, Chewy. Right now, this is the only place I want to be.”
Had I said too much? Was it going to scare him off?
His arms came around me, and we sat there quietly. “Seeing as you just attacked me in the most violent way and all, I feel like I should be allowed to add a rule to our little arrangement.”
“Anything,” I whispered.
“I want you to sleep in my bed. I don’t sleep well when you leave every night. Then tonight, when I was medicated, I wandered in here. Clearly, my subconscious was looking for you.”
I sucked in a breath at his words.
Don’t make more out of it than it is.
“I hated the way we left things earlier. And I’m sorry for throat-punching you and kicking you in the balls.
” My hand moved beneath his hoodie, desperate to feel the warmth of his skin.
My fingertips traced along the lines of his chiseled abs.
“So yes, I will sleep in your bed for as long as you want me to.”
Forever, if you asked.
“Thank you. And now that Carl is single, we need to be clear on a few things.”
“Okay,” I said, tipping my head back to look at him.
“I won’t share you, Miney. So, for as long as this fake relationship, or friends with benefits, or whatever the fuck you want to call what we have going on lasts, you can’t be crossing any lines with Carl. That’s a hard line for me.”
“Are you being possessive of me, Finn Reynolds? You’ve never even been in a relationship, and now you’re setting down a lot of rules on one that isn’t even real,” I asked with a chuckle as I pushed back to face him. “It might be harder than you expected for you to leave me when this all ends.”
My voice was all tease, but I swear I was holding my breath and waiting for an answer.
A sign that maybe he was feeling confused, just like me.
Not just because he hated Carl and didn’t want his pride to be hurt by me ending things earlier than planned.
His hand moved toward me as his thumb traced along my bottom lip. “All I want is for you to be happy.”
What the hell did that mean?
Why did he have to be so cryptic?
I didn’t know, and he looked exhausted.
“Okay, let’s get you to bed. Can you get up?”
He reached for my hand, and we both pushed to stand. We walked out of the bedroom, his arm wrapped around my shoulder as we made our way to his bedroom.
Once we climbed beneath the sheets, we rolled on our sides to face one another. The room was completely dark, and Finn’s hand found mine, our fingers intertwining.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered, and I moved even closer.
Needing his warmth.
“Me, too.”
And sleep took us both.
I woke up earlier than usual because my mind was still reeling from everything that had happened yesterday. About the fact that the man I had planned to marry had told me he missed me and wanted to get back together.
Yet, I’d hurried home to Finn because I’d missed him in the short time we’d been apart.
And then the way Finn had made it clear that he wouldn’t share me with Carl, at least not during this time that we were pretending to be together.
But were we even pretending anymore? We spent every minute that we weren’t working together. We were best friends. We had amazing sex. And now we’d agreed to sleep in the same bed.
What was fake about it?
But the thing I kept coming back to was that Finn and I wanted different things.
It could never really work.
So, I was just going to enjoy this moment while it lasted.
I studied his face. Long black lashes rested on his cheeks as his eyes were closed. His chiseled jaw was covered in day-old scruff. His red lips were plump and kissable. My hand moved beneath the blankets, stroking him over his joggers. He was already hard, per usual.
“Good morning.” His voice was sleepy, his eyes still closed. “Are you wanting to apologize to my dick for the way that you treated him last night?”
I chuckled as my hand slipped inside his joggers, where there was nothing but his hard, thick erection.
“I definitely want to apologize,” I said, my voice all breathy as desire stirred between my legs. “And I have a little surprise for you, as well.”
“Tell me.” His hand moved between my thighs, pushing my sleep shorts aside as he swiped his fingers across my heat.
“Remember when your giant condom tore after we’d had sex that first time on the beach and you were trying to get it off?” I chuckled. “I told you that I wanted to get on the pill just to be extra safe?”
“Yes. You mentioned that you’d started a few weeks ago.”
“Yep. I’ve been taking it every day. And I wondered if you’ve ever been with a woman without a condom.”
His eyes opened, meeting my gaze as if I’d just asked him the most serious question in the world. “I’ve never been with a woman without wearing a condom, because I haven’t been in a committed relationship.”
“Well, our relationship may be fake, but we’re not with anyone else, so I guess that makes it committed. And we’ve still got another month together.” I cleared my throat. Why was I so nervous? I wanted to feel Finn with nothing between us.
“You’ve been in one hell of a long relationship before this one. Did you and Dr. Prickdick always wear a condom?”
“Yeah. He has a thing about it. So, we never had sex without one.”
“I’d be your first bare penis?” he teased, his finger slipping inside me as I continued running my hand up and down his length.
“And I’d be your first bare…” I sucked in a breath when his thumb moved over my clit and started circling it.
“Pussy, Miney. And it happens to be my favorite, so I can’t think of a better deal for me. Are you sure about this?” he asked as he slowed down his rhythm to allow me to answer.
“I’m sure.”
He stopped moving, and I did the same as we both pulled our hands away.
He sat forward and tugged his hoodie over his head as I watched.
He moved to his feet, dropping his joggers to the floor before turning toward me.
I held my hands up in the air as he pulled my top over my head and then quickly found my bottoms and tugged them down my legs.
“I want you on top so you can feel everything,” he said, moving to the bed to lie down and then grabbing my hips and helping me shift on top of him, one leg settling on each side of him. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”
Something had shifted between us. There was no humor this morning. We weren’t rushing things, nor was he pulling out the dirty talk.
This felt… different.
I pushed up on my knees and wrapped my hand around his erection as my gaze locked with his. I slowly slid down, feeling every glorious inch of him. His lips parted, and he just watched me as I took him all the way in.
His hands moved to my waist as I started to ride him.
Slow and steady. His big hands splayed across my breasts and his thumbs teased my nipples. My hair fell down my back as we found our rhythm.
It wasn’t desperate or frantic this time.
It was—perfect.
I’d never felt a connection to anyone the way I did to Finn. But in this moment, it was somehow stronger.
The kind of connection you would never get over.
The kind that brought you to your knees and made you weep if it was gone.
“Nothing has ever felt better,” he hissed. “I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you, too.”
We’d said those words thousands of times. But this time, they felt like they had more meaning.
My body started to tingle, a euphoric feeling spreading through me. I moved faster, and his hips met me, thrust for thrust. My head fell back, eyes closed, just as his hand moved to my clit, knowing just what I needed.
He always had, hadn’t he?
The most powerful force ripped through my entire body as I shook and quaked, going right over the edge and crying out his name.
Finn gripped my hips hard. Thrusting one more time.
And that was all it took.
He followed me into oblivion.
In this moment, I knew that I’d never feel anything like this with anyone else.
And I didn’t know how to feel about that.